A/N: Hello! :) I don't own Spring Awakening :( just to get that over with. I hope this story isn't confusing the way I wrote it but the italics are Moritz's thoughts. I might add more chapters, I'm not sure yet. I hope you enjoy it! :)
-Ali
I slowly walked home from the school that day. Slowing my pace even more when my house came into view. The thoughts whirling through my head, the tears panging in my eye sockets, threatening to come out. The fear causing my hands to tremble as I entered my fathers study.
"Father...?" I inquired
"Moritz" He barked I didn't know what to say, how to phrase it. "Yes?" He added forcing the words to tumble from my lips. The fear penetrating my mind caused me to come up with a mumbled question
"Well, I, uh…"
I couldn't do it the words wouldn't come out, I was no Melchi, words just didn't formulate without a thought, I couldn't do that, I couldn't do this. I just couldn't.
"Was wondering- hypothetically speaking- what would happen if...."
I knew I couldn't just tell him, maybe there was still hope, or maybe he wouldn't even mind...what was I thinking...I failed, failed...of course he'd mind.
"If...."
I couldn't say it, no! I wouldn't I couldn't. Oh God!
"If one day I, uh, failed"
I'd said it...god help me.
"You're telling me you've failed?" He bellowed angrier then I'd seen him before.
"No-no! I only meant-"
Why wasn't I more like Melchi, why? Why, couldn't a clever phase take hold of my mind a fall from my lips why? There was nothing and I knew what would happen next; he was entering a blind fit of rage. I was too tired to think, let alone lie or fight back.
"You've failed, haven't you? I can see it in your face."
My tired, lonely face, the one that can't hide emotions even when I'm trying with my life on the line. He raised his hand and just then I began to protest.
"Father, no!"
It grazed my face, more the less. The impact, the fact that he'd done it again. After he had promised no more. But after all he all promised no more didn't he?
"Father!" I cried out, again - his hand briskly across my face. And now he won't even look at me. Looked what I've caused...my fault, entirely my fault.
"Well, it's finally come to this. I can't say I'm surprised."
My own father, expecting me to fail and not even having to decency to look at me and tell me. The tears are no longer a threat, as they begin to tumble down my checks. I try to hide them with my hands but what's the use? Why bother?
"Failed."
The way he said it, so blunt, so real.
"So, now, what are your mother and I supposed to do?"
Did he want an answer; my muffled sobs should suffice to telling him I didn't know. Just as I didn't know my Latin, or my equations or how to comprehend the simplest assignments we were given.
"You tell me boy, what?"
I averted eye contact and ignored the question. Just as I always had. Whenever he would do this. Whenever I disappointed him, which was frequently lately. My mind was numb, not the way it was before but a new sort of numb. As he began to talk I barely heard anything. I only saw his crimson lips moving with rage and my eyes averted them and danced upon his revolver. The one he kept for hunting small animals. Then it came to me I could stop my lips from ever having the options to move again, I could numb my mind forever and never fail my father again. I could do all of this and only waste one bullet.
"Thank god my father never lived to see this day."
And I won't have to see tomorrow. I watched my father exit and I carefully slid my hands over the gun. Sliding it into my pocket, slipping out of his study and climbing up to my room. The tears were beginning to subside now and my mind was regaining thought as I lay down on my bed for one last sleep.