Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note.

A/N: Written for the wonderful Makorra-lina-malfoy (search on deviantART). Oh, and the idea wasn't mine, it was ZJeM's but she said she's too lazy to write this and so I could adapt it :D

Suggested listening: My Chemical Romance - Hidden Track (from The Black Parade album; lyrics totally unrelated but the song is hilarious xD)

PURGATORY

"Can I smoke now?"

The voice shot through air like a cannon ball, making Mello wince on his place on the black sofa. Even the touch of leather on his arms didn't soothe him. He glanced at the guy they were supposed to talk to.

They... Meaning he and Matt.

The devilish duo, the dog and the owner, the drama queen and the laid-back type... Add whichever stereotype you want.

Why were they there in the first place, he wondered, as a bar of chocolate made it's way to his mouth. The guy sitting across him snapped his fingers and the candy disappeared. "You are not supposed to devote yourselves to your first lives' addictions here. This is not the purpose of our meeting, Mihael Keehl".

Mello winced, he still wasn't used to people speaking his name out loud. He heard Matt sigh "Damn, no nicotine, then..." beside him and fought the urge to snap at the mysterious figure. His redheaded friend fumbled with his pocket, obviously searching for something.

"Hey! You took the game too?" The man in the suit just shrugged, his expression still the same. "Like I said, you are not-" "Yeah, yeah, cut the bullshit. What do you want? And why are we here? Where is this damn place? Why-" "Mihael Keehl" the man shook his head disapprovingly. "Let's start with one question at time, shall we? Your impatience and short temper is one of the reasons that led to our meeting being held so early" Mello sat back, furious that somebody dared to interrupt him.

Yes, he wanted to see the man in pain.

Yes, he wanted to pull a bullet through this head covered in black, slicked-back hair.

But he found out that he simple couldn't, and the reason was beyond his reach. He glanced at Matt and the redhead wiggled his fingers and mouthed "Magic!" to him. The blond rolled his eyes and concentrated on the man again.

"Let me start with a small introduction. I'm the one that will decide about your future, about your next eternity actually. Let's say I'm called... Nate" Matt bursted out into laughing at the twitch of Mello's eye. Nate looked at him and sighed, not getting what all of this was about. "What's wrong, Mail Jeevas?" Matt stopped, instinctively searching for Kira supporters that might have overheard his name. Trying to get down the worst criminal the world has ever known can make you pretty paranoid, you know?

"My name is of no importance here. I may be Steve or Jack and it wouldn't matter. Nothing present matters in the purgatory". Mello sucked in a breath. Matt looked around, like he was expecting a welcoming parade to come in. "So... We're dead?" Mello asked in a whisper. Nate put his blank stare on him. "Technically speaking, yes. Your bodies shall rot down on Earth. But you are here with me, you can feel your 'bodies', and-" "Yeah, yeah" Matt waved a hand at that. "Maybe some more valuable information? I wanna smoke already"

Nate looked as though we was about to roll his eyes but he didn't lose his composure.

"You two are here because certain events in your previous lives led you to stand on the line between good and evil. Technically speaking-" he rose his hand at Matt who wanted to cut in "- we don't know where to send you yet. I'm here as a... Let's say, psychologist who will analyze your behavior and make a decision after that scrutiny." Mello sighed and fell down on the sofa, relaxing just a little bit. "We shall start with your youth. You were both raised in Wammy's House, correct?" "Raised... More like slowly turned insane by the constant pressure of becoming the new L..." Matt muttered, obviously bored because of his lack of entertainment. Nate noted something down.

"And as the two of the three top students you had more expectations on your shoulders, am I correct? Was this the source of your social failure, for example Mello's short temper?". Mello snapped "Hey, I've always been like this!" "Nope, you became worse when Near was placed on the top of the rankings for the first time..." Mello glared at Matt who presented him with a kill-me-now stare. "Either way..." Nate started again "... you were taking it out on the poor children that lived with you."

"Just a little squeeze of that thin neck, that won't hurt the bastard, RIGHT?!" at least Mello's thoughts weren't restrained...

"Nobody's innocent, they surely had something on their conscience that I could punish them for!" Nate noted something down again. What was he writing, Mello wondered... "I shall remind you that you aren't the one that passes the judgment down..." "Yeah, skip that, you won't change his mind in a thousand years, so stop wasting our time!" Matt scowled, his patience wearing thin. Nate hummed in appreciation and asked yet another question. "You two are far from being free of addictions, right?" Mello shifted. "Well... If you consider chocolate an addiction... And Matt's a smoker and a gamer..." "You're a nymphomaniac..." Matt muttered, smirking behind his goggles. "Shut up, Zebra! You're no better!" Mello shouted, gripping the front of Matt's vest.

The redhead smiled at him and, seeing the effect the smile had on his blond, leant forward for a quick kiss, teasing Mello. The icy-blues narrowed at him but Mello let go with a ghost of a smile on his face. The duo nearly forgot that they had company, when the scribble of Nate's pen woke them up from the distraction.

"You see... Homosexuality is considered a sin by God's standards..." Mello huffed. "Screw that, love is love, right?" Matt's eyes widened. "Mello... I've never... I've never really considered... Even... These words... You..." Mello shrugged. "I guess death changes people a bit. You realize the thing that's the most important to you and shit..." he bit his lip, avoiding Matt's eyes (and a bear-hug a moment later). Nate's cough gained their attention back.

