Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, just as I don't make money writing this. If I did, I wouldn't be living in a two-room flat and driving an old Mazda with a stickshift.
Warning: This is only my second fic, please don't expect too much. My first fic got mixed reviews. Some liked it, some didn't. This one is different. I resisted the urge to stuff it up by writing in bits of Trent/Daria loving. I wanted this to be closer to an actual episode. Let me know if you think I succeeded or not. If you hated it, then please try to say it in a nice way, or preferably not at all. :-)
Also, I wrote this in a couple of hours while watching TV, so don't be too disappointed if it's crap.
English is not my first language so try and ignore the spelling. I can speak and read it brilliantly, but writing is a different story. So to speak.
Just another week of school
Ext. Lawndale High School.
Principal Li (OS): As principal of Laaawwndaale High it is my duty to think of new ways to promote the school.
Int DeMartino's classroom. Daria and co in usual spots
Principal Li ( over com): And of course to give the students the skills to survive in real life. As you all probably know a new fastfood establishment has recently opened here in Laawndale. I ...eh.. We plan to start a new tradition this year, some of the students in the senior class will not have regular school next week. Instead they will work at the newly opened Super Burger promoting their beloved school.
Daria: I wonder where the paychecks will go?
Jane: Do you really?
Daria: (Deadpan)Yes, the suspence is killing me. It's even more of a mystery than "Murder, She wrote".
Jane: Last week it took me a good three minutes to figure out who the killer was. It would have taken even longer if that guy hadn't been killed.
Miss Li enters.
Principal Li: You all heard my announcement. Now, since this is still in the test fase, not all of you will be allowed to participate. Super Burger has agreed to take on four of you as employees starting monday. The lucky four were picked out at random and they are: Jane Lane, Daria Morgendorffer, Kevin Thompson and Charles Ruttheimer. You will report to the daily manager monday at eight. You will keep a journal while you work there, and next monday you will hand them in along with a short report stating what you learned during the week.
Daria: (Deadpan) I never thought I could be this happy.
Jane: Looks like we're working, amiga.
Kevin: Huh? I have to work?
Jane: (Tiffanesque) That is soo wrong.
Brittany: Don't worry, babe, I'll come visit every day.
Daria: Just when I thought I was at rock bottom I discover I'm sitting in quicksand.
Jane: You know you like it.
DeMartino: /Enough/ chatter. Remember your home/work/ for monday, class /dis/missed.
Jane: Well, at least we don't have to do the homework.
Daria: That's one small consolation. It's being in the middle of an ocean and trying to keep afloat by clinging to a toothpick.
Jane: You know, Tiffany could actually pull that off.
Daria: She'd probably drown worryind if she looked fat next to it.
Ext Lawndale. Daria and Jane are on their way to Super Burger.
Daria: One whole week of burgerflipping. There has got to be a sick, sad world show there.
Jane: I don't think we're that lucky. "My week with Upchuck and the I-QB?" Not the same ring to it as "My father sneaks out in the middle of the night to shave rude and amusing sketches on the back of albino rats"
Daria: That's a classic! "Porn-rats next on Sick, sad world."
Int Super Burger. Kitchen. The manager has his back turned.
Daria: Lucy and Ethel reporting for duty, sir!
The manager turns around. Go on, guess who it is... Absolutely right!
Trent: Daria? Janey? What are you guys doing here?
Jane: We're taking a break from the luxurious life as hookers to experience the thrill of making food that can dissolve paper. If you're the manager, you should know why we're here.
Trent: Right, you must be with dumb&disgusting over there.
Daria and Jane looked to where he was waving. Kevin and Upchuck were reading the ingridiens for a cheeseburger. Kevin looked up and walked over to them.
Kevin: Man, I'm never eating a burger again. (Beat) So, is food included when you work here?
Jane: What are you doing here Trent? Car broke down again, huh?
Trent: Why do you always think the car is the problem? Everytime I'm late or need some extra cash, you always ask if the car broke down.
Jane: That's because it always is the car. Except if you oversleep. Sometimes you fall asleep when you drive, and it's both. So why are you working here, and why didn't you tell me?
