Disclaimer: Evangelion is owned by Gainax. The setting for this story is Episode 23, right at the time Ritsuko WOULD have shown Shinji the Rei clone tanks. This story involves several mature themes, including one female/male rape sequence, and should not be read by anyone under the age of 21 (or whatever the legal age in your State/Country is to purchase pornographic material), or anyone who is offended by such material. I should note at this point that I do not condone rape in any form, and that the one depicted in this story is purely fictional and not based on any actual events.
Innocence lost
By Random1377
Doctor Ritsuko Akagi sat nearly motionless at her desk, a pencil twirling idly through her fingers as she waited. -He chose her...- in contrast to her calm exterior, she was on fire with rage inside, -that blue-haired little freak... he sent me in her place... as if I would protect her... or him...- she growled in frustration, remembering that she had done just that.
She briefly considered her initial plan for revenge and rejected it again, -No... once the last angel is gone, THEN she'll get what's coming to her. No... this is much better...-
Her eyes fell to her desk drawer... and what was contained inside. -Soon...- she thought, containing her impatience, -but first...-
Her dark thoughts were interrupted by a soft knock on her door, signaling the arrival of the key to her second plan. A vicious smile crept across her lips, "Come in... Shinji..."
Shinji Ikari made his way diffidently into her office, "Umm, you wanted to see me?" he said quietly. She looked at the young pilot closely, taking note of the small lines that were beginning to form around his eyes... a sign of the high-pressure life the boy had.
She stood and walked past him, locking the door. "Yes, Shinji... there is something I want to talk to you about."
"What is i-ulmph" he was cut off as she firmly took him by the shoulders and pressed him against the wall, kissing him hard.
He tried to push her away, frightened by her advance, but she held him still, sliding her tongue across his lips.
She finally broke the kiss, "Now wasn't that nice? No one holding your nose closed?"
"You... you know about that??" Shinji stammered incredulously, still catching his breath.
Ritsuko looked surprised, "Why, Shinji... EVERYONE knows! Asuka talked about it for weeks... laughing at how gullible you were to actually believe that she wanted to kiss you." She smiled at the boy's crestfallen look, conveniently neglecting to tell him about the security camera that had been placed in Misato's apartment after the seventh angel.
"It's ok, Shinji... I understand." She took his face gently in her hands, "I know how lonely you must be... aren't you lonely, Shinji?" she whispered.
He nodded slowly, his gentle blue eyes sparkling with unshed tears.
She smiled, leaning closer, "Let me be the one that comforts you..." as their lips met once more, he offered no resistance. -So trusting...- she thought, -like... like I used to be...- her eyes sprang open as the full weight of what she was doing fell on her... but she was committed now, the damage done.
After a moment, Shinji kissed her back. She was surprised to feel his mouth open to let her tongue in, and his hand gently come up and brush her cheek. -I... no one has... has ever touched me... like this...- she thought, marveling at the boy's soft, hesitant contact.
She pulled back a little, a tear falling from her eye, -What... what's happening to me??- She thought, confused. His innocent smile dazzled her, and suddenly all thoughts of revenge against Gendou melted away. "Shinji... I... I'm lonely too," she whispered, her voice cracking.
"I... I'm sorry, Doctor Aka- I mean, Ritsuko..." he blushed, using her first name, "I... I never knew..." he touched her face again, timidly, "I can... I can talk to you... if you want. I can... comfort you... or at least try..."
She backed away, suddenly unsure, "I... I don't know if you can, Shinji, I..."
He stepped away from the wall and put his arms around her clumsily, "I can try... I hate to see anyone in pain..."
Her mind was on fire, -What... what am I doing? What have I become?- She suddenly became aware of his soft blue eyes gazing into hers... then he leaned forward and kissed her lips delicately.
Ritsuko began to cry softly, -I'm so dirty...- she thought, disgusted with herself, -I'm just like HIM, I... I only think of myself...- she broke away frantically, "Shinji... I... I'm sorry... I shouldn't have... shouldn't have..."
He frowned slightly, "Shouldn't have what? Tried to make me feel better?" he smiled at her, "I'm glad that you did..."
She broke free of his embrace, running blindly through the door, -Stupid... stupid selfish woman...- she berated herself.
Finally she came to a halt in the middle of a corridor, breathing hard. She sank to the floor, weeping. After a moment, she became aware of someone else's rapid breathing. She looked up to find Shinji kneeing in front of her, panting quietly.
"Did I... did I do... something wrong?" he asked, his voice sad.
She began to cry harder, gasping, "N-No... Shinji... you didn't... I did..." He leaned forward, placing an uncertain hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him, her vision blurred by the tears, and whispered, "Why... why are you being nice to me? I'm just a dirty old woman..."
