It wasn't supposed to be
It wasn't supposed to be you, it was supposed to perfect, I had a plan and you ruined it.
All my life I knew he was meant for me, one day it we would realize it and be together forever. Tai and Sora there's just something right about it, something natural, something easy. Everyone knew one day we would be married with the white picket fence and the 2.5 kids.
Our whole lives seemed to be leading us to be together like some movie where the whole audience knows the two lead characters should be together and waits for the spark to ignite.
But we won't be walking off into the sunset, because I don't love him. I love you, god help me, I know I shouldn't but I can't help myself.
I can't help myself when you look up at me with your beautiful blue eyes with that smile, the one just for me that makes me melt inside. He doesn't see the pain hiding behind my smile, but you do because we share the same pain.
He doesn't understand me, doesn't make double over laughing or move me with his music. He's just Tai and I love him but not the same way I love you.
Don't you understand I'm not some silly girl screaming her head off that she will love you until the day you die. I don't care about the fame or the money or the way you look. I fell in love with the moody, angry, sarcastic, anti-social boy who helped us save the world. I don't want the rock star I just want you.
But what I want doesn't really matter, because to you I'm just your pal the one you hang out with.
I had a plan and it was perfect, but not anymore. What am I going to do?
________________________________________________________________________
Baking, I'm depressed over a guy and baking. What is wrong with me? I'm not that girl, if I get mad I just pound a tennis ball, I don't bake. I don't let any guy push me into using flour and wearing an apron.
But for him I will bake, because after an exhaustive analysis of possible Christmas presents, this was the best option. I am on a mission, a mission for the perfect present for Matt. I'm planing, I'm brainstorming, and I'm making stupid lists with pros and cons. It has to be personal, but not too personal, not too expensive, thoughtful but not too much and definitely not obsessive.
It needs to say "look at me, I'm such a good friend, so good in fact that let's forget this whole friendship thing and start going out." It definitely shouldn't say "look at me, I'm not some crazy fangirl, screaming at the top of my lungs 'Love me! I'm not that pathetic'"
This is why sometimes its bad to be a girl, we actually think and we remember things like presents. We can't say, "Dude I got you beef jerky from the store on the corner for two dollars."
But, we have common sense and outlive them, so I'm going to go back to creaming sugar, whatever that means.
________________________________________________________________________
The cookies are baked and I've got my best friend in the world by my side, Biyo. The other digidestined gave me the best present in the world. She gave me back my confidence, with my girl I could do anything.
That was until I was standing in front of the stage door. The plan was to give Matt his present before his concert, wish him good luck and maybe see if he wanted to hang out afterwards.
But then I froze. What would happen if he wasn't interested? I know Matt would never be cruel about it, he would tell me thank you and how I deserved someone better than him. He would be sweet and I would be miserable.
Even with all my bravado and stupid jokes, if I saw pity in his beautiful eyes, pity for me, it would destroy me.
"Sora, why did you stop?" Biyo asked.
I had no answer for her, what was I supposed to say? I'm afraid. How could she understand, I can help save the world a couple of times but not give a guy his Christmas present.
"Hey ! Sora , what are you doing here?"
"Tai"
Great now I have to face both of them. Why does Tai always have the worst timing in the world?
"Sora, are you going to the concert with anyone...not that I care or anything I'm just wondering?"
Without even thinking I answered him.
"I was waiting to see if Matt was free afterwards."
Why did I just say that out loud now Tai knows and his big mouth will tell the whole world starting with Matt.
"Matt, uh?"
"Yeah"
Did I just see what I thought I saw, Tai was sad, didn't want me to see Matt. But why?
I have to ask, "Tai are you mad at me?"
"No, of course not"
He may not be mad, but something is wrong, why won't he tell me? It couldn't be that ... that's impossible.
"Wow! Something smells yummy"
Gabumon too, this just keeps getting better.
Tai touches me on the shoulder "You better get going, Matt's waiting"
Augmon decided it was time to chime in too. "If you stay here any longer I'll eat them."
Under pressure from three digimon and my best friend, I went in. But before I closed the door I tried once more to make Tai smile.
"I'll make a special batch just for you."
Then the door closed and my knees turned to jello.
Ohhhh crap, here I am. I stumble through the hallway trying to follow Gabumon, knowing every step brings me closer to Matt. My mind keeps running the 100yd dash trying to think of something to say to him.
I look up towards the ceiling to curse my stupid plan when I run smack in to someone. I look up in to the most beautiful blue eyes I've ever seen.
"Matt."
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah," I say weakly, trying to smile "I guess paying attention to where I'm going would be a good idea."
"Probably," he smiles. I don't think I've ever loved or hated anything more than his smile. "So what's up?"
Say something, say something, say anything "Nothing" oh that was brilliant. "I just wanted to wish you good luck" Slightly better "and Merry Christmas".
I handed him the present and looked for the door.
"Matt, were on in five dude."
Perfect, a reason for a quick exit. "I better go, bye"
I grab biyo and head for the door.
"Wait, Sora" Matt's drummer grabs his arms and starts hauling him towards the stage door. "I gotta go, but thanks."
"Yeah"
He stopped at the door. "I'll come talk to you after the show" And then he was gone.
Yes, Yes, YES. "He's going to talk to ME after the show, I am the grand master of Planning," I told Biyomon, she laughed at me.
So much for talking after the show, the whole digimon invading the real world thing kept us busy and apart. I guess that comes with the job.
But the gauntlet has been thrown down and I'm not giving up on us.
__________________________________________________________________
This will be the end, I think I'll pick it up later with Matt and Sora in a full-blown relationship and Tai trying to get Sora back.
By the way who else died when matt talked about him and sora and how he trusted her?
