Chapter 1

The moonlight reflected his face beautifully. "Was this what I looked like" I wondered. He was fast asleep with the moon's rays creeping through the slight opening of the curtains in our exorbitantly large and over decorated room. "Hikaru.." I whispered silently, half wanting him to hear me in his dreams, and the other half wanting to hear his name spoken. It was a warm summer night and I was awake, feeling much too hot for comfortable sleep. Unlike Hikaru, I was the sensitive one and these little troubles just affected me more than it did him. Most people wouldn't be able to tell the both of us apart on the surface but that girl, Haruhi, knew. She had successfully invaded our enclosed world, breaking our walls down with her observant and brilliant nature. By brilliant I meant that she had the kind of soul that shone through her body like the welcoming beacon of a lighthouse to a lost sailor out at sea. Yes, a worthy soul indeed to breach our enclosure. Yet my heart was filled with sorrow thinking of what might lie ahead.

The club was now a little emptier with Hani and Mori senpai both graduated. We had recruited a new member to take their place, another lolly-shouta who was much the opposite of Hani. Rather than being sweet he was naughty, cheeky and sneaky. Tamaki had grown to master even more ways of princely behavior and Kyouya was now a highly respected and formidable businessman even though he was still in school. Smiling to myself, it occurred to me that much had passed since she came into our world. The both of us had come very far from the days where we hardly spoke to anybody else, thinking anyone outside our circle was something not worth our attention; toys to be played with rather than people to get to know.

Hikaru stirred in his sleep, mumbling in his dreams again. I knew that he dreamt of her almost every night. It was the same since she came to the club. He'd tell me in the morning of what plans we should execute to get Tamaki heated up over her. He always treats it as a tease, a joke. I play along with his schemes as I enjoy seeing Tamaki pushed over the edge to sulk in his dark corner of doom. But for the both of us, our pranks and jokes were merely a denial of things to come. For him, it was a denial of the love that slowly grew for her. For me, it was the denial that I was losing Hikaru to her. As much as he dreamt of her every night, these thoughts plagued me.

I turned away from my rambling mind to gaze down at him once again. He was ethereal, a divine beauty that bore a hint of the devil's power at the same time. I closed my eyes and crept closer into his warm heat. Then I felt his arm wrap around my waist, an automatic reaction every time I came close to him. Perhaps it was something he had been doing since we were entwined in our mother's womb, as a form of protection. He wasn't awake, I knew that, but all the same, it was the kind of comfort I could not attain anywhere else and as usual on nights like these, the last thing I remembered before I fell asleep was the sound of his breathing and his beating heart.

Today was yet another one of those "Tamaki's great plan to win the hearts of all women" days, in other words for the rest of us, a day for overtime work during the summer. We had decided to host a Hawaiian party for the ladies who had not gone on their summer vacations overseas. As usual, Tamaki was being his boastful flamboyant self. Kyouya was calculating their profit taking from this event and accounting for Haruhi's wages, which he had to pay in substitution for making her miss part time work during summer. At the other side of the room, me and Hikaru were kept busy entertaining a bunch of crazed 'forbidden love' fans. I wasn't paying much attention to the conversation carried by Hikaru and the girls. It was boring and as usual, I found myself zoning out at the table.

"Kaoru… Kaoru? Are you alright? You seemed dazed". He asked. I could tell it was from genuine concern. "Yes I am. Don't worry about me. Its just really hot today and its making me feel unwell, not to mention sticky and tired." He frowned ever so slightly, trying hard to hide his worries but only just managing to do so. Yes, Hikaru was trying to be that strong man who hid his weaknesses to avoid revealing his vulnerability to others. Putting his hand on my forehead to check if I had a fever he whispered softly but loud enough for the girls to hear, "Don't try to hide it from me. I can always tell if you're not feeling well." I took that as my queue. Looking faint, I replied softly, "Oh.. Hikaru". This sent the girls squealing away and exchanging comments such as "What brotherly love! He's so protective! That was so sweeeet!"

"I'm not kidding this time. Are you really ill?" I was shocked. The question took me up by such a surprise even the girls noticed my dumbstruck expression. "Erm, Kaoru-kun, maybe you should take a rest', said one of our fans. Hikaru then took my hand and dragged me up from my seat leading me into the attached dressing room of the majestic event hall, which was now a tropical haven thanks to our decorating tips. When he saw that we were alone, he placed his hand on my forehead again. I smacked it off, not forcefully, but with enough snap to tell him not to bother.

"I was only worried since you looked really out of it. I've never seen you that dazed before and the only time I've seen you like that was whenever you were down with a fever or ill." It was amazing how Hikaru understood my gestures. We almost didn't need words to speak. It was then that I realized just how much I was actually letting those worries of Hikaru and Haruhi get to me. It was definitely surfacing little by little and no matter how much I wanted to embed them, we were twin brothers who knew each other so well that it was only a matter of time before he found out what I was losing sleep over.

"Gomen, Hikaru. I was just tired because I had been pondering on something lately and I didn't want to trouble you about it." I let out more than I should only because I knew it was no use hiding. "You know better than to keep it from me, Kaoru. I spotted it long ago but I've been waiting for you to come out with it and you haven't. Now its showing, so spit it out." Damn, I've been caught. I pondered about it. I realized that I shouldn't tell a lie, he would pick it out in an instant. What should I tell him then? Should I lie? But what would I lie about? Then again, perhaps something not too far from the truth may help.

"Well, would it bother you if I told you, I suspect I'm gay and that I like guys more than girls?" This earned me a silence. Slowly my heart started beating, increasing from a slow even beat to such a hard thumping, I began having difficulty breathing. Definitely not good but it was something that was unavoidable, wasn't it?! I wished so much I didn't have to face it. I didn't want him to be silent. I wanted him to hold me and tell me that it was ok. My inner self began to scream towards him, wanting him to break the silence and say he would accept it. "Please, don't reject me! Please say its ok!"

"Kaoru…. We'll talk more about it later." This was a moment I would never forget, Hikaru's frowning expression coupled with a deep hurt as if he'd been betrayed. He turned and walked towards the door. I watched it all like a slow motion scene from a movie. It was slow because it pained me. It hurt to not hear what I wanted to hear so badly, it hurt to see him feel betrayed. Pins were pricking my heart, hundreds of them and as the door creaked open and closed behind him with a crack, so did my heart tear and break.

I continued to stand there. My hands clenched tightly into fists. I could feel my nails digging into them to the point of bleeding, but I didn't care. I wanted them to hurt so bad hoping that the pain I felt in my heart would be overshadowed by the pain my hands. I don't know how long I stood there but before I had time to hurt myself, who else should come through those doors, but Kyouya.