He smiled and sat down beside her, "You're not THAT old... and you were nice to me." He frowned, getting to his feet, "I... I'll understand if you were just trying to make me feel better... you don't have to kiss me, you know... telling me that you understand was enough."
He offered her a hand up, "I... I don't need any more than what you've already given me..." he looked down, "I am lonely... but that's my problem... you don't need to-"
Suddenly, she realized that she really DID want to be the one to comfort him, -he's so vulnerable...- she thought. She took the offered hand and pulled - hard. Since he was leaning forward already, Shinji's balance was off and he fell on top of the blonde woman, his hands on either side of her body. She reached up with her free hand and pulled his head down, bringing his lips to hers once more.
She kissed him passionately for a minute without letting him go. When she finally released him, he gasped, "Wow..."
Wordlessly, she stood and drew him to his feet, leading him to a secluded room and locking the door. "Where are we?" he asked curiously, looking around at the beds and surgical equipment scattered around the room.
"This is the old infirmary," she said absently, "no one ever comes here." she walked over to him and kissed him again, taking time to get to know every corner of his mouth.
When she had finished, he gasped, "Ritsuko... you don't have to... to..."
"Shinji," she said taking his hand, "I... I only know of one way to comfort..." she took his hand and rested it on her right breast.
Shinji's eyes nearly came loose from their sockets, "Ritsuko... I... I... don't think that we shou-" she cut him off, kissing him hungrily.
Not allowing any more protests, she pushed him back until his knees hit one of the beds, dropping them neatly into it, her on top. Still kissing him, she deftly reached down and unbuckled his pants, pushing them down and touching him. He moaned into her mouth at the contact, his hands sliding all over the bed as if he didn't know what to do with them.
Pinning him to the bed with her lips, she reached down with her other hand and slid her panties to the side... then slowly eased herself down onto him. The moment he felt her warmth encase him, his struggles ceased... his eyes going wide. As their hips met, she broke the kiss, giving a soft sigh, "There..." she whispered.
Shinji looked down, but his view was obscured by her skirt, "Are we... am I... is this..." he could not form a proper sentence.
She looked down at him, once more ashamed, "Shinji... I... this is the only thing I know... please let me share it with you..."
He met her eyes, shock evident on his face, "Ritsuko..." he whispered, dazed, "Are you... are we... making love...?"
She nodded her head, fresh tears welling up in her eyes, "I... I'm sorry... I'm so alone, I just... I wanted to feel you inside of me..."
Shinji did not know what to say. His mind flashed single words almost faster than he could track: Lust. Warmth. Fear. Shame. Violation. Sadness. Love. "Do you... do you love me?" he asked in a small, confused voice.
Her heart skipped a beat, "I... I don't know, Shinji... I know that you are alone... and I know that you hate it." She bowed her head, "I... I just want to fill that void the only way I know how."
His voice was almost inaudible, "I...I didn't want this..."
She froze as the truth of his statement hit home. Horrified she looked into his soulful blue eyes, pierced by what she saw in them: betrayal. "Shinji... I... I'm sorry I-"
His voice was distant, "Will you... will you get off of me, Doctor Akagi?"
She slid off of him, weeping uncontrollably, -What have I done!? WHAT HAVE I DONE!?!?!-
"I... I thought you wanted... to... to help me..." he said, his eyes focusing on something far away, "but you're just using me... like... like father...."
Her heart clenched, -Have I... have I really become so cold?-
Shinji curled into a ball, hugging his knees. His friends had all left him due to the destruction caused by Unit 00's detonation... Rei came back from the detonation of the blue mecha virtually unharmed... Misato, his guardian, was never around... and his other fellow pilot, Asuka, had just declared that she hated him. Now this pretty, older woman comes to him, promising comfort and support... then proceeds to force herself on him, betraying his trust. It was more than his mind could handle. His pupils dilated and his breathing became heavy... a small line of spittle running from the corner of his mouth as his mind pulled back from reality.
Ritsuko put her hand to her mouth, "Shinji?" she whispered, shaking the boy gently. He made no reply.
"SHINJI!!!!! Oh god... OH GOD!!!!!!"
Continued...
Author's notes: Initially, I tried to write a WAFFy piece about Ritsuko and Shinji - and it may somehow become that later, I'm not sure (that's a lot to forgive) - but no matter how I wrote it, the initial encounter came off as corny - this fit, though it made the piece quite dark. Once again let me reiterate that I do not know, nor have I ever, nor WILL I ever condone rape of any kind. The consequences of the one in this story (shown in the next chapter if feedback is strong and I don't decide to pull it) will be immediate... and harsh.
SECOND VERSION NOTES: Ok, due to some believability issues in the later chapters (frankly, people didn't) I've added some more thoughts to Ritsuko before the original beginning. I've also added some extra thoughts to Shinji as he detaches from reality to help people less familiar with the later episodes understand WHY this would affect him so deeply. Oh yeah, and I toned down the actual rape itself, since it's graphicness was what gave this story its NC-17 rating. This is now an R story.