"Not only you were involved in a inappropriate relationship, but your... Activities were quite... Extraordinary" Mello looked like he'd swallowed something awfully bitter. "What, you mean that one time when he insisted we do it on the staircase or the one when I played a scene of kidnapping him in the middle of the supermarket?" Matt certainly wanted to add something but Mello clasped a hand on his mouth, looking panicked.

"Shut up, idiot! They'll never judge us well if you make that float up!" Matt pushed him away, moaning in pain. "Fuck, Mello! You freaking pushed my goggles into my eyes!" the redhead jerked at the strap of this part of his clothing and rubbed his eyelids furiously.

Nate really rolled his eyes this time.

"There's no point in covering it, we already know about everything. I'm here just to judge your honesty and personality" Mello groaned and pinched the bridge if his nose. "Let's move on, shall we? Another rule you broke, and this time I'm referring to Mr Jeevas -" he bowed his head in Matt's direction slightly "- is having another God-like idol next to the real one. You were following Mr Keehl everywhere, no matter the consequences?". Matt shrugged. "Yeah, what about that?" Nate shook his pen to make it work. "That means you cherished his on the same level as the Almighty himself, right?" "Woah, woah, man-" Matt put his hands up in defense "- I haven't even believed in this Heaven-Hell shit up until today!" Nate sighed, noting another thing in his neat handwriting.

"Let's move on!" Mello moaned, his head hanging hopelessly on the head rest of the sofa. "It's your turn now, Mihael Keehl." Mello rose his head, a miserable expression on his face. "You were a Mafia boss, responsible for deaths of hundreds... You didn't avoid staining your hands with blood if necessary... And yet you always wore God's symbols. You even attached a cross to your lethal toy-" "That was hell of a useful gun, Nate. And besides, I see nothing bad in wearing something that appeals nice to you. Look at him -" he pointed at Matt that rose his head from it's place on Mello's shoulder. "- if it was only about fashion sense, this guy should already be in hell" the redhead faked sulking. "Aww, that's so cruel of you, Mello..." the blond patted him on the head and turned his eyes at the psychologist again.

"Another sin is stealing..." Nate started but was interrupted by the gamer. "Hey, hacking is art, you bastard!" Mello nudged him. "Watch your mouth, Matt" he muttered, smiling innocently at the black-haired man. Well, as innocently as a twenty-year-old with a dangerous glint in his eyes, dressed from head to feet in leather could.

"Maybe we could move on to the good parts of us?" Matt suggested timidly. "Splendid idea" Nate agreed. "You were working against Kira, the biggest flaw of human kind and for that we should thank you" he bowed his head again. Neither of the interviewed replied to that. "Your methods were a bit off the scale but they shall lead to the mass murderer's failure"

Mello crossed his arms over his chest. "You should note the next one down. Attention, because I will not repeat. I... I-" his voice broke and he struggled with the ending. Matt took his hand in his and squeezed it reassuringly. "He won't hear you there, you can say it, Mels..." Mello took a deep breath and muttered: "Yeah... I... we... In the end... Worked together with... With... With Near" Matt gave him a rewarding kiss on the cheek. "Well done, Mello" he grinned.

Nate nearly smiled.

"I agree, when the situation required such methods, you had the ability to maneuver over prejudices and cooperate. You also never underestimated anybody, even your worst enemy" Mello stayed silent. "Of course that's in case of Mr Keehl, because Mr Jeevas just couldn't give a shit about anything in particular" Mello frowned at such words in the psychologist's mouth and Matt chuckled nervously. "Hey... I'm just easy-going, ok?" Nate looked at him, denial shining in his non-emotional orbs.

"That would be all" Nate said, closing his notebook. Mello jumped up. "That's all? Don't you want to get to know more of our... Great values? Amazing achievements?" The psychologist shook his head. "I already told you, we know about everything that happened in your lives, I wanted to ask some questions only to measure your... Possible regret" Mello swallowed nervously and Matt muttered "Fuck, no privacy in this world...". "Well? What did you decide?" Mello asked, snatching Matt's hand into his as he always did in case of being nervous. Nate observed them for a moment, hand in hand and tight to tight, and smiled. Smiled a real, happy smile.

"Congratulations. You made it into Heaven"

Mello's face lightened up and Matt looked relieved. "You will obtain a new attire, to help you start a new life" he waved a hand and two white robes appeared. Mello's eye twitched again. "When you change, you can enter the gates of Heaven. They are this way" Nate waved again and a gate appeared, bathed in bright light. White light.

Nate...

White...

White... Nate..?

"MATT! WE ARE LEAVING!" Mello shouted, dragging a very surprised redhead after him. "Wh- what happened, Mello?" Matt asked, trying to regain his balance. Nate observed the two with a blank stare. "White... White everywhere! This is a fucking plot, right? Fuck this shit, we're going to Hell!"

The two were already gone when Nate sighed and his black suit broke down into pieces, revealing an outfit made completely of black, human skin. The figure smiled, slicking back his hair even more with one motion of his hand.

Satan smiled.

"Mission accomplished" he chuckled, following the badass duo down to Hell.

A/N: Such a dry ending... 0-0