You may want to go listen to the song "The Madness of King Scar" before reading, for better understanding. Go look it up on youtube. =)
Just a silly little idea that went through my head. Wrote it in 30 mins, so sorry if there are mistakes.
The Madness of King Ganondorf
-Zelda… Why am I not… loved?
Imprisoned in her crystal above the throne room, Zelda rolled her eyes. There it went again.
-I am that rare and awesome thing! Ganondorf bellowed in a deep voice, pacing across the room nervously. I'm every inch a king! Yet… I feel a twinge of doubt as I go walk about…
At this, he stopped right under her, and the princess quickly changed spot. It was his classic trick to look at her underwear. Pervert…
-When my name is whispered through Hyrule… The Dark King sang, raising her head toward his captive. Is this talk of love or regicide?
His brows furrowed when he saw plan to look under her dress had failed. However, he kept going.
-Tell me I'm adored… he whimpered, walking over to his organ and sitting on the velvet-clad bench. Please, tell me I'm adored!
-Hey boss! A random bulblin screamed from a corner of the room.
-Oh, what is it? Ganondorf sighed in exasperation as a small troop of monsters advanced toward him.
-We got a bone to pick with you! The same bulblin yelled, stopping a few meters away from him.
The following creatures all bumped into one another, which resulted into an ugly heap of green-skinned monsters at the feet of the Dark Lord.
-There's no food, no water! One of them screamed from under the pile, voice muffled by all the monsters covering him.
-Yeah, it's dinner time and there ain't no stinkin' entrees! Another one clamored as he stood back up.
-YOU AND YOUR PETTY COMPLAINTS! Ganondorf snarled, getting up from his seat and approaching his monstrous servants, who all stumbled back hastily. You don't know what real hunger is. Day after day it gnaws at the very core of my being!
He brought the back of his hand over his eyes in a dramatic gesture. The bulblins all stared at him blankly for a moment before one of them spoke.
-I had that once. It was worms! He said tentatively.
-NO NO NO! the dark king bellowed, stomping his foot in anger. It's like an itch! Deep… Persistent… Profound…
-That's it! Worms! The same bulblin chirped enthusiastically. When they get really bad, all you gotta do is… hunker down and scoot.
They all snickered at the mental image of Ganondorf rubbing his backside on the floor. In her crystal, Zelda tried to hold back her laughter, almost turning blue from the lack of air.
-Thanks for the tip, Ganondorf said, rolling his eyes. INGRATES! He bellowed, pointing a theatrical finger at his servants. If it weren't for me you'd be picking off corpses for your next bite!
The bulblins all held hands and started dancing around their master in circle before starting to sing:
-Yeah you're a saint, now thanks a bunch, but how about some lunch? They all asked in their grating, screechy voice. It doesn't matter if it's fresh; I need a fix of flesh. My bones have moved to where they've never been. They're on the outside, looking in!
-ARE YOU BLAMING ME? Ganondorf roared, his face reddening in anger.
The monsters all shuffled away before answering, still in a sing-song voice:
-Oh no, it's the hero's fault!
The Dark King's face suddenly returned to normal, and he blinked a couple of times before uttering a simple "Oh".
Then three of them stepped forward and, bowing low, proceeded to praise their master.
-You are so adored! Oh you are so adored!
-That's more like it! Ganondorf said smugly, flexing his muscles.
-But what I'd give for one more hit of bullbo barbecue! They said, getting a bit braver upon seeing their flattering had struck a nerve. Or maybe Hylian on the spit-
-Link, please save me! Zelda cried, unable to bear any more bulblin singing.
-Link? LINK? Ganondorf barked, head snapping up toward his captive.
The bulblins all scampered out the door upon seeing their master so angry. Surely there was someone to eat somewhere in the castle…
-How dare you! The Dark Lord hissed. I told you never to utter that name!
-Note taken, Zelda said, voice shaking after seeing Ganondorf's eyes almost pop out of his skull. I shall never mention the L-word again!
-Even in his absence, his shadow looms over me… the Dark Lord breathed, casting nervous glances about the room.
Suddenly, his eye was caught by a slight movement, and he turned toward a corner of the room, his cape billowing dramatically behind him.
-There he is! He said, his voice an octave or two above usual. No, there he is! And there!
