The Slayers in Philosophy
Written by: Seigi no Hoshi
Author's notes: Slayers still does not belong to me. It never will belong to me, no matter what I want. ::sighs:: As a recent philosophy escapee who is planning on a major in chemistry, I saw no point to the class and want to make fun of it. (Stupid, stupid required classes. What chem major needs to know anything about philosophy? Everyone we really studied has been dead for 200+ years.) Ah yes, and I know that Rezo is dead, but I brought him back for the story, as he seemed to me to be the best choice for a professor from the Slayers crew. Reviews are welcome, but keep in mind that flames will be defenestrated, and the flamer will be hunted down, given a Justice speech and then Ra Tilted. Rated G.
Lina sighed and looked at her watch. Philosophy was to begin in about 5 minutes. She really did not want to be in that class at all. She was hungry, too, which made her very unhappy. "Gourry, do you have any food with you?" she asked her closest friend.
"No. But I wish I did. I need to eat!" he replied. "Oh yeah. Uhhh, Lina, why are we here?"
"To learn about philosophy, though I know I don't want to."
"What's philosophy?"
Gourry asked that question as Dr. Rezo entered the room. "Very good, young man. That was going to be my first question to the class."
Dr. Rezo went to the board and wrote PHILOSOPHY on it. He then turned to the class and asked if anyone knew what philosophy meant.
"Something incredibly boring!" Lina blurted out.
"No. But as I need to learn names, I'd like you to tell me yours."
"Lina. Lina Inverse."
"And the young man that asked the question for me? What's your name?"
Silence. No one said a word until Lina poked at Gourry.
"Ummm... Gourry Gabriev," Gourry replied.
"Okay. So, who else wants to try to answer my question?"
Silence. Filia sipped at tea. Disgustedly, she looked across the room at that namagomi, Xellos. Suddenly, Xellos spoke. "Philosophy is the study of... sore wa himitsu desu!"
"No. But since you were kind enough to speak, what is your name?"
Xellos winced. He hated being considered kind. "Xellos Metallium."
"Anyone else?"
Silence. Dr. Rezo then said, "Ah, Zelgadis, why don't you answer?"
Zelgadis frowned and said quite plainly and quietly, "Philosophy is the love of knowledge."
"Correct. Now, I want you to each tell me the name of a philosopher. Who hasn't spoken? I want you to go first and tell me your name after you answer."
"Plato, and I am Amelia Wil Tesla Saillune."
"Good, good. Who's next?"
Filia sipped at her tea, sighed, then responded, "Socrates. And I am Filia ul Copt."
"Good. Anyone else who is yet to speak?"
Silence.
"Zelgadis, name a philosopher."
"Descartes," Zelgadis responded, though he wished someone had put Descartes before the horse.
"Yes, yes. Xellos?"
"I know who the most important philosopher is. The most famous philosopher is... sore wa... himitsu desu!"
"Not good. Lina Inverse, it is your turn."
"I don't know any philosophers. Sorry."
Dr. Rezo sighed. "Gourry? Do you know of any famous philosophers?"
"Uhhh... Can't..."
"Good, good. Your pronunciation is a bit off, but Kant was a very important philosopher."
A bell rang out, signaling the end of class.
"Class dismissed!" Dr. Rezo called out.
The Slayers were all sitting and talking before the next philosophy class. None of them were particularly fond of the class and wanted to be doing other things. Dr. Rezo walked into the room and wrote two words on the board: VIRTUE and JUSTICE.
Gourry poked at Lina and asked her, "What are virtue and justice?"
"How should I know? Why don't you ask Amelia or Dr. Rezo?"
"Gourry, Gourry, how do you always know what I am going to ask and then ask it for me?" Dr. Rezo asked.
"I don't know."
"Hmmm, well since Lina suggested asking Amelia, I will do just that."
Amelia turned pale. Sure, she was famous for her Justice speeches, but she wasn't sure if she wanted to define Justice and Virtue right here and now.
Amelia sighed and started to speak. "Virtue is anything that is right and good. Justice is praising and depending on the circumstances even rewarding the good and punishing the bad in an appropriate manner. Justice is a virtue, though one cannot define virtue by traits that are virtuous."
