Ehh this is my first one-shot

It's meant to be set right after Mello storms out of Rodgers office… or maybe an hour or so later. Well, aside from those memories. I really don't know if I did any good with their personalities, It's been SO LONG since I watched anything Death Note, seriously. But I'll always love this pairing.

Btw… I don't own Death Note. I think that's what I'm supposed to write :D

I trudged the halls of my 'home' with my head faced down, I was probably bleeding out my emotions though I didn't care. The thing was, I always took myself to be a rather selfish person, not caring about others' feelings at all. You know, it was because of my upbringing… but that's a different story, and I'll leave it to your imagination.

But you know, something had been really off with me, lately. Kind of like a girl on PMS, I was complaining non-stop, everything had to be absolutely perfect or I found myself frustrated, and heck, I'm nearing fifteen-years-old. What seriously pissed me off though was when my so-called friend Matt made a point of telling me, in all privacy of course, that I may finally be adapting to my hair. Well, fuck you, Matt. And yes, that's all that I could think of right then, I was too angry for concentration.

My sight was set. My aim was straight. My mind locked ahead, my thought process dimmed as I neared that little porcelain nightmare. When had this 'hate' started? As I recall, I was the one who cared enough to yank this kid off of the wet London streets that night. He should care. He shouldn't seclude himself; he should be intelligent enough to know that copycats get no-where.

But as I walked, my anger started to dim. It slowly formed painful memories in my head, and the smile, that smile that I feared I would never see again. Oh, it didn't help with the news I just got loaded onto me. But what was more horrifying, was the way in which the porcelain doll took it. He brushed it over his shoulder like it was nothing.

Nothing.

But, I know there must be some recognition of who he is inside his mind. I don't understand what goes on it there, I really don't. Only to myself would I ever admit that it was a brilliant mind, and perhaps it was the fact that I pushed him beyond what even I could comprehend. But he was happy. And then he was no longer happy anymore.

"We should be getting back soon, Mello. They're waiting for us at the bus."

I lifted my head from isles of endless candy towards my red-headed day-partner. Some field trip this was, it was all information that he already knew – and then barely half an hour to pick out food for a 'satisfying' trip back to the orphanage. But it was our first, being a little young ourselves. I recall, perhaps we were twelve? Must have been.

I sighed and grabbed a random purple wrapping, hoping that inside the layers of eye-catching foil there would be something worth sinking my teeth into. "Go pay for these."

Matt scrunched up his nose, but complied nevertheless, stuffing the ball he had in his right hand underneath his left up as he took the candy out of my hands and trudged to the counter childishly.

I grinned for a moment at his antics, before I began to make my own slow trudge out the door of the candy-shop, yet again unaware of the decaying world around me, trying to find myself in the smell of rain.

As I was, happy suppressing myself into my one-eyed wonder, I felt a large force hit my stomach, and before I knew it I was gripping my sides in pain and my eye-sight was adjusting to the floor, where the source of my pain was struggling to stand up.

"Watch where you're going you stupid oaf!"

I snapped up straight and glared at the kid on the floor. He didn't look like he owned much, he was in a long sleeved blue shirt far too large for him. Over the top of that was a brown vest, it didn't look like it'd protect him from much cold. He was, after all, wearing shorts- black knee-high socks snaked up to the middles of his thighs and his shoes were – well, tiny sneakers.

My gaze met his head for a moment, of which his white locks were covered with a brown brim-hat that forced a stereo-type upon himself that he was, in fact, homeless.

When he lifted up his head, I was amazed to see that he was against all odds, porcelain. His eyes were an ice-blue, mine were probably just a tad darker, no inch of his skin was stained with blemish, actually, and he appeared to be nothing short of perfect.

Even so, I sharpened my stare at him and he narrowed his eyes, too stubborn to take back the comment that affected me.

"What was that, brat?" I asked, my teeth grinding against each other.

"I said watch where you're going, you big OAF!"

Standing up straight, I cocked my head to the side and smirked. He was still on the floor, however he must have noticed the superiority outlook, in my bias opinion, and I was already winning this little argument.

In a dash, he shot up, however remained standing his ground as he glared at me. "Why are you just smiling like that? Stupid girl!"

Snap.

"I'M A BOY YOU STINGY LOSER!"

When nonchalance fell over the boys' features, I felt myself burning up from the inside; my fists were balled so tight I was sure the skin over my knuckles would split.

