These aren't my characters or anything, all Stephanie Meyer, blahblahblah, but some are mine. You'll know 'em when you see 'em.

Bella's point of view

"Crap," I heaved with a sigh as I trudged into my tiny home.

"What did you do this time?" Charlie asked in a disinterested tone.

"You know how you always say that you learn something new every day?"

"Yeah… Why?"

"Well, I learned that if you cut a dog's head off, it won't grow back."

"Which dog did you decapitate?"

"Mr. Fuzzikins, the Newton's new puppy."

"Ah. You know Bella, you shouldn't go running around with that machete. The guys at the station might wonder about those pills the doctor prescribed," Charlie scolded.

"Yes, dad. I'll be more careful," I said, while rolling my eyes.

I drag myself upstairs, hoping Edward is still on his leash like I left him. While walking down the hall, I am startled by a voice from my bathroom.

"Hmmm… Shampoo bottle…"

I peek around the door, only to see Edward closely examining my shampoo bottle. I guess I shouldn't have even bothered with the leash.

"Hey, Eddie," I sigh without interest in his odd behavior. Last week I caught him running in circles in my living room with one of my bras fastened to his head. This is normal.

"Oh, hi Bella!" Someone's chipper today.

I dragged my feet into my bedroom, collapsing onto my bed stomach first, waiting for Edward to quit obsessing with my shampoo. I heard his footsteps on the hardwood floor, and he sat next to my limp body.

"What's wrong with you today, too much Prozac?" he asked with a hand on my head.

"Yeah, and I cut a dog's head off, the owner got mad, and now I'm bored like crap."

He patted my head in apology. "Hey, let's go to my place. That ought to cheer you up," he said in his annoyingly happy voice.

We rode in his shiny Volvo in silence until it got so loud, I had to ask a question or I would scream.

"Why are you so freaking happy today?" I snapped randomly.

"Well if you must know, I auditioned for The Sound of Music today and I think I really nailed it! Think I'll get the part?" he asked, still perky as a cheerleader on drugs.

"Oh, that's wonderful!" I said, immediately perked up. "Who did you audition as?"

"Maria!"

"Ooh she's my favorite character!" I squealed.

We broke out in My Favorite Things, singing the whole way to his house.

"Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens!" I sang.

"Red copper kettles and warm woolen mittens!" Edward followed.

We kept it up until we got to the house and out of the car when Rosalie burst out the door giggling and ran out into the yard where she started to spin in circles. Emmett steps outside, sticks his arm out just in time for her to run right into his iron grasp. With his hands around her waist, he attempted to drag her back inside. We followed him as he walked up the steps and Rose looked Edward in the eyes and bellowed, "Ello, ol' chap! Dandy day we're having!"

"Emmett, why is she talking in a British accent?" Edward asked.

"Everything sounds smah-ter with ah British accent!" Rosalie chirped.

"Emmett, what kind of pills did you give her?!" I exclaimed.

"Josh said they were 'happy pills' and she was all depressed!"

"And who is this Josh?" I asked warily.

"A friend of mine," Emmett said, looking at the hardwood floor of the foyer.

"Nice lack of information!" Edward snapped.

"Why is ev'ryone bloody yeh-ling?" Rose screamed, breaking the tension in the air and making us all laugh.

"Is Rose still blabbering in British?" Carlisle asked as he strolled into the room. All eyes were on Rose as she started to gnaw on her arm.

"Jasper tohld meh I sound smah-ter with ah British accent!" Rose burst out, and then resumes her slobbery chewing. Everyone slowly turned their heads toward Jasper, who was until now silently gazing out the window. He started to fidget under the pressure of their murderous glares. After a while, it was too much. He jumped out of his chair yelled, "I just wanted to have some fun!!" and sprinted out the door.

"Well that was odd!" Alice chimed as she skipped into the room. She froze mid-skip as she took in the sight of Carlisle. "What is THAT?!" She shrieked, her gaze still fixed on Carlisle. All eyes transferred to him and opened wide. Silence filled the room until I screamed.

"HOLY CRAP!!"

"What?" Carlisle questioned.

"WHY are you wearing a Speedo?!" Edward yelled.

"Well, I'm going swimming!" Carlisle replied. Then a voice came from upstairs.

"Carlisle! Come back up here! I want more of that candy, if you know what I mean!" The familiar voice was Esme.

"OMIGAWD," whispered Alice.

"I've been scarred for eternity," Edward whispered painfully.

"I did NOT need to see that!" I said with a shudder.

"I didn't even know you owned a Speedo!" Emmett commented.

"So why are you wearing it?" Edward asked.

"Well I needed something quick to slip on when I came downstairs for some water!" Carlisle replied.

"We don't drink water!" Edward said in an irritated tone.

"What makes you think we were going to drink it?" Carlisle asked simply with a shrug.

It took one second for everyone to get where he was going with this. We all froze in horror, our jaws dropped to the ground. No one said another word as Carlisle walked into the kitchen, got a large amount of water, and headed back upstairs. After the shock wore off, everyone started to walk into the living room when Carlisle made another appearance.

"Oh, I almost forgot something," he said out loud as he grabbed a rubber glove and a footstool and then went back upstairs.

Nobody was ever the same again.