Love
Love is a strong word. Sure, when you're young and you get your first partner, you probably say it without a second thought. But as you get older and you mature, you begin to learn about real love. Not the love you learn about in books, where everything's amazing and nothing goes wrong. Real love. True love. And when you experience it, it's the best feeling in the world.
That's not to say the course of love is easy though. Trust me, it's not. You get hurt and can have your whole life destroyed by love. I have. I fell in love with my best friend. It's not like I chose to fall in love with him. It just happened. See, that's the thing with love. You have no control over it. This is what makes it so tough. Falling in love, I mean.
You see, I fell in love with my best friend. Who is a guy. As am I. And I made the mistake of telling him. Let's just say, he didn't feel the same way. Have you ever had your heart ripped out and smashed into a million pieces? Well, I have. It doesn't feel great. Now, he doesn't want to know me. Crazy, huh? All I did was tell him I love him and that I want to be with him forever. Nothing wrong with that.
So, I suppose that's why I'm here. Sitting in the bathroom, pills in one hand, vodka in the other. Yes, I'm going to kill myself. Nice one, Sherlock. See, this is what love does to you. It can make you the happiest person in the world- or absolutely destroy you. Hmm, to die or not to die, that is the question. Great, my last moments and I'm quoting fucking Shakespeare!
OK, I can do this. Take the pills, drink the vodka, and wait to die. Sounds easy. So why can't I bring myself to do it? It's not that hard. See, here's my dilemma. End it all, never see him again. Except, that seems like the wimp's way out. Plus, do I really want to die? Then again, if I don't, I'm going to have to go through life wanting him but never being able to have him. Great. What a choice to have to make.
So, do I take them? I don't know anymore. Is it really worth it? You know what, fuck it. Fuck this whole god damn world. Right, here we go. First pill. Second pill. Another one. And another. Fuck it, the whole bloody jar. Now the vodka. It's running down my throat, burning it. But this has to be done. I am not going through life thinking of him.
Should I leave a note? No, I wouldn't know what to put. Plus, there isn't time now anyway. I can feel my life slowly slipping away. Wow, the rooms spinning. I'm sinking to the floor; it's getting too hard to stand. I can feel my eyes closing. Everything's fading away. I'm descending into darkness. Love. You can keep it.