"O-Oh," the boy suddenly allowed a wide grin to spread across his face. "You're a really pretty boy!"

Despite the circumstances, I do recall blushing as I spoke dryly. "… What?"

He kept the stupid grin on his face as he looked up at me, however when he stayed that way for a while, surpassing the time my comfort took to settle in, I snapped my head away and he giggled.

"I win!"

"This was never a staring competition!" I snapped, but before I knew it he was gone. I glanced around the shops for a few moments, before I caught him on his tippy-toes trying to reach for a giant lollipop. Oh, so he did have money.

My thoughts were contradicted when he succeeded to nip at the stick, causing the lollipop to topple and fall. He caught it in his hands, and then bluntly strode towards the exit. I looked up at the counter, where Matt was talking appreciatively to the woman behind said counter, she had no idea that a little homeless boy had just waltzed in, taken the biggest lollipop there and was now proceeding through the exit.

In what took less than a millisecond I blocked the doorway with my body and stared down at the boy in disbelief, "Shoplifting is bad!"

The boy looked at me for a moment; a forlorn gaze met my own stern features before he pouted, "Well what do you suggest I eat? I haven't eaten anything for three days, now."

I do remember shuddering at that, not because I felt guilty, but because the thought of being deprived of chocolate for three days haunted me. It still does.

"I can get you something to eat."

"You can?"

"Yeah," I glanced out the door for a moment, quickly snapping my head back with the feeling that this boy would disappear right out the door if I didn't keep a close eye on him. However the adorable hope in his face made it hard for me not to bend down and place my hands on his fragile shoulders. "Well, go return the lollipop to where it was and I'll take you."

I think he stared up at me like I was an idiot for a few seconds, until he must have found something right with my face and he walked right up to the counter and placed the lollipop on it. "Here lady, have this. I was going to steal it but now I don't feel like it."

I smiled sheepishly as he walked back to me; he actually looked excited as I felt thin fingers lace themselves through mine.

"Okay, now take me to where the food is!"

I remember waiting until Matt finally stopped bragging, then explaining to him on the way the situation. When we met Rodger at the bus, I had to re-explain myself and sure enough, the boy got his food.

When we departed, he tugged on my hand and grinned up at me, like only a child could do. "I want to see you again."

I furrowed my brows. "Why?"

He paused for a moment, before he let an actual smile grace his porcelain face and his eyes met mine, the smile sure reached them as he spoke; "Because I'm going to marry you!"

My eye twitched. "… Just because I brought you food?"

"Because you're a really pretty boy!"

I left it at that, huffing and storming to the bus on my feet. I didn't glance back until I was on the bus and eating my candy, and I watched as the doll sat down on a bench and swung his legs back and forth, eating his way into my lunch.

I slowed my pace a little, my anger subsiding. God, it's been a long time since I remembered something that clearly, it almost makes me want to cry. With everything that was happening back then, I guess it just perpetuated my emotions as I stopped walking and just stared at that placid bundle of white, leaning against a wall as I sighed. I felt like an open book.

Making my way through the streets one night, running on an errand that was asked of me so suddenly, I felt the urge to give in to my needs and head towards a bakery, where I was sure there'd be some kind of chocolate bread. As I now reminisce, I'm pretty sure it was raining. I was told I had to be back before eight, but it was already seven-thirty and I was starving. I had already picked up the paper, anyway.

I headed into the shelter, my blue umbrella seemed to be fed up with the amount of harsh rain hitting it, and as I dodged puddles on my way into the bakery, my foot nudged something and I stumbled forward.

After regaining my precious balance, I wearily turned my head to look down at the curled up ball in front of the door. It quivered as I removed my foot from it's shin, and in one big motion it's leg slipped from underneath it's arm and revealed a creamy canvas of cuts and bruises.

I knelt down beside it, and placed my hand on its shoulder. At the sudden contact, it flailed and brought it's head up to slap my hand away.

When I realised who this little ball was I widened my eyes. "You!"

The porcelain boy only caught my gaze for a moment before he dropped his head weakly against the wall and he whimpered. "Don't touch me."

"What happened to you!" Frantic for an explanation, I reached forward and wrapped my hand around his tiny wrist, loose enough that it would cause pain.

"…I hate this world."

I scowled at his words for a moment, before I decided I didn't care what had happened to him. He shoplifted, he was rude as hell, but he was still somebody I was acquainted to. I placed one arm underneath his legs and another behind his upper back and I lifted him up, being careful not to hurt my own back in the process. When I was up straight and he was staring at me with eyes that glazed over, I tried to smile reassuringly. "I'll take you somewhere nice."