It wasn't supposed to be you, it was supposed to perfect, I had a plan and you ruined it.
All my life I knew he was meant for me, one day it we would realize it and be together forever. Tai and Sora there's just something right about it, something natural, something easy. Everyone knew one day we would be married with the white picket fence and the 2.5 kids.
Our whole lives seemed to be leading us to be together like some movie where the whole audience knows the two lead characters should be together and waits for the spark to ignite.
But we won't be walking off into the sunset, because I don't love him. I love you, god help me, I know I shouldn't but I can't help myself.
I can't help myself when you look up at me with your beautiful blue eyes with that smile, the one just for me that makes me melt inside. He doesn't see the pain hiding behind my smile, but you do because we share the same pain.
He doesn't understand me, doesn't make double over laughing or move me with his music. He's just Tai and I love him but not the same way I love you.
Don't you understand I'm not some silly girl screaming her head off that she will love you until the day you die. I don't care about the fame or the money or the way you look. I fell in love with the moody, angry, sarcastic, anti-social boy who helped us save the world. I don't want the rock star I just want you.
But what I want doesn't really matter, because to you I'm just your pal the one you hang out with.
I had a plan and it was perfect, but not anymore. What am I going to do?
________________________________________________________________________
Baking, I'm depressed over a guy and baking. What is wrong with me? I'm not that girl, if I get mad I just pound a tennis ball, I don't bake. I don't let any guy push me into using flour and wearing an apron.
But for him I will bake, because after an exhaustive analysis of possible Christmas presents, this was the best option. I am on a mission, a mission for the perfect present for Matt. I'm planing, I'm brainstorming, and I'm making stupid lists with pros and cons. It has to be personal, but not too personal, not too expensive, thoughtful but not too much and definitely not obsessive.
It needs to say "look at me, I'm such a good friend, so good in fact that let's forget this whole friendship thing and start going out." It definitely shouldn't say "look at me, I'm not some crazy fangirl, screaming at the top of my lungs 'Love me! I'm not that pathetic'"
This is why sometimes its bad to be a girl, we actually think and we remember things like presents. We can't say, "Dude I got you beef jerky from the store on the corner for two dollars."
But, we have common sense and outlive them, so I'm going to go back to creaming sugar, whatever that means.
________________________________________________________________________
The cookies are baked and I've got my best friend in the world by my side, Biyo. The other digidestined gave me the best present in the world. She gave me back my confidence, with my girl I could do anything.
That was until I was standing in front of the stage door. The plan was to give Matt his present before his concert, wish him good luck and maybe see if he wanted to hang out afterwards.
But then I froze. What would happen if he wasn't interested? I know Matt would never be cruel about it, he would tell me thank you and how I deserved someone better than him. He would be sweet and I would be miserable.
Even with all my bravado and stupid jokes, if I saw pity in his beautiful eyes, pity for me, it would destroy me.
"Sora, why did you stop?" Biyo asked.
I had no answer for her, what was I supposed to say? I'm afraid. How could she understand, I can help save the world a couple of times but not give a guy his Christmas present.
"Hey ! Sora , what are you doing here?"
"Tai"
Great now I have to face both of them. Why does Tai always have the worst timing in the world?
"Sora, are you going to the concert with anyone...not that I care or anything I'm just wondering?"
Without even thinking I answered him.
"I was waiting to see if Matt was free afterwards."
Why did I just say that out loud now Tai knows and his big mouth will tell the whole world starting with Matt.
"Matt, uh?"
"Yeah"
Did I just see what I thought I saw, Tai was sad, didn't want me to see Matt. But why?
I have to ask, "Tai are you mad at me?"
"No, of course not"
He may not be mad, but something is wrong, why won't he tell me? It couldn't be that ... that's impossible.
"Wow! Something smells yummy"
Gabumon too, this just keeps getting better.
Tai touches me on the shoulder "You better get going, Matt's waiting"
Augmon decided it was time to chime in too. "If you stay here any longer I'll eat them."
Under pressure from three digimon and my best friend, I went in. But before I closed the door I tried once more to make Tai smile.
"I'll make a special batch just for you."
Then the door closed and my knees turned to jello.
Ohhhh crap, here I am. I stumble through the hallway trying to follow Gabumon, knowing every step brings me closer to Matt. My mind keeps running the 100yd dash trying to think of something to say to him.
I look up towards the ceiling to curse my stupid plan when I run smack in to someone. I look up in to the most beautiful blue eyes I've ever seen.
"Matt."
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah," I say weakly, trying to smile "I guess paying attention to where I'm going would be a good idea."
"Probably," he smiles. I don't think I've ever loved or hated anything more than his smile. "So what's up?"
Say something, say something, say anything "Nothing" oh that was brilliant. "I just wanted to wish you good luck" Slightly better "and Merry Christmas".
I handed him the present and looked for the door.
"Matt, were on in five dude."
Perfect, a reason for a quick exit. "I better go, bye"
I grab biyo and head for the door.
"Wait, Sora" Matt's drummer grabs his arms and starts hauling him towards the stage door. "I gotta go, but thanks."
"Yeah"
He stopped at the door. "I'll come talk to you after the show" And then he was gone.
Yes, Yes, YES. "He's going to talk to ME after the show, I am the grand master of Planning," I told Biyomon, she laughed at me.
So much for talking after the show, the whole digimon invading the real world thing kept us busy and apart. I guess that comes with the job.
But the gauntlet has been thrown down and I'm not giving up on us.
__________________________________________________________________
This will be the end, I think I'll pick it up later with Matt and Sora in a full-blown relationship and Tai trying to get Sora back.
By the way who else died when matt talked about him and sora and how he trusted her?