I Was Born Just To Get to You
(This story is another variation on how the Doctor learns he and River have had children. This one is set later for River than my others- just prior the possible events of series 7b finale. River has been confirmed to play a central role in that episode, and an important secret she's been keeping will be revealed. Doctor Who characters are their property. The title comes from a line in a John Lennon song, "Out the Blue". It's one of those songs that sounds very much like River and the Doctor's romance. This line was perfect for the title in so many ways, and the full line sounds like it could be alternating back and forth between them. I hope you check the song out.)
River didn't know how long this cave would stay a secure hiding place. So much running, and with two small children… She would keep them safe at all costs. Her son's face showed his exhaustion, but finally he could get some sleep now. Even a three quarters time lord child needed sleep. Jonothon was too big to carry anymore, especially with his little sister already in his mother's arms. So he had run the whole time, clinging tight to his mother's hand.
Even Amelia was no longer a tiny baby, thankfully. She looked down in her lap where her fifteen month old daughter slept. Having been carried in her mother's arms the whole three days, she had slept nearly enough, but was fussy from hunger.
Poor Jonothon he had to be hungry too, but he was so much like his grandfather, Rory. He didn't complain much and was quiet most the time. She could see the anxiety and fear in his eyes, but he only expressed it by clinging tightly to her, even in their safe moments.
Up till three days ago they had a happy and secure life in the 52nd century. They had a home. Jonothon would start kindergarten soon. Amelia was now running around the house with her toys and always following her older brother. River smiled, Jonothon was such a tolerant older brother compared to the children of her coworkers. But maybe it was because Amelia was so young yet. Maybe if the normal life had continued and he had gone to school and made friends, he would have gotten annoyed at his little sister wanting to follow him everywhere. She had something of a normal life too, for the first time- a professor and a mother. No running for her life, just running after her children, especially Amelia. Jonothon may be like his grandfather, but Amelia was her father's daughter, hyper, always into things, driving her mother slowly mad.
Their father… River sighed. This was the last safe place she knew. All that was left was finding the Tardis. Not necessarily safe, but secure, yes. They couldn't stay here long. She was reaching exhaustion as well, and that was dangerous. She didn't dare sleep.
Three days ago she was playing with the children at home when suddenly the house exploded around them. She was never so glad to have the vortex manipulator on her wrist. She had dropped to her knees, grabbed the children, quickly hit coordinates on it, and landed in her parents' home one week before they went to Manhattan.
Amy and Rory weren't home, thankfully, there was no time for explanations, whoever destroyed her home might be able to track her here. River grabbed a large bag Amy hated from the closet. Then she spotted a stack of energy bars and a group of fruit juice drinks on the kitchen counter. She left a brief note to explain the absence and an apology for not staying to visit. "Needed food and drink supplies for a surprise trip, not with the Doctor, sorry for missing you. Love always, your daughter."
She tossed the food and drinks in the bag, and collected the children. Jonothon was keeping his sister and himself occupied chasing a small rubber ball around the living room. She picked up the ball and added it to the bag on her shoulder. Then she called the children back to her, kneeled down, wrapped an arm around each child, then pushed the button on the vortex manipulator for their next destination- a department store in 2012 America. It was very quick stop to buy nappies, a bottle for the baby, some dubiously healthy snacks for when the energy bars ran out, and other small personal items for Jonothon and herself. She was glad she still happened to have a valid 21st century credit card in her wallet. How much longer it would be valid she didn't know, the name on it was her's- Melody Pond, but the address was her parent's London home. Paying credit card bills was tricky for a time traveler, and she'd already made it clear to her parents that any bills with her name on it were her responsibility.
The next stop was a 43rd century meteor shower bunker on the Moon. That had been their longest period of rest in the last three days, until now. Jonothon had made a disgusted face at the energy bar but ate it. He looked so relieved when she produced the juice bottle and quickly drank it down. River was glad she was still breast feeding Amelia from time to time because after one bite of an energy bar she spat it out and loudly refused to eat any more of it.
"No! No! Yucky!"
"I know, but it's all we have."
The pout on her daughter's face was so like her father's that River winced at the memory it provoked.
The last time she had seen the Doctor things weren't good between them. Neither of them were dealing well with the loss of Amy and Rory. The Doctor was getting spiteful about her refusal to stay with him all the time. Never mind she had readily said she would travel with him anytime and anywhere. She couldn't stay with him for so many reasons, most she couldn't tell him. At the last he pushed her for why.
"Spoilers" The word came out bitter and sad, not her usual playful reminder.
"Fine, then. Get out." He resolutely turned his back and pointed to the door of the Tardis.
"We haven't landed."
"We have now." he had allowed the Tardis to land silently. He kept his back turned to her.
"I'll find my own way home." She said as she walked out. She had intended the words to sound angry and proud, but her voice broke with pain instead. But she kept on walking forward, not looking back, and ground back her emotions. She took a deep breath and let resolve take place of the raw pain. She would be fine. Once she was back home with the baby and her job as a university professor it would be fine.
It had only been Jonothon then. But she soon discovered she was pregnant again. It felt like a gift, despite it all. Out of the grief and deep misery came something of joy. Somehow she immediately knew this child would be a girl, and chose to call her after her mother. Amelia Song came into the world reaching out to grasp all of it. Even before her first cry her arms had flung outward then back to her chest, as if she was taking in everything and making it her own. She knew then that this child would be her father's daughter, even if he never met her.
