Disclaimer: Don't own it.
A/N: Wrote most of these in June '12 for a small fic-a-thon on livejournal. The prompt was: 5 times Batman walks in on people getting frisky in the cave. My story Rekindle, with Zatanna and Dick, was originally the "5th interruption". So I replaced it here with a new one. All the scenarios take place some time after the end of Season 1 but before the time-jump.
1.
With a moan, Artemis shoved Wally harder against the back of the couch as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Drawing his girlfriend closer as she straddled his thighs, Wally stroked her hips slowly and pressed her lower half against his own with wanton glee. Their tongues hotly entwined, a slick, moist duel between their mouths unfolding in the blissful quiet of the cave. The rest of the team was currently deployed on a mission — apparently their particular talents weren't needed. And that was fine with Wally. He much preferred a delightful afternoon romp to getting shot at or beaten up by villainous thugs. But kicking bad guy butt was a close second.
Breaking apart, their harsh pants broke the still silence of the cave. Artemis pressed her forehead against Wally's affectionately. "Nice to have a moment alone, huh?"
Wally grinned devilishly. "You have no idea, babe."
"Would you like to continue?" Artemis asked with a smirk. She trailed one hand down his freckled face while running her other fingers through his soft red hair.
Wally answered by pulling her close once more and ravaging her tender lips. Artemis released a pleased sigh and began to slowly grind against him. Her boyfriend groaned appreciatively.
A loud -ping- rang out in the cave, signalling an incoming call on the command center screen. Artemis and Wally froze in terror as Batman's voice penetrated their lustful haze. They broke apart abruptly. Artemis stood and self-consciously smoothed down her hair; Wally zipped a respectful distance from her while ignoring his rumpled clothes.
Batman eyed them with a hint of disdain and an obvious frown of disapproval.
"If you two are quite finished, the Team needs reinforcements. Deploy immediately."
Artemis seemed to recover from the shock gracefully and nodded. "Understood." She set off at a jog to retrieve her uniform and equipment.
Wally glared at the ground and murmured, "Stupid Bats."
"That means now, Kid Flash. Move," Batman said with a barely disguised snarl.
Kid Flash blinked stupidly for a moment and stuttered, "Uh-uh, s-sorry! Right away!" He zipped away after a quick salute.
Batman cut the communication feed to the cave and growled. "I hate to think what Dick will be like when he starts dating."
2.
Batman strode with purpose through the zeta tubes, ignoring the sound of the computer calling out his name and league identification number. The cave materialized before him and he took in the sight of an empty living room, save the presence of Superboy on the couch. Watching static on the television. Batman shook his head. The clone had as many issues as Superman.
Conner glanced at the hero, appearing unquestionably stiff. Well, more so than usual.
The Dark Knight stood in front of him. "Superboy, have you seen Robin? His isn't answering his comm."
The raven haired teen shrugged, but appeared to be trying to keep strangely still. "I'm not his keeper."
Batman scowled at his tone.
Superboy swallowed nervously. "I mean, I don't know where he is, sir. He has a bad habit of disappearing on all of us."
Robin's mentor crossed his arms and allowed a small smile. "Yes, he does. If you see him, tell him I'm looking for him."
"Uh, sure," Conner said, shifting uncomfortably.
Batman turned with a dramatic swirl of his cape and approached the zeta tubes to leave the cave. "And Superboy, Miss Martian, I thought we were clear on no more sexual escapades in the common areas of the cave."
Superboy stiffened in surprise and Miss Martian materialized from invisibility in shock at his words from her place on Conner's lap.
Batman walked through the zeta tube and chuckled as he heard M'gann whisper, "How did he know I was here?"
3.
"C'mon, Speedy. You can do better than that," taunted Cheshire as she landed in a crouch on a rooftop in Gotham. She had dropped in unexpectedly to pay her dear sister a visit. After leaving her old haunts, she realized she was being tailed by a certain red-headed archer.
Roy growled in annoyance as he took aim with another arrow. "It's Red Arrow! And you said you'd leave Artemis alone — now that you've reconciled or some shit."
Cheshire laughed and effortlessly dodged his shot. Flipping, she sidled up close to him and knocked the bow from his tight grip. "That may be, hotshot, but certainly, you don't expect me to entirely abandon my little sister?"
Raising his fist, Red Arrow swung at his foe, but again, she easily evaded him with her cat-like grace. "Jade, cut the crap. Why are you really here in Gotham?"
"I think, Roy, the better question is — why did you follow me to Gotham?" Jade asked.
The red head hesitated at that. She took advantage of his momentary silence and pushed back her mask. Jade sauntered up to him and boldly placed her hands on his chest. "Not that I mind having you as my stalker."
Roy snorted, but refrained from commenting. His own hands, clad in black fingerless gloves, found themselves tracing her back. Jade smirked and leaned forward to lock lips with him. Their teeth clacked harshly as they pressed together wantonly. Her tongue forcefully found its way into his open mouth. Their heated exchange would no doubt have progressed further, but they broke apart at the sound of someone clearing his throat.
Red Arrow and Cheshire brought up their weapons hastily, but were immediately disarmed by well-placed Batarangs.
"I don't know why either of you are here, but get the hell out of my city," Batman snarled beneath his cowl.
