Me: Yay a new story has started!

Ed: And this one is…?

Me: An American McGee's Alice: Madness Returns and FullMetal Alchemist crossover!

Ed: Like The Spirit Realm's fanfic?

Me: *waves hand* No no no, that's based on the ORIGINAL American McGee's Alice. This is based on the second game, Ed! I thought we went over this already. But The Shadow Realm's helping me out with the weapons and weapon descriptions (How they're used, what they look like, etc.) from the first Alice game since you'll be using them. I'll be using the new weapons.

Ed: Sorry, we were watching Lotaeri (and his friend Liz) play that game on YouTube, so I wasn't paying attention.

Me: I was watching too, you know.

Ed: *nods* I do know.

Me: Okay then! *smiles* So first of all, I'll be in this story and like in my friend Hiwa-chan's fanfics, my name will be Kayuri for safety reasons. And DISCLAIMER: I don't own American McGee's Alice and Alice: Madness Returns or FullMetal Alchemist, no matter how many times I pray that I will. T^T I'm getting it out and done with the disclaimer so I won't have to put it up every single chapter to save room for the awesomeness, humor and possible romance (*giggles*) to come~!

Ed: You said romance?

Me: No I didn't.

Ed: Yeah, you did.

Me: Nope.

Ed: Yea-huh.

Me: Nu-uh! *whacks him with a rolled up newspaper* Now drop it or I will get Calera Marker's iron slipper!

Ed: Ow! Fine, okay just no more whacking! *rubs head*


-Louisiana, United States of America on July 11, 2011- -Kayuri's pov-

"Happy birthday, Kayuri!" Everyone said happily as I blew out my candles on my cake. Yep, today I turned fourteen years old and was having a good day so far. I was wearing my new outfit, an exact replica of the blue dress, white apron, horseshoe necklace, striped leggings and boots Alice wore in American McGee's Alice: Madness Returns game that my grandparents ordered for me with a real Vorpal Blade replica. Of course, without the blood stains. I promised to keep the Vorpal Blade somewhere on display in my room, like a glass box, so no one can get hurt.

"Thanks everyone!" I said, eating a piece of my chocolate cake. "These are all great gifts and I'm so glad you could make it."

"It was nothing," one of my many best friends, Victoria, said happily. Her red-orange hair was hanging down and she had on her black and purple-striped tank top and black jeans. She was always the perky Goth, anime and manga-loving friend that I could look to if I had any questions about an anime or manga or needed a recommendation for a new one. And she is my co-author of our Ouran Highschool Host Club story. (AN: She still needs to return the notebook so I can type the next chapters and post them! She's had it since the last two weeks of school and STILL has it! D:)

"Yeah! This is fun, and that outfit is so cool!" My other friend, Olivia, said. "You could be Alice for Halloween this year and have your sword with you!"

"Hmmm…Not a bad idea," I mused. "Maybe I can have someone dress up as an Insidious Ruin too and maybe go scare some kids." My friends and I laughed.

"Now, you promised to keep that blade covered," Mom scolded.

"I'll have a cover over it while I chase them!" I said. "Oh c'mon Mom, please?"

She thought for a few minutes before agreeing. I cheered.

"Great, now who is going to volunteer? Maybe besides Insidious Ruin, they can become another monster. Like those undead-looking Card Guards?"

"Oh, now THOSE are creepy-looking!" Victoria said. She liked things like that.

"Oh yeah, that's genius."

The hours ticked by and everyone left my grandparent's house, where me, my sister and parents were staying for the week before staying another week at Omi and Paw's house. I went immediately to the computer and put my Alice: Madness Returns game into the disk slot after turning the device on.

"Oh wow, it's finally time!" I said to myself excitedly. "This is gonna be great!" (AN: To be honest, I did not get the game yet, but nor have I gotten all of my presents from my relatives in Alexandria. My little cousins said they would try and get the game for their PS3 so I could play it whenever we came over.)

I watched the intro, antsy to get moving along, and explored the asylum and the outside slums and such as Alice, who looked pretty in my opinion, followed this white cat and ended up surrounded by these hideous creatures with the bodies of men, but the head of…SOMETHING with big, gaping mouths and two beaver-like chompers. It was rather creepy and my ten-year-old sister, Kat, as I sometimes called her, walked in the computer room at that exact moment.

"What is THAT?" She asked, pointing at the creatures, a look of slight terror on her face.

"Honestly? I have no clue," I answered, watching the scene progress. They were closing in on Alice when suddenly, a hand grabbed her shoulder. She turned around and the creatures disappeared, leaving an old woman behind Alice.

"My stars and garters, Alice Liddell! Slumming again, are we?" The old woman said.

