Hello guys, I'm back with a new Callen/Kensi fic. I still don't ship Kensi and Deeks, therefore I set my new story in season one when Deeks wasn't even in the picture. I hope some of you out there enjoy Kensi/Callen as much as I do – and enjoy this story, of course.
A big thank you to all the readers of "Make the darkness go away" and a special thanks to "Guest" and "Guest" for reviewing, I hope for some reviews on this one as well. They are highly appreciated!
Summary: This story follows the events of the first episode of season one, "Identity", but goes its very own way from there. Kensi's worries for Callen make her return to the office late at night, landing her right into Hetty's arms – and later in somebody else's arms.
Disclaimer: If NCIS: Los Angeles was mine, I wouldn't be writing fanfiction. So…not mine, unfortunately!
Let's forget about tomorrow then
„Miss Blye", came Hetty's voice from behind her, „what are you doing here this ungodly time of day? "
Kensi turned around slowly, not yet leaving her actual target completely out of view: "I…" but broke up her sentence before it had really started. She didn't quite know the answer herself, couldn't quite decipher the inner force that brought her back here this ungodly time of day like Hetty had called it. Probably Hetty didn't expect an actual answer anyway. Most likely she knew why Kensi came her, she seemed to know everything and sometimes was more aware of her agents' inner thoughts than they were themselves. It was astonishing and shocking simultaneously.
"Miss Blye", Hetty continued, "why don't you and I sit down in my office for a while to enjoy a freshly brewed cup of tea?"
Most likely it won't be just tea, Kensi thought. She feared the talk she inevitably had to have with Hetty, but there was no way to deny the offer, of course. Most of the time it was better to leave the talking to Hetty anyway, and right now, she was more than willing to listen.
Settling down in the chair Hetty had arranged for her, Kensi awaited an opening from the elder lady – but, to her unease, Hetty simply sat down opposite her and remained quiet, giving her an intense look. "Hetty…", Kensi hesitated, "I don't know…"
Hetty interrupted her gently mid-sentence, probably sensing her nervousness. "The tea, my dear, I almost forgot. I'll get us some right away. Tea makes everything better, don't you think, Miss Blye?" A small smile of relieve and gratitude washed over Kensi's face.
Kensi turned a little in her pre-arranged chair, noticing she couldn't face her target anymore. Did Hetty know all along I would be coming here, did she place this chair like this purposefully? shot through her head. She had no time to linger on that thought any longer, as Hetty returned with two steaming cups of tea.
With an inviting smile Hetty placed one of the cups in front of Kensi who accepted thankfully. Now she had something to fiddle with, keeping her hands busy, easing the uneasiness.
"Miss Blye, your devotion to your colleagues is honorable, but allow me a few words, my dear", registered Hetty's calm voice in her head.
How could I deny her? Kensi thought, although she wasn't sure she really wanted to hear them. Her words will probably hit home and, although she came to the office in the middle of the night most likely with the exact intention Hetty was about to mouth, talking about it with the older woman didn't suit her. An invisible force brought her here – and let her right into Hetty's arms. Kensi started to doubt her decision, but leaving now wasn't in the cards, of course. She inevitably had to listen to Hetty and she had no doubt hearing the words will make her want to run for the hills. She had no choice, she had to stay calm to face and fight her inner demons.
"My dear", Hetty started, "I first met Mr. Callen many, many years ago. He was a young agent, full of energy for the job, but full of uncertainty at the same time." Pausing for effect, Hetty took a sip from her still steaming tea. "He was a vagabond, not knowing where home was. And today, Miss Blye, today, he's still the same. I don't want to bore you with details, but the home he's so desperately searching for, desperately wishing for deep down, he will probably never find. The closest he's ever had to a home is here, Miss Blye. Your devotion is honorable, as I've said already, I'm sure Mr. Callen appreciates it as much as I do, but don't fool yourself. The demons from his past still haunt him. They keep him from settling down."
Hetty fell silent, prompting Kensi, but she remained silent, lingering upon what Hetty's just said.
"…home he's so desperately searching for…, …don't fool yourself…., …the demons from his past…" Why did she come here in the first place anyway? She wasn't sure, even less than moments ago if that was even possible, but the demons from the past, she knew all too well about them. Did she think she would be the one able to save Callen? Maybe she thought by ignoring her demons, she could at least help him with his.