"Well, Amelia, Jonothon, I believe it's time to meet your father."
"The man in the big blue box?" Jonothon looked at her curiously.
River had told the children about their father, frequently, never speaking ill of him, despite what had happened. She showed them the pictures she had of him, and the sketches she had of the other Doctors in her journal- in case they happen to meet their father with another face someday.
She also showed them pictures of Amy and Rory and even of herself as Mels. That would be strange if she would encounter her children as Mels. Even as Mels, she would never hurt a child, so she had no fears about it, but it would be strange. Being time lords, one never knew who you might meet and when. "Yes, the man in the big blue box. That's where we'll be going next."
River pulled out the psychic paper from her pocket. She hoped he would come soon.
"In danger, please come right away." Then wrote the time and coordinates for this cave.
Twelve hours passed and River feared he wasn't coming. Then above the cave she heard the Tardis land. She was so exhausted now she could barely stand up carrying Amelia. She looked down at Jonothon. Good, he still looked a bit tired, but didn't look exhausted anymore. She struggled to move her feet, clasping Jonothon's hand.
As they walked out of the small cave, she heard the Doctor speaking to someone.
"Stay in the Tardis. The message said it was dangerous."
River smiled weakly, he had a new companion. He sounded less angry and withdrawn. But still, there was a darker note in his voice. That worried her. She didn't want to think about how close he might be to Trenzalore, especially not with the children with her. But it couldn't be helped; things beyond her control had pushed them back together now.
The Doctor was walking the wrong way as she approached the open door of the Tardis. She was too tired to call out, plus whoever had been chasing them the last three days might be nearby. She walked into the Tardis, noted the change in it's appearance, and got a glimpse of a young, pretty dark haired girl staring at her from across the room.
"Did you send the Doctor the note?"
River nodded wearily as she kneeled down to let Amelia stand on the floor. Dizziness hit as soon as her daughter was safely on her feet. She swayed as she felt exhaustion finally overwhelming her.
"Mum!" Jonothon and Amelia cried as their mother collapsed on the floor. They pulled at her calling for her but unconsciousness had claimed her. Amelia began to scream and cry still pushing at her mother. Jonothon clung to her, wailing as well.
The Doctor ran back into the Tardis, dropping his sonic at the sight that greeted him.
"Who is she?" Clara asked.
"Professor River Song. My wife."
"You didn't tell me you were married." Clara glared.
"Well, now you know." The Doctor bit out, retrieving his sonic. Then he moved to where his unconscious wife lay. He scanned all three and sighed in relief, just hunger and exhaustion. While still looking at his wife he addressed Clara. "Find something the children can eat and bring it back here." The Doctor took the Tardis back into the time vortex as gently as possible, then put the stabilizers on as he plotted in a route that would let them safely drift for a while.
Clara left with a huff to do what the Doctor asked.
He could speak baby, but likely could get more clear information from the boy. He turned his head to where the boy was silently regarding him. The resemblance to his grandfather was unmistakable, the Doctor noted. It was as if Rory was looking at him through the boy's turquoise eyes. The boy spoke to him first,
"Mum said you are our father."
"Did she now?" He smiled.
"Is it true?"
The Doctor sighed. "Yes." When he had scanned the children there was no doubt he was the father- they both read as nearly full time lord, with his genetic markers, with just a bit of human in them that read of their mother's partially human DNA. So this was what River was hiding from him.
"Can you fix mum?"
The Doctor laughed gently. Then with a smile he said, "I'll help her."
Clara returned with some cheese, saltines and water in plastic glasses on a tray. "Will these do?"
"What do you say, that look okay to you?" The Doctor asked his son.
Jonothon nodded and with one last worried glance at his mother, walked over to the stranger. "Mum said that Daddy travels with people, do you travel with my daddy?"
"Uh, yeah." Clara felt very uncomfortable in this situation. She felt like she'd been duped in some way and didn't like it one bit. She liked being the one the Doctor couldn't figure out, and she thought he was unattached.
Jonothon took a few pieces of cheese and a couple of saltines, then tried to awkwardly reach for a water glass.
"Hey, sit down on the stairs. I'll give you the glass."
Jonothon obediently sat down, and looked worriedly back his mother as his father gently turned her over on her back. The Doctor lifted his mother's upper body up slightly and pushed a small pillow under her head. Then his father got back up, muttering to himself as he headed toward a small cabinet on the wall.
As Clara handed the boy a glass she asked, "What's your name?"
"Jonothon Song." He answered promptly.
"How old are you?"
"Five. I'm going to be in kindergarten next month."
The Doctor heard his son and wondered where River was in her time line. He rummaged through the cabinet.
"Ah hah!"
He turned back around, and grabbing the other water glass from the tray headed back toward his unconscious wife.
"That was for the little girl, Doctor!"
"She's too young to hold a glass like that" The Doctor said in a scolding tone. "My wife might have something the baby can drink in that bag." The Doctor pointed to the bag he had pushed to the side.
Clara rummaged through it and found a baby bottle. It looked a bit dirty inside from juice or something but Clara figured it was probably okay. She grabbed the glass away from the Doctor, to his annoyance. Then she poured half the water in the baby bottle. She handed that to the little girl, who was clinging to her mother's hair with wide scared eyes. The small child reached for the bottle with one hand, and immediately began to drink.