"Not too bad of definitions of those terms. Certainly good for someone who is yet to tke philosophy. Xellos can you explain what Amelia meant when she said 'Justic is a virtue, though one cannot define virtue by traits that are virtuous?'"
"Yes, I can. But I won't. Sore wa himitsu desu!"
Filia shot Xellos a look of death. She also mouthed to him, "Namagomi, I have my mace, and I'm not afraid to use it.
"Zelgadis, perchance you can explain what Amelia is saying."
Zelgadis sighed. "She means that one cannot define something just by listing examples."
"Why not?"
"I don't know."
"Filia, can you help Zelgadis?"
Filia took a swallow of tea. "Because things are more than just the examples. Examples don't define what something is."
"Not bad."
Dr. Rezo lectured the rest of the class. He talked about Socrates and Plato. He talked about how Socrates believed that no one could define virtue and that Plato felt the same way about justice (much to the dismay of Amelia).
Classes tended to continue like that. Lina always had a bad attitude, Xellos would begin to say something deep, then say "sore wa himitsu desu", Zelgadis was picked on by Dr. Rezo, Filia was quiet unless called on, when she would answer as quickly as possible, Amelia didn't always agree with the philosophers and wasn't afraid to say so, and Gourry somehow managed to stumble into right answers and was able to ask good questions. As for the papers, Gourry did the best on getting what the philosophers had meant, but Amelia was best on original thought. Everyone else wrote about as well as they had done in class.
The final grades came in for the class, along with comments.
Gabriev, Gourry: A. Inquisitive, always asking questions like a good philosopher should.
Greywords, Zelgadis: D+. My grandson should have been the best student in the class. Yes, this is reverse nepotism, but I don't care at all. You didn't do your best, so this is the grade you get.
Inverse, Lina: D. Very bad attitude and very unwilling to learn.
Metallium, Xellos: F. Why? Sore wa himitsu desu!
Saillune, Amelia Wil Tesla: B. Good argumentative skills, but needs a touch more questioning of own beliefs.
ul Copt, Filia: C. Not too bad, but nothing extraordinary.
Written by: Seigi no Hoshi
Author's notes: Slayers still does not belong to me. It never will belong to me, no matter what I want. ::sighs:: As a recent philosophy escapee who is planning on a major in chemistry, I saw no point to the class and want to make fun of it. (Stupid, stupid required classes. What chem major needs to know anything about philosophy? Everyone we really studied has been dead for 200+ years.) Ah yes, and I know that Rezo is dead, but I brought him back for the story, as he seemed to me to be the best choice for a professor from the Slayers crew. Reviews are welcome, but keep in mind that flames will be defenestrated, and the flamer will be hunted down, given a Justice speech and then Ra Tilted. Rated G.
Lina sighed and looked at her watch. Philosophy was to begin in about 5 minutes. She really did not want to be in that class at all. She was hungry, too, which made her very unhappy. "Gourry, do you have any food with you?" she asked her closest friend.
"No. But I wish I did. I need to eat!" he replied. "Oh yeah. Uhhh, Lina, why are we here?"
"To learn about philosophy, though I know I don't want to."
"What's philosophy?"
Gourry asked that question as Dr. Rezo entered the room. "Very good, young man. That was going to be my first question to the class."
Dr. Rezo went to the board and wrote PHILOSOPHY on it. He then turned to the class and asked if anyone knew what philosophy meant.
"Something incredibly boring!" Lina blurted out.
"No. But as I need to learn names, I'd like you to tell me yours."
"Lina. Lina Inverse."
"And the young man that asked the question for me? What's your name?"
Silence. No one said a word until Lina poked at Gourry.
"Ummm... Gourry Gabriev," Gourry replied.
"Okay. So, who else wants to try to answer my question?"
Silence. Filia sipped at tea. Disgustedly, she looked across the room at that namagomi, Xellos. Suddenly, Xellos spoke. "Philosophy is the study of... sore wa himitsu desu!"
"No. But since you were kind enough to speak, what is your name?"
Xellos winced. He hated being considered kind. "Xellos Metallium."
"Anyone else?"
Silence. Dr. Rezo then said, "Ah, Zelgadis, why don't you answer?"