Absentmindedly she took a sip from her tea. The warm liquid brought her back into the moment, interrupting her line of thought. In absent of anything better to say, Kensi turned to the older woman for advice, like she had done many other times before: "Hetty, what do you suggest I do now?"
Hetty remained silent for a few seconds, pondering upon Kensi's question.
"Do what your heart tells you to do, my dear, but keep in my mind what I've just said. The demons from his past won't be slain in one night, Miss Blye, don't fool yourself."
Hetty got up from her chair, retreating discretely, leaving Kensi wondering for a moment where she'd be going and when she'd be back, but her thoughts were interrupted when she heard a slight shuffle behind her.
Turning around slowly, she knew exactly whom she'd be facing, but still she felt a little bit shocked when she laid eyes on Callen. He looked disorientated, at least she thought so, his eyes and face never told her much, although she'd known him for some time already. Kensi came to the disturbing realization that he probably overheard at least parts of the conversation she's just had with Hetty and it embarrassed her.
In lack of anything better to say, she got up from her chair, moving in line with him: "Hello, Callen."
Callen eyed her with a look she couldn't quite decipher, and a feeling of uneasiness was starting to work its way through her body. "I..", Kensi started, pausing to collect her thoughts and find a way to continue her sentence. In the end it was fear that spoke out of her, a feeling she wasn't familiar with: "Maybe I should go." Taking a few steps in the general direction of the exit, Callen stopped her with a determined grip on her left wrist. It didn't even closely border on pain, but he had put enough pressure in it to make Kensi turn around surprised and slightly shocked.
"Thank you", he said. Hesitating, he continued by repeating the words: "Thank you, Kensi. I didn't get much from the conversation you had with Hetty, but to be fair, I want to let you know I heard her last words." He cleared his throat, pausing in his little speech. Kensi hoped for some more, but after a few seconds she had to realize it was obviously her turn now to say something.
Kensi put a hand on the spot where Callen was still holding her by the wrist, hoping to ease the pressure a bit. Callen seemed oblivious to the fact at first though, but released her as soon as realization dawned on him. "I…I am sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you", he said, looking down at the light-red marks on her left arm.
"It's okay", Kensi answered, "nothing to worry about. It doesn't hurt." Adding, but only in her mind: At least it's not my arm that hurts.
"Callen, I don't know what to say. I don't know where to start. I came here tonight to check on you. I was worried. It's not healthy what you are doing. It might not be destructive either, but it's clearly not healthy." She paused, hoping she didn't have to mouth the words as she feared not to find the right ones, any words at all. Kensi prompted him with her eyes, but he just kept looking at her, not moving.
She won't be able to name exactly what brought her here tonight in the first place, and she certainly won't be able to explain what caused her next move exactly: She reached out her hands to take Callen's left hand into hers.
"I didn't, and I never had, and I still don't want you to stay on this damn office couch. I know I can't offer you what you need, whatever it is. Hetty was right. Hell, she was more than right. I'm afraid, Callen. I am afraid of my own demons, and I despise talking about them, that's why I avoid it whenever possible. Of course I can only guess which demons keep you from settling down, and that's okay, but I don't want you to move from motel to motel. And tonight, when I left work and you were still here, I had a very bad feeling. And I was right, obviously. Callen, I know Sam offered you his guest room and you refused. But I beg you…come home with me."
Taking a deep breath, Kensi felt relieved. Relieved the cards were on the table now. She had nothing more to say, nothing more to offer. Now, she waited impatiently for Callen's reaction.
"Kens…I, I don't know what…what to say." Shit, Callen thought. He obviously hesitated for a little bit too long. Kensi released his hand she was still holding: "It's okay, Callen." Turning around, Kensi made her way to the exit without looking back.
Of course it wasn't okay, she wasn't okay.
xxxxxxx
"Excuse my language, Mr. Callen, but you are a big idiot." He hadn't heard Hetty approaching, but when he turned around, she was standing right behind him. "I don't know what our lovely Mrs. Blye's just said to you, but whatever it was, you are a fool."
