"You feel out of breath, used up, and broken down.
Just like shattered glass, in pieces on the ground.
Some days you want to scream, but you can't make a sound."
A year ago today, you would have found Severus Snape up in his dormitory, crying. He wouldn't have admitted it if you asked, but it happened. Severus, the kid that was picked on daily by James Potter and his followers, the guy who had gone through so much torture and humiliation from his classmates and held a straight face through it all, had locked himself away for days on end, crying. Why? Well, the answer is simple: Lily Evans. Lily had taken his heart and shattered it without even knowing, while leaving the pieces on the ground as she ran off with the man she swore she hated. Severus felt used up, like he'd given his all only to be broken down; he felt depressed, like each breath of air was rather a gasp than an inhale. He'd felt alone, like he had no one to go to, no one to turn to when life got hard. Sometimes it was irritating along with saddening, that he didn't have his Lily to comfort him; there were days that all he wanted to do was scream, it was almost that unbearable.
"But you're not alone.
Right now feels like the end of the world.
All your battles are lost; you've been cheated, mistreated.
Just when you think you can't hold on any longer…
Hold on just a little bit longer; trust me, you'll see.
You'll be so much stronger."
Severus walked down the halls of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry minding his own business and reading his potions text, when he found himself face-first on the ground, his text book skidding to a stop about seven feet in front of him. His head snapped back to find Potter and Black high-fiving and laughing, while Potter's arm was securely around Lily's waist. Her face as she glanced sown at her once-upon-a-time best friend, was full of sorrow and longing, mixed with what seemed to be regret.
"Watch where you're going next time, Snivels," James said over his shoulder. "You wouldn't want to be hanging upside down near the willow again, would you?" Severus cringed at his so-called 'nick-name', along with the memory that came along with it, He sighed and got up, dusting his pant legs off before retrieving his book and heading off to class.
Slughorn was a simple teacher to understand, listen and do his lesson as instructed, and you wouldn't have problems. As doing what was told, Severus quickly, but following instructions, put the ingredients in and waited for it to brew. All the while he was in class, his mind was off thinking about the times he had with Lilt while growing up. They were hardly ever separable, always joined at the hip; wherever one went, the other followed. The sleepovers they had had, the late night secret-spillings by the lake, they all seemed to fat away now; like a distant buzz that you could hardly hear, but knew it was there.
Severus shook himself back to reality, even though it was the last thing he wanted to do. Reality was dark and depressing, while his memories were full of bright, hypnotic happiness that he'd want to stay hours there for as long as he could without being torn away. In fact, while he had gone and visited his mum and dad over the holidays, he had been so preoccupied by his thoughts of Lily, his mother had grown worry and forced the story out of him. She had only sighed and said, 'let the things you love free, for if they are truly meant to be yours to love, they'll find their way back', before saying a quick goodnight.
"It's only temporarily, but it feels like you're stuck.
Like no wishing well, but it will change your luck.
They say when one door closes, another opens up.
You walk right through, yeah, you know what to do.
Right now it feels like the end of the world.
All your battles are lost; you've been cheated, mistreated.
Just when you think you can't hold on any longer…
Hold on just a little bit longer.
Trust me, you'll see.
You'll be so much stronger."
After dinner, Severus found himself wondering along down through the many paths that went to the great old oak tree down by the lake. He ran his finger tips along the tops of the blooming flowers that filled the walkway, looking up suddenly when a soft sobbing came into hearing range. Severus knew the cry all but too well, and followed the noise until he found himself at the original destination. Taking a few steps around the tree he found the girl, who was a mess of fire red curls and running eyeliner. He robe was wrinkled and dirty from having been on the ground, while her house-pride knee-high gold and maroon socks were scrunched down her ankles; wiping her tears and makeup off quite a bit more, Severus emerged fully from behind the tree and looked closely at the girl.
"Lily?" The girl slumping at the bottom of the trunk snapped her head up, while her eyes widened at the sight of him.
"Sev."
"You'll have to bend, but you're not going to break.
Wipe the tears off your eyes and the fear off your face.
You know deep down inside, you've got what it takes.
Right now it feels like the end of the world, all your battles lost.
You've been cheated, mistreated.
Just when you think you can't hold on any longer…
Hold on just a little bit longer; trust me, you'll see.
You'll be so much stronger."
"Lily," Severus repeated again, kneeling down next to her. "What happened?" She sighed and with more tears flowing down her face, placed her head against the wood.
"I made a massive, huge, major, crazy, mistake." She had her eyes closed as she spoke, her voice hoarse, sounding nothing more than a whisper. "Sev, I made the mistake of leaving you. I should have never went with James, I should have stayed with you, been the best friend I'd been since we were five." She shook her head furiously and covered her face with her hands, placing her head on her knees. Severus slid besides her, wrapping an arm around the sullen girl. He hated seeing Lily upset, whether they were considered friends or not.
"Lily," He said, matching her tone of voice. "Lily, look at me." His hand enclosed around hers while the other brought her head up to eye level, making deep emerald meet rich brown.
"I fell so bad," she stretched the word out, making it sound more important that it was. "You probably hate me." Severus shook his head and sighed. How could she ever think that?
"Never in my life have I hated you, nor will I ever. Was I hurt by the actions of my best friends, yes; but not enough to ever hate you."
"Sev, I'm so sorry. I wish I hadn't had ever agreed to date him, or be near that good for nothing arse." Severus was taken aback by her words and apparently she was too, because in the same second her hands were covering her mouth as she giggled lightly.
"Lily Evans, did you just swear on somebody?" She nodded and her giggles were contagious, for Severus found himself laughing with her. After a moment of out break, they were settled against the tree, looking out over the water.
"I left him, you know." Lily looked up at Severus while he kept his gaze on the reflection-filled water.
"Well I'd imagine so." He barely said loud enough for her to hear. She nodded and looked back at the lake.
"Do you think," she started, getting up. "We could be friends again?" The shaggy haired boy at the bottom of the stump followed her lead and stood up, his hands inside the pockets of his cloak. "I'm not asking to be how we were, although I'd love that, you probably don't see me through the same eyes as you used to, though." Bending down to pick up a rock and skip it out over the waters, Severus sighed.
"I cried." He tossed the rock and looked at her, eyebrows raised. He mouth was slightly open in an amazed kind of way as he continued. "I cried and locked myself in a room for days. No one came in and I didn't go out. I was practically swallowed by sadness, that I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to go to class and see you and James snogging in the halls like the rest of them. I didn't reply to owls from mum or dad, I hadn't even spoken to a living thing other than my owl, sadly enough."
"Sev, I- "
"And all the while, I was only thinking one thing: I want you back, that I'm not strong enough to be without you." Lily smiled in return to his as she walked over to stand in front of him. Lily wrapped her arms around him in a tight embrace, which was returned seconds later, placing her head in the crook of his neck.
"I missed you, Sev." She whispered, quietly enough from him to head.
"I missed you too, Lil."
AN: Did you like?:D
The song used in this fic was Stronger by Jennette McCurdy. (-lovelovelove-)
Reviews with nice words are always welcomed. (: