I promised that I would never write another aghast, but after listening to Park Bom's song and Beast and many other... I swear that the Hallyu wave will be the death of me one of these days... Well, ideas floated in my head. I just had to write this one down.
"This is madness!" Yi Jeong screamed. His face pale of shock, his eyes staring down at Ga Eul intently. She had to be joking, no; she wasn't even in her right mind. "Sunbae, would you just listen," Ga Eul asked, pleading as she tugged onto Yi Jeong's sleeves. Yi Jeong had no choice but to take a deep breath and allow Ga Eul to say what she had on her mind. If he was his old selfish self, he would have taken everything offered to him, but no, he could not, he refused to do that to the one person he had loved the most in the entire world. It wouldn't be fair, not to her. He had wished they could return back in time, reclaim all those lost moments they could have had if it was not for his foolishness, his fears. It had stopped him from living the life he was meant to live.
"I've thought about it, a million times over, it's what I want," Ga Eul began carefully. She didn't care anymore, not even one bit. Jan Di had said that she was crazy, even Ji Hoo-sunbae question her decision and he was suppose to be on her side. Woo Bin-sunbae was at lost for words and Jun Pyo-sunbae basically told her exactly what he thought. None of them could change her mind. "No, it's not too late, we could just cancel, pretend it never happened," Yi Jeong disagreed. There was no way he would ever agree with Ga Eul, no; he had done enough damage as it was. He had to learn to let her go and allow her to live her life. He could not hold her back, not anymore; he had taken too much and gave nothing in return.
Ga Eul shook her head furiously. "No, we can't, I can't pretend, I don't want to go back," She said, tears were forming in her eyes. She wanted to hate him for saying what he had said but she understood when she would rather not understand a thing. "Six months, Ga Eul," Yi Jeong whispered slowly, sounding defeated. "I'll take it, six months, six hours, hell; I'll even take it if it was six seconds," Ga Eul's sobs was building. "I can't just let you go," She added, closing the space between them, placing her palm carefully on his face. He looked different; he looked weak in his state. He no longer looked like the person who was smiling at her happily less than a week ago. But, she should have noticed it earlier, he had been sick for a while, the headaches, fatigue, nausea. Everything, she wanted to blame herself for it.
"Then what?" Yi Jeong asked desperately, his heart couldn't take anymore of it. He was looking forward to lifetime with the person he loved most in the world. He was looking forward to it most, after four years, he came back to see her first. A year passed, he had asked for her hand. They were happy and then everything was taken away from them. "What happens after I'm gone?" He added sadly. She must know that he would do anything to make her dreams come true, anything but the one. "It's better if we end it here, you'll heal faster," He continued, he had been trying to convince her for days. He had tried to be mean, he had even pretended to go back to his Casanova days, but, he knew that the pain of which he was trying to cause her was hurting him even more. She knew him better than anyone else and figured it out.
"I don't want to heal faster," Ga Eul voice was high again; tears were streaming down, wetting her cheek. "Don't you get it?" She asked urgently. "This life, it's cheating us, but I'll take it, whatever it an offer as long as I can have you, even for a little while," She was pleading now. Nobody was on her side, even her parents thought she was losing her mind. They didn't get it, he was the only person she could love, the only person that moved her world and loved her back the same way she did. He was her everything and she wasn't going to give up without a fight, not even close. She would have waited for him for a lifetime if he had asked her to, now, she was pleading for what little lifetime he had for her.
"What do I do with you?" Yi Jeong said, sighing. He slowly reached to caress Ga Eul's face lovingly. God only knew how much he had wished things would have turned out differently. That he would have asked her earlier or that he would not have to face his impending death. "I can't let you go," He whispered slowly, pulling her into an embrace. No, he can't let her go even if they tear his soul from his body at that moment. She was his everything, she made him the person he was and it wasn't fair that he could not live a lifetime with her to repay everything. He wanted that lifetime more than anything now.
"Then don't, I don't want to go anywhere," Ga Eul stated in between sobs. If that was the extent of her own happy ending, she was fine with it. She would have him in her life, she would be married to him, and she would get a chance to be his wife. Those are the only thing that she wanted, nothing more. "I'm sorry," Yi Jeong whispered. He had been apologizing a lot lately, it was as if he feared that time would definitely run out before he got to apologize for all of his mistakes. "You should be telling me that you love me instead," Ga Eul countered. Alright, six months, bring it on, she thought.
Their wedding was simple and small. The only people present were their family and friends and everyone tried their best to cheer on the couple even when they knew how long it would last. Just as long as he lived, he made his promise and he would get to keep it. His friends were speechless and her friends were trying to hide their tears. It doesn't seemed fair, Ga Eul had heard Jan Di sobbing, burying her head into Jun Pyo's chest. Woo Bin tried his hardest to liven up the mood by retelling old stories, every now and then Ji Hoo would intervene saying that it wasn't like that much to Woo Bin's charging. Everyone was laughing but their laughter was dry, but Ga Eul didn't care and Yi Jeong was happy in that moment, holding the love of his life as they dance their first dance as husband and wife.