Thanks to Ryoma and JobFaust for pre-reading and helping me salvage this one.
Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com.
Innocence lost
By Random1377
Doctor Ritsuko Akagi sat nearly motionless at her desk, a pencil twirling idly through her fingers as she waited. -He chose her...- in contrast to her calm exterior, she was on fire with rage inside, -that blue-haired little freak... he sent me in her place... as if I would protect her... or him...- she growled in frustration, remembering that she had done just that.
She briefly considered her initial plan for revenge and rejected it again, -No... once the last angel is gone, THEN she'll get what's coming to her. No... this is much better...-
Her eyes fell to her desk drawer... and what was contained inside. -Soon...- she thought, containing her impatience, -but first...-
Her dark thoughts were interrupted by a soft knock on her door, signaling the arrival of the key to her second plan. A vicious smile crept across her lips, "Come in... Shinji..."
Shinji Ikari made his way diffidently into her office, "Umm, you wanted to see me?" he said quietly. She looked at the young pilot closely, taking note of the small lines that were beginning to form around his eyes... a sign of the high-pressure life the boy had.
She stood and walked past him, locking the door. "Yes, Shinji... there is something I want to talk to you about."
"What is i-ulmph" he was cut off as she firmly took him by the shoulders and pressed him against the wall, kissing him hard.
He tried to push her away, frightened by her advance, but she held him still, sliding her tongue across his lips.
She finally broke the kiss, "Now wasn't that nice? No one holding your nose closed?"
"You... you know about that??" Shinji stammered incredulously, still catching his breath.
Ritsuko looked surprised, "Why, Shinji... EVERYONE knows! Asuka talked about it for weeks... laughing at how gullible you were to actually believe that she wanted to kiss you." She smiled at the boy's crestfallen look, conveniently neglecting to tell him about the security camera that had been placed in Misato's apartment after the seventh angel.
"It's ok, Shinji... I understand." She took his face gently in her hands, "I know how lonely you must be... aren't you lonely, Shinji?" she whispered.
He nodded slowly, his gentle blue eyes sparkling with unshed tears.
She smiled, leaning closer, "Let me be the one that comforts you..." as their lips met once more, he offered no resistance. -So trusting...- she thought, -like... like I used to be...- her eyes sprang open as the full weight of what she was doing fell on her... but she was committed now, the damage done.
After a moment, Shinji kissed her back. She was surprised to feel his mouth open to let her tongue in, and his hand gently come up and brush her cheek. -I... no one has... has ever touched me... like this...- she thought, marveling at the boy's soft, hesitant contact.
She pulled back a little, a tear falling from her eye, -What... what's happening to me??- She thought, confused. His innocent smile dazzled her, and suddenly all thoughts of revenge against Gendou melted away. "Shinji... I... I'm lonely too," she whispered, her voice cracking.
"I... I'm sorry, Doctor Aka- I mean, Ritsuko..." he blushed, using her first name, "I... I never knew..." he touched her face again, timidly, "I can... I can talk to you... if you want. I can... comfort you... or at least try..."
She backed away, suddenly unsure, "I... I don't know if you can, Shinji, I..."
He stepped away from the wall and put his arms around her clumsily, "I can try... I hate to see anyone in pain..."
Her mind was on fire, -What... what am I doing? What have I become?- She suddenly became aware of his soft blue eyes gazing into hers... then he leaned forward and kissed her lips delicately.
Ritsuko began to cry softly, -I'm so dirty...- she thought, disgusted with herself, -I'm just like HIM, I... I only think of myself...- she broke away frantically, "Shinji... I... I'm sorry... I shouldn't have... shouldn't have..."
He frowned slightly, "Shouldn't have what? Tried to make me feel better?" he smiled at her, "I'm glad that you did..."
She broke free of his embrace, running blindly through the door, -Stupid... stupid selfish woman...- she berated herself.
Finally she came to a halt in the middle of a corridor, breathing hard. She sank to the floor, weeping. After a moment, she became aware of someone else's rapid breathing. She looked up to find Shinji kneeing in front of her, panting quietly.
"Did I... did I do... something wrong?" he asked, his voice sad.
She began to cry harder, gasping, "N-No... Shinji... you didn't... I did..." He leaned forward, placing an uncertain hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him, her vision blurred by the tears, and whispered, "Why... why are you being nice to me? I'm just a dirty old woman..."
He smiled and sat down beside her, "You're not THAT old... and you were nice to me." He frowned, getting to his feet, "I... I'll understand if you were just trying to make me feel better... you don't have to kiss me, you know... telling me that you understand was enough."