"Hetty…", he started, but fell silent when the elder lady raised a finger. "You don't have to justify yourself in front of me, Mr. Callen. But you better think of something smart to say to her. The girl came here this ungodly time of day with the ambition to safe you and you let her leave."
"Hetty, what do you suggest I do now?" Callen asked with a desperate look on his face. "Mr. Callen, Mrs. Blye asked me the very same question just moments ago and I can give you the same answer. Do what your heart tells you to do."
With these last words, Hetty left a disorientated Callen standing in the bullpen.
xxxxxxxx
Driving around the city aimlessly for an hour, he ended up in front of her apartment. He saw lights shining through closed curtains dimly, although it was almost morning. She obviously couldn't sleep and he know exactly it was him to blame. It took him some time to build up the courage to get out of his car and ring her door bell.
She opened on the second ring and when he saw her it almost brought tears to his eyes. A feeling he wasn't used to. She looked tired, exhausted and her eyes were red, dark shadows forming under them. She had cried, it was plain as day. He felt guilty. He felt like the literate idiot Hetty's called him.
Kensi didn't move, didn't offer him in, but didn't close the door either. That's a good sign, isn't it? Callen thought. His opening line sounded weak even to his own ears: "Can I talk to you for a while, Kens?" "I think there is nothing we have to talk about, Callen." He hoped for another reaction, but of course he couldn't blame her. He wasn't used to being rejected and was at a loss for words. He shifted uncomfortably, before he continued: "I came here to tell you I'm sorry. And I came here to follow Hetty's advice."
Without further warning, he stepped inside Kensi's apartment, moving her out of the way with his body. She was shocked, surprise visible in every fiber of her body. Callen turned around and with one swift motion he had the door closed and Kensi pinned against it. Looking her deep in the eyes, he said: "Hetty told me, and I am aware she gave you the same advice, to do what my heart tells me to do, and that's exactly what I'm doing now."
Moving closer to the woman he had still pinned to the door and at his mercy, he pressed his lips down on hers.
Kensi remained still for a while, not responding, but not kicking him away either. It took her some time to adjust to the situation, to make any sense of it. Callen is kissing me…shot through her head…this bastard.
When she felt Callen's demanding tongue against her lips, all protests and reservations she might have had vanished into nothing. Struggling to free herself from Callen's grip as he had her still pinned to the door, she moved her eager hands around his neck, while simultaneously opening her mouth to give him access.
All rational thoughts disappeared from Callen's mind the moment her delicate taste registered on his taste buds. It even caused a small moan to escape his lips, bringing a satisfied smile to Kensi's face.
"Callen.., stop." Kensi was breathless, her lips a darker shade of red already. Looking confused and displeased, Callen retreated slightly to look her in the eyes. You are an idiot, shot through his head. How could I have expected her to let me in in the first place? He wanted to say something, anything, but no words seemed alright. It was Kensi who spoke first: "Callen, what are we doing here? I…I want you, and, well, it's obvious what you want, but what-are-we-doing?", emphasizing the last few words.
There was no answer to that question, at least not an easy one and Callen felt a slight panic forming somewhere deep inside.
He had to come with a satisfiable answer, he owed her that much: "I don't know, Kensi. I wish I would! Of course I want you, and it's all I know at the moment. I don't know about the future, I don't even know about tomorrow, but I have never been more certain about what I want right now: And that's you, Kensi."
Callen released a breath he didn't even realize he was holding. Questions that requested long and difficult answers always make him feel slightly stressed and uncomfortable. He has never been confronting his feelings, never been open about them, but neither has she. They both valued their privacy, sharing a lot with the team, their friends, but never enough.
He realized his part was down now. He had nothing more to say, nothing more to offer. And honestly, he didn't want to go there either, not tonight, because – pondering on that line of thought much longer – would end up with at least one of them getting upset. But, somewhere deep down in his brain, a burning question started to nag, the question of what he could offer her. It was dangerous territory, too dangerous, because the question reached for the future; he pushed it away, burying it in the depth of his mind.
Tears started to form in the corners of Kensi's eyes, although they didn't spill, but didn't go unnoticed either. She didn't offer an answer to her own question, there was none she could come up with. Neither of them was even close to ready to make any promises, promises they most likely couldn't keep, for whatever reason. The time for promises was yet to come, if it ever came. When she finally spoke her voice was low, almost inaudible, but the true meaning of her words didn't fail its purpose: "Let's forget about tomorrow then."
