Title: Can't Turn Back the Years
Author: Amber (Ambino1111@prodigy.net)
Disclaimer: I don't own The West Wing or its characters, they belong to Aaron Sorkin. The song "Can't Turn Back the Years" belongs to Phil Collins.
Rating: PG for some mild swearing
Summary: Leo signs his divorce papers
Author's Notes: I was listening to the Phil Collins CD "Both Sides of the Story", and a few of the songs got me thinking. I decided to start up a little series of independent songficlets.
*** Could've given you everything that you need
but I cannot turn back the years
The perfect love was all you wanted from me
but I cannot turn back the years ***
Leo McGarry sighed and examined the papers in his hand. He never, ever imagined his marriage ending like this.
"Oh, Jenny," He murmured under his breath, slowly picking up a pen from the table. After all those years, after all that they had been through, how could she be willing to give up so easily?
He cursed himself for loving his job as much as he did. He had promised Jenny it wouldn't consume his life, had sworn she would always and forever be number one. But time had passed and things had changed: he was seeing his best friend more than his wife, there were more suits in his office than in his bedroom. He sighed again and clicked open the pen. After a moment of contemplation, he clicked again to close it. Maybe it wasn't too late...
*** So we have to be strong, and I'm finding that hard
we have to move on, but no matter how hard I try
if your heart's in pieces, you look for the truth
and when I look deep down inside I know, it's too bad I love you ***
He could help countless people throughout the world with a simple suggestion, but he failed the one person that meant the most to him, the one he had vowed before God to honor and cherish til death.
Leo gently placed the papers on the coffee table and shifted in his chair to gaze out the window. He watched the sun coloring the sky as it rose, and idly thought about his future. He needed to find a small apartment somewhere - the hotel rates were putting a dent in his finances, and he'd need every dime for the divorce lawyer. Maybe there was a place near the White House - he made a mental note to have Margaret look in the papers for him tomorrow. She'd also have to squeeze in a break sometime soon so... Leo didn't even want to think about it.
*** Sometimes, hits me in the morning, hits me at night
that I cannot turn back the years
so I look out my window, turn off my light
but I cannot turn back the years ***
It seemed impossible that this wasn't going to blow over. They'd had their share of arguments, more than their share of painful rough patches, but their love for each other had always been enough. Being Chief of Staff was the last thing he was going to do, and he thought she'd understood the importance. It was an honor to work in the White House, a boyhood dream he never considered possible until Bartlet's Inauguration Day. Now he faced the toughest choice he'd ever have to make - his dream job, or his dream love.
It was selfish for him to want both.
*** Can't make it seem easy, when you're all that I see
can't live in a dream and I won't serenade the truth
people are hurting and they're looking to me
and I look at you there's nothing more to say, it's too bad I love you ***
He glanced at the phone, then his watch. Jenny would just be getting up. All he had to do was press seven buttons... seven buttons and he could possibly "fix this", as the President had so elegantly demanded. Seven numbers... his fate hung in the balance.
Leo picked up the phone, listening to the dial tone and willing it to sound like Jenny's loving voice. 'Seven numbers, Leo. You can do this. You fought in a goddamn war- this is nothing compared to that.'
Oh, but it was. The phone call was everything. He began to dial.
*** But I'm never gonna give it up
All that I lived for, all that I dreamed
but I cannot turn back the years
You're the water I drink, you're the air that I breathe
but I cannot turn back the years ***
He stopped after four numbers.
"God dammit," he growled, slamming the phone back into the cradle with more anger than he felt. Why had he let things disintegrate so badly? He spent his days solving problems, why couldn't he solve this one?
"If you love something, let it go," he mumbled. Leo never liked that saying. He laughed harshly, snatching up the pen a second time. Maybe if he set Jenny free she would come back, and they'd truly be together forever.
It took Leo a minute to find the strength to open the pen. A tear slid town his cheek as he carefully, deliberately signed his full name. He'd give anything to make Jenny happy, even if it meant a divorce.
*** So we have to be strong, and I'm finding that hard
we have to move on, but no matter how hard I try
if your heart's in pieces you look for the truth
and when I look deep down inside I know, it's too bad I love you ***
He wiped his tears on his sleeve and slid the stack of papers into the large brown envelope. It was really over.
"I love you, Jenny," he whispered, unconsciously rubbing his wedding ring.
Then Leo stood and headed to the shower. It was time to get ready for work.
*** But I'm never gonna give it up. ***
Fin