Disclaimer: all this belongs to JK Rowling.

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Again. All this was happening again. But why? What has she done to deserve this? This one last brutal attack to her heart was enough to make her want to give up for good. She didn't want to believe it, she should have known that he was the same as every other man she had met; cruel, selfish, uncaring. How could she have been so stupid to believe he had been so different? But she knew the answer, she was a foolish girl who had been torn to pieces by all the men she had poured her heart out to, and he had been there to put her back together. And he stayed. Long enough to take what he had wanted, to rip out the seams that he had so carefully stitched back together, and then leave abruptly from her life. She no longer cared about the tears that poured endlessly down her cheeks, or the ripped hem of her school robes, or the curious stares she received as she ran as fast as her feet would carry her.

She came to a halt in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady. "My dear what is wrong?" she asked, observing the young girl's tear stained face and distraught appearance.

"Devil's Snare." She muttered impatiently, waiting for the fat lady to let her in. She pushed her way through the portrait hole to find an empty common room. She trudged her way up the stairs to her dormitory feeling beaten down. Not even bothering to remove her shoes, she flung herself onto her bed and wept, head buried into her pillow. She tried to remember her mother's words "Crying never did anyone any good." She sat up holding her head in her hands and tried to calm herself. The events of the day had weighed heavily on her, and she just wanted to rest, to forget everything.

She slept fitfully that night, waking frequently, drenched in sweat and shivering all over. Each time she woke she could barely remember what she had been dreaming about. Her dreams came in quick, brief flashes, each worse than the last. She dreamt of the beech tree by the lake, someone twirling in the air upside- down as if held there by an invisible rope, she dreamt of the arrogant sneering face of James Potter, the face of a pale boy with dark oily hair. The face of this boy belongs to Severus Snape, and his face popped up in her dreams more than all the others, and each time it did, she would wake up, shaking and scared, unable to remember what had woken her in the first place.

She woke up late in the afternoon the next day with a pounding headache. Sitting up slowly, she looked around the dormitory, she had not seen her roommates since the end of the OWLS. She supposed she would have to tell them why she had missed three meals in a row. Just the thought of having to share aloud what had happened the day before almost had her in tears. She was bitterly made aware of the fact that she now had no best friend to lean on anymore, not since he had made it clear that she was not worthy of him and wanted nothing to do with her. She slowly got up, now acutely aware of the hunger growing in her stomach. Realizing she already had her clothes on from the day before, she quickly brushed her long mane of red hair and hurried off to the kitchens. She composed herself with the carefully structured facade that she wore on her face every day. A look of calculated indifference that no one questioned, the look she wore when she knew that it would be easier to shove her feelings down. It is better this way. You can build a wall around your heart, a small voice in her head told her, you can make the walls thick, so that no matter how many people try to chip away at it, they'll never be able to reach the center, and you will never have your heart broken again. And she listened. She knew it was pointless to try to resist. Descending into the kitchens she found that someone was already there. She turned around and tried to exit quietly but they had already heard her enter.

"Lily!" exclaimed James upon seeing her. She kept walking toward the exit but he grabbed her wrist to hold her back. "Lily wait!" she turned around, roughly pulling her wrist out of his grasp.

"Leave me alone Potter."

"Lily, please, I need to talk to you."

"Talk to me about what Potter? I have nothing to say to you, and , to be frank, I don't care about what you have to say." She said as she walked back up the stairs.

"Lily it's about Snape." She froze and spun around, her rage barely concealed as she looked straight at him.

"How dare you speak to me about him! I don't need you to tell me my business! If you knew what was good for you, you would mind yourself and stay away from me!"

He opened his mouth to say something but was immediately silenced when she slapped him across his cheek. She turned on her heel and left him there, rubbing his cheek in pain. He knew she was grieving, he only had wanted to ease her pain, but he knew he was in no place to even attempt it. She loathed him. Feeling dejected, he left the kitchens and stopped just outside.

"Sirius, it didn't work." He said, seeming to be talking to the air when a young man revealed himself from under an invisibility cloak.

"Yeah I could tell. When she walked out she was seething. Sorry mate," said Sirius. Sirius Black was the most sought after guy in Hogwarts. Every girl in Hogwarts had had a crush on him at one point or another, even a few guys. Known as the schools charmer, his looks and way with words had gotten him almost everything he wanted. Both James and Sirius had multiple girls chasing after them, their combination of charm, confidence, and looks had made them a perfect team.

"Yeah well, I'll get through to her sooner or later" he said as he ruffled his hair, trying to appear nonchalant. When he first saw Lily there was something about her that he could tell made her very different. Whether it was her undeniable beauty, her quiet dignity, or her haunting demeanor, he wasn't sure, but there was something about her that enraptured him and all other males that saw her. From the beginning he had only wanted to get her attention, not unlike many others, and was constantly showing off for her. But to her he was just the same as any other guy she had met if not more annoying.

Lily returned to her dormitory in no better a mood than when she left, and she still had not yet eaten. But when she entered the room she found Mary Macdonald, Marlene McKinnon, and Alice Prewett all sitting on Mary's bed.

"There you are Lily!" exclaimed Alice, who was a petite girl with fair skin and short brown hair.

"We were worried about you. We haven't seen you all day today! Is everything alright?" asked Mary. Mary was favored by Lily over all the other girls in their dorm and the only one Lily had ever really opened up to. Mary also had fair skin but long blond hair.

"I'm fine" she replied walking over to her bed, removing her shoes and not saying anything else.

Marlene finally spoke up, "But Lily, You missed three meals in a row! We're worried."

"I just slept in is all," she replied. She didn't want to relive it, to see the looks of pity on their faces when they found out that her best friend from even before Hogwarts thought she was nothing more than a mudblood. She didn't want to believe it, when she heard him utter the words, all she could do was stand there. She felt as though she had been punched, and kicked, and beaten down, because Severus Snape, of all people, could not think that of her. Her eyes burned, and she struggled to push her emotions down again.

"Okay, but you should probably get ready, dinner will start soon."

Not trusting her voice, she nodded. She wasn't sure how she would be able to go to dinner and face him, in the presence of the whole school. Severus Snape had helped her heal. He also made you how you are today. You are suspicious of everyone. Because of him.She shook her head. No. It was her fault she believed him. She remembered something he told her the week before they started fourth year:

"'Nobody cares about anybody in this world. We all just use each other. To feel good, bad, or nothing at all. The lucky ones are real good at it. The rest of us just take what we can get.' He looked down at his hands. Then back up to Lily. She looked skeptical.

'How can you say that Sev? You judge too harshly. There are plenty of good people out there, people who care, you just have to find the right ones.'"

She was a silly naïve girl then. But then of course, that was before everything had happened. Not everyone was heartless, not everyone wanted to use each other, it was just the men. Because every man she had grown attached to had shoved her away. She had given each one her heart, and they tore it to pieces.

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