Brilliance of the Moon Challenge #13:

A stupid story about Harry Potter. Purely Humorous. Ron must be stupid, Harry must act like a baby, and Hermione will be a snob. Percy must be dead! Also, be Creative!

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Dedicated to Catherine, My inspiration. Hehe!

I must stress that I do not own any of the characters used from the HP Series (Unless I create a character myself obvvv)
I am not JKR!

Harry Potter and The Curse of the Giant Pickle
No pickles were harmed in the making in this story.
(In fact no pickles were used at all)

Chapter 1: Saved in the name of Surf.

Harry and Ron were sitting in the Gryffindor common room eating cheese sticks whilst they played a very violent game of wizard's chess. Hermione burst through the portrait hole and shrieked,

"HARRY! RON! NEVILLE HAS BEEN CONSUMED BY THE GIANT SQUID! WE HAVE TO GO SAVE HIM!"

"WHAT? HOW? Is that squid STILL hungry! I only just fed Percy to him the other day – I told him he should start dieting! He'll be too big for the lake soon!" Panicked Ron.

"Well, we have to get down to the lake AND QUICKLY!" Hermione said hurriedly.

"But… That's all the way down stairs!" Harry said, looking pathetic.

"Ok… Erm… We'll…FLY ON THE CHESS BOARD!!" Ron said looking rather pleased not to mention shocked at his own bright idea.

"That's a brilliant idea Ron! One thing, chess boards don't fly…" Hermione stated snobbishly.

"Oh. Yeah." Ron realised looking deflated.

"There's always flying carpets, like in Aladdin – He's my hero!" Harry proudly stated, puffing out his chest.

"I thought the Easter bunny was your hero?" Ron said through suppressed giggles.

Harry went a shade of deep red, not unlike the underpants he was wearing under his robes.

"No! You're all wrong, WRONG I SAY!" Harry burst into tears, sobbing on Hermione's shoulder.

"Oh Harry, don't cry, do you want me to get Lami?" Hermione asked soothingly, while stroking Harry's head.

"Y-yes p-p-please" Harry sniffed.

Hermione skipped up the stairs to the boy's dormitory and came back down minutes later carrying a large, multi-coloured stuffed fish. Harry grabbed Lami and held the teddy close to his chest, kissing it in a loving way.

"Right, now we've calmed him down" Hermione said, giving Harry a glance, "We can go save Neville" Hermione was looking very worried now.

"Oh yeah, I forgot about him, but Hermione how do we get there?" Ron asked looking puzzled.

"LEGS!" Hermione shrieked.

"WHERE?" Ron jumped up banging his head on the candleholder.

"Oh Ron, on our bodies of course! I do worry about you sometimes" she said matter of factly.

A tiny voice came from the corner. It was Harry.

"If we're using legs I want my pushchair!" he sobbed.

"Harry you broke it last week when a Slytherin told you Voldemort wears pink nail varnish, you freaked out and put your leg through the material, remember?" Hermione said cringing; she didn't like to think about that day too much.

"Lets just go shall we!" Ron exploded in anger, "Poor Neville might be having his leg chewed off and you two keep bickering!"

"Ok, Keep your knickers on Ronald!" Hermione glared at Ron.

They set off down stairs; Harry started to moan on the fourth step,

"Are we nearly there yet?" he whined.

"Nearly..." Hermione lied.

After half an hour they finally reached the bottom step, they had a terrible time getting Harry down, in the end; Ron carried him down – much to his displeasure.

They managed to get outside with no trouble at all, and not one sound came from Harry. They figured he must fear the steps, a much bigger fear than he had for Voldemort.

They ran down to the lake hoping they weren't too late and they could save poor Neville. They reached the lake and looked over the edge, there was no sign of Neville, or the giant squid.

"LOOK, RUSS, A FISH! A FISH!" Harry jumped around excitedly, his arms waving in the air.

"My names Ron not Russ!" Ron said looking confused. Harry was very strange sometimes.

"Its Russ" Harry said forcefully.

"RON" Bellowed Ron.

"RUSS" Harry screeched back.

"RON"

"RUSS"

"RON"

"RUSS"

"R-"

"WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP? LOOK! In the water, bubbles!" Hermione said with a startled expression on her face.

Over in the middle of the lake you could just make out an area of bubbles surfacing on top of the water. Then as the three of them watched from the bank a great wave of water rose and out of it came…

"NEVILLE!" they all screamed.