Jade pulled down her mask and shrugged. "It was nice playing with you, Red." She threw down a smoke bomb and disappeared into the dark.
Coughing, Roy rolled his eyes at her dramatics.
Batman remarked, "I suggest you make yourself scarce as well, Roy."
Roy nodded resolutely and scooped up his bow. Running toward the edge of the building, he disappeared down the fire escape.
Batman shook his head in annoyance. Without glancing back, he said to the shadows, "What is the deal with those two?"
Cackling in delight, Robin materialized from his hiding spot. "Trust me, you don't wanna know."
4.
"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Dinah whispered cautiously as Ollie trailed kisses down her neck. "What if we get caught?"
"Relax, it'll be fine," Oliver Queen said confidently. He stroked his hands down her luscious, curvy sides. "Besides, no one is here."
Black Canary and Green Arrow were currently standing in the training room at the cave. The Team was on an overnight mission and wouldn't return until tomorrow afternoon. Ever since the cameras had caught Superboy and Miss Martian playing around in the training room, Ollie wanted to have his own private session with the lovely blonde in his arms.
"Why did I agree to this again?" she muttered with disdain.
"Because you adore me?" Ollie suggested.
Dinah rolled her eyes. "No, that's not it."
"Aw, c'mon Dinah. It'll be like playing teacher — and I've been a bad student," he said, while waggling his eyebrows.
"Roleplaying, Oliver?" she said with her hands on her hips.
"It'll be fun!" he said excitedly.
With a sly, sexy grin, Dinah flipped her hair behind her. "Fine. Hands off, young man!" She swatted his hands away and took on a stern pose.
Playing his part, Green Arrow said, "I'm sorry, Miss Canary. I didn't mean to offend you. Is there something I can do for extra credit?"
She tapped her chin in thought. "I suppose, but it won't be easy."
Ollie stepped closer to her and slowly grasped her hips. "That's alright. I am eager to please."
The blonde woman leaned forward for a passionate kiss, but alas, it was not meant to be. She froze at the sight of someone standing behind Ollie.
Ollie opened his eyes and frowned. "What's wrong, babe?"
She shook her head and stepped away, muttering about stupid boyfriends. Ollie turned around and met the angry stare of the Batman. "Oh, uh...hello Bats..."
"Find some other place to act out your childish fantasies, Queen," growled Batman.
Beyond embarrassed, he nodded dumbly while rubbing the back of his neck. Dinah covered her mouth, trying not to laugh.
"How'd you know we were here?" Green Arrow questioned.
"You tripped an alarm. The Team always 'locks up' before leaving on a mission."
Batman turned to leave, but not before saying, "Canary, keep him on a tighter leash."
"I'll do my best, but no guarantees," she said with a knowing smile.
"Hey!" Ollie shouted indignantly.
Batman heard them start to bicker and left. He had no patience for his idiot colleagues. He took the zeta tubes back to Gotham. Back at the Batcave, he sat down heavily in front of his computer console and pulled back the cowl. Bruce tiredly rubbed his face and decided he needed some company of his own. He wondered if Selina was back in town...
5.
Bruce sighed deeply and ruffled his wet hair with his hand. Tossing aside the damp towel from around his neck, he finished buttoning up his dress shirt and rolled up the sleeves. His last League mission definitely took its toll. And for once, the Caped Crusader was going to spend the next 24 hours taking it easy. Rubbing his scruffy chin absentmindedly, Bruce tried to decide what he would do with his free time and began the trudge up the steep stairs of the Batcave back to Wayne Manor above.
Dick would be spending the night in Central City with Wally at the Allens'. So overall, the manor would be quiet. He could finally read that book Lucius recommended. Of course, Bruce had little patience for reading. Perhaps his time would be better spent analyzing some criminal files...no! He could refrain from work, of any kind, for a short while. Still considering his options, Bruce pushed the button that would allow the grandfather clock to slide open.
Stepping through the doorway, Bruce walked forward intending to enter the front parlor. His footsteps echoed across the foyer, when his trek was abruptly stopped by a frantic Alfred.
Alfred? Frantic?
The Gotham playboy looked his loyal butler up and down taking in a slightly disheveled appearance. Alfred attempted to smooth his rumpled jacket and his ruffled hair.
"Sir, I was not expecting you to return home so soon," Alfred began, still blocking his way.
Bruce raised a dark eyebrow in question. "Is that a problem, Alfred? I wasn't aware I needed to call ahead to my own home."
"Of course not, Master Bruce," Alfred nervously scoffed. "I merely meant I would have been ready to greet you if you had notified me of your arrival."
"That's not necessary. So if you'll just excuse me, I'm going to retrieve my book from the parlor."
Alfred glanced back to the parlor and held up his hands to halt Bruce again. "Allow me, sir."
The normally dignified butler hastened to the parlor and returned breathless with the aforementioned book. "Anything else I can assist you with, Master Bruce?"
"No, thank you." Bruce turned to head upstairs.
"Very good, sir," Alfred replied with obvious relief.
Briefly turning back to the butler, Bruce said, "And Alfred, if you wanted to be alone with your lady friend, all you had to do was ask."
Alfred's cheeks reddened as Bruce chuckled all the way to his study upstairs.