Title: Shine a Light Through an Open Door/ Fandom: The Avengers
Genre/Type: Friendship/Romance/Angst / Characters/Pairings: Maria/Steve (friendship), OCs
Series: In a Hopeless Place / Rating: PG / Warnings/Spoilers: Mild Course Language, Character Death / Setting: Pre-Post Avengers /
A/N: I don't own the Avengers. Words in Italics are past memories.
She first met him when she was 19. A fresh recruit to SHEILD, young and impressionable with a lot to prove and a whole lot more to disprove. The world had seemed so much bigger then, brighter with so many damn things to do and see. She'd had so many ideas and dreams, one day she'd save the world. Be her own hero. They'd all thought she couldn't handle it. A young recruit with shoes too big for her own good. They'd all thought she'd fail and fall, fall hard. After all, this was a man's game in a man's world. No place for a girl. They'd all thought she was insane to even try it, to even try to prove that her shoes weren't any bigger than she could manage, that she could handle anything that they and the next egotistic male could throw at her. They'd thought she was just a girl. He hadn't. Well, everything except the insane part. That he believed. First day nerves were something she'd never had before. While all the other girls her age prepared for dance recitals and concerts, she'd snuck into the gym to watch her brothers throw each other to the ground. While the other girls all flirted with the nearest cute guy, she'd been trying to guess who'd win in a fight. She would, of course. But that first day… damn, she'd never hated damn butterflies so damn much. A group of fellow recruits, some with faces as hard as stone, others with faces that said I-can-handle-any-so and so-that-you-can-throw-at-me. Others looked like they might pass out at any minute, especially when the nearest SHEILD agent looked at them. Maria… she'd tried to look indifferent, a mixture of I-can-handle-it, bring-it-on and what-the-heck-have-I-gotten-myself-into? She was afraid it looked more like the last one. SHEILD Agent Stoner, the agent in charge that day, was defiantly the first. With a face hard as stone and muscles to match. But not the kind that the girls back home would faint over. They were more like the kind that anyone from home would run away from. She was standing in a line with the others, all men except her and a died-blonde at the end, the one that had called her a female dog when she'd said hello. Agent Stoner walked passed them all in line, stopping, staring, looking up and down, squinting and frowning at each one, mostly the latter. Maria looked dead ahead as he walked along the line, swallowing hard and trying not to flinch when he'd say something cutting to a fellow recruit. You're next, Hill. She pinned her eyes on the door opposite her as he continued his inspection. She didn't blink when he called a red-headed giant a lady. She didn't blink when he flicked a button on a recruit's jacket, calling him something French for flinching when he did. She didn't blink when Agent Stoner told a recruit that he'd be better off trying to copy Captain Steven Rogers of the American Army then Shaggy from Scooby Doo. She did blink when someone opened the door, closing it behind him and turned, looking at her straight in her eyes. She blinked as he stood there, in the full uniform of a SHEILD agent, dark hair, and dark eyes. Eyes that still stared right at her. He gave a small smile and she quickly looked away, anywhere but him.
"So… I'm not good enough to look at, am I Recruit Hill?" She snapped her eyes towards Agent Stoner, jutting her chin up a little further.
"No, Sir- I mean, yes sir! Of course sir!" Someone snickered next to her as Agent Stoner looked her up and down.
"How old are you, Hill?"
"19 sir."
"19," He'd said, shaking his head, "So young and you're a-"
"What, sir?" Maria had asked, looking Agent Stoner right in the eyes, "A girl?" Stoner had looked at her, up and down and back again. She could feel the gazes of multitudes of eyes watching her, the girl who had dared to speak out of turn to Agent Stoner.
"I was going to say that Hill, yes," Agent Stoner admitted, "You're only 19, your whole life ahead of you yet. It's hard work out there, Hill. It's not some tea party, not some game that anyone off the street can come in and win. This is a war, Hill. People die. People die every day. Can you take it?" Maria looked down briefly as she swallowed, aware of everyone around her holding their breathe. She glanced to Stoner's right where the other man stood, still staring at her.