Neville was indeed in the wave riding what looked like a very old and chewed up surf board.

"AWOOHOOOO" Neville whooped as he landed face first on the grass, the surfboard (which was bright orange) flew out of the water and hit Luna Lovegood on the head knocking her out of a daydream about flying turnips.

"Sorry Luna!" Neville called over to her as she rubbed her head and wondered off towards the castle.

"Neville! How on earth did you survive, we just came to help you!" Ron said awe struck at Neville's entrance to dry land. Neville, who was dripping wet, grinned cheekily.

"Well, you see, after the Giant Squid swallowed me, I got stuck down his throat and he threw me back out of his mouth along with the surf board, which I think was stuck down there too"

"Did you see any fish, Neville" Harry said brightly.

"Erm… A few" Neville said, not really knowing what to say.

Harry, who loved fish, got very excited and demanded at once that they go scuba diving in the lake.

"No Harry, not today, I think we should go see Hagrid, we haven't seen him in a while." Hermione suggested.

They set off at once, leaving Neville by the lake tipping water out of his shoes and removing seaweed from his hair.

They reached Hagrid's hut in no time at all, and knocked three times on his door. The door opened at once, and in front of them was a very frightening sight, and rather disturbing. Hagrid who was normally hairy and fully clothed now had a shiny, baldhead, a grass skirt and a coconut bra. If this sight wasn't shocking enough, when Hagrid opened his mouth it wasn't his usual rough twang, it was… Jamaican.

"Harry maaaaan, how are yaaa?" Hagrid grinned at all there of them, "Hermione, Ron, nice to see yaaa"

"Hagrid" Hermione whispered, unable to comprehend what she was seeing and hearing, "What on earth has happened? Why are you Jamaican and why are you looking like the whole of Hawaii just threw up on you?"

"Yeah! And why are you bald?" Harry asked.

Hagrid look very offended but let them in his hut. Fang greeted them in his usual way, although he, just like Hagrid had changed dramatically. Fang was now a brilliant shade of purple.

"Hagrid, Please tell us this is some sort of joke…" Ron looked at Hagrid, as though he has gone insane.

"Nahh maaaaan" Hagrid said looking hurt, he faltered and he spoke in his usual voice, "So, y'don't like me new look then" He stared at them; Hermione was the first to speak.

"Its not that we don't like it, Hagrid, it's just… its very different" she said carefully.

"Yeah, yeah maybe the worlds just not ready for you and your… grass skirt…" Ron said trying to cheer up a very sad and bald looking Hagrid.

Hagrid seemed to cheer up and they all sat down to eat some pie that tasted a lot like mouldy sprouts.

They chatted for a while and they told Hagrid about Neville surviving the attack of the Giant Squid. Hagrid was delighted to hear that his surfboard had been found.

"Aye! In me youth I used to love that surfboard! I was champion at Hogwarts in me day, I was the Surfin' King!"

Ron, Hermione and Harry howled with laughter. They definitely want to see Hagrid riding the waves, and Hagrid has promised them he would show them.

By the time they had stopped talking it was time to back up to the castle. It was getting dark and the 3 of them we're starving. Harry was freaking out, he thought his stomach was actually speaking to him, but Hermione explained that it was because he was hungry and that's just the noise it makes.

They entered the great hall to have dinner; Harry ran to the pot of mash potato and pilled lots of it on to his plate. He sat down and ate it at high speed and finished in a spectacular manner by licking his plate clean. He put down his knife and fork and bellowed at the top of his lungs.

"FINISHED!"

The hall fell silent, Hermione and Ron were still standing, they hadn't even got to their seats yet, and they stared at Harry in utter shock. And then the door to the Great Hall opened and Professor Snape stood in the frame. He shouted so that his voice echoed around the silent hall.

"POTTER! COME HERE" He bellowed

Harry got up from his place, on the way to Snape, George Weasely whispered to Harry,

"Harry, you've got potato on your cheek!"

Harry wiped away the potato as he walked towards Snape.

"Yes Sir?" He asked politely.

Professor Snape bent down and whispered in Harry's ear,

"I believe you are wearing my underwear, Potter. I want them back by tomorrow or else I shall take this matter to Professor Dumbledore."

Harry nodded glumly. He loved those red boxer shorts.