-Calm yourself Ganon, or you'll get another one of your splitting headache! Zelda said.
Goddesses, he was a pain in the ass when he had those.
-I AM PERFECTLY FINE! Ganondorf barked, hands clenching into fists at his sides.
Zelda watched in bewilderment as he started to run around the room, holding his head with both hands. As he ran, he muttered to himself.
-I'm much better than Link can be! I'm the best, I'm the worst… I am a God, I'm just mad… I'm keeping calm, I'M GOING WILD!
He stopped dead in his tracks, and Zelda hoped it was over. However, she had no such luck.
-I tell myself I'm fine! Yes I am-No you're not!-Yes I am-No you're NOT!
He was pacing under her crystal now, talking to himself and making a face each time he answered to himself.
-I tell myself I'm fine! NO YOU'RE NOT-YES I AM –NO YOU'RE NOT-YESNOYESNO-WHO AM I TALKING TOOOOO…?
He collapsed, rolling on the floor and whimpering like a baby. Zelda threw herself on her knees and screamed, as loud as she could:
-OHMYGOD PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER GANON!
-Ah, very well, he said, sitting and looking up as if nothing had happened.
Then his face fell, and she saw tears well in his eyes.
-Zelda, he moaned. Zelda, Zelda, Zelda…
-Yes, Ganon? She huffed, getting ready for another round of Ganondorf-whining.
-Nobody loved me, there's the rub, he sobbed. Not even as a warlord. What did your father have that I don't have?
Zelda raised an eyebrow. Really?
-Do you want the short list or the long? She snapped, crossing her arms.
-Whatever, he answered dryly.
-Well, he had adoring subjects… Zelda stated, raising a finger.
-Nan…
-A loving family… she said, raising another.
-Ew!
-A devoted queen…
-That's it, I need a queen! Ganondorf suddenly screamed as he stood.
-A WHAT? Zelda squeaked incredulously.
-A queen, woman, a queen! He shouted, pacing back and forth with his hands clasped behind his back. Without a queen, what am I? A dead end! No sex, no fantasies, no pleasure! With a queen I'll have…
-Okay, forget the song, Zelda interrupted. Don't finish that sentence.
It was then that the double doors leading into the room swung open, revealing a tall, green-clad silhouette.
-Ganondorf! Link screamed.
-Ah, Link, the Dark King said, slowly facing his nemesis. Your timing couldn't have been more perfect-My, how you've grown.
-Ganondorf, I'm here to end your dark reign! The hero shouted, slowly stepping into the room and raising his sword.
A wild spark began to flicker in the Dark Lord's eyes as he approached the hero, circling him as a wolf would a defenseless fawn.
-He's got those assets feminine… Ganondorf whispered for himself.
-You're not the king! Link bellowed, raising his shield. You'll never be!
-I have to make him mine…
-You're destroying Hyrule!
-Heroism in every gene…
-It's the Goddesses' will! Don't you see…?
-He has to be my queen!
-I have to save the kingdom!
Ganondorf suddenly stepped forward, and Link was so surprised that he didn't even think about swinging his sword.
-Come dear hero, it's written in the stars! The Dark King sung, taking another step forward.
-What are you doing? Link asked, stepping back frantically and raising his shield even higher, so high that only his nose and eyes were visible. Are you listening to me?
-We will make a lot of fangirls squee! Ganondorf bellowed, ripping the sword from the boy's grip so he could hold his hand in his.
-THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? Link yelled, desperately trying to free his hand from the Dark Lord's iron grip.
-Tell me I'm adored!
-OK, I'M NOT PLAYING ANYMORE! The hero screamed. TO HELL WITH THIS!
-Tell me I'm ado-
SHIELD ATTACK!
Blood gushed from Ganondorf's imposing nose as he fell back with a muffled gurgling sound.
-Ouch… Zelda whispered, staring at the twitching Dark Lord on the ground.
Link was curled up under Ganondorf's organ, holding his shield over his head like some sort of shell.
-S-so… creepy, he stuttered. Never… sleep… again…
-Still, you could've let him finish the song, Zelda said. Now come out from under there, you don't want to know what he did there… and nor do I.
Reviews and constructive criticism always welcome! =)