TITLE × Road Trip, Cheese, and Breathing on the Glass
RATING × R for language
GENRE × Humor
SUMMARY × For some reason, Yugi and friends are traveling to California (don't ask how so in only an SUV). Hilarity (or lack thereof) ensues.
WARNINGS × Shounen ai, stupidity, a hint of random, very OOC-ness, it could be AU, and everyone-bashing. Yay.
AUTHOR'S NOTE ××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××
Look! I finally got a muse! *holds up a rubber chicken* Everybody say 'hi' to Calculator!
Calculator: ...
Eeeeeehhehehehe. I think I killed him. o.O;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××
DISCLAIMER × Yu-Gi-Oh © copyright 1996 Kazuki Takahashi. All rights reserved. Blah-de-blah-de-blah. -_-;;
××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××
It was a sunny day. The sky was blue. Birds were chirping and monkeys were flying. Everything seemed ordinary, and for some strange asinine reason, most of the cast of Yu-Gi-Oh were riding in a neon pink SUV heading for California (heeeeeere we cooome).
"Hey, Joey," said Tristan.
"Yah?" answered the blonde.
"I like cheese."
"Me, too. What kin'a cheese d'ya like?"
"I like cheese."
"Eh, Tristan. Yah tol' me dat ahready. Cheese's good. Nouh stop?"
"........."
"Dat's beddah."
"I like cheese."
Something in Joey snapped and forced him to join. "Me too."
"I like cheese."
"Me too."
"I like cheese."
"Me too."
"I like cheese."
"Me too."
"I like--"
"FOR THE LOVE OF PETE AND ALL THINGS THAT ARE PINK AND FAT AND UGLY WILL YOU TWO BOYS SHUT THE FUCK UP?!?!?!" yelled Téa, brandishing her fist over the two teenagers sharing the backseat with her.
".....whimper...."
"That's better," she said with a smug smile. Leaning back and savoring the sweet taste of silence, she began to think about how it all happen.
############### flashback (cue horror movie screams) ###############
It was before lunchtime when it happened. Téa was walking down the hallway from Geometry toward the cafeteria to meet her friends and have lunch when she heard an annoying high-pitched shrieking from behind her.
"Téa! Téa! Look what I gots!!!" cried an enthusiastic Yugi.
"Yeah, Yugi?" The brunette turned to the smaller boy running toward her.
"CHEESE!" he said, holding out wedges of Laughing Cow™ brand spread cheese. Téa sweatdropped. "Oh yeah, and I gots something else!"
"....yeah?"
"Grandpa's permission to go on a ROAD TRIP!!!" Yugi thrust a fist into the air Ash Ketchum style and jumped two feet off the cheap school floor tile.
"Why?"
"I don't know. He said something about two-cent whores and stag parties, but who cares! Let's go tell the others!" He ran off toward the lunch area, leaving an exasperated Téa behind.
"Yugi, wait! I'm coming after you!"
############### end flashback (everybody's happy now! yay.) ###############
"Sshhh, don't wake her up," said Ryou from the seat in front of them, holding a finger up to lips. He motioned animatedly towards Téa, who had fallen asleep during flashbacking.
"Don't shush me, Ryou, I din't say anydin' yet! It's Tristan ovah here who's shittin' 'bou' cheese!" Joey motioned to his dark-skinned friend, who was clutching his arm.
"Cheese... I NEED CHEESE!!! Pleeeeeeeeease, Joey?! I... need... cheese...." Tristan tried giving Joey the puppy-dog eyes, miserably failing and looking like a hobo who sniffed up too much coke.
"Yah look like a hobo who sniffed up t'much coke," Tristan's new clutch-buddy told him.
"Cheese..." he whimpered in reply. "Cheese!" He then began the pleasant task of sobbing into Joey's jacket and soaking it with tears.
"Will you make him shut up! I'm getting tired of his cheese ranting! Somebody feed the bitch a piece of cheese or something!" yelled Yami from next to Ryou.
"Cheese?" said the pathetic likkle toddler-acting-like teenager cuddled awkwardly up to his best friend.
"Ow! Yah hair is poking me! Fine, yah get cheese," the annoyed Joey drew a slice of American out from his pocket.
"Cheese!!!"
"I'm bored!" whined Yugi from the front seat. "I can't talk with you guys good because I'm stuck in the front seat and to talk with you guys I have to turn my neck and that really hurts!!!"
"Yeah, whatever, Yugi," everyone else replied, audibly yawning. "Yaaaaaaaaaaaaawn......."
"You guys are mean! Remember, I'm the one that got us all here and you all have to listen to me!" He cackled maniacally. This scared the crap out of everyone.