"Honestly, Sir?" She asked, looking into Stoner's eyes as he nodded. "I don't know. I don't know if I can handle it. All the war and the death around me, on the news people die. People die every day in ways that I… I don't even want to know about. My Dad died for his country, several of his buddies with him. He was proud Sir, not of what he'd done but of his country, of his buddies that served alongside him. I'm proud of that Sir, of my country. And I want to have that honor. Not to die," She paused, taking a breath, glancing again to the left, "I'm not intending to die any time soon. But I want that chance, the chance to serve my country, fight and protect my country. And…" She pulled to her full height still several inches shorter than the imposing figure of Stoner, "If necessary, die for my country. Because if it happens… I want it to be for my country, for my fellow Americans. And for my Dad." Suddenly everything was silent around Maria. Stoner still stared at her, right into her eyes and she struggled not to flinch under his piercing gaze. A slow smile (well, it looked more like a grimace to her) came on his face. He nodded slowly and glanced to the man next to him, who was smiling back at him. Now he was smiling. Maria swallowed as she looked between the two. Finally, Stoner broke the silence.
"Hill," He said slowly, "That was some speech."
"Sir? That was no speech… Sir."
"No, it wasn't was it, Hill." Stoner nodded at her and held out his hand, "Welcome to SHEILD."
….
Sam had been assigned as her 'handler' of sorts. The CIA had handlers and she guessed that the FBI had them too. So why wouldn't SHEILD call them handlers? Sam had laughed when she'd told him that. But he hadn't argued. Several weeks passed, before turning into months. Maria found all the training an invigorating, albeit hard, experience, one that she was sure she'd never forget. Especially the times she spent with Sam. Samuel Ewan O'Hara, SHEILD Agent of 5+ years, one of the best. 6'2", dark hair, darker eyes, muscles that any girl anywhere would faint over. And a smile… oh but not any smile, a smile that lit up his face and his eyes and made any task easier and that much more pleasant. A smile that made even the toughest hand-to-hand training feel like the circus. Especially when he won. Which-unfortunately for her heart- wasn't that often. Maria formed a close bond with Sam, a better and closer friend she'd never had, a better mentor she'd never find. A man that made her heart do little summersaults while he was trying to kill her… she never wanted to. She'd never felt like that before. Emotions, her mother had once said, were a blessing, something that was to be cherished and nurtured, especially when the emotions were induced by a person of the opposite sex. But Maria never had any room for emotions, she'd never let anyone get that close. Until one rainy, cranky Friday morning.
"What's up, Hill?" Sam had asked, dodging her fist in the training ring, "Get out the wrong side of the canopy?" Maria grimaced at his joke and swung a right hook hard at his face. He ducked quickly and grabbed her arm, pulling it hard to the side and her to his chest, his hand jammed sharp under her chin. "Getting tired, Hill?" He whispered into her ear.
"Bring it, O'Hara!" She'd said, elbowing him in the stomach before biting her arm and ducking, pulling his arm behind him in an arm lock, barely giving him time to react let alone cry out in pain. Not that Sam O'Hara ever cried.
"Now, that's better." He'd said chuckling. Maria tightened her grip on his arm, grunting at the effort it took.
"Had enough, O'Hara?" Sam shook his head, and Maria loosened her grip slightly, not much but enough for Sam to make his move and she found herself staring up at his face as he stood over her, grinning like a kid.
"Never." She couldn't help but smile as she rolled her eyes at him.
"Idiot."
"Hey, don't insult your handler, Hill. Rule Number 485 'never insult the man who flattened you." Maria rolled her eyes.
"Cute. Help me up, handler." Sam held out his and Maria made her move. And suddenly, Sam O'Hara found himself on his side next to Maria. This time he groaned.
"Oh, that's cute." Maria chuckled and rolled to her side, pushing him over. He grabbed her arm and pulled her with him, poking her in the only place that she was ticklish.
"Stop, it! Sam!" She said, in between laughs. He stopped and Maria fell onto her back, taking a deep breathe after being all laughed out, looking up at the ceiling. She sighed as she closed her eyes. Trust Sam to make her cranky day better. She felt a shadow fall over her, but didn't think anything of it until she felt a slight pressure on her lips. Her eyes flew open and out of instinct she thrust her elbow out in Sam's direction and it connected with the nearest object, which happened to be his chest.