"I love you, you know that right?" Yi Jeong whispered as they danced slowly to the music. He was holding onto her as if his life depended on it. When they turned, Ga Eul noticed how Jae Kyung was wiping away tears fiercely while trying very hard to stay upbeat and happy. They turned again and Jan Di's eyes were brimming with tears but she was pulling the biggest smile in the room. "I know, I love you too," Ga Eul whispered back. She was in a state of blissful ignorance. Time had stood still for her, it was the wedding day she had been waiting for ever since she and Yi Jeong started going out exclusively and when he had asked, it became some sort of a reality she could finally touch. It finally became real.
When they were finally alone as the guest slowly excused themselves, Yi Jeong found himself and Ga Eul sitting out on the porch of the small villa belonging to his family, watching the stars, just the two of them. New Caledonia had never looked better. Every now and then Yi Jeong would steal a glance of his new bride's beautiful face. No one can deny it, the fact that she was beautiful. "Can you promise me something?" Yi Jeong asked softly as he stole another glance at Ga Eul who was busy humming to herself. "Hmm?" Ga Eul asked, turning to her side to face Yi Jeong's ill-stricken face. He looked too pale and sick for her liking. "After I'm gone, I want you to move on and find a new love, can you do that, for me?" He said carefully. It was a strange request, but he did not want her to be deprived from love, she deserved someone who can love her for all her life.
Yi Jeong had expected it, the shock look on her face and her head shaking furiously. Her anger and refusal, he had expected to see all of it, even her answer. "No, I won't, but I'll live," Ga Eul stated seriously as her hand reached for Yi Jeong's and gave it a soft squeeze. "Ga Eul," Yi Jeong said sadly. "Please, live well and lead a happy life," He added, staring at her beautiful face, trying very hard to remember the way she looked. He wanted to treasure it, every moment, seconds that they had left. "I will live well, I can only promise you that," She added seriously, inviting a long sigh from Yi Jeong. Ga Eul was always stubborn and she was used to getting things her way, eventually.
"You're four weeks pregnant," Ji Hoo announced when he read the blood test result coming back from the lab. Both Ga Eul and Yi Jeong exchanged a quick surprised look. It had been two months since their wedding day and Yi Jeong's condition was stable, it hadn't worsened but the doctor had expected it to get worse sooner or later. "Oh," Ga Eul stated meekly. She should have been happy but anyone could do the math. Yi Jeong wouldn't be there to see their child and that crushed her. She wanted him to be there, she didn't know how to do it all by herself. "I have rounds, I'll leave you two to talk," Ji Hoo stated quickly, sensing that Yi Jeong and Ga Eul would need their space. He disappeared quickly behind the door, leaving the two alone.
Breathe. Ga Eul found herself thinking about how to breathe but she knew she couldn't even breathe, not anymore. How was she going to do it alone? Without Yi Jeong by her side, it felt impossible. "Hey, look at me," Yi Jeong stated softly, waiting for Ga Eul to look up. It took her a while, but, eventually she did. "You don't have to keep it," Yi Jeong stated slowly. His eyes were fixed on Ga Eul, trying to gauge for any sort of reaction. He should be happy, he wanted to be happy, a child. He had always wanted a family with Ga Eul. He wanted to give his children a childhood he never had. With her, he felt like he could do anything. He believed he could be a better father than his own. But, he couldn't be there and he didn't want to see her suffer through everything alone.
Ga Eul's face remained stoic. Her mind was racing, she heard every word uttered by Yi Jeong and she knew why he had said what he had said. Part of her was angry, what he was asking would mean killing part of the both of them, part of him. Suddenly, it didn't feel so scary. Even without him, it didn't feel as terrifying, he wasn't going anywhere. "No, we're keeping it," Ga Eul said with such finality that Yi Jeong was temporarily taken aback. He continued to look directly at her, trying to understand before he finally took a deep breath and nodded. "I guess we're having a baby then," He said, for the first time in months, with the widest smile on his face. "We're having a baby," Ga Eul repeated and a smile form on her face as well. It was part her and part him; she had started to love it already.
"Why do they call it morning sickness if you're going to be throwing up all day?" Ga Eul whined as Jan Di passed her a bottle of water. They were at the hospital again, for another one of Yi Jeong's tests. Ga Eul found herself stashed away in Jan Di's office this time around. "Not sure myself," Jan Di replied with a small smile on her face. Ga Eul was three months pregnant and the time on Yi Jeong's life kept ticking away. They were almost five months into the six months time they doctors had anticipated. He was doing better than anyone thought he would, but, no one was willing to kid themselves. It was stage four Cancer and it had spread largely to his bones and other internal organs. Yi Jeong was in constant pain that no amount of medication could help him. It was a miracle he could still even walk.
