I'M WITH YOU
Author : Twice-born Balrog Slayer
Rating : PG
Genre : Drama
Summary : Glorfindel and Estel, each other feel lonely and hunger for comforting arms
A. N : This my 4th work after Fishing Time, Rafting Lesson and The Savior ( which got good feedbacks, including compliment and critic, thank you very much ! ) and also my first experiment to make a songfic, the inspiration was come from my best friend and partner Elendil whose really love to hear Avril Lavigne 'I'm With You' and later asked me to make a songfic basic on this song. Oh and little bit AU, because I mixed up the timeline of Estel's first coming to Imladris and Glorfindel's return to Arda, while he finally belongs in Imladris also. Sorry for the inconvenience, but I must do this for the sake of storyline
I'm With You
By : Avril Lavigne
I'm standing on the bridge
I'm waiting in the dark
I thought that you'd be here by now
There's nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I'm listening but there's no sound
Isn't anyone try to find me
Won't somebody come take me home
It's a damn cold night
Try to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are but I
I'm with you
I'm looking for a place
I'm searching for a face
Is anybody here I know
Cause nothing's going right
And everything a mess
And no one likes to be alone
Isn't anyone try to find me
Won't somebody come take me home
It's a damn cold night
Try to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are but I
I'm with you
Why is everything so confusing ?
Maybe I'm just out of my mind
It's a damn cold night
Try to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new I don't know who you are but I
I'm with you
Glorfindel walked slowly through the corridor outside his chambers in Homely Home. It was rain at night, and the air feel so cold, but Glorfindel didn't care. Gathering his cloak and gripped it tightly he stepped to the rainy outside, through the garden. As he felt water splashing beneath his boots, wind blowing his cloak, and chilling wind swept his face, he let his mind wondering.
Wondering about how lonely he felt now.
It was few years since his first arrival in Imladris. After his horrible death in Gondolin, his coldly-waiting in Hall of Mandos, he felt so utterly miserable. When first he woke up from his death, his first thought was 'where is Nana ? Ada ? My Lord ?'. And then, when he realized that no one come, he started to weep. He remember everything, his beautiful city, which was burned and ruined; his family, and their last scream before Balrog's flaming-breath was take their soul; his King, whom he worship and respect for his entire heart, slain by those demonic creature; and also his own pain, his own darkness, when he felt the Balrog's fire whip crashing his body over and over again, until he was death, and in the end made him dealt with the coldness and emptiness of Mandos' Halls.
He spent many ages of his life, waited, until Arda herself finally claimed back his soul and returned him.
And fate took him to Imladris, where he must be finally found peace. Yes, he admitted it, he can found peace in Imladris, with her beautiful valley and rivers, her happy and kind-hearted people, and of course her Lord, Elrond and his family, who was welcomed him whole-heartedly, and always tried to helped him forget his haunting memory. He felt grateful, of course. But he never said that however they tried so hard, still he never can escape from those jail of memories. No one can be.
Every single night, he will woken up jolty by a dreadful nightmare, dejavu of his past memories. White city, fire, demons, screaming, deaths, his death....
Like this night. Few hours ago, again, he woken up screamed with his usual nightmare. Then he was vomit, then he cried and sobbed silently. However he tried, he never can erased those horrible moments from his mind. That always made him feel out of mind. For a moment, he was tempted to ran to Elrond or somebody to cease his pain, but then, he buried that thought.
/They cannot be understand/ he thought bitterly. /Yes they was kind and nice to me, they always tried to cease my burden, but they never be truly understand me. They are not in there ! They are not died !/
Slowly, he made his way to one of the elegant bridge upon the river. Then he standing on the middle of the bridge, wondering his mind. He looked up to the sky, closed-eyes, feeling the drops of rain on his fair face. He was half-expected that someone will notice that he was gone, and come upon him. But of course, that's not happen. And so he wept, his silvery tears sliding down his face, poured by the rain.
"I need someone close..." he whispered shakily. "Take me home...please..."
But no one answer.
All of the Elves at the valley and Elrond's house was always treat him nice. They always tried to make him forget his father's terrible death. They asked him and his mother if they're like to join them at Halls of Fire, singing, dancing, attending feast. He enjoyed all of those attention, of course. But still, they are stranger for him.
/I want to go home/ he thought sadly. /But I had haven't home.../
He walked into the rainy outside. He always loved to played in the rain. He knows that his mother always scolded him when he went outside in the middle of the rain. But he always loved to play in rain. Rain water which poured his whole body made him feel so playfully, so free. Just like what he need right now. Besides, his mother was still asleep, and she will took no notice of his action.
He walked through the corridor, to the terrace, and the garden. He looking for a spot which he was discovered few months ago, a perfect spot if he want to runaway from the strangers and sunk into his own reveries. It was a beautiful crafted bridge near one of the spring. It is located in one of the secret garden, which was only Elrond's family member can access. And Elrond had gave him permission to come to this spot freely. So there he is heading now, hope can find some peace and quiet, to ease his throbbing mind.
But someone was already there.Glorfindel were still mused and sobbed quietly, when suddenly he heard some small footsteps from the edge of the bridge. The slightly down-poured rain made him able to recognize a little figure, wrapped in a cloak. When the little was drawing closer to him, he can saw that he was a man's child. /He must be Estel, son of Arathorn/ Glorfindel thought /I have heard that Elrond had intended to raise him. What he's doing, ventured outside in the middle of the night ?/
The child's approached him hesitantly, but halted in half-track. Instead of move closer, he laid on the railing of bridge, looked upon the troubled water. Just like Glorfindel's state right now. For almost a half hour they're seems to just standing side by side, looking to the river. But, feeling awkward, Glorfindel made first action to broke a silence.
