You hate him when you meet him. He's older than you and he's cocky and self-righteous and his goatee makes you angry. Steve gives you a look because you're supposed to be respectable and polite, but you snip and snarl your way through dinner. Something about him makes you crazy.
Steve kicks you under the table to reign you in and eventually you back down because you'll do anything Steve asks. He's your best friend, and he means well by introducing you to Tony so the next time Tony tries to argue, you just smile at him. That seems to shut him up and you really look at him and you're starting to think he's kind of sexy.
You don't know it, but he thinks you're kind of sexy, too.
It's almost comical when he shows up in line behind you for coffee. You hear him clear his throat and when you glance over your shoulder he smiles at you. You smile back and something twists in your stomach as he steps around you and insists on buying your coffee. You tell him no but he wins in the end because you're tired of trying to dissuade him.
You tell him it's your day off and you should really get Steve's car back to him because you've told him you'd be there twenty minutes ago. Tony insists the two of you got off on the wrong foot and he invites you to have coffee with him. You roll your eyes and say that you don't have time. He tells you that if he's making time for you, you must be special. He makes you stutter and you feel weak. It's annoying.
It makes you want him even more.
You explain to Steve why you're late and you're kind of excited when you tell him about your coffee date. You don't notice when Steve looks away. He's happy for you because you're happy.
All Steve wants is for you to be happy.
You're in the middle of dinner when you answer your phone.
"Hi," he says. His voice makes you smile even though you don't mean to.
"How'd you get my number?" You try to not to sound so surprised.
"I asked Steve, but I didn't really expect you to answer."
"Well, I did," you say, and the two of you end up talking for an hour before he finally asks you out.
You say yes.
You're in the bookstore with Steve when you tell him. "Tony asked me out."
"And?"
"I said yes."
Steve hides it very well when he smiles at you. You deserve to be happy, and you like Tony.
Steve just wants you to be happy.
Tony takes you out to dinner and the restaurant is nice and you say you look underdressed but he assures you that you look fine. You feel self-conscious and you feel the eyes of strangers burning into your back. You don't belong with him. You don't fit with him. Statistically speaking, none of this fits.
But at the end of the night his lips fit against yours perfectly.
You go on dates with him until you're comfortable enough to invite him over to your apartment. You cook for him and he's late but it's okay because he's there. You've made spaghetti and he tells you he's worried about the fate of his white dress shirt.
It's useless for him to try and be neat; he spills and gets splotches of red all over him. You offer to wash it for him right away and he obliges.
He's wearing a tank top underneath and when he hands you his soiled shirt you try not to stare but it's useless. You stare and he tells you that you have pretty lips.
"That's kind of weird," you say.
"No it's not," he says back. And he moves closer to you and his lips are on yours and by the sounds he's making, you definitely have pretty lips.
You pull away breathlessly and ask if he wants to take this to the bedroom.
He says yes.
You date him for two years and it's your anniversary when he shows you just how much he loves you. He takes you out to dinner and you've talked about it before, but you really don't expect him to do this at all.
He kneels in front of you and he doesn't have a ring but he puts his hands on your knees and the entire restaurant is looking your way.
"Will you marry me?" he asks.
You bite your lip and smile. "Yes."
You're young, you're stupid, you're reckless and you know he might hurt you but you don't care because you love him. It's the kind of love that drives you crazy. It's the kind of love that keeps you up at night trying to figure out what it was that you did to deserve someone like him.
You hope one day you'll find out but right now you can't see past the idea of a future with him because all you really need is to be loved by someone who makes you laugh like he does.
He holds your face and kisses you and you feel so, so loved.
You call Steve first thing because he's your best friend and you want to share the news with him.
"We're engaged," you tell him.
Steve gasps quietly on the other line and you don't know it but his heart breaks. He hates himself for it but it's nothing he can help. You ask Steve to be your best man and of course he says yes. He shouldn't be jealous because you're his best friend.
All Steve wants is for you to be happy.
It's your wedding day and you're nervous. You're shaking all over and you've got chills and maybe you're worried that Tony won't go through with it. But it's time for the ceremony and Tony is standing in front of you and you're both smiling like idiots. He won't admit it but he has tears in his eyes and so do you.