He offered her a hand up, "I... I don't need any more than what you've already given me..." he looked down, "I am lonely... but that's my problem... you don't need to-"
Suddenly, she realized that she really DID want to be the one to comfort him, -he's so vulnerable...- she thought. She took the offered hand and pulled - hard. Since he was leaning forward already, Shinji's balance was off and he fell on top of the blonde woman, his hands on either side of her body. She reached up with her free hand and pulled his head down, bringing his lips to hers once more.
She kissed him passionately for a minute without letting him go. When she finally released him, he gasped, "Wow..."
Wordlessly, she stood and drew him to his feet, leading him to a secluded room and locking the door. "Where are we?" he asked curiously, looking around at the beds and surgical equipment scattered around the room.
"This is the old infirmary," she said absently, "no one ever comes here." she walked over to him and kissed him again, taking time to get to know every corner of his mouth.
When she had finished, he gasped, "Ritsuko... you don't have to... to..."
"Shinji," she said taking his hand, "I... I only know of one way to comfort..." she took his hand and rested it on her right breast.
Shinji's eyes nearly came loose from their sockets, "Ritsuko... I... I... don't think that we shou-" she cut him off, kissing him hungrily.
Not allowing any more protests, she pushed him back until his knees hit one of the beds, dropping them neatly into it, her on top. Still kissing him, she deftly reached down and unbuckled his pants, pushing them down and touching him. He moaned into her mouth at the contact, his hands sliding all over the bed as if he didn't know what to do with them.
Pinning him to the bed with her lips, she reached down with her other hand and slid her panties to the side... then slowly eased herself down onto him. The moment he felt her warmth encase him, his struggles ceased... his eyes going wide. As their hips met, she broke the kiss, giving a soft sigh, "There..." she whispered.
Shinji looked down, but his view was obscured by her skirt, "Are we... am I... is this..." he could not form a proper sentence.
She looked down at him, once more ashamed, "Shinji... I... this is the only thing I know... please let me share it with you..."
He met her eyes, shock evident on his face, "Ritsuko..." he whispered, dazed, "Are you... are we... making love...?"
She nodded her head, fresh tears welling up in her eyes, "I... I'm sorry... I'm so alone, I just... I wanted to feel you inside of me..."
Shinji did not know what to say. His mind flashed single words almost faster than he could track: Lust. Warmth. Fear. Shame. Violation. Sadness. Love. "Do you... do you love me?" he asked in a small, confused voice.
Her heart skipped a beat, "I... I don't know, Shinji... I know that you are alone... and I know that you hate it." She bowed her head, "I... I just want to fill that void the only way I know how."
His voice was almost inaudible, "I...I didn't want this..."
She froze as the truth of his statement hit home. Horrified she looked into his soulful blue eyes, pierced by what she saw in them: betrayal. "Shinji... I... I'm sorry I-"
His voice was distant, "Will you... will you get off of me, Doctor Akagi?"
She slid off of him, weeping uncontrollably, -What have I done!? WHAT HAVE I DONE!?!?!-
"I... I thought you wanted... to... to help me..." he said, his eyes focusing on something far away, "but you're just using me... like... like father...."
Her heart clenched, -Have I... have I really become so cold?-
Shinji curled into a ball, hugging his knees. His friends had all left him due to the destruction caused by Unit 00's detonation... Rei came back from the detonation of the blue mecha virtually unharmed... Misato, his guardian, was never around... and his other fellow pilot, Asuka, had just declared that she hated him. Now this pretty, older woman comes to him, promising comfort and support... then proceeds to force herself on him, betraying his trust. It was more than his mind could handle. His pupils dilated and his breathing became heavy... a small line of spittle running from the corner of his mouth as his mind pulled back from reality.
Ritsuko put her hand to her mouth, "Shinji?" she whispered, shaking the boy gently. He made no reply.
"SHINJI!!!!! Oh god... OH GOD!!!!!!"
Continued...
Author's notes: Initially, I tried to write a WAFFy piece about Ritsuko and Shinji - and it may somehow become that later, I'm not sure (that's a lot to forgive) - but no matter how I wrote it, the initial encounter came off as corny - this fit, though it made the piece quite dark. Once again let me reiterate that I do not know, nor have I ever, nor WILL I ever condone rape of any kind. The consequences of the one in this story (shown in the next chapter if feedback is strong and I don't decide to pull it) will be immediate... and harsh.
SECOND VERSION NOTES: Ok, due to some believability issues in the later chapters (frankly, people didn't) I've added some more thoughts to Ritsuko before the original beginning. I've also added some extra thoughts to Shinji as he detaches from reality to help people less familiar with the later episodes understand WHY this would affect him so deeply. Oh yeah, and I toned down the actual rape itself, since it's graphicness was what gave this story its NC-17 rating. This is now an R story.
Thanks to Ryoma and JobFaust for pre-reading and helping me salvage this one.
Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com.