I placed the blue umbrella in between my arm and his legs, so it would hold up over him as we walked through the damp night. After I noticed his tears had stopped falling, I peered down at his face. What was once clear as glass was bruised.

I didn't know what happened to him, I still don't know now, but whatever the feeling that came over me back then was, I know even now I can't understand it. I remember leaning into to nuzzle our foreheads together. Maybe it was to protect him from the cold? Or maybe I was telling myself that.

"Why?"

When I heard the husky whisper, I brought my head away and sighed down at him, he was now aware of everything that was going on, and so I knew, I was going to save this boy from whatever reason he was hurting.

"Because the world isn't as bad as you think."

What was I thinking? He betrayed me. I brought him here! I helped him… but, even so. He helped me.

I ran into the toilets and slammed the door shut behind me. Those stupid jerks! They think they can make stupid comments about Near and I and get away with it? Near.

I never asked his name until I brought him to Rodgers office. When I did, Rodger told Near it wasn't necessary and named him "Near". I didn't push on to find out his real name, but we did spend a lot of time together. So then, some boys got angry, well, jealous more like. Just because I had a new friend that I liked better.

I stomped into the corner of the tile walls and sat there, angry with the world. My arm hurt from being punched, and of course, I did try to retaliate by harming the other party, but it was in vain, because that just made them laugh at me, more and more.

They made jokes about me loving Near.

It almost made me choke. Near was a boy, and I was a boy.

I heard the door creak open and I hid my face in my hands. "Go away!"

"M-Mello…"

At hearing the soft voice from above me, I slowly brought my head up. For a good ten seconds, I just stared up at Near and tried to smile. I didn't want him to know that I was hurt because of him. I chuckled a little, to try and re-enforce the fact that I was happy upon him. "Hey, you."

But Near's face only contorted into a pout, of which then became an expression of true sadness, before Near began to cry. He moved his hands up to his face to wipe at the tears, but they wouldn't go away.

"Near!" I sprang up and without thinking, wrapped my arms around his small frame. "Near, what's wrong?"

"I'm sorry…" Near leaned his head into my chest and sobbed again, the noise was already forcing a lump to my own throat.

"Near, why are you crying?" I asked, burying my face on the top of his hair.

There was a silence for a moment, before Near brought his face up to look at mine, closer, any closer and our lips would have met.

"For you, Mello."

Bringing my knees to my chest, I placed my head in my arms, listening to the footsteps of ignorant children walking past me. I didn't want to remember those things, they hurt me. This was, despite the length I'd go to admit to myself, all my fault. Not his death, that wasn't my fault, I wasn't going to be held a human punching bag for that. But the porcelain dolls' change. That was my fault. I was so happy; I honestly remember actually looking forward to waking up every morning. I can't remember when it stopped and when he started being so emotionless and snobby, but I can remember what happened.

"Mello!"

I opened one eye groggily and growled at whatever was shaking me awake. When I felt it continue, I sat up, and whatever was straddling me fell backwards. When my eyes adjusted to the morning, I became aware that I was staring down at the porcelain doll. For the fifth time in the past two weeks.

"Near! How many time have I told you – you can't just sneak into my bed whilst I'm sleeping!"

Near gave me a cold stare for a moment, before he grinned. "But it's normal for the husband to want to sleep with his wife!"

I groaned for a moment, until I realised what he had said. "We're not married! AND WHO SAID YOU WERE THE HUSBAND?"

Once I calmed myself down, I noticed him sit up and get onto his knees. As he looked up at me the grin on his face only spread wider. "Let's play!"

"We can't, we have class now," I moved to the side and stood up, placing my hand to my forehead to rid myself of a stroke of light-headedness.

Near turned himself around and lets his legs hang off of my bed. "Okay, then. Let's play in class!"

For a moment, I couldn't actually believe that this little boy was one of the smartest people here. Had it been by fluke that he'd been overly intelligent? It was ridiculous!

And another thing, one other thing that actually made me enjoy this boys company. He wasn't afraid of me.

I got angry so fast that people tended to back away when I walked towards them. Sure, Matt was an exception; he and I had been friends for a while. But, he still sometimes got pissed off at me and my little anger outbursts and stormed off.

Near, however, just never gave up.

