The picture that prompted this story is on my profile.
Miles away. Thousands, and thousands of cities passing below. I remember as a child I would claim the window seat and joyfully point towards the cars and gleefully exclaim they looked like ants while my mother hummed and nodded. Its ironic when you think back to certain instances when you were little and reanalyze adults reactions to everything you did and said. Things your undeveloped brain could not comprehend. When you flashback you notice the patronizing tones people used with you-even at the time of any incident I would become frustrated or in my simple mind think, why don't they look like they care? It wasn't until recently that I noticed even at younger ages I was always attuned to people's moods and mannuerisms.
Getting off topic-now as a semi-adult I look at the children in their childlike wonder, and find myself half wishing for a time when things were so simplistic. I thought there was a why and a how for everything. If a child today pointed out the ant like cars I know with certainty I would do the exact same my mother did-hum and nodd. I allow myself to feel guilty about it for a second until I think, well I just didn't get it then. No matter how many times I tell myself this my body feels as if its convulsing with the sadness, and hurt I felt as a little girl in those times. No matter how hard I try I cannot conjure up any accurate amount of empathy towards a single person. Except him.
The sky is a bright ocean blue with minimal clouds obscuring my peaceful view. If anyone spent time to think about it weather effects your emotions more than you know. Imagine yourself in an airplane looking out the window with a miniscule amount of sun peaking through the horizon. The clouds are hovering, moving along at an unhurried pace around you. Maybe its just some people but when I truly envision myself in that surrounding I feel a tight pressure on my chest as anxiety builds. I don't like being covered yet I prefer being in a crowd rather than standing amongst it.
I hope to rectify this problem.
You see this is why I'm traveling so far. To leave everything I've every known. Start fresh. No strings whatsoever. To forget all the mistakes I've made.
That was until I walked into the moderately furnished, vanilla-scented office I was to resume my weekly sessions with a new "foreign" doctor.
What, is this person from the U.S too? I smirked.
The smirk slowly faded as I felt the soft texture of the carpet through my worn grey flats. Sitting directly vertical from the doorway where my feet currently froze was the one person I hoped to escape.
Oh, god why me?
As if he heard my thoughts his head turned in my direction-his narrow reading glasses tipped down his nose slightly, where it stopped at the slight crook towards the center. The same indentation that was caused in his rougher days as a teen when he decided to mess with the wrong person. I only knew this because as we grew to become more comfortable with eachother his professional demeanor began chipping away. As much as I was grateful for it, and no matter how much I hoped for it all those months of longing looks, and lingering caresses I still felt the same self-soathing weighing heavily in my bones. I carried the lethargic baggage everywhere I went. I felt like every face on the street was mocking me, looking at me in disgust for what I had done.
So lost in my internal musings, and panic I hadn't noticed his lean legs carrying himself over to me with purpose, determination the only emotion in his gaze. I felt myself begin to falter more as my eyes became blurry. He reached me just in time as my knees began to shake. He encircled me and all of my weaknesses in his arms as he whispered the one thing I longed to hear from him all along.
"You don't have to run anymore. I've found you."