"See she was thirsty too."
"I know that." The Doctor said with irritation, grabbing the half full glass back.
"Her name's Amelia." Jonothon spoke up. "Mum said she was named for our Nana."
"Your grandmother?"
"Amy Pond" The Doctor said with anguish.
Clara looked confused. "But her name is Amelia, and their family name is Song. Is that your last name Doctor?"
"Amy hated her real name when she was young. And in a sense that is my last name. It became mine when I married River. River chose to change her name as an adult."
"So do your people take the wife's name when you marry?"
"Yes." The Doctor would let Clara assume whatever she wanted from that. He preferred to keep as many secrets as he could, now more than ever. He smiled gently at his tiny daughter, she was so beautiful. Light Auburn curls and big green eyes. In response the child smiled back, and he realized she had inherited something else from him, the smile looked just like his. He tapped her little nose and the smile turned into a big grin. "Da!"
"That's right, I'm your Da. I'm going to help your mum, so come around to me." He was worried River might thrash around a bit when the injection brought her around and didn't want their daughter to be hurt accidentally.
The toddler let go of her mother's hair, and bottle in hand, awkwardly pushed herself up and ran with an unsteady infant gait until she crashed right into him. The baby laugh assured him she was okay but he looked down at her all the same. "Just how many hearts will you break, hmm?" He could picture her grown up, a tumble of loose auburn curls at her shoulders and those green eyes dancing with the same mischief he used to see so often in her mother's eyes.
He wanted to see that look back in River's eyes, but wondered if he ever would, at least in this regeneration. He'd hurt her so much, would she ever give him any kind of smile again? Did he deserve to see that smile? He gently pulled River's arm out the black jacket sleeve, revealing the short sleeve of her rust colored shirt. She'd never worn that color around him, perhaps because she thought it would remind him of Gallifrey, but it looked good on her. He'd like to buy her a dress that color someday soon. A peace offering, perhaps… He sighed, if she even wanted him anymore. Taking a deep breath, he pressed the injector into her arm and depressed the plunger.
She thrashed her arms and gasped back awake, partly sitting back up before she fell back down. The Doctor was relieved her head fell back on the pillow.
"What in the world did you give me?" River shouted.
"How are you feeling?"
"What was that?" River insisted, but less loudly, as she groaned and brought a hand up to her forehead.
"Gallifreyan. Instant nutrient delivery with a stimulant."
"Ugh. It's awful. My head's spinning."
"Probably the dose was a bit weak. It's been around a while."
"Gallifreyan? Yeah, it's been around a long while." She grimaced but pushed herself into a seated position.
"Maybe this would help?" Clara offered the tray of cheese and saltines.
"Yeah, thanks." River took the tray and sat it on her lap, popping one of saltines in her mouth.
The Doctor silently offered the half glass of water.
River sighed, then gave him a hint of a smile as she took the glass, and quickly drank down the water. "It's alright honey, I know you were trying to help."
For a second he bristled, insulted, but he tamped that down and forced a smile, saying nothing.
River watched the quick play of emotions on his face with inner dread. He is darker. She dropped her eyes to the tray, then looked over to the young woman and smiled warmly. "I'm Professor River Song and these are my children Jonothon and Amelia, What's your name?
"Clara Oswin Oswald." Clara was curious why Professor Song hadn't mentioned that the Doctor was her husband.
The Doctor fumed. Just like that, Clara gave River her full name. She hadn't done that with him.
Clara decided to push matters, she wanted to know what was going on. "Are you married to the Doctor?"
River looked in askance at her husband. "What, he didn't tell you he was married?"
"No." Clara glared at the Doctor.
"It never came up." The Doctor looked uncomfortable.
A crude retort almost came out of River's mouth, but she looked at her children and brutally shoved the thought back. No, she would not get into a verbal battle with their father in front of them. She would stoically take the damage.
The Doctor felt ill as he watched the tentative peace between them crushed by his childish thoughtlessness. He wished he could take it back, wished they had parted better, and wished he had told Clara of his marriage to River, instead of preening at the attention. Clara looked none too pleased at him either. In fact he could tell, even if River had chosen to hold back, Clara had not.
"Why did you do that, you-"
"Not in front of the children!" The Doctor shouted.
Jonothon and Amelia fled to their mother's arms. River gave both reassuring hugs and they burrowed tightly against her sides.
Clara gave him a baleful stare, but stopped.
The Doctor cast about desperately for some subject to take everyone's mind away from what he had done. He realized he didn't know why River and the children had been on the run. He cleared his throat. "River, what kind of danger were you in? Why were you hiding in that cave?"
With relief she pushed aside the current issue. "I didn't have time to figure out who was chasing us. But it started three days ago…"
After she finished the story the Doctor looked thoughtful. "Doesn't sound like the Silence's way or Kovarian either. The Clerics are off the radar, right?"
"Yes. And with no evidence I was with you for some time, I doubt they would have been interested in me anymore."
"Yes, your behavior would have even further lessened their interest- a woman who was quietly living as a professor and taking care of two young children."
"It was nowhere near as boring as the way the Doctor puts it." River smiled at Clara.
Clara shrugged. "Wouldn't know. Not interested in having kids. Or being a professor of anything."
"See, it is boring." The Doctor looked at River with a smirk.
River sighed.