"Please? I found a reaaaaaaaaaally big puzzle and I want to do it with you!"

At the awareness that Near was now directly behind me, I turned around and faced him. He was still short as when I brought him to the orphanage, but it was now a year later, and he had slightly matured despite it all. He wasn't as rude as before – when he'd first came people avoided him because he had some kind of lethal foot-in-mouth syndrome and he called a girl ugly.

When he'd adapted, that girl had kept coming back over and over to try and make friends with him.

Ugh, I have always hated Linda.

Near sometimes complained about her, but he rarely even brought her up around me. Usually it was as if we were in our own little world once I'd gotten over my grump. We had pretty intelligent conversations; we were closer than I'd actually like to speak out about at this point.

But then he surpassed me.

Why were these memories coming back so suddenly? Before I could blink back tears, more came pouring in, more emotions, and more pain that I couldn't hold back. I wished I could suppress my feelings like Near could.

I was so jealous that he became number one, the best in the orphanage, that I felt sick every time we had to meet up. I often waited awake at night, but he never crawled into my bed.

I wanted to talk to him, but I didn't, as if I was afraid. He began to separate himself from the rest of the children, as if he was the best and we didn't matter. He began to get that rudeness back, but this time it was almost humble. That's right, Near is a damn humble snob. He became emotionless, like a wall. It was near impossible to talk to him. He used to be so different, and I couldn't figure out what changed him.

He was so different that it hurt me, and each word spoken from his lip felt like a dagger. I wanted him back, so much so that when I finally did gander the courage to let a question past my lips, I was horrified when he ignored me.

He picked up his puzzle and walked off.

I found myself thinking "why?" over and over, my head in my arms, my arms on my knees, my knees curled up to my chest. Oh, I probably looked like a vulnerable mess. Not that I could blame any judgmental whispers. That was, in all truth, what I felt and looked like. No, I was sure. I was the stupidest person at the orphanage. I let my emotions take over me, and I lost someone precious. It really hurt.

So how could someone who appeared to be as fragile as him not be crying? I felt used, I felt angry, I felt like in some ways, I also betrayed him.

It was a friendship that I could wish for, over and over, but I would never receive again.

When I heard more footsteps, I tried to curl myself further into the corner of the hall, however the fact that I was clad in black really contrasted against the white of the hallway, and the footsteps slowed. When they stopped altogether, I bit my lip. I didn't want anyone to see me crying. I hate emotions. I hate getting angry.

For a moment, I could feel the person's eyes gazing over me. Then I heard a shuffle and I knew they were crouching in front of me.

I dragged my mouth over my arm and bit down, hard, just to avoid sobbing. Everything had been let go. It hurt.

When I felt something cold press up against my cheek, at first I thought t was another tear, and that my face had just gotten so hot from embarrassment that it felt almost freezing in comparison.

When it slid down my cheek and onto my arm, I opened my eyes and slowly lifted my head trying to wipe away the tears with my arm as I did so. I didn't look up at whoever was in front of me, but when my eyes caught what the cold object was, I froze.

A puzzle piece.

Slowly I raised my head, and sure enough, kneeling right in front of me, almost in between my knees, was Near.

His head was faced down, his white locks covered his eyes, and he remained silent. I glanced to wear he had been before, and noticed the rest of his puzzle, almost incomplete aside from one piece. I look at the piece on my arm and picked it up, before realising what this meant.

Another tear slipped down my cheek, and I was about to tell Near he was the biggest idiot ever when I noticed something.

On his cheek, as well.

The same.

He feels the same.

I reached out slowly and placed my hand on the side of his face, cupping the tear inbetween my palm and his porecelain skin as I raised his head to look at me.

Near didn't struggle. I almost expected to be pissed off with a nonchalant expression, however when I glanced at Near's face, I wanted to cry more.

He was the same.

Near's eyes were still shiny, and though he had only let one tear fall, it almost looked like any moment, more would pour down.

Kind of like the rain on the day I brought him here.

When I opened my mouth to say something, Near beat me to it. In a shaky voice, he leaned forward, his eyes magnetized back to the floor.

"Is it okay?"

Wait, what? Is what okay? I looked back at the puzzle piece, for a moment daunted by the fact that yes, giving me his puzzle piece, or should I say, the last piece of his favorite puzzle, he was telling me that, I complete him. I did, in a way, recognize the way the porcelain doll's mind worked. But I didn't think that it was what he was trying so say, so I brought my eyebrows together in confusion.