"Nurse Witless!" Alice replied. "What luck. Twice in as many months."

"Out on your own? You look frazzled, Dearie. Not doing well?"

"Not really."

"Come along home, then, and look at my pigeons. Pretty birds…like you."

Me and my sister looked at each other.

"Pigeons…PRETTY?" Kat questioned, eyebrow raised.

"My thoughts exactly. Birds of paradise are more interesting and pretty than simple, common pigeons," I replied and we started watching again.

"I don't think so," Alice said. "Our last visit cost me several pounds and got me nowhere."

"I might recall where your mangy rabbit got to," Nurse Witless replied.

The screen blacked out and the old woman's voice spoke.

"Still a mess, no surprise. Her kin roasted like chestnuts right before her eyes." The screen showed the Liddell's house, up in flames. "Ten years in Rutledge asylum wasted everyone's time. Dr. Bumby won't do better. Still hauling out her questions. The fire, her memory…I deserve consideration, don't I?" The screen then showed Alice, her head in her hands and sitting on a chair with Dr. Bumby, Nurse Witless outside the room.

She continued, "Who found her her new clothes? Who got her a place at Bumby's? Where'd she be without me? On the street, selling her backside? Likes me pigeons, though. She's doled out the odd pound or two. But I know what's worth more than that. Kept her secret, haven't I? Heard her say: '…all died on my account. I couldn't save you!' I've told her my silence is for sale, cheap!" (AN: No mistaken, she said these words. I'm using the exact dialogue thanks to Lotaeri's videos on YouTube as he plays the game to help with the story's progression.) "I'm a good sort, really. Not like her nanny, that uppity whore! Or that lawyer fellow, Radcliffe, took her stupid rabbit. Need money. Warned her I'd tell the coppers if she didn't make a donation to my upkeep. She yells and goes off her head. Days she can't remember her name, what I heard."

The screen went black again for a second and revealed the rooftop of two old buildings joined by a wooden bridge, with pigeon cages that was in the short 2-D flashback. I walked Alice over to the bridge and towards Nurse Witless on the other side of the wooden bridge.

Alice walked up to her asking, "Nurse Witless, do you mean to harm me? To send me back to the asylum?" She crossed her arms over her chest.

"I won't say no…I've a thirst you could photograph…" The old woman's voice grew suddenly distorted. "Need a drink…"

Alice started to recoil, her eyes widening while me and Kat were doing the same.

"More than my whistle needs a whetting…" Small, demon-like wings sprouted from Nurse Witless' back and she turned around, her head now like those creatures from before, except she didn't have a gaping mouth and her hands were like claws. I stared at the screen in slight horror and watched as Alice backed away, fear written across her pale face. The creature moved towards her, growling, and the ground beneath Alice's feet cracked, blue light emitting from the cracks and the computer screen glowed suddenly at the same time.

"Huh? What is going on?" I asked. The ground gave away under Alice's feet and the computer screen started to suck me into it, causing me to yelp. "Sis!"

"Oh my gosh, hold on!" Kat grabbed my hand and tried to pull me out, but the screen sucked me in before she could even pull, bless my poor, tough little sister's heart.

I was falling in the rabbit hole, but not as Alice, just as myself. I was half-expecting to be in Alice's body but I wasn't. I continued to fall past armchairs, gears, giant pocket watches, playing cards, teapots and creamers, spoons, etc. etc. But then the walls became rusty pipes, with baby doll heads with no eyes and…then I started floating after everything went white. I was floating down into the Vale of Tears; I recalled after watching playthrough videos of the game before I received it and it looked the exact same.

"Wow," I said as I landed onto the ground softly. "This looks beautiful even in real life…Well, until the train runs through and destroys it all. At least the place is somewhat familiar."

An almost skeletal cat wearing an earring with tattoos embedded in his fur materialized in front of me on top of a small piece of land in the middle of the shallow, babbling brook, a large grin upon his face. "About time too, Kayuri."

I smirked. "I may not have been here before, Cheshire Cat. But I suppose I agree with you. Quite mangy you look, might I add." I shook my head. "Look, this is quite disturbing right now to me; it's pushing me to the edge."

"Purrrfect. When you're not on edge, you're taking too much space," he remarked.

"You're not helping me at all…"

The cat leaned forward. "But you know I can be…"

"I can do fine freaking myself out with other things, thank you. I'm glad I didn't actually have to face that nasty old woman in person."

"Abandon that hope! A new law reigns in this Wonderland, Kayuri. It's very rough justice all around. We're at risk here. You be on your guard." And with that, he disappeared.

