No matter how she tried, she couldn't sleep. She was absolutely exhausted, but she couldn't bring herself to sleep. It had been a few days and they'd gotten no where in finding D'avin. There had been nothing to give them clues to Khlyen or D'avin. They'd just been flying in circles, or at least...that was how it felt to her.
She'd made him a promise.
That they'd find him.
She'd made it over his comm link.
"You should sleep," came the voice. Dutch had been waiting for him. It had been days and every day, he'd come and find her and try to convince her to sleep for a few hours. It wouldn't be a good sleep, but it would be enough for her to function the next day. Her head turned to see him standing there behind her, she'd been so distracted that she hadn't even heard him coming. "You've gotten us more worried today…"
"I snapped, I didn't mean-"
"And we know that," Johnny said gently as he moved to sit with her. Pree and the other Westerly refugees were still on her ship. They'd been trying to figure out what to do, but in all honesty, she'd been far too distracted to really be able to think about anything except D'avin and Khlyen.
"D'avin's still out there."
"I know."
"I should have found him by now," she whispered as she stared out into space. Finding people was what they did, but it was clear that Khlyen didn't want to be found right now...and she was still absolutely certain that Khlyen was the one who had D'avin. She knew it deep down. Tears flooded down her face and frustration ripped through her voice. "I promised him-"
"I know," Johnny said and wrapped an arm around her.
Johnny was the only one that she felt comfortable really letting her guard down around. She knew very well that Pree and the others were asleep, that she (and obviously Johnny) were the only ones still up. Dutch allowed her head to drop to his shoulder and breathed in and really felt the exhaustion hit her with its full force.
"Come to bed."
"Will you stay with me?" Dutch asked him.
"Whatever you want," Johnny promised.
He always made her feel safe...at least the normal kind of safe. Dutch wasn't sure what she'd do without him. Johnny kept her tethered to the person that she wanted to be, the person that Khlyen hadn't shaped for the last eight years (or at least that's what she kept trying to tell herself). Those years had been her own and Johnny and Lucy (and Pree) had been her family in that time.
Dutch felt like she needed to explain, even though she knew that Johnny didn't need to hear an explanation from her. "I know it's silly-"
"No, it's not," he shut it down immediately. "Let's get some sleep before everyone else is up."
They got up and Dutch found herself staring out the window and thinking of D'avin Jaqobis. It was so odd to think that somehow, like Johnny (though in a completely different way), that D'avin had somehow fought his way into a place in her heart. It was like she'd known these brothers all her life (and sometimes she wished she had...though her life would have been incredibly different if she had). They were apart of her, maybe more than she'd wanted (only because she didn't want them to be in danger because of her...and here it had happened).
"If-"
Johnny grabbed her shoulders, held her close, and guided her away and in the direction of their rooms. "If D'av tries to call in or his comm link is reestablished, Lucy will alert us," he reminded. She knew that. She did. That didn't make this any easier though. What if she was so tired that she didn't hear Lucy? That had never happened, but there was always a first time. "We're not going to miss it, Dutch, I promise."
The more time that passed, the harder that it was to keep positive.
He guided her to her bedroom and she reluctantly sat on the edge of her bed and removed her boots. Sucking in a breath, she was glad that she'd at least changed. It wasn't that she was shy, she was far from it, but she was just so exhausted...she had no idea how she'd even stayed awake as long as she actually had.
D'avin.
He was out there.
Somewhere.
"Hey," Johnny whispered and put his hand on her shoulder. She turned towards him and as much as she thought about crumpling and let everything out, she just couldn't. She was just too tired for it all. "He's going to be fine."
"Khlyen-"
"D'avin's tough, remember?"
And she did.
D'avin could handle himself, but that really didn't keep her from thinking the worse. Dutch knew Khlyen, which was why it was so easy for her to fret over what could be possibly be happening. "That doesn't mean that he can't do horrible things to him, Johnny."
"You survived," Johnny pointed out as he sat on the other side of the bed. "He will too."
She had no idea how he could be so confident. Was he really scared deep down and he just felt like he needed to be the strong one? Dutch stared at him for a long moment and then decided that right now, he was right...they needed to sleep. As she thought about it, it hit her...Johnny hadn't slept any more than she had. Was he really doing this for her or was it really for him? That new thought hit her hard and she suddenly felt so guilty and selfish. D'avin WAS his brother.
"You're right," Dutch finally whispered as she curled up on the bed and patted the empty space next to her.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow they'd find D'avin.
Tomorrow they'd be a family again.
"Time to sleep," she added a moment later.
"No more worrying and thoughts?" he asked.
"Not tonight," Dutch promised.
They both finally were laying in the small bed, on their sides, facing each other. Dutch was absolutely exhausted, but silencing her mind was a completely different thing. She leaned in and pressed a kiss to his forehead.
"Goodnight," she whispered.
"Goodnight."
Closing her eyes, she tried to clear her mind...but instead all she could think about was D'avin, so she went with that. She allowed herself to linger on thoughts of kisses and joking...or happier times. Eventually, that was enough that she found herself drifting and allowed it to overtake her.
The End.