Hi, I uploaded a story a while ago this year and I though it was crap, so I deleted it earlier today. I also didn't have a laptop and so I was using my mums, but then she told me that I couldn't use it any more unless it was for school work, so I couldn't update or anything. This story is the same type but I have extended it and, in my opinion, made it better. This is my first story- I'm not counting that other chapter- so please be kind. Constructive criticism wanted thank you. I am English, so if you don't understand any terminology used in this chapter, PM me or leave it in the review section. Thank you xxx

Disclaimer- I do not own the Twilight Saga, only the plot.

BPOV

I can't do it. I've tried to get over it but every time I close my eyes, I see his face. Phil. He got close to me and broke me and now I'm the shell of the girl I once was. 17 years old and scared to leave my house, look out of the window, leave my bedroom even! In case he's there. I haven't been to school in months, Angela- my best friend- brings my work round every day, and every day, when I hear that knock, I think it's him; so I hide until she finds me and tells me it's alright, he's never coming back.

They all know what he did to me, or at least they think they do. He's in prison now, but that doesn't stop me from thinking that every silhouette behind the window, every shadow that passes under my door, is him, coming for me; ready to continue the pain he seemed to enjoy inflicting almost as much as seeing the terror in my eyes.

I know what I have to do, I'm useless, worth nothing, a burden on my family, society. He made sure I knew that. I reach for the bottle of Paroxetine Mesylate, they're anti- depressants my doctor prescribed me to 'help me cope' as he had said. I tip the contents of the pills onto my bedroom floor, a speck of white in a lilac sea, and reach for the bottle of Vodka my mum keeps in the cupboard. Seeing them there, side by side, seems as normal and fitting as seeing a bowl of peaches and cream; a complimentary pair.

I grab the red pen with the engraved 'Bella' my sister got me for my 16th birthday, 2 weeks before I met him, and a pad of paper. I begin:

Mum, Dad, Alice.

I know you say that it isn't my fault, no one knew. That him telling me I'm useless is bullshit, but I know different. I know that what he told me is the truth because I can feel it deep within me, clawing its way out. The only thing filling the empty void that is me.

I'm sorry you have to clean the mess and deal with it all, but you will know soon enough what I know already, that this is the best thing for everybody. Once I'm out of the way, you won't have to constantly worry about how I'm feeling, thinking 'Is what I'm about to say going to set her off. If I bring home this person, will she flip out and hurt herself?' You can be normal!

Mum- I love you, you were the best mum anyone could ask for. I don't blame you for bringing him into our lives and you shouldn't blame yourself.

Dad- I love you and it isn't your fault for not picking up on the signs. I know you feel that you should have noticed because you're a police officer and you're trained to see those things. DON'T! Dad, it's not your fault, it's a bit different when it's your own daughter.

Alice- Thank you. I love you. Go and do brilliant things in the nursing world.

I love you all and will be watching over you always.

Love, Bella xxx

The tears start to fall as I place the last kiss on the paper and place it on my pillow. I reach for the pills placing 5 in the palm of my hand and unscrew the lid on the Vodka bottle. A sob escapes. I chuck the tablets into my mouth before downing a quarter of the 375ml bottle. I don't hear the door open and Alice call up to me, I'm too absorbed in what I'm doing. I repeat the process, just finishing another massive mouthful of Vodka before my bedroom door flies open and Alice comes running in, dragging me into the bathroom and forcing her fingers down my throat; switching into nurse mode.

I throw up while she pulls her phone from her pocket and calling for an Ambulance. Within 2 minutes we both hear the sirens come flying down the street. 2 paramedics storm into the house and up into the bathroom, I hear them ask Alice if I've thrown up and what I took. I zone out. Suddenly I feel a prick in my arm and everything goes black.

When I wake up, I feel myself trapped. I look down and see I'm lying on a bed and have straps across my body holding me down. I try to move, but it's all in vain, they're on too tight. I hear a door open and footsteps, so I turn my head towards the noise and see a man in a suit walking behind a greying woman in hospital scrubs. I thought I recognised that smell! I spent two months here after Phil had his fun. The man had on a crisp white shirt, black suit trousers and a brown suit Jacket; what a man, those clothes don't match at all, if Alice was here, she'd have a heart attack. In his hands is a clip board and he identifies himself as "Dr Whitlock, but you can call me Jasper", he has a soft soothing voice and kind eyes; he makes me feel safe.

"How do you feel?" He inquires in his soft, yet masculine voice. "Well, I would feel great if you were to let me off this bed." "Mary, can you please let Miss Swan down." The nurse, Mary, undoes all of the straps holding me down and leads me into a room, it looks like an office. Jasper is sitting in a massive brown leather chair, behind a brown, oak desk and gestures for me to sit at the brown sofa next to the window; what is it with this man and brown? "Thank you Mary, I think I can handle it from here." He smiles kindly at Nurse Mary as she exits the room. "Now Bella, do you know where you are?" I dislike him for the first time as soon as that sentence leaves his lips. "Hospital" I reply sullenly. He nods his head. "And do you know why?" "Because I tried to do a good deed." My eyes sting from the tears I am trying to hold off. "Explain?" "I tried to kill myself because I am a useless drain on my family and society." He leans forward in his chair, tents his fingers before resting his elbows on his desk and his chin on his finger. "Why do you think that Isabella?" "Bella" I say without thinking. "I'm sorry, Bella. Why do you think that you are useless?" He asks again. "Because that's what he said and I can feel it inside me!" I almost wail. "Who?" He asks "Phil!" I scream before running out of the room in tears.

I run into the room I came from. I see the bed in the centre, and slide down the wall in the corner and fall into a ball. Jasper walks over to me cautiously before crouching down next to me. "I'm sorry Bella." He says in a compassionate yet professional tone. "It's not your fault, I'm just a fucking mess." "No you're not Bella, you just need some help thinking positively about yourself and understanding that what he did to you was not your fault." I gasp having never told anyone I felt that way before. I look up at him, shock evident on my face. "H-how?" He smirked at me "I'm just that good." He replied in a joking manner, giving me a wink. I smile.

"Come on, let's get you off to your room. Your parents have admitted you into the psychiatric ward but due to the events that have placed you here, you are under special observation until I deem you safe enough to be moved in with the other young patients we care for here. I will be your psychiatrist for the rest of your time here, and may I just take this time to say what a lucky young lady you are." He winks at me again and I laugh. "Here is your room and Nurse Mary is going to be sat right here for the night to watch over you. If you need to go anywhere, for example, to the toilet, I must ask you to ask Mary first. Do you feel okay for me to leave you?" I nod, before clearing my throat and saying "Yes, thank you Dr Whitlock." He gives me a playfully stern look. "Sorry, Jasper." He smiles at me. "Goodnight Bella, I will see you in the morning." Then he turns and leaves.

30 seconds after Jasper walks out, another nurse walks in carrying a tray and placing it on the table beside the bed. Mary and the nurse nod at each other before he leaves. My stomach growls and Mary smiles at me. "Dig in." She says to me on a chuckle. 2 hours later I have finished my dinner and am ready for bed. After taking the pills they give me, sleep seems to come easily, and for the first time in a long time, I don't see his face.

Reviews are appreciated. I have an outline for all of the chapters. I am aiming for a chapter a week, but if you like it, I will update daily.

~ Megan