I looked around, a bit unnerved at what he said. A fourteen-year-old in a place where anything, wonderful or more likely terrifying can happen all by herself? Oh dear God, help me! I thought, clutching my arms. Maybe God will have someone join me in traveling through these realms… I started walking through the shallow water, the water only going up halfway up my ankles in my new boots, and looked around curiously. Big dominoes were in the sky, some by themselves and some attached to others and some hovering land masses.

"Yep, that's pretty weird," I said to myself and continued onward up a slightly steep hill and saw a translucent image of a house emitting a white-ish glow from it. "That must be one of Alice's memories. Better recover it." I touched it and suddenly heard Alice's sister, Lizzie, speak inside of my head.

You're part frog, Alice, I swear. You jump so well! She said.

"Hmmm…" I tried to jump up and almost soared, jumping possibly two or three times my height. "Whoa this is SO cool! I wonder if Kat can see this on the computer screen."

I can! Her voice sounded in my head. Are you okay, Big Sister?

"Yeah," I answered out loud. "I'm fine. I'm thinking I might need my Vorpal Blade though, since I remember I'll be fighting some Insidious Ruin soon!"

I'll get it and see if it will go through the computer screen!

"I'm going to keep going and admire the scenery!" I called to no one in particular. I looked ahead and saw this rock formation of Alice, her hands up to her face and water pouring from under the closed eyes, giving the impression the rock formation is crying. "That's quite impressive…" I jumped over the gap of land separated by another river and continued on, until I came across another gap. Approaching the ledge, a domino swooped in to provide a step and I continued onward, being cautious and still a nervous wreck. And I came across another memory, the image same as the first one. Only this time, Mrs. Liddell spoke.

If you leap from that table again, Alice, I'll expire. You're 2 times too reckless, my girl.

I continued on after jumping up some large mushroom platforms and came across, yet again, another memory. But Mr. Liddell spoke in this memory.

Amanita muscaria, Alice, is merely a stinky toadstool. A spongy consistency, but poisonous, he said.

"Okay, toadstool. Sure," I muttered as one just happened to pop up. A small keyhole was behind me where the recovered memory was found, but for a slender 5'4" girl like myself, I couldn't squeeze through. Heck, I don't even think our Daschund could've fit through it! But I knew there was something on the other side, I just couldn't reach it. "Maybe after I get the ability to shrink I can come back." I jumped onto the toadstool and it sprang me upward and I tried not to fall face-first into the dirt. I didn't though, but found another keyhole with a pretty, violet flower next to it. Still, I kept walking and saw the area with the giant bottle with the "Drink Me" label pouring the purple liquid that would help me shrink to about a foot tall so I could pass through the keyholes on the ground and hurried towards it.

"Oh finally." I said, walking towards it.

The Cheshire Cat materialized again on top of one of the dominoes above the liquid. "Though lacking a bathing costume, a plunge in that pool is in order!"

I held my hands out under the purple liquid substance pouring from the giant bottle and I started to shrink. "Oh hey, I'm not going to disappear, am I?"

"Almost. But the upside is that while smaller you can see things that are nearly invisible to your bigger self." He disappeared once more.

"Ah yes, of course," I said, spotting a third keyhole after going back to normal height near the back wall next to a memory, only this one was the image of an injecting needle. I recovered it and a doctor's voice, possibly the one from the first game, speak.

Look how small she's become. All curled up, she's barely there, a vixen in her hidey-hole.

I shrunk smaller and ran through the keyhole and jumped back onto the toadstool that led me to the ground platform I was on earlier. I ran through the keyhole's tunnel and came down several ledges and through another short-sized tunnel. Going back to normal size once again, I found another memory, one spoken by Lizzie again.

I'll never have more fun alone than when I rode the big slide at Hyde Park. Papa will take you soon, Alice.

But he probably never did, I thought sadly. I quickly shook my head and ran on and jumped on one of those blue toadstools that boosted me up onto this giant slide with chalk drawings on it. I slid down it and landed in a river, but the water wasn't clear like before, ohoho no, not at all. It was polluted with blood, stained in the rich red color. I ignored the slight sickness in my stomach and saw the Jabberwok skeleton lay on a rock mass. I went up to it, curiosity getting the best of me. The cat appeared once more as I got closer.

"The Vorpal Blade is swift and keen. And always ready for service."

The blade rose from the Jabberwok's skull and came into my hand. "I'm not sure if I want to fight, Cheshire. I don't want to look for one, that's for sure."

"Really? That's a pity. One's certainly looking for you," was the Cheshire Cat's response before disappearing.

"Dumb cat," I muttered and moved on. "I'm not in the mood for lame riddles." I recovered another injector needle/doctor memory near the skeleton and listened, a bit bored.