The Doctor grinned, expecting her usual annoyed "I hate you" in response.
"I suppose it looks that way when you aren't interested in it." River addressed her soft reply to Clara.
Then it hit the Doctor how River had taken his thoughtless words. "No, no, I didn't mean it that way!"
"Yes, you did."
"No I didn't. Not about our children!"
"Just taking care of them, huh?"
"No, not that either!"
"Enough, honey, the children are scared."
Ashamed and frustrated that River had taken what he had said wrongly, and that he couldn't fix it, he turned away and fiddled with the Tardis console. "I thought of a place we could go."
River was quite doubtful about the safety of wherever it was. Her desire for adventure was currently very low, after three days running for her and her children's lives. All three of them still needed to recover from that as well. "I'll stay here with the children this time. I think we all need sleep and time to recover, honey."
The Doctor felt disappointed but realized his wife was right. At least she was with him again. Maybe he could make it up to her somehow; maybe she would stay with him now. He'd try to adjust to this grown up woman she'd become. He hoped there was still a part of her that still wanted mad adventures with him. Seeing her again made him realize just how deeply he still loved her. Seeing the children, gave him joy, something he'd lost. It gave him something else too, he couldn't describe the feeling, but it felt like a part of him had found something besides the Tardis to hold onto.
The Doctor wanted to prove to River he wasn't completely thoughtless, he cared deeply for her, and for their children. He realized right now that planet could wait. Right now he'd rather watch his children sleeping safely here in the Tardis, and hold his wife in his arms as she slept, if she allowed him. She had every right to say no.
He had cheated on her by acting like he didn't have a wife, saying nothing about his marriage when Clara was expressing very obvious interest in him. He let himself enjoy the attention. And now he had both women angry at him. He shouldn't even suggest to River that she could sleep in his bed, but it might hurt her even more if he didn't. "We can stay in the vortex until you feel better."
"It's alright honey, let me get a little rest, I'll join you next time."
He nodded, but made no move to take the Tardis out of the vortex.
"Honey?"
"I'd rather wait a while too." Clara feigned a yawn.
The Doctor smiled at Clara, relieved. "Yes! Let's all get some rest!" He said pulling River up to a standing position. River quickly switched Amelia into a carrying hold, and let her arm side to Jonothon's hand.
Jonothon let himself be pulled up along with his mother, and deftly caught the tray with his other hand, only one saltine fell to the floor.
River smiled. Jonothon got that from her, the reflexes and agility.
The Doctor looked proud as well. That was already better than human reflexes. Then he looked at his wife. "I'm sure the Tardis has made a place for all of you." Looking down at his son, he grinned, "Want to help me find it?"
Jonothon smiled back tentatively. "Sure."
"Well, then, come with me!" The Doctor grinned and offered his hand.
Jonothon grinned back and took his father's hand, letting go of his mother's. The tray forgotten, clattered to the floor, spilling the cheese and saltines. The Tardis quickly reacted to the mess by opening up a disposal hatch for the food. The tray remained on the floor.
River felt a flash of hurt. Not jealousy, but loss. Would her husband draw her sweet little boy into his madness, or would Jonothon be able to balance both worlds? She got her answer when Jonothon looked back and stopped. "Mum?"
River smiled. "It's okay dear. Your father just wants you to have some fun with him. I'm right behind you."
Jonothon looked relieved, then smiled back at his father. The Doctor then pulled Jonothon up on his back and raced up the stairs with a whoop. Jonothon laughed and held on tight to his father's shoulders.
River followed more slowly, still feeling the effects of the exhaustion, and dizziness from the Doctor's remedy. The nutrient part had been enough to draw the hunger down to tolerable levels though.
Clara looked at River. "I can carry her"
"Okay, that would be good."
"I can cook too, want me to make you something?"
"Maybe in the morning." River smiled as she handed Amelia to the younger woman. Amelia fussed a bit, but as soon as Clara turned her so she could see River she calmed.
"That thing the Doctor gave me was enough to stop the hunger. I'm just really tired now."
They climbed the stairs.
"I didn't sleep with him." Clara blurted out.
"It wouldn't have been your fault if you had." River said tiredly. "I'm not going to judge you for being attracted to a man like my husband. He's charmed a lot of woman in his history, including me."
"But you're the one he married. Why?"
River shrugged. "Don't know why it was me over all the others. You could ask him." River replied with a hint of a smirk. "In fact, why don't you? Do it when we are all eating breakfast." Her eyes danced with mischief.
"Should I ask it in the most uncomfortable way possible?" Clara felt herself drawn into this plan of female vengeance.
"Oh yes. I'll be looking forward to it." River chuckled wickedly.
"Mum, happy!" Amelia wiggled in Clara's arms with a giggle and reached for her mother.
River let her face drop in close to her daughter's and smiled, "Yes, mum is happy."
Amelia patted her mother's cheeks and obligingly River puffed out them out and crossed her eyes. Amelia shrieked with laughter, and bounced so hard in Clara's arms that she could barely hold onto the toddler.
"I'll take her now." River held out her arms and before Clara could hand the child over, Amelia leapt from them into her mother's arms.
"Just like her mother" The Doctor laughed, rounding the corner.
Clara looked confused.
River smiled tolerantly as Amelia began pulling herself up toward her mother's shoulders, with both arms and legs. "He's talking about my habit of jumping off things when I know I can safely land somewhere."