You wonder how you got here and you wonder how anything could possibly go so perfectly. You look at Tony and you recite your vows and you never intend on breaking them. He recites his, too, and you hear Steve sniffle behind you and then you kiss Tony.
It's the best kiss you've shared with him yet.
You already know his body but that doesn't make it less exciting. You reach for his slacks and your head falls back as he kisses your neck. His hand slips beneath your shirt as he paws at your nipples and you moan. It's soft and refined and he sighs when you unbutton his pants and cup him through his boxers. His touch is electrifying and it makes you dizzy. You almost fall but he holds you up and he whispers to you as he kisses you all over. That's what finally gets you on the bed.
It's slow and sensual and you grab him everywhere because you want him as close as he can ever be. You bite and scratch and mark him because he's yours and you're his. You don't know it, but he loves you so much more in this moment than he ever has before.
He moans your name when he comes inside of you.
When he gets sick you don't find out right away. You don't even find out from him. It's an insurance letter that incriminates him and when he gets home from work you ask him about it.
He tells you he's been diagnosed with congestive heart failure. You ask him how bad it is and he tells you he might need a transplant at some point in the future. It scares you, and you're shaking, and then you start to cry. You hardly ever cry but the thought of losing him scares you more than anything ever has. He starts crying too because he can see that he's hurt you by not telling you and you're upset about that but mostly you're just scared. You're so scared for him and you don't want to lose him. He holds you and tells you that he'll be okay.
You don't really believe him.
Things progress for the worst and then you get news that he's on the transplant list. You don't want to stress him out and when you feel like you can't talk to him about things you turn to Steve. Sweet, supportive Steve is there for you just like a best friend should be. You tell him your worries and you tell him that you're scared that the man you love is going to die.
Steve doesn't tell you, but he's scared that the man he loves is going to die, too.
It's two years later and you're at breakfast with him when he gets the call. He sounds surprised and nervous and when he hangs up he looks at you.
"They found a donor," he says. He looks at you and you can see his age reflect in his eyes. He looks tired and worn out, but he'll never stop trying for you. When you offer your hand he takes it and kisses your knuckles.
You call Steve on your way to the hospital and he says he'll be up there as soon as he passes the word on to your other friends.
He cries on the drive there because he's scared he's going to lose Tony just like you are.
You hold hands with Tony as Steve and Natasha and Pepper and Rhodey gather around his hospital bed. You're squeezing Tony's fingers so tightly and you try to be strong for him because he has no choice. He's got to have this surgery whether or not you're emotionally prepared.
The operating room nurse and the anesthesiologist come in so your friends decide to leave, but you stay. You're going to stay as long as you can until they wheel him out of the room and down to the OR.
They give the two of you a moment alone and you tell Tony that he'll be fine. You tell him that you love him and that you're going to make so many more great memories after he's recovered.
He tells you that he loves you and he recites his wedding vows. You're surprised and touched that he still knows them after all these years.
You still know yours, too, and you whisper them as tears stream down your cheeks.
The transplant consists of three operations and you're a nervous wreck in between them all until two of the surgeons come into the waiting room after the final operation. Steve and Natasha are with you, and when the surgeons tell you the final result you start to cry. You're sobbing and Steve holds you and people in the surgical waiting room are staring but you've been holding it in for so long that you need to let it go.
Everything went well and your husband is going to be okay.
They keep him sedated on fentanyl but he comes to every now and then and when he does, he smiles with his eyes. He can't smile with his mouth because of the ventilator tube but you smile at him because you're okay and he's okay, too. He wants to hold you but he can't and he wants to remember these moments but his mind is in a fog. Even though he's in this moment right now he won't remember it when he gets out of the hospital.
You're by his side when you can be and you sleep on the couches in the waiting room because you can't sleep in the room with him for sanitary reasons. Even though you can't sleep in the room with him you're allowed to come in and out of the unit as you please during the night and you do. You take advantage of this rule and when you do, you tell him how much you love him.
You tell him about your bright future together and you kiss his forehead and he feels so, so loved.
You and your friends throw him a small welcome home party and Tony is grateful. You're by his side constantly and you fuss over him and kiss his hair but he puts up with it because you're his husband and he loves you. You don't know it, but Steve watches from afar and wishes he were in your place. He'll never breathe a word of it, though.
All Steve wants is for Tony to be happy.