"I'm calling dibs on Godmother though," Jan Di said happily. She wasn't pleased that Ga Eul chose to continue with the pregnancy at first, but she knew she had to support her friend. Ga Eul would need her more, sooner or later. "About that, you might have to arm wrestle Jae Kyung," Ga Eul said jokingly. "Yah! Chu Ga Eul, I suppose to be your best friend, I should be the Godmother of your child," Jan Di's voice boomed inside the room, causing Ga Eul to laugh. "I know, but the idea of Jun Pyo-sunbae being the Godfather, that was terrifying," Ga Eul replied, causing Jan Di to roll her eyes. Well, she supposed that she couldn't blame Ga Eul, not when the child wasn't even out yet and Jun Pyo was already shopping around for his future 'niece or nephew'. He was overcompensating and Jan Di knew it was because Yi Jeong didn't have the energy to do much with his condition. Jun Pyo was sadder than he was letting on.
"But, you'd need the crib, he was just being thoughtful," Jan Di countered with a puppy eyes look. Ga Eul hated to be put in situations like that. "Yeah, maybe you should get pregnant as see what he'd do," Ga Eul fired back and Jan Di could only scowl. Their wedding was held not long after Ga Eul and Yi Jeong and it had been the talk of the nation, it was even dubbed 'wedding of the year' much to Jan Di's annoyance. "Don't even go there," Jan Di whined and Ga Eul was saved with a knock on the door followed by Yi Jeong peeking into the room. "Ready to go?" He asked softly as he pushed the door open wider. "Yes, Jan Di was bribing me to get dibs on Godmother," Ga Eul stated and was on her feet at once. Jan Di was rolling her eyes and Yi Jeong didn't miss it. "I thought only Jun Pyo does that," He stated playfully and Jan Di scowled again.
Though amused, Ga Eul refused to show it to Yi Jeong; instead she slapped his arm lightly and rolled her eyes. Be nice. Ga Eul managed to mouth at Yi Jeong who grinned back. "I'll see you," Ga Eul stated, returning her attention back to Jan Di. "Yeah, yeah, get out of my office already," Jan Di replied jokingly, shooing the couple out as they laughed. Time was running out even as they laugh and they knew it well. Without realizing it, by the time she walked back into her office Jan Di started to cry until an hour later where Jun Pyo had found her crouching and helped to sooth his depressed wife.
"Hey, you look beautiful," Yi Jeong said weakly as he watched Ga Eul walked towards him. He had exceeded the six months time limit and now into the eighth month. She was now twenty-three weeks into the pregnancy. "I wish I could say the same for you," Ga Eul joked as she claimed the seat next to the bed and Yi Jeong started to laugh only to be stopped by excruciating pain. "Are you alright?" Ga Eul asked frantically as she jumped to her feat, trying to sooth Yi Jeong's pain. "I'm fine," Yi Jeong said quickly, claiming Ga Eul's hand and pulling it close to his chest, just over his heart. "What did the doctor said?" He asked, trying to change the subject. There will be other times they could use to talk about his illness, it was old news anyway.
"It's a boy," Ga Eul said happily. It was another ultrasound and Jae Kyung had offered to accompany her to it. In fact, between all of their friends, Ga Eul felt like she could really do it. Even Jan Di was taking time from her work to make sure she was keeping up with all of her appointments. It was easy, now with Yi Jeong in the hospital. She had never missed a day without going to see him, but, she never stayed over seeing it was hard for her. "A boy?" Yi Jeong asked back, excited at the prospect of having a son. He would have preferred a girl really; a little girl that looked exactly like Ga Eul, but, Ga Eul had insisted on a boy, a boy that looked exactly like him. She got her wish again. It was fine with him, her final wish. It was granted.
I want to see him. Yi Jeong couldn't help but thought of it when he reached to caress Ga Eul's expending belly. His son. He wished that he could meet the boy. He really wanted to be a good father. "Hi there little guy," He said softly and fought back tears that was threatening to fall. "I got food!" Jae Kyung's voice boomed into the room as soon as the door was flung open. Both Yi Jeong and Ga Eul jumped slightly at her sudden appearance. "Have mercy, I'm actually sick you know," Yi Jeong joked when he finally regain her composure and Jae Kyung, followed by Woo Bin entered the room. "You, sick, really?" Jae Kyung said playfully. "Couldn't tell," She added with the same tone. "Are you sure you're not just slacking off?" She continued as she placed a plastic bag on the table by the bed.