"Four times into the Tardis."
"Hush, it was only three times." She winked.
The Doctor laughed. "Just seeing if you were paying attention."
"Good night." Clara decided now was the time to make her exit, it was becoming too flirty between the Doctor and his wife, making her uncomfortable.
"Good night. Glad the Doctor finally has someone traveling with him that likes to cook."
"Yes." Clara paused. "What would you like for breakfast, then?"
"Oh nothing fancy for me, oatmeal and toast is my usual. But whatever you want to make is fine." River replied.
Clara nodded. "And the children?"
"The same, if we can get Amelia to eat it now. She's already addicted to sweet things since Jonothon shared some chocolate with her last week."
"I still have jammie dodgers." the Doctor said.
River sighed. "She'll probably love them as much as you."
The Doctor's eyes lit up with joy. And he picked up his daughter and gently whirled her around, Amelia leaned back in her father's arms and shrieked with laughter.
Clara made her exit from the family scene, knowing the Doctor's attention would be centered there, not with her.
River shook her head with a slight smile, Amelia was definitely her father's daughter. Funny, she didn't feel a sense of loss about that. But then she'd always known Amelia would be her daddy's little girl, hadn't she?
She just wished the meeting wouldn't have happened so close to what was coming. She felt Trenzalore hanging over all of them. The shadow of it could not be dismissed. They would all make it through, the Doctor, the children and herself, she felt it as a certainty, but the 11th would fall.
She hated her children would see that, and what the legends told her would come right after, before things were fixed right. That would be her burden, to fix it aright. The children will be damaged by what they will see their father do to others. She wanted to avoid that, let it be just her. But anyone on the Tardis now would be going to Trenzalore, she felt it.
Then her heart sank when she suddenly realized Clara would not make it away from Trenzalore. Trenzalore would be Clara's end. She was connected in some way to whatever was drawing them to Trenzalore, and likely didn't even know it. Did the Doctor know? Could she ask?
She felt the fixed point around it, it couldn't be changed. Nothing at Trenzalore could. No, she wouldn't say it. Saying it might trigger a further darkness in her husband. She shut the thought away, and brought herself back to watching her husband and daughter play.
The Doctor saw the look on River's face and teased "You look jealous, you want me to swing you around too?"
River laughed, "Is that a new game for us to play?" She let a hint of suggestion drop into her reply.
He blushed, but grinned. She'd forgiven him! He vowed he'd never hurt her like that again. He'd let River go whenever she needed to go, no questions asked. He'd always tell a companion he was married, straight off, before any mistakes were made. Better yet, maybe he could work on convincing River to stay with the children. Maybe he'd be better if they were around. He stopped whirling Amelia around. "Okay, little Amelia, time for you and mum to go to bed."
"No." Amelia pouted.
River chuckled. "That started about a week ago."
"What?"
"No becoming her favorite word, and the pouting."
The Doctor sighed. "Well, your brother is already in bed, don't you want to be like him?" He addressed his daughter with mock solemnity.
River gave him points on that, he must have guessed Amelia would want to do anything her brother did.
"No." But this time Amelia wasn't pouting, and soon she giggled.
River and the Doctor exchanged a knowing look as they walked to the children's bedroom.
The Doctor set his daughter down on her little bed, it faced her older brother's bed so that the two beds made an L shape. Jonothon was looking at a children's book. River realized the text was in Old High Gallifreyan. She looked surprised as a forgotten memory popped into her conscious mind. She remembered reading the same story while she was still at Graystark. It was how she first learned the language.
"Are you okay?" The Doctor asked.
"Sorry, honey, just remembering something from my childhood."
The Doctor grimaced. That would have had to be Graystark. What a stupid mistake he'd made handing his son that book. He had children's picture books in Galactic English in the closet too. He should have given him one of those. He had those from his fourth self, when he became fascinated by anything to do with childhood, especially human childhoods.
River touched his arm. "it's fine. It's a nice story." Then she laughed. "I bet it won't just 'hello sweetie' that you'll be seeing before long at various places."
He grinned.
Amelia had dropped down from her bed and was trying to heave herself up onto her older brother's higher bed. "Want book!" she shouted.
Jonothon held the book where she could reach it. Amelia grinned and clutched the book to her chest "Book!"
The Doctor walked over and picked her up, then bending down let her fall a short distance onto her bed. Amelia dropped the book from her hands, and squealed with delight at the new game. She threw her arms up and shouted "Again!"
River quickly retrieved the book from the bed as the Doctor obeyed his little girl. She looked over at Jonothon and saw the warring desire to be a "big boy" and wanting the same thing. River smiled, and left the book on a child sized bookcase. She walked over and quickly lifted Jonothon to chest level, then let him fall back onto the bed.
"Mum." he grinned up at her.
She laughed. "Sorry, I don't have any more energy in me tonight. But I'm sure your father does, go on, ask him."
The Doctor strode over, and picked up his son and let him hang upside down. Jonothon began to laugh as excitedly as his little sister was. Amelia was now bouncing on the bed and shouting "Me too!"
River started over to Amelia's bed, but the Doctor shook his head. "I can handle them both. Go on to bed." He pointed through a doorway to the bedroom River recognized as the one they had shared when she stayed on the Tardis after their marriage.