"I see dead people!" cried Téa suddenly, scaring the crap out of everyone (again). "Oops... um, hi everyone!" She waved uncertainly at the group of boys staring at her frightenedly.
"You snore," said Ryou simply.
Téa's head sprouted horns and grew to more than eighty times its original size. "WHY YOU LIDDLE---"
"Let's all play a game!" interrupted Yugi. "SPOT THE CAR!!!"
"Spot da car? As in, spot da coirtin colah o' car? Or make o' car?" queried Joey.
"No!" Yugi shook his head vigorously. "Spot THE car! Any car!"
"There's a car!" cried Téa overzealously, leaning her face against the window so her breath would condense on the glass. "Oooh, drawing on my breath! Fun!" And she spent most of the rest of the car ride doing just that.
"I see a car!" yelled Yugi. "And another car... and another one, and there's one too!!! Oh look!!! A car, and there's a car, and a car over there too!"
"And over there's a car, and behind that one is another car, and, oh crikey! There's a car!" said Ryou, joining in the fun.
"I spot a car too!!!" shouted Joey, pointing out the window.
"That's a VAN, you shithead," commented Tristan, smacking the blonde upside the head.
"Ow, what's that fer, yah moron?!?!"
"Fight! Fight! Fight!" The other three boys chanted. Téa was too busy drawing on the windowpanes with her left index finger. Yeah, the one with the cheap plastic ring from a vending machine outside of Kmart, but no one cares for details anyway.
A few bitchslaps later...
"Man Joey, you stink at everything! You stink at Duel Monsters, you stink at anal fucking, you stink at eating enough triple fudge brownie ice cream to puke..."
"It's huh-rediddy," Joey sobbed in reply.
"How nice. Now gimme all your CHEESE!!!"
"No! Yah can't do dat! Not da cheese!!!"
"Uhh... you guys? I need to... ahem," said Yami embarrassedly.
"Can't you hold?" Yugi was annoyed. They had just passed a rest stop.
Yami held up two fingers.
".....oh... Hey Mistah Driver Man!!! We needa stop cus Yami needa SHIT!" Yugi poked the guy in the driver's seat.
"Wha-?! Ah dis time we be sittin' in dis cah, we din't evin know who was drivan'?!" Joey was indignant. "Who IS drivin' anywayz?"
The driver turned his head.
"Hello, puppy dog."
"DUCKIES!!!" Mokuba popped out from behind the backseat where was was stuffed with the suitcases.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Dis is a NIGHTMARE!!!" This time it was Joey's turn to sob into his friend's jacket.
"Aww, poor Joey," murmured Tristan, tracing circles on his friend's back with a lecherous grin on his face.
"I still hafta go!!!" yelled Yami.
"AAAHH!!! Kaiba, you jackass, watch the road!!!" cried Ryou as the vehicle neared the edge of a precipice.
"Huh?" Kaiba turned around. "Oops, my bad..." He jerked the steering wheel hard and everyone fell against the right side of the van.
"...ouch..."
Mokuba hopped over the backseat into Téa's lap. "Hiya!"
"Hi! What's up?" asked Téa in the middle of writing 'Téa rules!!!'
"I like you, you're nice!" the little boy said with an impish grin as he caught Téa in a bear hug.
Kaiba turned around to face them. "Mokuba! Do not make friends with the enemy!!!"
"Kaiba, you stupid bitch! KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD!!!" Ryou warned Kaiba of the upcoming railing.
"Gah!" The forgetful CEO again, swerved, tilting the van to a 45° angle. Everyone fell against the other side of the SUV.
"...oof..."
As he was squished by Ryou against the window, Yami noticed a rest stop. "Rest stop! Gotta stop!!!"
"Do I gotta?" whined Kaiba, immediately evoking glares from everyone in the car. "Fine." He stopped and let Yami run off to do his... business.
"Let's leave him behind!" cried Tristan in a total fit of inspiration. It must've been the cheese.
"What a great idea!" Kaiba floored the acceleration pedal and drove off. "MUAHAHAhahahahaaa..." he laughed, freaking everyone else out.
"Ooooookay..." stated Téa. A few moments later, they could hear the cry of an angry Yami piercing the atmosphere.
"I'll geeeeeeeeeeeeeet yooooooooooooooooou!!!!!!!!!! And your little dog toooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!"
××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××
o.O;;;;;; Eheheh, I better stick to web designin'. Oh well. Review, or my dear lil Calculator will go over to your house and strangle you!!!
Calculator: ...
Aww, isn't he the cutest. ^__________^ Ha. Ha. Ha.