"Flight or fight" implies a permanent choice. But "flight" often just means putting off the fight to another day. Choose your battles wisely, Alice.

I moved on, slashing on a few big shells with the Vorpal Blade for practice, and went into the small area with a few suspicious-looking, black guck puddles. Then, from the biggest puddle formed an Insidious Ruin.

"Ah man, I was hoping to avoid them!" I said. The thing advanced towards me and I managed to kill it, much to my surprise. Killing something's obviously not my normal thing to do, but looks like I'll have to kill in this world if I want to live. I turned around and saw two more form and wondered if I could take them both on. I did manage though, and noticed that blood was now staining my new dress. "Mom's going to kill me when she sees this!" I said, freaking out. "How can I possibly explain that I've been sucked into this game and had to kill monsters to survive? She won't believe me!"

Sis, I found your blade! Kat's voice echoed in my head.

"A bit late for that," I called, waving the blood-stained one. "I've claimed the original!" I noticed some giant tree roots that were blocking my path move away so I could pass. Another one of Alice's memories came up, this one an image of glasses. "So, it's one of Dr. Bumby…"

A flower's purpose is simple and immutable. Human purpose is fickle because it is a slave to memory. Memories must be strictly managed, Alice. Unproductive ones must be eliminated.

I came upon several masses of land that I couldn't reach if I tried to jump normally and I suddenly remembered to float. Taking a deep breath and leaping, I quickly imagined that I was hovering and I was doing exactly that! I made across the other ledges and headed onward, stopping dead at the ledge of the landmass I reached. The reason? There was a rather large lady, the Duchess from the first game I guessed, stirring a pot over a stove in a kitchen and arguing with a blonde guy. I recognized him anywhere; Golden-blond hair in a braid, eyes of the same color, a red, long-sleeved, hooded coat over black jacket with a white trim held together by a metal clasp covering a black tank top, black leather pants and black boots with red, rubber soles.

God, is this a dream? Is that really HIM standing over there? Am I really looking at Edward Elric? I looked at my Vorpal Blade in hand, seeing that my hair was slightly messed up from the fighting earlier in the reflection and I quickly combed it through with my fingers. It'll have to do, but first impressions are everything, especially if you're meeting someone very good-looking like the Fullmetal Alchemist himself. I took a deep breath, gathering my courage and reminding myself not to act like a total dork, and leapt from the ledge. The two were two busy talking to notice my approach until the Duchess caught me in the corner of her eye.

"Ah, it's you again, Kayuri. You may approach."

"Why would I? Don't you want to eat me or something?" I asked nervously. The Duchess was quite tall; it was hard for me to not run away and hide out of sheer terror.

"Yes, well you taught me manners and I've lost my taste for mad women; strictly a porcine diet for me. Everything's better with bacon, don't you agree? Of course you do. Now, there are Pig Snouts scattered about. I heard a few from behind the house; go fetch them for me. But take care of the pests that block your way. Pepper them up if they do. They need spice and you're just the dish- uhm- girl to season them for me. You'll find that grinder serviceable." She pointed her spoon at the large pepper grinder on the table.

"Why not season them yourself?"

"Matter of priorities. My alabaster skin needs protection from the disgusting creatures running amok amidst the environs. But one gets puckish. Look, all you have to do is listen for the oink, then shoot the snout. You may like the results. I certainly will."

"Hey, lady!" Ed said, clearly pissed off. "I still need to get through here and could use some help!"

"Oh well, you can help Kayuri. After that, you might get the help you're looking for. You wouldn't mind this boy accompanying you, would you, girl?"

"N-No ma'am, not at all!" I answered, straightening my posture to look more mature. I glanced at Edward, who crossed him arms and glared at the Duchess before looking at me in question. I gave a tiny smile.

"Good, now off with you two!" Said the Duchess, waving her other hand.

I hurried and grabbed the pepper grinder from the table and walked out the back door, Ed following silently. We noticed some shiny, melded up structure with an assortment of screws sticking out of them and some creatures, Bolterflies, fly from the structure. I got out the pepper grinder and quickly disposed of them right before Edward could transmute his arm into a sword.

"Huh. Not bad," he remarked after I went up and destroyed the nest the creatures came from.

"Oh, well thanks." I scratched my neck, trying not to blush. Was that a compliment? Oh man, I don't know what to say! Looks like this might be so bad to be stuck here after all…


Me: Woooooo! After about an hour of concentrating my butt off, I got it! :DD

Ed: *looks at it* Uh-huh. Very nice...

Me: *grins* Thanks Ed. Now if you have any ideas feel free to PM me okay? Any questions for Ed that may pertain to his staying in my care is acceptable in reviews as well. So R&R please~!