Yi Jeong couldn't help but grin. As long as Jae Kyung was around, he was sure Ga Eul would be fine; Jae Kyung wouldn't let Ga Eul fell into the state of despair. "Man, I thought I was faking it really good," Yi Jeong joked back. Yes, he was sure now, Ga Eul would be fine without him. "You might want to avoid eating the food though, Jae Kyung really can't cook," Woo Bin commented, following Jae Kyung's queue. "Yah!" Jae Kyung's voice boomed and Ga Eul started to giggle while Yi Jeong held back a fit of laughter. "You're supposed to be supportive of your girlfriend's attempt to cook!" She fired back fiercely.
The door swung open again and Ji Hoo peer his head into the room. "What's with the commotion, I can hear you guys from down the hall," He stated as he took a step in, closing the door behind him. "Ji Hoo, I'm a good cook, right?" Jae Kyung turned quickly and Ji Hoo was taken by surprised. No, Jae Kyung was not a good cook. "Uh... I'm not getting into the middle of this," Ji Hoo stated, putting his hands up as if he was surrendering. Jae Kyung pouted while Woo Bin let out a hearty laugh. Right on queue, the door swung open again, inviting Jan Di and Jun Pyo into the room. "I didn't know there was a gathering, you should have told me," Jun Pyo said, sounding annoyed that he was left out.
"There's no gathering, they just decided to invade my room," Yi Jeong stated calmly as Woo Bin dramatically gasp and Ji Hoo arched an eyebrow for the dramatic effect. "Why are you here anyway, shouldn't you be at work?" Yi Jeong asked, directing the questions to all of his friends that were present. Jun Pyo scowled while Woo Bin rubbed the back of his head uneasily. "I actually work here," Ji Hoo stated and he was the first to answer. "Me too," Jan Di chimed in. "I own the hospital" Jun Pyo rebounded back quickly and all eyes were on Woo Bin. "Oh, he just can't leave my side," Jae Kyung stated simply causing Woo Bin to blush deeply. "Thanks," He fired back at his girlfriend who stuck her tongue out. "That look a lot like an invitation, Jae Kyung," Woo Bin threatened while everyone started to laugh.
When they finally settled, Yi Jeong found himself seated among his friends as they shared their lunch and talked about endless things. Who knew, they lasted that long, he really wanted to stay. Watching his friends, he felt envious, he wished for a longer life. He wanted to be with them, his lovely wife, and his unborn child. He wanted to share a future with everyone in the room, a real future where they would be sending their children off to school together and laughing about the idea of a mini them as well. Right, he really wanted a girl now, a mini him sounded scary.
"Are you happy?" Yi Jeong found himself asking Ga Eul when they were finally left alone as the evening came to a close. Ga Eul arched an eyebrow. "Isn't it obvious, of course I am," She answered honestly, leaning down to kiss him softly on the lips. She knew she would miss his kisses and hugs the most. They were always so warm and safe. "Can you stay a little longer?" Yi Jeong asked weakly as he was giving into his tired body. Ga Eul nodded and sank back into the chair that was positioned close to the bed and leaned onto the bed, caressing Yi Jeong's hand softly. "I love you," He whispered as he closed his eyes. "I love you too," She added.
"Omma!" A young boy was running happily as his mother walked slowly. It was a quite place, a beautiful one at that. "I win!" The young boy stated triumphantly when he reached the destination. "Yes, you did," She replied with a soft smile playing on her lips. "Come Min Jae, let's pay respect to your father," The woman stated briskly, pulling her son's hand swiftly and the boy complied. "Appa, guess what, I made my first pottery today, Aunt Eun Jae showed me how to," Min Jae began enthusiastically as they finished their prayer. "He did Yi Jeong, it was beautiful," Ga Eul stated as her hand reached out to touch the cold stone marking her husband's grave. "Look, I brought it along, it's my gift for you," Min Jae added happily as he placed the clay on top of the grave, Ga Eul could only look.
"God, he's turning into you," Ga Eul stated playfully as her son smirked. Yes, he's exactly like you. She thought privately. "Min Jae, why don't you go and wait with the driver, I'll be right there," Ga Eul stated, Min Jae could only nod and started to walk back down the path leading up to the grave. "I miss you, everyday," Ga Eul began as soon as she was convinced her son was out of sight. "It's a fight to continue living, but, I'm alive," She added. "But, wait for me, alright?" Ga Eul went on. "We'll definitely meet again in the next world and next time, we'll really stay together, forever," She finished, touching the cold headstone once again before she started to walk away.
Yi Jeong never got to see his son, not even for a minute. He died two months before the birth of Min Jae, but, he was happy knowing that his wife and son will continue on living even after his death.
Ga Eul,
Just in case, I want to tell you that I love you and thank you. I really didn't have any regrets. Thank you for granting me a life I wish to have, thank you for being my wife and thank you for giving me a son. Most of all, thank you for loving me.
I love you, always,
Yi Jeong
Originally published on "Lovers Unparalleled" 24th June 2011