It was Halloween, one of the biggest celebrations in Death city, when he first realized it. The fact that he was numb.
Maka and him had been wandering through the city for a good few hours when someone had jumped out in a mask to try and frighten the pair.
It hadn't worked. Maka had jumped a little from the shock but other then that she showed no further fear. Soul hadn't even flinched. Heck, he hadn't even blinked. Later as they were walking Maka expressed her admiration for Soul, how he was so brave and she was glad to have him as a partner, how he hadn't been scared.
"Weren't you even a tiny bit frightened Soul?"
"Not really."
"Well I'm glad you weren't, even after living here my whole life it still startled me." Maka loosed that sweet little grin that made him tingle.
"Oh."
"Hey, how about we go to the record shop before going to Kid's party?"
"Sure. That would be nice."
"Are you okay? You seem a little out of it."
"Guess I'm just tired."
And he was tired, Soul wasn't lying. But that wasn't half of it, he had just realized he was numb. Cold. Frozen. He wasn't really feeling any emotion. Huh. When did this happen? All he could feel was a tinge of unhappiness, even that was faint.
He took note of it at Kid's party later that day, laughing at jokes he didn't find funny, smiling when he wasn't happy, trying to have fun with his friends when all he wanted to do was get away to a quiet place and take a nap. He wasn't really feeling much of anything at all.
That night when Soul and Maka got home he snatched his Deathpod off of the kitchen table and shut himself in his room claiming he was going to bed. Ignoring Maka's cries of, "Brush your teeth first Soul! Soul!" the scythe decided to examine himself.
Why was he numb?
He had no reason to be with the fact that he was surrounded by friends, popular, had a close partnership with Maka, and also had his newly acquired Death Scythe status.
What was it? Was he lonely? He didn't think that was it, he had plenty of close friends and plenty more admirers.
Something else then?
oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
One week later and he was still numb. Inside he was freaking out a little, when did this start happening? How does he make it stop? He wasn't even sure how to express his emotions now. For all he knew he was just reacting how he was expected to react when really he didn't feel a thing. When he was supposed to be happy and acting like that, he wasn't really happy. When he was supposed to act angry, inside he wasn't.
He just didn't feel, anything.
Except sadness. That was present all the time, deep down he felt it, barely.
It must be depression. That's what he figured out. He needed help. Help.
But...he couldn't let Maka worry about him. She'd done enough with his wound and the demon and the whole fate of the world. He wasn't going to burden her. She deserved a break. No telling then, after all, if he told anyone it would all flow back to his meister in the end. That would be bad.
No telling. Suffer in silence. Figure it out. Fix yourself. Go it alone.
This is how it has to be.
oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
One month later.
It hurts.
This pain, of feeling alone, feeling inferior. It ached in his chest, always there. It hurt to keep up his facade.
His demon spouted horrible insults, never stopping, inviting new feelings into his chest. Inferiority, it was all coming back. His self esteem had been low to start with but now it plummeted. Black Star and Kid were easily better than him. Black Star being an incredibly strong, wavelength wielding war god and Kid having incredible skill and a Shinigami heritage to boot. Soul was just a temperamental scythe that couldn't fight on his own. He wasn't particularly strong, or fast, or really much of anything.
It hurt. To realize all this. He'd been in the dark this whole time.
oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
One month later.
"Soul! Don't you run away like that!" Maka yelled at Soul's retreating form. The scythe was stomping towards their apartment door but stopped and whirled around when she called her name.
"I'm not running Maka! I just need to cool down! Is that a crime?"Soul angrily snapped back. I just need some alone time. Leave me some alone time!
Maka's expression shifted from anger to sadness, to worry. "Soul, what's wrong, you've been acting strange lately."
Soul knew he had to do something when he saw Maka's expression flit to worry, Oh no, no stress! "Maka," he said, calming down. "I've just had a stressful week, I'm sorry." For lying.
Maka sighed, "Fine Soul... We've all gone through that one time or another, you're not alone... Just... Pick up some milk on your way back will you?"
The white haired weapon flashed a fake grin. It felt wrong. "Course Maka." He left.
But I feel alone.
oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
Two weeks later.
What's wrong with me? Soul asked himself as he faced Black Star's prone form on the infirmary bed. He was supposed to be feeling sorrow for his friend's injuries. Or at least revenge. Instead, he felt nothing. Indifferent.
Someone tell me!
He rushed to the school bathroom and coughed up his breakfast in a stall before turning to the mirror. Because that's where all the demons were unearthed. Soul gripped the sink, shaking as he examined himself in the mirror. He winced at the reflection that stared back.
Pale skin only enhanced the dark bags under his eyes. His ruby eyes which used to shine now looked like blood. His face was framed by wild unkempt hair
Look at what you've become. You're looking more like a monster every day.
Freak.
You're not even sad for your 'best friend' who suffered terrible injuries.
Monster. You don't feel anything.
His demon's taunts, make it stop. Make it stop.
The mirror shattered. He didn't remember punching it but the blood trickling from his knuckles proved him wrong.
Monster...
Soul ran.
AN: There you go! I'll start the next chapter as soon as possible. I also need to update my other story too so...yeah.
Anyway if you liked please leave reviews! If you hated it then leave reviews!
Just leave reviews!
To emphasize this here's half a glorified arrow. See you next time! :D ~LadySquiddle
IIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
VVVVVVVVVVVVV
VVVVVVVVVV
VVVVVVV
VVVV
V