No more words were needed after that. The space Callen's granted her only a few moments ago was closed again in no time. This time their lips connected in a rough kiss, no trace of any hesitation and reservations left. Kensi released a load moan of surprise when Callen picked her up without warning, not breaking their fevered kiss. He maneuvered them around her furniture skillfully, almost like he had never done anything else his entire life, only slowing down minimal at the stairs that let upstairs to his targeted room.
Reaching the top of the stairs Callen realized with embarrassment that he had never been to her first floor before, and was forced to stop now, now-of-any-moments.
He released the woman of his desire reluctantly, waiting until her eyes cracked open a slit. It took her some time to realize her surroundings, and some more time to make any sense of it. A seductive smile started to play around Kensi's lips then and she had Callen wrapped around her little finger in no time. She took him by the hand, leading him in the direction of her bedroom, swaying her hips in a sinful way while walking them to her room. Her little show didn't go unnoticed by Callen, his pupils dilating, gleaming in the dark and before he could stop himself he had his hands at her hips, wrapping around her slim form from behind, provoking a surprised laugh from Kensi while they stumbled into her bedroom.
The grip on her hips wasn't especially tight, it didn't hurt, but it incorporated a possessive undertone, leaving no questions what he desired at the moment, the way he wanted and probably needed her and to her embarrassment she liked it! She could already feel her blood warming up under her skin, the first heat coiling up in her lower belly.
Kissing her feverishly, Callen landed them both on her spacious bed, pinning her underneath him with the weight of his body. He was rough, but not careless, and since Kensi didn't put up an argument, Callen figured she seemed to like it, at least tolerate it. He wanted her, and probably had wanted her for some time already, and tonight, all pretenses ceased into nothing. She came to the office to save him, she didn't run for the hills when he showed up at her doorstep, and now they engaged into this, whatever exactly this was. It made them feel good, it was life-affirming, he needed it, they all needed it from time to time, it came with the job, and tonight, the two of them together, it felt just right.
Gripping the hem of her t-shirt he made short process with it, lifting it above her head to adore the delicate skin of her upper body. He was transfixed for a short moment, distracted by the champagne colored satin bra Kensi wore. It matched her skin perfectly and he had never expected her to wear such sexy lingerie, she had always been the cotton day-to-day type in his mind. Kensi didn't miss his hesitation, her observatory skills too highly developed, giving her the welcoming chance to return the favor, ripping at his long sleeve shirt, struggling to get it over his head. When he was stripped clear of it, he took one last longing look at her upper body with her incredible sexy bra, storing the image in his mind, before he unclasped it at the back, removing the straps from her shoulders and tossing the garment somewhere in her bedroom. Without further warning he took her left nibble into his mouth, while he paid the other one special attention with his hand, forming them both into high peaks, standing to his full attention in no time.
Kensi was becoming a quivering mess under his sinful torture, leaving her blissful and a little ashamed simultaneously. She didn't want to be the one receiving, she wanted to give with equal measure, but Callen's treatment of her upper body just felt so good, too good… "Callen", she moaned, trying to struggle free a bit, "I…", but before she could continue his mouth was against hers again, his eager tongue demanding entrance, and all thoughts of giving and receiving faded, leaving her mind and not to mention her judgment clouded. She tried to pour all the emotions flickering beneath the surface, all the things she felt but could not mouth, into that kiss, showing Callen just how much she was with him, how much she was with them in this heated moment.
For Callen it wasn't a question of giving and receiving, it was about them being here in this together. He had Kensi mewling underneath him, raveling in the sight and sound she provided him with was more than he could ever have asked for, more than he could ever have wished for receiving. It wasn't about love what they were doing, but there were definitely some kind of feelings shimmering just beneath the surface.
Returning his full attention to Kensi's upper body, he trailed a line of wet and open mouthed kisses down her belly, resting his lips at the hem of her jeans, biting down gently, marking her as his. Kensi made a surprised sound, her eyes flying open, looking down to the place where Callen's lips were still attached to her super sensitive skin. He lifted his head to meet Kensi's eyes and a knowing smile spread over his face. Before she could think straight again, Callen's mouth was back to where it had left off, and his hands fumbled with her tight jeans. Kensi lifted her hips instinctively, giving Callen the opportunity to strip her of her jeans, leaving her in nothing but her almost soaked panties.