She nodded, and making a resolve to put aside most of her hurt feelings over the past, walked into the room. She was happy to find all her old nighties were still neatly folded in the draw she had kept them in. She sorted through them and found one that didn't look so sexy. The healing was too fresh right now, she was attracted as always, but needed a bit more time before she could be like before. Back when she shared this room before Manhattan, she liked looking as sexy and glamorous as possible. Now warm and comfortable sounded better. As soon as she took a shower.
The shower made her drowsy. She pulled on a knee length flannel gown that only slightly emphasized her breasts and climbed into bed. The Doctor was still playing with the children but it sounded like something quieter now, some kind of singing game- he'd sing something and then pause and the children shouted something, then he'd sing again. She drifted off to sleep with those sounds in her ears.
Some time later she awoke as he sat down on the bed. "Finally got them both to sleep." He chuckled.
"They wear you out, honey?"
"No, but I'm content to just lay here with you now."
River smiled, for him, that meant he was tired.
As he joined her under the covers his hand accidentally brushed her hip. "Sorry." He jerked his hand away.
"It's okay, honey. We are married after all."
"But I-"
"Hush now, I forgive you. Let's both get some rest. Consider this a fresh start for both of us." She knew she'd have to say this again after Trenzalore for far worse things. This was just between them, not universe size crimes. Better to go to Trenzalore with all the past damage forgiven. As scared as she was about Trenzalore, maybe there was a good reason that both she and the children were here. The children would keep the drift into darkness from becoming a plunge. And just maybe she helped too. He seemed lighter now than the man she saw earlier downstairs.
He fumbled around then, and after finding her hand, clasped it. She gave him a reassuring squeeze back.
She awoke hours later to hear his breathing had drifted into sleep mode. You need this too, my love. How long have you run from sleep this time, I wonder.
His breathing changed a bit, faster, and he moved a bit. She looked sad. So much for his getting rest. She knew his nightmare signs. He began to moan, then mumble. Then the words got clear "No, don't, you can't…River!" He gasped awake.
"Shh, my love, I'm here." She pulled him back down and put her arms around him.
"River." His voice was tight with anguish and he convulsively pulled her close.
"I know, I know." Her voice was gentle. "You had that nightmare about me again. But I've heard you say you saved me too, in your sleep, so it's okay, right?"
"I'm afraid River."
"I know, I am too. Not of your dream, but of other things. I'm afraid for you most of all."
"Trenzalore." His voice was dull.
"Yes."
"I can't stop it, just run as long as I can."
"Yes."
"You feel it too, right? It's coming closer."
"I know."
"Maybe the Silence had the right idea. Not using you. But something ending me before Trenzalore. Think about how much better things would be! Your parents would be living in the 21st century, you could see them any time-"
"Hush. I wouldn't have Amelia then. Jonothon would grow up never knowing his father. Who knows, it might have created a paradox and wiped out everyone."
He nodded, accepting the logic. "But what about now? If I ended it now, then you'd still have Jonothon and Amelia, but that monster inside me would never get out. You can fly the Tardis, better than me." He laughed bitterly. "There, I've finally admitted it. The Tardis is yours."
"No, it isn't, it's yours. And no, don't kill yourself. I'm afraid if you tried, it would just make Trenzalore happen right away. Plus, my argument still stands about the paradox. And," her hand reached up and stroked his face "I want to keep seeing this face of yours as long as I can."
"Even though-"
"Yes. What did I tell you on top of the Pyramid, right before you married me?"
"I love you too, wife. Always will. All of you Ponds, but especially you. Your mother was in my heart because she was the first person I saw with this face. But you, you-" He could say no more, afraid to speak of the Library aloud, then he remembered all the times she had given and given for him in this face, even when he had treated her terribly, telling her he didn't trust her then leering at her and calling her a bad girl, barely holding back the lust that was urging him to act on what he wanted already. She was just flirting but he was acting like, like a twelve year old, just like she'd called him in Manhattan. "How can you stand me, River, you know what I really am."
"And I can love that too, most of the time." She moved up and gave him a light kiss on the lips."
"But how? Why?"
"I just do. Always have. Even as a child, when they were brainwashing me, trying to turn me into the assassin they wanted, part of me rebelled. Somehow even at four years old I knew something wasn't right. Even as crazy Mels, I dreamed of being with you, like this. At Luna University I embraced that whole-heartedly. The more I read, the more I fell in love with you. I was determined I would be your wife, not your killer. Then when you married me I was willing to do anything for you, be the River Song you told me you loved in Berlin."
"I don't want to hurt you, I'm afraid of Trenzalore, how this monster inside me can hurt you even as I love you."
"I know. Remember what you told me in Utah, the first time? You are always and completely forgiven. I mean it as much as you did."
He swallowed, overwhelmed with emotion. "River."
"Yes?"
"Please help me."
"Always."
When she opened her eyes, he was looking down at her, a smile on his face, and a hint of desire in his eyes. "Good morning, wife."
"Good morning, husband." It made her feel happy to see that combination of expressions on his face. It had been a long time. She suspected a very long time for him.
Before they could say anything else, there was a soft thump and then a baby wail next door.
"Amelia!" they both said aloud. The Doctor leapt up, anxiety on his face. His daughter was hurt, he looked anxiously back at River. Her expression was calmer. "I think Amelia probably just rolled off the bed in her sleep. She's very active, even in her sleep." They opened the adjoining door and saw the toddler sitting on the floor wailing away.