"Why you didn't sleep yet ?"
Estel, little bit surprised, answer softly. "Cannot sleep."
"Me too."
There was silent again, then...
"Nightmare."
"Huh ?" Glorfindel looked to the child, not sure if he was the one who talk to him.
"I cannot sleep because I got nightmare." The child's voice now almost cracked, undoubted proof that he was tried to hid his tears.
"What kind of nightmare ?" Glorfindel asked softly.
"I..." he halted in a track, but kept continue with cracking voice. "I saw...monsters. They had kill my fathers...then they got my mother, and me..." Unable to continued, he sniffled. "Sorry."
/He got a nightmare, too/ Glorfindel thought. /I forgot that he had experienced a tragedies like me/. And suddenly, he felt urged to share his previous nightmare with the child.
"You know...I got a nightmare, too."
Estel looked at him, with curiosity and sympathy. "Really ? What nightmare ?"
Glorfindel grew silent for a moment. "I...almost same with you. I saw monster...big monster, with fire-breath, and holding a flaming whip. Those creature attacked my city, ravished the beauty, killed peoples, my families..." Glorfindel sniffled. "And then...it's kill me."
Estel' eyes grew wide. "You dreamt you die ? That's must be awful."
"Aye, very awful."
There another silent moment, and then...
"Have you ever...die before ?" Estel asked softly.
Glorfindel frowned at this question. "What makes you thinking about that ?"
Estel bit his bottom lip before answer. "Because...I, I had often have a nightmare after my father's death. My mother said that I got a nightmare because I can't forget those moments yet. So...have you ?"
Glorfindel, whose still surprised at the children's ask, considering his question before slowly nodded. One more time, Estel' eyes grew wide.
"Really ? How you can die ? And why you can live anymore ?"
"I...I was not born in Imladris. I came from Gondolin, the White City which built by Turgon, my father. It was once the most beautiful city in Arda, with it's white-silvery towers, it's garden, and it's beautiful Elves." Glorfindel smiled fondly at memories of his beautiful house. "We lived happily once in there, everyday singing, playing, dancing, meeting friends, until one day...the demons come. It's destroyed my town, with it's fire breath, flaming whip, and fire ball. One of it's fireball crashing my house and kill all of my family. Enraged, I joined my King to slain it. In the end, my King and his armies was slain instead, and left me alone."
Now Estel was getting closer to him. "And...what's happened ?"
Glorfindel closed his eyes momentarily. "I was desperate. I took my sword and fought it. Everytime I manage to stabbed it's body, then it's flaming whip would stung my body. But in the end, I was managed to stabbed it on it's leg when we were fought on the cliff, and it's fell down."
Glorfindel now squeezed the railing hard. Estel, seeing his company's distress, put one hand in Glorfindel's arm. "You do not need to continue if you don't want to."
But Glorfindel shook his head. For the first time after his death and reborn, he's finally found such a freedom and carefree to shared his burden with someone else. He didn't know why, but all he wants to do now was to telling everything to the child.
"When it's fell down, I turn around from the cliff, thought it was finally over. But suddenly, I felt my back like being...sliced with burning sword. The demons lashed it's whip for the last time, and took my body fell down also. I grabbed the edge of the cliff, but finally I can't hold on anymore and fell with it."
"Last thing I saw before darkness surround me, was a huge river beneath the cliff, and those beast fell first. Then I saw dark...feel so cold and empty...I'm searching for a face...someone I knows...but..."
Glorfindel now crying openly. "Then...I realized that I'm finally died."
"My soul has entered Halls of Mandos. And I waited in there. For how long, I had lost counts. Everything was confusing. I had buried my hope to be returned to Arda, or at least be reunited with everyone I loved, even in death. I was forgot why I can return to Arda one more time. I must be happy, but instead I felt so empty, because I'm returned alone. And until now I'm still wondering why I'm not just die instead. Better to die alone than live with emptiness and surrounded by...stranger."
Estel now moved his hand from Glorfindel's arm to his knuckles and stroke it slowly. "Am I stranger ?"
Glorfindel looked at him. Estel looked at him. Then Estel moved his gaze to Glorfindel's knuckles and squeezed it. "Your hand like my father's."
Glorfindel raised his brow. "Really ?"
"Yes. My father's hand slightly bigger than you, and lil' bit hairy. But still, they are same. Big, and warm."
"My hand's warm ?"
"Yes. It felt so good. I used to hold my father's hand while I got a nightmare. But now..." Estel turned his head and tried to hid his tears.
Glorfindel, almost unconscious, return the squeeze softly. Then Estel smiled at him. And he smiled back.
"What is your name ?"
"Glorfindel. And you..."
"Estel."
"Well, little Estel, you better go in before you get a cold."
"Okay." Estel released Glorfindel's hand and turned back to the house. But after few steps, he halted and turned his body to Glorfindel, then extended his hand.
"Will with me ?"
Glorfindel hesitated for a moment. But then, he took the child's hand. "Yes." He whispered, almost choked. "I'm with you."
And then the elf and the human's child was headed to the Homely Home, holding hand, and each other felt grateful, knowing that for now they're finally found someone to shared their burden.
/I'm with you/