Trent: (turning red) Okey, so the car broke down. I forgot to tell you, fell asleep. Just shut up. You're in for a treat. You get to wear uniforms.
Int Super Burger. Daria, Jane, Kevin and Upchuck in their new uniforms. Bright orange baggy shirts, royal blue pants with pockets in the sides and caps in the same colours.
Daria: It's official, I've died and gone to hell.
Jane: Somehow, I thought hell would be more my style. You know, red and black, flames. I never thought it would have clown-like uniforms. If Trent was awake, you would be blood-red by now.
Daria: Can't catch a break, even in real life hell.
Int Super Burger. Daria and Jane are behind the counter. Quinn and the fashion club walk up to them. Trent is standing in the doorway to the kitchen, eyes closed.
Sandi: Quinn, isn't that your unfashionable cousin and her wierd artsy friend? How can they wear those uniforms?
Tiffany: That is soo wrong.
Daria: (Icy) Welcome to Super Burger. May I take your order, sir?
Quinn: Daariaah, don't be silly. I just came by to tell you that my parents won't be home for dinner tonight, they're going out.
Daria: Okay, you told me, now go.
Quinn and the FC leave.
Jane: Family bonding, gotta love it.
Daria: You know I hate you, right?
Jane: Always.
Ext Super Burger. The FC is walking towards the Morgendorffer home.
Sandi: I cannot believe what they wore. Even those two have more fashion sense than that.
Quinn: I know, we should like totally help them. We could, like design new uniforms or something.
Stacy: That's a great idea, Quinn. We could draw them on my computer, print it out and show it to the boss. Maybe he would by them.
Sandi: First; It was my idea. I startes this. Secondly; Stacy what have I told you about computers?
Stacy: (Hasitates, then in a low voice) Computers are nerdy and I should never use them.
Sandi: Please remember that, or we might be forced to find a replacement for you. We can't have a nerd in the fashion club. We would lose all respect.
Stacy: I'm so sorry. I will remember, I promise I will.
Sandi: Good. Now, we have much work to do.
Int Super Burger counter. Jane is there and a large man is coming up to her.
Jane: Welcome to Super Burper, may I interest you in our special low-fat slimburger?
Man: (Ignoring her comment) I'll have a large dobbel cheeseburger with an extra large coke.
Jane: You'll want a large fries with that, won't you?
Man: (Slightly annoyed) Yes, I think I will.
Jane: That'll be 6,99, please.
The man pays, gets his food and change and leaves shooting Jane a sour look as he walks out the door.
Jane: Gotta love the perks of the job.
Int Super Burger kitchen. Daria and Kevin are assembling burgers, Upchuck is at the oven. Trent can bee seen in the background, asleep on a chair.
Kevin: Hey, Daria. What about this one?
Pan down to see a burger on a piece of that wrapping they have in those places. The burger is swimming in dressing, literally. The cheese was more off than on the burger, and the top bun was upside down.
Daria: (sighing) What do you think, Kevin? Does it look right?
Kevin: Eeh, not right? Kinda tilted...
Daria: At least you identified the problem this time. Huge improvement.
Kevin: Huh?
Upchuck walks up behind Daria.
Upchuck: Hey gorgeous, you want to help me with my meat? Get it?
Daria: I got it, but you wont.
Daria kicks him on the shin, and he yelps in pain.
Upchuck: One day I'll stop asking. You'll be sorry then.
Daria: Don't hold your breath. Wait, come to think of it, do hold you breath.
Int Super Burger counter. Daria is there with a female customer(Cust). Trent is asleep at a corner table.
Cust: Do you have anything without fat or calories?
Daria: Well, there's a special on non-fat air today. Other than that the closest thing is water.
Cust: How about salads?
Daria: You could snack on the lawn, it hasn't been mowed in a while. Are you sure you are in the right place? The most healthy thing around here is the paper we wrap the burgers in, but it doesn't taste much.
Cust: Okay, I'll just have a diet coke. Thanks for the help, you should try stand-up.
Daria: I prefer sitting.
A man, about thirty, is next in line.