"She fell off the bed, again." Jonothon confirmed.
"Again?" The Doctor looked at Jonothon.
As River picked up the baby she said, "You mean like at home, right? Not here."
"Yeah. She's okay, mum?"
"Yes" River cuddled her calming daughter. Little Amelia had one hand tightly clutching the collar of her mother's nightgown, the other a strand of her hair.
"She does that a lot" The Doctor commented.
"What? Oh, you mean the thing with my hair?"
"Yes."
River smiled, "Watch, she'll put it in her mouth."
Just as River stated, the hand with the hair strand went into Amelia's mouth. River shifted the baby's position so it didn't pull on her hair.
"River, what do you do at your home?"
"Oh, like here, let her gum on it a bit, then distract her with something." River picked up the book Jonothon had been reading last night.
Amelia's hand came out of her mouth and she reached with both hands for the book with a bright smile. "Book!"
"No, I meant about the falling out of bed."
"Oh" She said as she sat down on the toddler's bed with her daughter in her lap, while she turned the pages to occupy the baby. "Her bed at home is lot lower. Even when she rolls off that she usually cries, I think because it startles her awake. It's quite a bit narrower than this. I thought this would be too wide for her to roll off or I would have said something last night. She's not hurt though, honey, so don't feel guilty. I know of a solution. I had something like it at home, left over from when she was in a crib."
River laid down the book and handed her daughter to the Doctor. The baby fussed and reached back for the book, but when the Doctor took her in his arms Amelia smiled and reached for his red braces.
"Yes, they are red, just like your hair."
Amelia babbled something then giggled.
"No, they are something I wear, not a toy to play with. They don't look silly, they look cool."
River shook her head with a smile as she walked back into the Doctor's bedroom and typed a few instructions into the small backup connection he had to the Tardis there. Almost immediately the bed dropped significantly lower to the floor and a low bumper pad ringed all the edges of the mattress.
"That should work." She said, retuning to the children's room. "It's low enough she can climb over it to get in, but high enough that when she bumps it, it will keep her in bed."
"Mum?"
"Yes Jonothon?"
"Can you change my bed too? I want it like the one at home."
"Alright." That was an even more minor thing. Just a change in color scheme. Personally, she hated the color combination, but maybe her son's lack of taste was something he got from his father, she smirked. Soon Jonothon had his bright orange and green color scheme again.
"Thanks Mum!"
"Thank the Tardis too." She said walking back into the room.
"How do I do that mum?"
"Just say it to the air."
"Thank you, Tardis" He obediently looked into the air.
The Tardis made a happy humming noise.
The Doctor smiled. His Tardis loved the children too.
River stopped short in surprise as they walked into the kitchen. She'd never seen so much cooked food on that table before.
"Wow!" Jonothon exclaimed, his eyes wide in wonder.
"Clara likes to cook." The Doctor smiled.
River felt a tinge of envy, she was strictly average as a cook, and it was a chore not a pleasure. Still, she was better than her mother, about all you could say of Amy's attempts was that it was always edible. But she'd never be someone that could lay out a table like that. It wouldn't hurt to tease the Doctor a bit though. "So that's why you aren't skinny anymore. I think Clara needs to regulate your intake a bit before you need a diet." River winked at Clara to let her know it was time to begin their little campaign.
Clara smirked back. "Yeah, Doctor. Is that why you stopped wearing the waistcoat?"
The Doctor groaned inwardly. They were ganging up on him.
The children caught onto the playful tone and giggled.
The Tardis had accommodated the children in the kitchen as well. There was a high chair for Amelia and a youth chair for Jonothon. Jonothon climbed the ladder like chair and sat down.
The Doctor, who had carried Amelia to the Kitchen, sat his daughter down in the high chair. Then he immediately offered her a small pastry roll. Amelia grabbed it and immediately tried to stick the whole roll in her mouth. Thankfully the roll was too big, it broke and smeared on her face, most of it falling onto the tray in pieces.
"Honey, break it in pieces for her first."
"Right." He flushed with embarrassment.
River resigned herself to the fact the Doctor would spoil their daughter by giving her anything she wanted, including a diet of sweet pastries and chocolate.
Not that Jonothon was staying away from temptation either. His plate was all pastries as well. Well, he was a child. She'd let the children indulge here, within limits.
"So, Doctor, what made you choose to marry Professor Song out of all the women you've known?" Clara stated with a pseudo innocent look.
The Doctor sputtered "What do you mean?"
"Oh I think she means of all the women you've lead on, honey." River looked at him mischievously.
"Lead on?" The Doctor looked confused.
"Oh, you know, made them think they were special, unique…"
"But they all were." The Doctor protested "And so are you." He looked nervously from River to Clara.
"I'm sure we all have been, the few men you've told that to as well."
"Yes, like your father Rory." The Doctor nodded.
"Yet you would have let him die alone without my mother. Sounds like she was a bit more special that my father to you." River couldn't help the angry edge to her tone, she took a deep breath, ashamed her pain leaked out, this was just meant to be a bit of fun female payback between Clara and herself against the Doctor. Clara looked shocked at this revelation, she hadn't known the Doctor was that kind of person.
"Your mother was special, she was the first person I saw with this face-" The Doctor looked at River pleadingly. He had thought this was some kind of mischief between River and Clara against him, but now it didn't seem that was the case. Clara seemed to be playing just that kind of game, but River, was this about what happened to her parents? Was this her grief over her parents finally coming out?
