--M I S S I N G S O M E T H I N G--
Chapter 1 -- Gone
By SlayerLove
SL: I don't own the anime The Vision of Escaflowne, nor anything in it. I write these fics out of love for this beautiful creation, because when a writer is really infatuated with something they need to express that obsession somehow, and writing is their best (and most pleasurable to view) method. This fic is DilandauxGatti yaoi, and as far as I know it's quite original. Read on, and I really hope you enjoy it!
Why did love have to be such a cruel thing? It toyed with the mind, the emotions. It batted people's hearts about like a cat torments a wounded bird, allowing it to live a little longer with the knowledge that it will never fly again. The words he'd said the night before seared through his mind even as his blazing eyes slid open. It was too early to forget how they'd hurt each other, Dilandau thought, turning and burying his face in the rumpled pillow once more. How Gatti had hurt him. He had never admitted to it, of course, for facades were part of who he was, but the captain's heart still stung from what his second-in-command had said several days before.
"You think that you can just have me at your beck and call in my sleep, too? That just because I'm lower rank than you, I'm inferior as a person as well?" The blonde asked incredulously. This was't the response Dilandau had expected--he was really beginning to need Gatti, and as far as he knew his Dragon Slayer needed him, too, so why was moving into his quarters such an awful idea?
"Rank has nothing to do with this!" Dilandau retorted, irritated, "What's the matter with you? Don't you trust me?"
"Rank has everything to do with it!" Gatti frowned in return, "You of all people should know the importance of rank, with how you tell me to do things all the time! Do you even realize how much of the time I spend with you is spent following orders? You say 'kiss me,' or 'stay here,' so I do! I don't want to move, but I guess since you're the captain that doesn't matter, does it?"
Now, that hurt. Was Gatti saying that the whole relationship was one-sided? That he only acted like he was in love because that's what Dilandau wanted him to do? What Dilandau ordered him to do?
Seeing pain on the face of the reflection in his glass of wine, the silver-haired youth forced a scowl onto his face to hide it.
"I understand why you can't let go of the rank idea now," he said coldly, standing. "Because to you this relationship is just another mission. Well, you know what? I'm cancelling it. From now on, you can stay wherever the hell you want, and kiss whoever you damned well please, because apparently you are inferior as a person." Even I have a heart, he thought, feeling it squeeze in panic as he watched this beautiful thing they had come undone in the window of a few words, Did he ever think I did all of this out of love? Does he think I'm just playing with him, because I'm higher rank so I can?
He knew deep down that those last words had been unnecessary. The way Gatti set his jaw and whispered, "Yes, Sir," trying his hardest not to cry--it hurt more than anything else he could have said. Without another word, the blonde left the room...and left Dilandau to conceal tears of his own.
The captain's crimson eyes blurred with new tears at the memory. Gatti wasn't inferior to him as a person--he'd known it wasn't true even as he said it, but he had been angry, and anger encouraged spite like nothing else could. I confirmed the question I was hurt he even asked, he thought, closing his eyes. I told him it was over. Dammit, I ended it, when he's the only person I've ever needed this much! He wished he could find a way to let Gatti know that he didn't want it to be over--that he never had--but it was hard to take back such hurtful words, and moreso if they were given as an order. And besides, since they had had that conversation Gatti had been avoiding him. Since he was messenger, the blonde couldn't help but see Dilandau every day, but his sky blue eyes never held anything but a solid concentration on the task at hand, which usually consisted of reading the daily messages and scribing their replies. After that he would always leave promptly to deliver the reply messages--a conveniant excuse to avoid any informal conversation.
The other Dragon Slayers knew Dilandau and Gatti had been in a relationship, but carefully kept the subject from coming up. Dilandau figured they didn't want to risk his wrath if he didn't like them talking about it. Not that any of that mattered now--now they had nothing to keep from mentioning, anyway, because it was over.