Daria: Welcome to blah-blah. What can I do for you?
Man: What's in a Super Burger Special?
Daria: Crushed cow, a special saus made from varous unidentifiable vegetables and something that only just made it into the catagory of cheese.
Man: (Obviously not paying attention) I'll take two.
Daria: Would you like sweaty potatoes with that?
Man: (still on auto-pilot) Yeah, large portion.
Daria: That will be 7,99.
Int Morgendorffer home, Quinn's room. FC assembly.
Quinn: Are we all agreed, we go with pastels?
Sandi: We should have another uniform with stronger colours for winter.
Quinn: Sandi, that's such a great idea. That's why you are the president.
Stacy: I just love those cute pink mini-skirts with the sky-blue flowers.
Tiffany: Would I look fat in those?
Ext Morgendorffer Manor.
FC (OS): Noooooh
Int Super Burger, supply-room. Daria enters to find Trent asleep on some boxes.
Daria: Hey, Trent! You dead?
Trent: (still sleepy) Oh, hey Daria. I was just tired. I'm not used to working this hard.
Daria: Right. You must have moved at least twice already today, and it isn't even three o'clock yet.
Trent: (laughing) Good one, Daria.
Daria: I didn't mean to wake you. I just need that mystery vegetable saus, and you were sleeping on it. You should be glad it was me, if Jane had walked in on you like that you would be festively decorated with "I can't believe it's not cheese". And boy, that stuff smells... Well, lets just say unusual.
Trent: Why didn't you do that?
Daria: I don't want to move in on Jane's territory. Plus, I have an exclusive contract with Quinn. My deposit would be lost if I manipulated anybody else's appearance while they slept. I've been trying to find a loophole for that, it's getting more and more difficult to resist the urge to paint Jane in her sleep. Do you think she would look good in day-glow green?
Trent: Nah, I always saw her as a baby-pink person.
Daria: How about a compromise, horisontal stripes?
Trent: Deal!
Int Super Burger, kitchen Daria and Jane are making the burgers.
Jane: I cannot remember the last time I had this much fun.
Daria: This ranks right up there, next to being grounded with Quinn's fashion friends pestering me for a makeover.
Jane: At least they didn't hit on you every two minutes.
Daria: That reminds me.
She turns around and smacks Upchuck just as he is about to open his mouth.
Upchuck: I was just going to ask if you could make some more cheeseburgers.
Jane and Daria look at eachother and shrug.
Daria: We'll just subtract one from what we owe you.
Jane: Just one more hour and thirty lame come-ons to go.
Int Lawndale High, classroom. Gang present.
Daria: So did you write about the mock-cheese's potensial as odour-art?
Jane: Sure did. Even stapled a sample to the report. Never been more happy to hand in my homework. I think I might need some stronger cleaning-supplies for my backpack.
Daria: You could borrow some form Trent's room-cleaning selection. That stuff can kill anything.
Jane: What did you write? A plan to control the population of earth by feeding them addictive junkfood that numbes the brain?
Daria: No, I would never publicly admit to such a plan. I preformed an experiment to see how rude and obnoxious an employee in the service sector can be before someone reports them to management or state. Sadly I had to deem it a failure since no-one seemed to think my behaviour unusual for a burger-flipper. But I did include a pie-chart.
Jane: Of what?
Daria: Gross national products of the south-american countries. I wanted to see if they'd notice.
Jane: Five bucks say they wont.
Daria: I used different colours for each country, and the colours also correspond to a page in the report. That should get them thinking. I love playing with peoples brains. Not literally, I haven't tried that. Yet.
Int Super Burger. Trent is behind the counter as the fashion club enters.
Sandi: You are the manager of this establishment, are you not?
Trent: I guess.
Sandi: As the local authority on fashion and colour-coordination it is our duty to inform you that your uniforms are in direct violation to several rules and regulations. However, you will no dubt be happy to hear that we have taken it upon ourselves to design new uniforms.
Trent: You must be joking.
Ext Super Burger. Sandi's voice can be heard as she explaines the details of the uniforms and the variations for seasons and different veightclasses.
Fade
The end