I shook my head, "Near, I don't understand…"

Near sucked in a shaky breath before he spoke again.

"To cry, Mello."

I felt an odd sensation wash over me, it was a feeling I'd felt many times with this boy. He really knew how to make me cry. Then, he did always know how to make me laugh, as well. And with a mixture of feelings I, even I, master of emotions, could not identify with, I smiled.

"Of course it's okay."

Near brought his head up for a moment, and I tilted my head the second his eyes met mine. Without warning, the fragile doll sprung forward in-between my legs, he wrapped his arms around my neck and before I could see more tears fall, he buried his face in the crook of my neck.

I didn't know what to do, and so I tried to push my mind away from the butterflies I felt in my stomach. It had been such a long time since Near had come close to me upon will, and I began to wonder if it was because he was forcing himself away. If he was afraid of being hurt. Again.

I really was stupid.

I beat him up, and physically he remained porcelain. Mentally, I wasn't the only one broken. But some things couldn't be fixed.

I clutched the puzzle piece in my hand, as I cautiously wrapped my arms around his waist, and my nuzzled my face in his hair. For a while, we stayed that way. I didn't feel Near shake, I didn't hear him sob, but I knew he was still crying.

But, why?

He wasn't crying because of L's death. That I knew. It did bother me that he could take it so lightly, because L was someone we were meant to look up to. Maybe Near was still a little childish, in the way that a child's ego would remain high until they realized that the world didn't revolve around them. Or maybe it was another wall put up to protect himself... from me. But I was prepared to break down that wall.

"Near?" I asked, pleased with the steadiness of my tone.

"…Yes?"

"Why are you crying?"

All fell silent, and I was afraid that he would move away. Despite the odd way we were embracing, I wasn't so hurt by those memories anymore. Actually, the closer Near and I were, the more adjusted I came to reality. It was as if a dystopia was crumbling, but it wasn't revealing a perfect utopia. It was a twisted love story, in a way. And it was making me smile.

"For you, Mello."

I let out a long breath, before I moved away from Near's head. For a moment, he stayed with his face in my neck, and then he moved away. I was internally cut by the way he was looking up at me, in a mix of pain, fear and ironically, the same look I was giving to him at that moment.

Awe.

When Near bit his lip gently, his eyes still locked on mine, it must have pulled on my pretentious heartstrings because I brought my hand up to his cheek, and caressed it gently.

"Near... smile."

Near's eyes once distant began filling with light, until he narrowed them and almost spat-out in that rude voice I hadn't heard since we first met. "Give me a reason to."

My own face dropped as I stared at him, huffing, I brought our faces closer. Was it wrong? Being so obsessed with him? Feeling this close? Was this feeling... wrong?

To fufill my needs, yet still assure myself, I brought up the puzzle peice in my other hand, and placed it against my lips. When it was settled there, and I was sure Near was looking at me like I was an idiot, I slowly tugged his face forward.

When his lips met the other side of the puzzle piece, I let myself smile against it. I couldn't feel Nears lips, but I could feat the burning heat from the pink across his cheeks. Needless to say, it was a good feeling.

And with that, the wall momenterily broke.

Near snapped his head away and the puzzle peice fell to the floor. He touched his lips for a moment, and then growled like a five-year-old. "What was that?"

I shrugged. "I don't know."

...

"... Do it again."

Shocked for a moment, I widened my eyes and then reached for the puzzle peice on the floor. Before I could place my fingertips on it, I felt a sharp pain in my right hand.

"Ouch!" I yanked it out of Near's mouth and glared at him; "What the hell is your problem all of a sudden!"

"I don't like the way it tastes."

"You weren't supposed to lick it..."

Near and I glared at each other for a moment longer, despite the fact that the atmopshere was meant to be intense, I smiled. He really never knew when to give up, did he?

"One more time."

And so, I leaned forward and placed my lips against his. It lasted a while, we knew that if anyone caught us we'd look odd, but even so, it was the feeling we were striving on. It didn't feel wrong. It wasn't wrong. When I moved away, Near was smiling.

And even though after that, he remained silent.

Even though we've now gone our seperate ways...

'Even though I know for a fact that, I can't live without you.

In a way, we had a lot of firsts.

But, isn't this so ironic? Isn't just like me?

Death at a chapel.

But you know, Near, it's okay to be afraid. Because, in the end, the world isn't as bad as we think.'