Zelgadis frowned and said quite plainly and quietly, "Philosophy is the love of knowledge."
"Correct. Now, I want you to each tell me the name of a philosopher. Who hasn't spoken? I want you to go first and tell me your name after you answer."
"Plato, and I am Amelia Wil Tesla Saillune."
"Good, good. Who's next?"
Filia sipped at her tea, sighed, then responded, "Socrates. And I am Filia ul Copt."
"Good. Anyone else who is yet to speak?"
Silence.
"Zelgadis, name a philosopher."
"Descartes," Zelgadis responded, though he wished someone had put Descartes before the horse.
"Yes, yes. Xellos?"
"I know who the most important philosopher is. The most famous philosopher is... sore wa... himitsu desu!"
"Not good. Lina Inverse, it is your turn."
"I don't know any philosophers. Sorry."
Dr. Rezo sighed. "Gourry? Do you know of any famous philosophers?"
"Uhhh... Can't..."
"Good, good. Your pronunciation is a bit off, but Kant was a very important philosopher."
A bell rang out, signaling the end of class.
"Class dismissed!" Dr. Rezo called out.
The Slayers were all sitting and talking before the next philosophy class. None of them were particularly fond of the class and wanted to be doing other things. Dr. Rezo walked into the room and wrote two words on the board: VIRTUE and JUSTICE.
Gourry poked at Lina and asked her, "What are virtue and justice?"
"How should I know? Why don't you ask Amelia or Dr. Rezo?"
"Gourry, Gourry, how do you always know what I am going to ask and then ask it for me?" Dr. Rezo asked.
"I don't know."
"Hmmm, well since Lina suggested asking Amelia, I will do just that."
Amelia turned pale. Sure, she was famous for her Justice speeches, but she wasn't sure if she wanted to define Justice and Virtue right here and now.
Amelia sighed and started to speak. "Virtue is anything that is right and good. Justice is praising and depending on the circumstances even rewarding the good and punishing the bad in an appropriate manner. Justice is a virtue, though one cannot define virtue by traits that are virtuous."
"Not too bad of definitions of those terms. Certainly good for someone who is yet to tke philosophy. Xellos can you explain what Amelia meant when she said 'Justic is a virtue, though one cannot define virtue by traits that are virtuous?'"
"Yes, I can. But I won't. Sore wa himitsu desu!"
Filia shot Xellos a look of death. She also mouthed to him, "Namagomi, I have my mace, and I'm not afraid to use it.
"Zelgadis, perchance you can explain what Amelia is saying."
Zelgadis sighed. "She means that one cannot define something just by listing examples."
"Why not?"
"I don't know."
"Filia, can you help Zelgadis?"
Filia took a swallow of tea. "Because things are more than just the examples. Examples don't define what something is."
"Not bad."
Dr. Rezo lectured the rest of the class. He talked about Socrates and Plato. He talked about how Socrates believed that no one could define virtue and that Plato felt the same way about justice (much to the dismay of Amelia).
Classes tended to continue like that. Lina always had a bad attitude, Xellos would begin to say something deep, then say "sore wa himitsu desu", Zelgadis was picked on by Dr. Rezo, Filia was quiet unless called on, when she would answer as quickly as possible, Amelia didn't always agree with the philosophers and wasn't afraid to say so, and Gourry somehow managed to stumble into right answers and was able to ask good questions. As for the papers, Gourry did the best on getting what the philosophers had meant, but Amelia was best on original thought. Everyone else wrote about as well as they had done in class.
The final grades came in for the class, along with comments.
Gabriev, Gourry: A. Inquisitive, always asking questions like a good philosopher should.
Greywords, Zelgadis: D+. My grandson should have been the best student in the class. Yes, this is reverse nepotism, but I don't care at all. You didn't do your best, so this is the grade you get.
Inverse, Lina: D. Very bad attitude and very unwilling to learn.
Metallium, Xellos: F. Why? Sore wa himitsu desu!
Saillune, Amelia Wil Tesla: B. Good argumentative skills, but needs a touch more questioning of own beliefs.
ul Copt, Filia: C. Not too bad, but nothing extraordinary.