His pupils dilated at the sight, and he was happy he still wore his jeans, the tight garment being a welcomed counterpoint to his throbbing erection, otherwise he probably would have come from the sight alone. Hooking his thumbs in the waistband of her panties, he wasted no time to remove the last piece of garment that separated him from her lust. What he saw underneath had his eyes gleaming and his erection growing harder and bigger in no time. He needed release, soon, but for a moment he couldn't help himself but stare: Her pussy was bare, perfectly shaven, allowing him to actually see her wetness.
Without further warning he slipped two fingers inside her, stretching her, while simultaneously rubbing her clit with his thumb. He wanted her to come, he wanted to see her falling apart, wanted to be the one making her come. Judging by the increasing heat and wetness he felt around his fingers, she was close already.
Enjoying every second of Callen's torture, Kensi started to moan – almost inaudible at first, but soon her moans become louder and less regular. She felt like she could reach the stars, and Callen wasn't even in her yet.
"Kensi", Callen spit out, his own teeth clenched already, "please, come for me." Being able, and above all being allowed to do and say this to her, was receiving enough for him, at least for now. He bent down to kiss her deep and passionate, increasing the speed of his fingers moving inside her.
Her release came in an explosive wave, taking possession of each and every fiber of her body. It took her some time to come back down, for her breathing to even out again.
She felt spent, but at the same time she felt something else, something hot and hard applying pressure between her legs. She must have been absent for quite some time, she realized dimly, the aftershock still present in her body, as Callen had enough time strip himself of his jeans and boxers.
Leaning up on her elbows, more feeling her way up to his ear, as her eyes were still closed, Kensi whispered sweetly into his ear: "Next time allow me the pleasure."
A knowing smile spread across Callen's face and he couldn't help himself but to release a lust filled moan. Next time allow me the pleasure…her words kept repeating itself in his head, and they filled him with a new sensation and something else entirely, something he wasn't able to put a finger onto yet. Kensi's actually offering a second time, stating it like it's the normal and logical thing to say and do, shot through his head. He probably didn't deserve it, didn't deserve her, he figured.
He didn't have much time to linger there any longer. All logical thoughts disappeared when Kensi raised her hips, changing the angle and bringing herself in line with Callen's throbbing erection. He growled, still lying on top of her, studying her expressions, but he didn't want to slide in yet although he was only centimeters away. It took him a hard time to resist the urging need, to resist the indescribable heat coming from Kensi.
He pushed against her entrance carefully, teasing, heightening Kensi's anew wave of lust that kept on streaming through her, taking possession of her and gathering at her center.
Callen was still waiting, waiting for her to open her eyes. He wanted to see her, wanted to look in those amazing eyes of hers, when he moved inside her for the first time. "Callen, please", Kensi hissed. Her eyes still closed in bliss, she missed Callen shaking his head.
"Open your eyes, Kens", he ordered in a sweet voice. "I want to see them, I want to see you." With a smug smile playing around her mouth, Kensi obeyed willingly.
The moment he entered her the world around her, the world around them seemed to stop. He was stretching her, and he wasn't stretching her bad. Realizing that the first thrust hasn't been especially strong or deep, had Kensi gasp in anticipation. She wanted him and she wanted him to be a bad boy, not sweet and lazy, but strong and dirty, and judging by his prior actions, the way he played her body, he probably won't deny. She knew she was game, hisgame, game for him. Whatever way, she wanted him to do something, she wanted him to freaking move.
"Callen…G, please, take me", not being able to form another coherent sentence, she simply hoped he got the message. Kensi usually wasn't the one to delegate control in bed completely, it was too much of a risk, especially in casual relationships. She liked to be dominant, at least has gotten used to it, but with Callen it was different. They trusted each other with their lives, neither of them needed to hold back, neither of them needed to stay alert, always careful what to reveal – and most importantly what not to reveal. She wanted to be taken, she wanted this kind of experience with him.