-Now if you'd all click the lil purple button there...-
RATING × R for language
GENRE × Humor
SUMMARY × For some reason, Yugi and friends are traveling to California (don't ask how so in only an SUV). Hilarity (or lack thereof) ensues.
WARNINGS × Shounen ai, stupidity, a hint of random, very OOC-ness, it could be AU, and everyone-bashing. Yay.
AUTHOR'S NOTE ××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××
Look! I finally got a muse! *holds up a rubber chicken* Everybody say 'hi' to Calculator!
Calculator: ...
Eeeeeehhehehehe. I think I killed him. o.O;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××
DISCLAIMER × Yu-Gi-Oh © copyright 1996 Kazuki Takahashi. All rights reserved. Blah-de-blah-de-blah. -_-;;
××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××
It was a sunny day. The sky was blue. Birds were chirping and monkeys were flying. Everything seemed ordinary, and for some strange asinine reason, most of the cast of Yu-Gi-Oh were riding in a neon pink SUV heading for California (heeeeeere we cooome).
"Hey, Joey," said Tristan.
"Yah?" answered the blonde.
"I like cheese."
"Me, too. What kin'a cheese d'ya like?"
"I like cheese."
"Eh, Tristan. Yah tol' me dat ahready. Cheese's good. Nouh stop?"
"........."
"Dat's beddah."
"I like cheese."
Something in Joey snapped and forced him to join. "Me too."
"I like cheese."
"Me too."
"I like cheese."
"Me too."
"I like cheese."
"Me too."
"I like--"
"FOR THE LOVE OF PETE AND ALL THINGS THAT ARE PINK AND FAT AND UGLY WILL YOU TWO BOYS SHUT THE FUCK UP?!?!?!" yelled Téa, brandishing her fist over the two teenagers sharing the backseat with her.
".....whimper...."
"That's better," she said with a smug smile. Leaning back and savoring the sweet taste of silence, she began to think about how it all happen.
############### flashback (cue horror movie screams) ###############
It was before lunchtime when it happened. Téa was walking down the hallway from Geometry toward the cafeteria to meet her friends and have lunch when she heard an annoying high-pitched shrieking from behind her.
"Téa! Téa! Look what I gots!!!" cried an enthusiastic Yugi.
"Yeah, Yugi?" The brunette turned to the smaller boy running toward her.
"CHEESE!" he said, holding out wedges of Laughing Cow™ brand spread cheese. Téa sweatdropped. "Oh yeah, and I gots something else!"
"....yeah?"
"Grandpa's permission to go on a ROAD TRIP!!!" Yugi thrust a fist into the air Ash Ketchum style and jumped two feet off the cheap school floor tile.
"Why?"
"I don't know. He said something about two-cent whores and stag parties, but who cares! Let's go tell the others!" He ran off toward the lunch area, leaving an exasperated Téa behind.
"Yugi, wait! I'm coming after you!"
############### end flashback (everybody's happy now! yay.) ###############
"Sshhh, don't wake her up," said Ryou from the seat in front of them, holding a finger up to lips. He motioned animatedly towards Téa, who had fallen asleep during flashbacking.
"Don't shush me, Ryou, I din't say anydin' yet! It's Tristan ovah here who's shittin' 'bou' cheese!" Joey motioned to his dark-skinned friend, who was clutching his arm.
"Cheese... I NEED CHEESE!!! Pleeeeeeeeease, Joey?! I... need... cheese...." Tristan tried giving Joey the puppy-dog eyes, miserably failing and looking like a hobo who sniffed up too much coke.
"Yah look like a hobo who sniffed up t'much coke," Tristan's new clutch-buddy told him.
"Cheese..." he whimpered in reply. "Cheese!" He then began the pleasant task of sobbing into Joey's jacket and soaking it with tears.
"Will you make him shut up! I'm getting tired of his cheese ranting! Somebody feed the bitch a piece of cheese or something!" yelled Yami from next to Ryou.
"Cheese?" said the pathetic likkle toddler-acting-like teenager cuddled awkwardly up to his best friend.
"Ow! Yah hair is poking me! Fine, yah get cheese," the annoyed Joey drew a slice of American out from his pocket.
"Cheese!!!"
"I'm bored!" whined Yugi from the front seat. "I can't talk with you guys good because I'm stuck in the front seat and to talk with you guys I have to turn my neck and that really hurts!!!"
"Yeah, whatever, Yugi," everyone else replied, audibly yawning. "Yaaaaaaaaaaaaawn......."
"You guys are mean! Remember, I'm the one that got us all here and you all have to listen to me!" He cackled maniacally. This scared the crap out of everyone.
