Revenge of the S--t
"So it's agreed," Mace said. "Every Friday will be taco night. Until tomorrow, Masters." All the Jedi Masters in the council chamber got up and began walking to the exit. "What's that?" Mace said sniffing and wrinkling his nose in disgust.
"Sorry I am, Master Windu," Yoda said. "Me, that was."
"Yoda, holy crap, what have you been eating?"
"Eat Mexican food, I should have not."
"I thought you learned your lesson last time." Mace said.
"No excuse, have I. Must go now, I must, before-"
"What?" Kit Fisto said sniffing the air. "Oh God! The smell!"
All the other Jedi Masters began sniffing the air.
"Gah, can't…breathe…" Adi Gallia said as she gasped.
"Air! Air!" Ki-Adi-Mundi shouted as he ran for the exit, along with all the other Jedi who hadn't passed out.
"Oh, mess I have made," Yoda said. "Big mess."
"Maybe you should go get that taken care of." Mace said.
"Yes," Yoda said. "Master Windu, you are still here? How?"
"Jedi breathing trance." Mace said stiffly.
"Work well, that does." Yoda said and walked out.
Behind him, Mace collapsed onto the floor.
-
"Obi-Wan, did you feel that?" Anakin asked.
"Yes," Obi-Wan said. "It was as if several voices cried out in terror and then were suddenly disgusted."
"Should we do anything?" Anakin asked.
"Meh, later."
-
"Back here, I am," Yoda said. "Much to do I have to do, yes much to do." He tries to lift himself on the toilet but cannot. "Dammit, sucks this does, explode I will if not solved the problem is. Crane I need." Yoda lifted himself up again and finally managed to jump on the toilet seat. "Just in time."
Plop, plop, plop, plop, etc.
"Dear God, it doesn't stop!" Yoda said. "I mean, Stop, it does not. Why talk backwards, I do?"
Plop,plop.
"For my little body, too much pain it is." Yoda said. "Relieve pressure, I must." Yoda pushes and lets out a huge fart, lasting 20 seconds. "Hmm, big one that was. New Jedi record. Hmm, smells good, like roses it does." Yoda inhales deeply. "Make more clones, I will.
Plop, plop, plop.
"More clones, I make." Yoda said. "Oh, smell bad it does, nauseous, I am getting. What happening now?"
PLOP.
"Holy crap!" Yoda said looking down. "That one bigger than me! Flush, I must." Yoda pulls the handle but as everything is going down it gets stuck and starts to back up. "Oh no. Use the Force, I must." Yoda uses the Force to try to push everything back down but it just keeps on coming back up. "Screw this." Yoda jumps off and goes into the next stall.
Plop.
"Uh-oh, on the floor that was," Yoda said. "Leaving a trail, I am." Yoda got on the new toilet seat. "Cruel and evil, this is! Mexican food is the Dark Side, though taste good it does."
Plop. Plop.
"More clones, creating a grand army I am." Yoda said. "Leave them here I must, once abated this crisis is." Plop. "If it ever stops, that is. What's this? Hear someone coming in, I do."
The door opens and someone walks in and stops. "Sweet, merciful Force, what happened here?"
"Senator Organa, you that is?" Yoda asked.
"Master Yoda, is that you?" Bail asked. "Did you do this?"
"Big accident, I had." Yoda said. "Attack on me feels like attack on all Jedi, it does."
"But, Yoda why-" He looks down. "Oh God, I stepped in it! Oh, the smell! I'm going to barf!" Bail runs into the stall Yoda had used to barf. "What the!" He slips and falls. "Dear Force, it's all over me! Gah!"
"So, Bail, how are you?" Yoda asked.
"It's in my nose! Ahh, my eyes!" He slips and falls again. He manages to stand up and barfs in the toilet. Then he looks down and barfs again.
"Fine, I am, if to know, you want." Plop. "Much progress, I am making."
Bail vomits again and then runs out the door.
"Bye, Senator Organa!" Yoda called after him. "Say hi to wife for me! Someone else coming in now."
Yoda hears someone walk in and go to the sink and turn on the water. Then he hears someone clapping.
"Yes, there we go my little, green friend." The voice says. "We have had a busy day haven't we?" The clapping continues.
"Chancellor Palpatine?" Yoda says.
"What, Master Yoda? Where are you?" Palpatine asks.
"Behind you." Yoda said.
"What are you-" Palpatine would have continued except at that exact moment he breathed in. "Can't…breathe." He lies back on the floor. "I'm weak, I'm too weak." Though Yoda can't see it Palpatine's face slowly begins to peel away until it becomes all wrinkled and decayed. He stands up and looks in the mirror. "My face! I look so evil! Wait, what's this?" He pauses for a moment. "AH! My little, green friend has fallen off! The Jedi shall pay!" He walks out.
"Goodbye, Chancellor," Yoda says. "See you later, I will."
Plop. Plop.
"Oh Force, what I do to deserve this?" Yoda asks. "Revenge for something, is this?"
Plop. Plop.
Plop.
Fart.
"Done, I finally am," Yoda said and wipes. "Need more toilet paper, I do." He uses the Force and lifts a roll from the stall next to him. He finishes and flushes. "Lots of crap from one so small, there is. Big accomplishment this is." He walks out of the stall and looks around.
"Hmm, big mess I have made." Yoda says. "Really big. Already know, two people do. If anyone else does, in big trouble I will be. Leave, I must, go into hiding. Need planet where people will not care how much gas I have. I know, Dagobah."
Yoda leaves the bathroom for Dagobah.
-
"Obi-Wan, did you feel that?" Anakin asked.
"Yes, all that pain and suffering. It was such a huge disturbance in the Force."
"Turn on the comm channels, maybe they can tell us something."
Obi-Wan flipped through and found something.
"…Airborne poison released and had to be evacuated. The gas spread throughout the entire temple and not everyone made it out. There were no survivors.
Also, Master Yoda has gone missing. At the request of both Senator Bail Organa and Supreme Chancellor Palpatine they want Yoda found at all costs, dead or alive, and have even placed a bounty on his head. But Senator Organa clearly says "No disintegrations."
Meanwhile a local restroom has been demolished due to, what appears to have been, a Sith attack. What, are you &!$, that looks absolutely nothing like a Sith attack. This is what a Sith attack looks like!" A lightsaber is heard thrumming and people shout "Look out!" and scream.
"It still don't get what happened." Anakin said.
"Me netiher," Obi-wan said. "But I did get a message from the Council very briefly. They said that every Friday will now be taco night."
"What? I wanted pizza on Fridays!" Anakin says and lets out a long "Nooooooooo!"
"Oh, suck it up."
End