A timid knock on the door to his quarters drew Dilandau back from his thoughts. If that was Gatti, he was knocking much more hesitantly today...what could that mean? Sitting up, the albino captain forced himself to crawl out of bed, dash away the tears in his eyes and run a hand through his mussed-up hair. Nothing but the tears mattered, anyhow--Gatti had seen him on his most miserable days, and he'd looked far worse then than now. The knock came again, a bit louder than the last. Crossing the room to sit at his desk as if he'd been up already, Dilandau placed a careful frown on his face to hide the unhappiness and called in the most annoyed tone he could muster, "Come in already!"
The door opened very hesitantly, and a pair of big blue eyes peered in at him. Inwardly, Dilandau sighed. It's just Shesta.
He gave the boy a particularly impatient look. "Come in, I said."
Unhappily, the short blonde did so, closing the door behind him and staring down at his toes--he was barefooted and dressed in soft-looking orange pajamas rather than the Dragon Slayer uniform. "I'm sorry, Lord Dilandau, for disturbing you..."
Waving away the apology, Dilandau asked pointedly, "And why are you here disturbing me? You're not supposed to even be awake for another hour and a half." Perhaps, the pale youth thought, he wasn't the only one who couldn't sleep last night. Gatti always got up earlier than most everyone else, so this conversation only reminded Dilandau more of him.
"I know," Shesta answered, sounding very small. He stared down at his hands, which clung to each other clasped in front of him as if for support, while he spoke. "I-I woke up an hour ago...th-the whole barracks was very cold--the air in there, I mean. I tried to go back to sleep, but it wouldn't work..."
"So you came to pester me?" Dilandau scowled--he was really tired and sad, and in no mood to get angry with anyone, but there was no reason to let Shesta know that he was actually almost glad for the company. I wouldn't usually accept this situation, and I can't have them thinking there's something wrong with me just because...there is. He sighed, but Shesta didn't seem to notice.
"N-no, Sir...I would never bother you with my personal concerns..." The blonde took a shakily little breath, and announced at last, "Gatti's gone."
"What?" Dilandau asked sharply, caught by surprise. Gone? Maybe he's off doing his messenger rounds--it's about the right time of day...
"G-Gatti's gone," Shesta repeated, looking frightened by his own words. "H-he was gone when I got up--the c-cold wouldn't let me sleep, and when I went past his bunk I noticed...he's gone."
Dilandau frowned, "He does get up early sometimes, you know."
"No..." Shesta bit his lip, looking down. "Capt. Ryuon w-went to see if he needed any help with the messenging this morning, and his office was locked from last night. He never got to it this morning, Sir."
A slow sort of dread was creeping its way up Dilandau's back, spreading into his chest. It wrapped its tendrils around his heart, and his voice seemed like someone else's as he asked, "Are you sure of this?"
Shaken once more as he remembered his morning, Shesta nodded. "W-we've searched for him, Sir. He's not in any of the places reserved for us. I-I'm reporting this because...Capt. Ryuon's doing today's messenging, so he can't. He should be by in awhile with the messages he's collected for you. I thought...you w-would want to know." You know I love him, Dilandau thought, aching to get up and go find Gatti himself. However, he still had duties of his own to tend--maybe after Ryuon finished the messenging.
"Go get dressed," he murmured.
Shesta blinked at him, taken aback. "S-Sir?"
"Get out of your pajamas and into your uniform," Dilandau elaborated, scowling. "And expect to do a lot of running today."
The blonde bowed. "Yes, Sir." Quietly, he slipped out the door and off down the hallway--without boots on, his footfalls made no sound at all. After he had gone, Dilandau buried his face in his hands. Gone. Is it because of me? Maybe after we exchanged such words he thinks that we can't work together anymore. Maybe he hates me so much he can't stand the idea of working for me anymore... He sighed softly to the empty room, "Maybe he's right..."
--End Chapter 1
SL: And here begins my first DS yaoi chapter-fic. Yatta!Don't worry,the chapters will get longer.Thanks for reading! Didja like it? If so, I implore you to review and tell me--it'll only take half a minute for you to make my entire day! And if ya don't like it, tell me why in a constructive fashion so I will know how my yaoi tastes differ from others'--it'll still make my day! Until next time, dewa, sayonara.