A/N: Just had to get this off my chest…
While writing this, I was listening to "Dumbledore's Farewell" from the Deathly Hallows Part 1 Soundtrack.
What could possibly be worse than death?
He took careful steps as he approached the devastated house that inhabits the woman he loves. Lily Potter… no, Lily Evans it was, for he has never once acknowledged the fact of her marriage to his enemy- James Potter. The night sky was painted an opaque black with the occasional lightning that lit up the sky.
It's not true…
He whispered to himself over and over again.
He wouldn't, my lord wouldn't…
He convinced himself over and over again until he almost believed in his words. Severus Snape drew near to the entrance of her home and whispered a silent Alohomora though it wasn't necessary. The door was already unlocked.
Quietly, he entered the dwelling. He took a quick look at his surroundings and found himself to be relieved when he didn't see anything out of the ordinary. There was no evident sign of struggle. His rapidly pounding heart slowed to rhythmic beat.
Perhaps he wasn't even here…
A thought surfaced as he made his way toward the main stairs. He even placed his wand back into its pocket. He didn't notice how tightly he was clenching it. Slowly and noiselessly, he made his way up the staircase.
One step…
Two steps…
Three steps…
Four…
…until he stumbled upon something… a body… He looked down to find the corpse of his former rival. James Potter. His face was once the center of his nightmares. Constant torment and agony were the only outcomes when coming across the face of James Potter. However, as he viewed the face of his former adversary now, he felt none of that. In it's place were pity and also a sick, twisted feeling of triumph, a feeling pride and satisfaction. But those emotions faded away in a matter of seconds as he realized the gravity of the situation.
James Potter is dead…
His mind registered.
James Potter is dead…
His face turned ashen as his eyes refocused from the dead body of James Potter to the path in front of him. Little by little he made his way down the hall, taking frantic looks into rooms on his left and his right.
It wasn't long before he reached the last room in the hall. Severus stopped in mid-track.
Lily is not dead…
He breathed in.
Lily is not dead…
He breathed out.
Just one more step and he would be reassured of his worries. Lily Evans would not be in the room. She would be elsewhere, under the protection of family, or friends, or perhaps Dumbledore himself. A forced smile was forming on his lips as he strained himself to hold onto the sliver of hope.
One step…
Two steps…
Three steps…
Four…
…Four steps were all that he took when he saw Lily. His Lily. His beloved Lily lying on the cold wooden floor. He tried to run to her but his legs refused to function. A gasp escaped his throat as his knees gave in. He grabbed onto the wall for support. Tears froze in place as his mind refused to take in the fact that his Lily was dead. Murdered, by the very lord he devoted his life to.
Severus Snape collapsed to the ground. He inched himself closer and closer to her. She seemed so far away. Using every bit of strength he had in his body, he made his way to her. Any bit of color that was left in his face was drained to a ghostly, pale, white when his dark eyes made contact with her face. Her expression was blank and her eyes glazed over. Severus touched her face with trembling hands as he struggled to pull her into his arms. The tears that were still just moments ago began trickling down his cheeks. His voice that was mute just seconds past unleashed itself in furious roars as he finally accepted that she was gone… that his Lily was gone forever.
He desperately held onto her body as he cried and screamed and mourned her, as if holding on tighter will bring her back. But he knew that that will never happen. Nothing will bring her back, but that didn't stop him from making impractical deals and promises to a God that he never believed in.
Beside him, her child also cried. He cried for his mother who just gave her life for him. He mourned the death of his mother with Severus.
Time seemed unmoving as Severus continued to grieve over her. It was only when a flash of light shined through the window that his sobs were forced to halt. A familiar voice of Hagrid interrupted his mourning of Lily Evans. Severus quickly stood up and headed towards the door. He looked at Lily, then took a glance at her son.
He has her eyes…
Severus gazed at the unmoving body of his beloved one last time as he disapparated out of her home. He headed towards the reverse path that he took to Godric's Hollow. His tears dried and his voice stiffened. Never will he cry again for tonight, it wasn't only Potter or Lily who died. Severus's soul died as well. It died the second he looked into her lifeless green eyes.
What could possibly be worse than death?
Life without Lily is worse than death itself.
-Fin-
R&R?