"Hey!" He said falling onto his back. Maria bolted up, putting her hand to her mouth. "What was that?"
"What was that?" She asked, looking down at Sam and backing slowly away, her breathing coming in short, ragged intakes. "What was that!?"
"If you don't know what that was, you don't get out much." Maria spun around, ignoring the following footsteps until a hand grabbed her arm and spun her around. "Sam-" He pulled her in sharply, kissing her just as hard, effectively cutting off any complaints she might have had. Not that she would have remembered them anyway.
…..
Maria learned two things that day. Never get cranky during a basic training session. And that she'd let emotions into her life. Big time. The following months passed by like a speeding train for Maria. Basic training with Sam turned into missions with Sam. Basic missions turned into major undercover stings and operations. Soon Maria had gone past the point of needing a handler, but Fury still sent her out with Sam, whether he knew how close to the two were or just guessed, Maria had no clue. But she didn't care. As long as she was with Sam, she felt like she could take on the world and come out winning. Until Sunday morning, 11.48am, March the 5th. Her 21st birthday. Sam had promised he'd come by to take Maria to lunch, celebrating her special day together. She dressed up in her favourite (and only) dress; something the sales girl had sworn was the 'in thing' right now. All Maria cared was that it was dark blue, Sam's favourite color. She'd put her hair up in a silly little bun. Took it down. Put it in a ponytail and yanked it before swinging it over her shoulders and shaking it until it cascaded in some sort of elegance over her shoulders. She shrugged. Not perfect, but nobody had that much time. Just as she was wiping off some ridiculously bright lipstick for the tenth time, the doorbell rang. Rushing to the door, Maria yanked it open her heart in her mouth as a vision of Sam all awkward and incredibly handsome in his one and only suit, standing at her door. But it plummeted all the way back down to her feet as she saw who the knocker really was. She found out that day that Coulson really did have more than one suit… The rest was all a blur. Phil was really sorry. She collapsed onto the couch, in stunned silence, staring at the opposite wall. Sam had been gunned down on his way to Maria's. The ambulance got there too late. A passerby ended up being a Priest. He didn't die alone; you don't have to worry about that. The Priest stayed until Phil got there. He had a smile on his face. The Priest said that Sam told him to tell Maria that he loved her and not to cry. Phil patted her on the shoulder awkwardly before standing off to the side with another agent. Or was it two? He'd said not to cry. Sam said that? Not to cry? Had she, had Maria Hill, SHEILD Agent cried? Cried over… Maria sat on her couch as the truth that she'd at first been reluctant to admit (but knew it for sure the day he'd first kissed her): she loved Sam O'Hara, that big idiot. Had she cried?
….
"I can't honestly remember. Did I cry? I don't know. But you know something?"
"What?"
"Apart from Fury and Coulson… you've the only other person I've ever told this too."
"You told Coulson?"
"Told him, he figured it out, I don't know. He always had a way with these things. Look I'm sorry Steve; I didn't invite you here to tell you my life story. I guess all the things that have happened…" Maria paused and looked down at the table. Steve. Captain Steven Rogers. Captain America. She was sitting at a table in some bar drinking her third beer and feeling all the worse with every sip… with Captain America. Wouldn't Steve love this? Maria Hill getting drunk with the Cap himself?
"Please, Agent Hill," Steve replied, smiling at her, "There's no need to apologize. It got me out of the house." Maria smiled as she glanced behind him where Clint walked out of the door, tilting slightly as he went. Natasha was soon after him, grabbing hold of his arm to steady him. Great archer. Even better drunk. "And umm…" Steve said, playing with his bottle cap on the table, "I appreciate you telling me this, Agent Hill."
"Please, call me Maria."
"Maria. I really do. This means a lot to me, you telling me this. It tells me that you trust me." He paused and shrugged embarrassedly, "Something like friends would."
"Friends." Maria mulled over the word. Those she could use more of. Sam, then Phil. Yeah….
"Friends. Friends would be good." Steve smiled at Maria who smiled back.
"Good." He nodded, "And if it's ok with you, I'd like to tell you something. It's a story really, about a woman named Peggy."