Hearing his first name, or rather his first letterwas unusual. He's always called her Kensi, he preferred it over her last name, although – in their job – it wasn't at all abnormal to only use last names, but she had barely ever called him G before. It made him feel special, it gave this whole engagement a special meaning – and one letter was more than enough to express it.
Callen took the wink willingly, sliding in deep with one hard thrust, burying himself inside her completely, before he started to move, establishing a fast rhythm right from the start. She was tight, he realized, somewhere deep deep down he was afraid he maybe might actually hurt her, but he didn't linger there any longer, as Kensi obviously didn't put up an argument.
Kensi tried to meet him thrust for thrust, but soon gave up when he put more pressure into his hammering strokes, clearly showing her now he has gotten the message before. She felt her next orgasm approaching already, starting to take over her body, tickling in all the right places.
Callen noticed the beginning contractions of her inner muscles, her tight channel becoming even tighter – it gave him a hard time not to come right here and now himself. He wanted to hold on a bit longer, wanted to put her and her pleasure first.
Pinning Kensi's arms above her head, fixing her wrists with one of his own hands, he slid out of her completely, but only to ram back inside a second later, having Kensi release an unidentifiable sound of shock and pure lust. He repeated the movement a few times, heightening the pleasure for both of them by stroking her clit every time.
"Kens", he hissed, before he lowered his head to her lips, kissing her passionately before she came apart in his arms.
He felt her muscles clench around him, trying to hold him inside her. He ate up her moans, as their lips were still locked. In a last effort, Callen brought his free hand between their bodies, rubbing her clit with his fingers to prolong her orgasm, all the while hammering inside her, keeping up the fast rhythm he had established.
It took Kensi some time to regain enough consciousness to think straight again; she carefully opened her eyes, feeling a little dizzy and disorientated. Callen was still buried deep inside her, and she released he was obviously waiting, he hadn't come himself yet.
"Callen", she said, gathering enough strength to speak, "please, come for me. I want to see you." Mimicking his words from before was more than enough encouragement he could have asked for. Taking up speed again, it only took seconds before his thrusts became less and less regular and he felt his orgasm taking control over him. Kensi took his balls into her hand, drawn close to his body already, kneading them, and he came in voluminous spurts. Her still tight channel milked him dry, and Kensi could have sworn she felt his seed right up to her womb.
By the time his brain processed again, he had his face buried in Kensi's shoulder, whispering sweet nothings to her while kissing her gently. When he carefully slipped out of her, although he felt like he could stay buried inside her forever, a gush of his seed combined with her juices trickled out of her. He felt a slight shock wash trough him, only now he realized they didn't use a condom. He was clean, and he wasn't concerned about any possible disease Kensi might have, as he was sure she was clean too.
"Kens", he started, feeling like he must bring up the topic, as a gentleman he should have at least asked before actually, "we…you know, we didn't use a condom."
Kensi felt sleepy, but with his words spoken she was quiet awake again, giving him one of her sweetest smiles, cupping his face with her hands: "Don't worry, I'm on the pill", kissing him slowly, she continued: "And I wanted to feel you come inside me."
Right before Callen bent down to kiss her, to thank her, she noticed a small flicker of something in his eyes. Relieve? Uncertainty? She couldn't say and soon forgot about it again, as it was gone again as soon as it came. She was too sleepy to hold onto the thought.
It didn't take long for Kensi to fall into a peaceful sleep, while Callen stayed awake, petting her beautiful body from time to time, her last words still echoing inside his head. They came so natural, but to Callen they meant the world. She actually wanted him, and she wanted his very core, it didn't come naturally in the otherwise casual relationships he usually engaged into. Protection – on all levels – was one of his top priorities, but with Kensi, he had forgotten completely.
They made a great team, she was a great partner, the best actually, maybe, he thought, maybe one day they might made the perfect team outside work as well.
With that last thought, he drifted off into a peaceful sleep himself.
Thank you so much for reading, you are the best. Please, take a moment and leave a review. I'd be delighted.
Last, but not least: Happy New Year to all my dear readers here and around the world.
PS: I didn't mark it "Complete" yet, I might write another one or two chapters, exploring their growing relationship further. I can't promise yet, as time is always short, but I do my best.