Mechanical Heart
"Why does it always rain on me? Is it because I lied when I was seventeen"
chapter #1 like a leaf in autumn
My life is worse than hell. My parents died when I was 7, I got suspected to be a murder at 17. I failed at my exams to be a scientific investigator & I have horrible nightmares every night like a 5-year-old child. I hate my life. Not to mention that every person I like, leaves the country or dies. I'm screwed up. Look at me. I'm sitting on the floor of my office, crying. Great! I can't possibly sink any deeper than this.
I'm shaking like a leaf in autumn
don't know where this will end.
I'm working all the time. For what? I can't even pay my rent. My boss is a complete asshole. No, he's a glimmerous fop!
i'm working here from 9 - 5
but the cash's already spend
Every day is a torture. I'm struggling so hard, just to stay alive. And what is my boyfriend doing? He cheats on me.
i'm fighting for survival
and who is there to trust?
I haven't slept for days. Every dream is like a living hell. So I decided not to sleep. Never again, I will close my eyes and see these pictures in my head. I wasn't always like this, so where did I go wrong? Is there anything in my life worth living for?
insomnia - what is there that i have got?
chapter #1.2 All the right Moves.
"They said, everybody knows everybody knows where we're going, Yeah we're going down."
I walked down the hall as I see them: My glimmerous boss, his band & his groupies. They're laughing & think they're so cool. Klavier Gavin got a perfect life and loves to brag about it. But what the hell have those groupies to do in a police department?
They've got all the right friends in all the wrong places
Sometimes I have the urge to kill him, but I don't want my hands to get dirty with his blood.
"Fräulein Detective, want to join us?" The fop asked me with this innocent look. "I'd rather die. You excuse me, some of us, have to work for their money." I hissed back & gave him an angry look. I really wanted to spill out my coffee, but I didn't drink any. There it was, this feeling. Like I really want to break out & forget everything. Too bad, I don't have the money to leave town.
So yeah, we're going down
As I walked off, I saw him playing air guitar again. Does he actually know how stupid it looks? Why is he doing this all the time? His fangirls screamed: "AAH! You're so cool Do it again!! Please!!". I didn't notice how beautiful each one of his groupies were.
They've got all the right moves in all the right faces
Oh God! Make them stop! I can't stand this screaming anymore! I made my way back to my office.I slammed the door. Tons of paperwork to do today. I guess I'll be sitting here all night. Doesn't matter anyway, I have no family or a boyfriend to spend the evening with. My only family is my sister Lana. She's in Italy. She's "trying to find herself." From time to time she sends some money.
[4Hours later] Still sitting here & doing paperwork. I can't remember the last time when I was at a crime scene.
What makes the difference? I still don't earn enough.
It doesn't matter what you see
I know i could never be
"Fräulein Detective? You're still here? You can go home now, if you want to." Klavier Gavin stood in my door.
"You never listen, don't you? I already told you, there are some persons in this police department who have to work for their money." I said, not further noticing him. "And you're one of those persons?" he asked. I laughed. "You're kidding me right? You should know what I'm earning." He smiled awkwardly. "Indeed I do." "Can I ask you a question then?" I looked up from my paperwork. "Sure. Ask away." He said, smiling. "Do you know what it feels like when you don't know what you should eat next? When there's nothing you could eat, because you don't have money for anything at all. Do you know this feeling? Do you know what it feels like never being able to pay a full rent? Do you know?" I looked straight into his eyes. Klavier's smile slowly faded away. "No, I don't."
I turned back to my work. "Well I do. Right now I know what it feels like. And that is the difference between you and me. " Klavier had this sad look on his eyes & a melancholic smile that makes him look so beautiful. Something I could never be.
Someone that looks like you.
"I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I can help you with money…if you want." Klavier offered me.
"I don't want you money. Not now. Never. " I said, shaking my head. "Please, Ema. Let me help you. You can't live like this." I smiled a bit. "I can. I'm doing it right now."
"Fräulein, please. I'm begging you. I know you're unhappy with your situation." Klavier stepped closer.
It doesn't matter what you say
I know I could never face
Klavier Gavin never had to worry about money. He's a rock star and a prosecutor. His voice is his tool. The only thing he needs is his fucking voice. Life's not fair. Klavier Gavin and I are not the same.
someone that could sound like you.
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