"I see dead people!" cried Téa suddenly, scaring the crap out of everyone (again). "Oops... um, hi everyone!" She waved uncertainly at the group of boys staring at her frightenedly.
"You snore," said Ryou simply.
Téa's head sprouted horns and grew to more than eighty times its original size. "WHY YOU LIDDLE---"
"Let's all play a game!" interrupted Yugi. "SPOT THE CAR!!!"
"Spot da car? As in, spot da coirtin colah o' car? Or make o' car?" queried Joey.
"No!" Yugi shook his head vigorously. "Spot THE car! Any car!"
"There's a car!" cried Téa overzealously, leaning her face against the window so her breath would condense on the glass. "Oooh, drawing on my breath! Fun!" And she spent most of the rest of the car ride doing just that.
"I see a car!" yelled Yugi. "And another car... and another one, and there's one too!!! Oh look!!! A car, and there's a car, and a car over there too!"
"And over there's a car, and behind that one is another car, and, oh crikey! There's a car!" said Ryou, joining in the fun.
"I spot a car too!!!" shouted Joey, pointing out the window.
"That's a VAN, you shithead," commented Tristan, smacking the blonde upside the head.
"Ow, what's that fer, yah moron?!?!"
"Fight! Fight! Fight!" The other three boys chanted. Téa was too busy drawing on the windowpanes with her left index finger. Yeah, the one with the cheap plastic ring from a vending machine outside of Kmart, but no one cares for details anyway.
A few bitchslaps later...
"Man Joey, you stink at everything! You stink at Duel Monsters, you stink at anal fucking, you stink at eating enough triple fudge brownie ice cream to puke..."
"It's huh-rediddy," Joey sobbed in reply.
"How nice. Now gimme all your CHEESE!!!"
"No! Yah can't do dat! Not da cheese!!!"
"Uhh... you guys? I need to... ahem," said Yami embarrassedly.
"Can't you hold?" Yugi was annoyed. They had just passed a rest stop.
Yami held up two fingers.
".....oh... Hey Mistah Driver Man!!! We needa stop cus Yami needa SHIT!" Yugi poked the guy in the driver's seat.
"Wha-?! Ah dis time we be sittin' in dis cah, we din't evin know who was drivan'?!" Joey was indignant. "Who IS drivin' anywayz?"
The driver turned his head.
"Hello, puppy dog."
"DUCKIES!!!" Mokuba popped out from behind the backseat where was was stuffed with the suitcases.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Dis is a NIGHTMARE!!!" This time it was Joey's turn to sob into his friend's jacket.
"Aww, poor Joey," murmured Tristan, tracing circles on his friend's back with a lecherous grin on his face.
"I still hafta go!!!" yelled Yami.
"AAAHH!!! Kaiba, you jackass, watch the road!!!" cried Ryou as the vehicle neared the edge of a precipice.
"Huh?" Kaiba turned around. "Oops, my bad..." He jerked the steering wheel hard and everyone fell against the right side of the van.
"...ouch..."
Mokuba hopped over the backseat into Téa's lap. "Hiya!"
"Hi! What's up?" asked Téa in the middle of writing 'Téa rules!!!'
"I like you, you're nice!" the little boy said with an impish grin as he caught Téa in a bear hug.
Kaiba turned around to face them. "Mokuba! Do not make friends with the enemy!!!"
"Kaiba, you stupid bitch! KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD!!!" Ryou warned Kaiba of the upcoming railing.
"Gah!" The forgetful CEO again, swerved, tilting the van to a 45° angle. Everyone fell against the other side of the SUV.
"...oof..."
As he was squished by Ryou against the window, Yami noticed a rest stop. "Rest stop! Gotta stop!!!"
"Do I gotta?" whined Kaiba, immediately evoking glares from everyone in the car. "Fine." He stopped and let Yami run off to do his... business.
"Let's leave him behind!" cried Tristan in a total fit of inspiration. It must've been the cheese.
"What a great idea!" Kaiba floored the acceleration pedal and drove off. "MUAHAHAhahahahaaa..." he laughed, freaking everyone else out.
"Ooooookay..." stated Téa. A few moments later, they could hear the cry of an angry Yami piercing the atmosphere.
"I'll geeeeeeeeeeeeeet yooooooooooooooooou!!!!!!!!!! And your little dog toooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!"
××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××
o.O;;;;;; Eheheh, I better stick to web designin'. Oh well. Review, or my dear lil Calculator will go over to your house and strangle you!!!
Calculator: ...
Aww, isn't he the cutest. ^__________^ Ha. Ha. Ha.
-Now if you'd all click the lil purple button there...-