"But Doctor, you still aren't answering the question, why was it Professor Song that you married? What made you pick her?"
"Time was collapsing, I had to marry her."
River closed her eyes in pain. Did he even realize how that sounded? He had to marry her?
"No, Doctor, I can see that's not the truth, and I wasn't even there. Look at your wife, think about what you just said and look at her face."
River shook her head no as Clara pushed the point.
The Doctor stared at River, looked at the stoic stare she gave back. He swallowed and looked ashamed. "I'm sorry, River."
"So why, Doctor?" Clara pushed.
He glared at Clara. "That's between River and me!" He roared, feeling cornered.
"I give permission, my love." River looked at him with unguarded love on her face.
He gulped, overwhelmed, it was just like on the pyramid, when she looked at him that way… "Because when she told me how much she loved me, I knew… I loved her just as much." He blushed bright red from the blatant admission.
River flung her arms around him and unabashedly gave him an intensely passionate kiss. After a second of wide eyed surprise the Doctor's arms pulled River into his lap and responded with equal enthusiasm.
"Kiss!" Amelia squealed happily.
When they broke the kiss River stayed in his lap, much to the Doctor's relief. He blushed anew at his actions and the physical response that he'd rather only River knew about.
"Down boy" River whispered naughtily in his ear.
The Doctor's blush got brighter.
River smiled at the children. Amelia was giggling and bouncing in the high chair, and Jonothon looked happy and relieved.
This was the happiest he ever remembered seeing his mother. His father's face looked less shadowed as well. He seemed way less scary than the man he'd first seen in person last night. He wasn't angry or worse, shouting, now.
The Doctor reached over and ruffled his son's hair.
Clara sighed, she felt like she was intruding again. "I'll clear this all away now."
"Thank you." River looked Clara straight in the eyes and clasp her hand warmly. "I'll help you." She slid off her husband's lap and started taking up plates.
"I can help too." The Doctor offered.
"We're fine, honey. I'm sure the children would like a tour of your home. " River gave her husband a bright smile.
He was a bit disappointed at the ending of the moment between River and himself, but yes, he could impress his children with all the wonders of the Tardis! With a big grin he jumped up and swooped both children into his arms. Amelia shrieked with delight and even Jonothon laughed, startled but happy. A child in each arm he ran out of the kitchen.
River watched the scene with an indulgent smile on her face. She hadn't felt so happy in a long time.
"Professor Song, when I heard what you said and saw your face. I had to do that."
"Please, call me River. And again, thank you. I don't know if the Doctor and I could have ever reached this point alone. I just wanted to hide from it and so did he."
"You might have been hiding from it, but you still were able to cope. The Doctor's not been coping with it. He does need you."
"I know, and I'm here now. I'll do what I can." Then with a resolve, she decided to let Clara know, not her fate, but something about where they were going and why the Doctor wasn't going to stay as happy as he was at this moment. Better she knew. "Clara, I'm going to tell you something the Doctor has probably been hiding from you, because he is hiding from it himself."
"What?"
River took a deep breath. "I knew about this before the Doctor and I married. There is a place called Trenzalore. The Doctor, and I as well, have been running from it for a long time."
"Trenzalore?"
"The Doctor has a great darkness inside him. I don't know if it's because he usually suppresses it, and because he's been doing this for over a thousand years, that it's become this thing inside him, or if it was always meant to be. But his 11th regeneration will not end well or finish, and he'll lose control of that monster inside him. That next version of the Doctor will do many truly evil things, and this Doctor will not be able to control it."
Clara's eyes widened with fear. What had she got herself into?
"You see why we've been running from Trenzalore?" River looked at the younger woman, letting the weight of the knowledge show through.
"Will something end this?"
"Me. I don't know how, but I will. There were legends about this even before I was born."
"How could you marry him, have children by him, knowing this?" Clara stunned. How could this woman do that when she knew this?
"Because I loved him, always have, always will." River smiled confidently.
"And he loves you."
"Yes."
"How can you stand having such a burden?" Clara knew she could never have done such a thing, never been able to stand knowing such a terrible thing.
"Sometimes I can't. I cry, get depressed, rage against the universe. But I always come back to this is something that must be done, and done by me. Somehow the universe believes in me, that I'm that strong. I don't feel that strong or stable, but the universe says I am." River shook her head in disbelief, how could it be her, she felt so far from the woman in the legends. That great heroine who saves the Doctor.
"River, I've only known you a day, and if anyone will be, I can tell it's you." Clara was certain. This woman had endured much, she knew only a few things and was already in awe of this woman's strength.
River smiled. "Thank you. Who knew, the girl who was once called a psychopath, a war criminal, a weapon, would be the one who saves the Doctor."
"Saves all space and time, wife. Many times." The Doctor said, walking back into the kitchen with the children.
River and Clara turnned around abruptly, startled, with guilty expressions.
The Doctor let go of the children, both ran to River and pulled her toward their father.
"They wanted their mother along too. Wanted to hear what their mother knew about their father's home. I told them the Tardis calls you her child, so they are her grandchildren. They told me you should be here too." He smiled and tapped her nose. "So come along, wife!" Then he turned to Clara. "You too, Clara! You've been adopted into this strange family of ours."
"Yes, you have." River smiled and took Clara's hand.