He slumped down even further in the chair. He ran his stained fingers across the cold, smooth leather. The can of beer in his other hand was near to spilling, but he wasn't paying attention.
He dug his blunt nails into the end of the chair and then with a loud groan jerked the can to his mouth; carelessly letting sloshes of beer stain his new white shirt.
No sooner had the can touched his lips, the doorbell rang.
He let out another groan as he slapped a palm across his forehead. With a slam, he set the can back on the table and dragged himself over to the front door.
The doorbell rang again,
"Alright, I'm fucking coming" he shouted as he opened the door fiercely "What do-"
As his eyes met his visitor he stopped talking, and for a second, stopped breathing.
"I would ask why you're here but I really don't give a-"
"Just...just hear me out, Sebastian. Ok?" his guest replied, placing a hand on the door.
It made Sebastian sick the way he looked, almost weak. Pathetic little John Watson, but yet something deep down, felt a slight bit of grief for the guy. Maybe he was going soft or maybe he was just past caring but his reply even surprised himself,
"Fine"
Sebastian left the door open as he walked away to go and sit back down, picking the can of beer back up on the way.
"Are you going to stand there all day or what? You're letting a draft in" Sebastian spat harshly, slamming his feet on the small table in front of him.
"Right, yes...sorry" John muttered.
Sebastian watched as the short man made his way apprehensively over to the sofa opposite.
"So what do you want?" Sebastian asked sharply,
John paused for a moment, he was still except for his two thumbs rubbing backwards and forwards.
"I...I just thought I'd check how you're doing..." John mumbled. A tinge of pink rose to his cheeks.
Sebastian cocked his head to his side,
"Look I don't have time for your namby-pamby bullshit" Sebastian hissed icily.
John shuffled uncomfortably in his seat,
"You have other people you can talk to. Why don't you go and cry to them instead of wasting my fucking time"
"I just thought-"
"I don't give a fuck what you thought" Sebastian bawled, standing up and thrusting a finger angrily in John's direction, "Even just looking at your face...just-"
Sebastian stopped and turned away from John's stare.
He walked towards the large window of his apartment. His chest fell as he was bitterly reminded that it was now just 'his' apartment. Jim wasn't here anymore...
"I know how you feel you know" John said softly, he stood up leaning on his stick for support.
Sebastian made an 'hmph' noise before scratching the back of his head.
"You don't know how I feel" Sebastian jeered, he put his head against the glass.
The coldness of the glass soothed the pains in head.
"You're taking antidepressants?" John stated as he picked up the glass bottle of small pills.
"I'm supposed to be taking antidepressants" Sebastian snapped as he marched towards John and snatched the bottle from him.
"Why aren't you taking them?" John asked his tone one of concern.
"Who do you think you are, my mother? I don't need to explain shit to you" Sebastian snapped again, swapping the bottle for cigarettes.
John brushed the back of his hand against his forehead and sniffed.
"I'm a lost cause John Watson" Sebastian said as he moved gingerly towards John, his tone slightly softer this time "and you're wasting your time."
John frowned,
"You really believe that don't you?" John said, his eyes flicking between Sebastian's eyes.
"Don't you?" Sebastian asked drearily.
"...No, no I don't think you're a lost cause. Not in the slightest" John replied still staring at the taller man.
"I didn't mean me, I meant you" Sebastian said as he took a drag of his cigarette.
John frowned for a second,
"Me? I don't-"
"You said you know how I feel. If you know how I feel then you must also feel like a lost cause, right?" Sebastian questioned as he blew tiny circles of smoke in John's face.
There was a silence between the two for a long time.
"Moriarty" John said suddenly, he watched Sebastian's response carefully. Sebastian raised his head; his brown eyes swirled with irritation "What was he like? At home I mean..."
Sebastian's shoulders tensed and as he took another drag from what was now his fourth cigarette in the matter of fifteen minutes.
"Why do you give a shit, he killed your little friend didn't he? So why do you even want to mention him?"
John turned away, at first it looked as if he was going, but instead he sat back down again.
"No getting rid of you is there?" Sebastian groaned as he also took a seat.
"I'm just...curious" John shrugged.
"Curious" Sebastian scowled.
"Was he normal Sebastian? Did he even possess any sort of human emotion?" John asked, his voice rising with every word he spoke.
"It's more complicated than that" Sebastian shouted defensively, "and while we're on the subject your precious Sherlock was hardly an angel was he?"
"Sherlock...Sherlock was a great man" John exclaimed as he leant forward sharply.
"He was as great as Jim was boring" Sebastian remarked coolly.
"You didn't know him, you-"
"And you didn't know Jim" Sebastian said as he leant back in the leather chair, the leather moulding around his back.
Yet again there was more silence between the pair.
"Do..." Sebastian coughed awkwardly "Do you think about him...?"
John readjusted his position on the sofa,
"All the time" he answered "Do you think about-"
"No" Sebastian replied sharply.
"I always took you for a good liar"
Sebastian shot him a piercing look,
"Ok, so I miss him...sometimes"
"Your chair is surrounded by drugs, drink and microwave meals and you're telling me that you only miss him sometimes?" John said bluntly.
Sebastian put both off his hands together and lifted them slowly to his face. As he slid his hands down his face John was drawn to his darkened under eyes that were almost black from his lack of sleep, he hadn't realised how bloodshot Sebastian's eyes actually were until now. Now that he was looking he could have sworn he saw the trace of a tear.
"Sebastian I-"
"Don't. I don't need your pity. Not from you, not from anyone. You don't know what I'm feeling" Sebastian hissed through gritted teeth.
"You don't think I feel how you do? You don't think I've tried to drink till I fell unconscious just so I don't have to think about all the memories, all the hurt that haunts me even when I'm asleep, the one person that I would protect with my life has died and you think I don't understand?" John blared; his face was scrunched up in anger, the pain shone through his eyes like lasers.
Sebastian was taken aback by the normally quiet man's tone,
"How do you do it John?" Sebastian spoke in almost a whisper.
"Do what?" John said anger till remained in his voice.
"Get dressed every morning and pretend that you're ok..." Sebastian trailed off.
John's face fell, he had finally got through to the Sebastian he had wanted to talk to.
[Just a really quick note, this is my first story and I was really worried about putting this on. I don't know if I should carry on or not? Let me know what you think! Thank you]