DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY NARUTO CHARACTERS. I JUST OWN THE PLOT.

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Naruto Classics

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A Very Neji Christmas

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Ah, the glory of Christmas Eve! Every house, every building, every training ground in Konoha was booming with activities. Everybody was looking forward to celebrating the season at home. Except a single person who sat at the window of his room, who was thinking of the conversation he had the day before.

………………………………………

"Christmas?" asked Neji, dumbfound.

"OF COURSE! THAT IS THE PROPER WAY TO CELEBRATE YOUR YOUTHFULNESS!" Cried Lee. His eyeballs turned into flames and started to burn so much that Neji had to look away. "AND SO I WILL BE HOLDING THE ULTIMATE CHRISTAMAS PARTY TONIGHT!"

"I'LL BE THERE!" shouted Gai.

"GAI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI!"

"LEE!"

With that, two ninjas ran off toward the sunset. AT 2 AM.

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Of course, Neji was not attending the Christmas party. Think about, why would he? He'd just spoil the fun anyway. So, dismissing the idea of showing up for the party quickly, Neji jumped up and did the summersault in the air, and then landed perfectly on his bed. Which; for your information, was white, because he's LAME.

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At 2 A.M Neji woke up to the most disturbing sight: a sunset. While he was all like "What the-" a person's face showed up by his window. Or half a face, anyway.

"Kakashi? What are you doing here?" asked Neji, opening the window.

"Hi. Uh……" Kakashi leaned to the left and seemed to whisper something like "What am I supposed to say again?"

"Oh right!" The jounin composed himself again and stood up straight. "I am not Kakashi. I am the ghost of the present!" he said in a spooky voice similar to the ones in the Haunted Mansion at the fair.

"Riiiiiiiiigggghhhttt." Neji rolled his eyes and shut the window. AT THE SAME TIME. Then he went back to bed. Soon however, he was woken again by the sound of the Chidori blasting his window into smithereens. Neji just stared and then started patching the window up, not before letting Kakashi drag him outside.

"I, the ghost of the past will show you your Christmas past you have forgotten." Kakashi said in that same scary Haunted Mountain voice. Neji just stood there and was all like: "No. You broke my only window. There's no way I'm going to let you drag me somewhere."

So Kakashi tried again. "I, the ghost of the past will show you your past you have forgotten."

Then in a hushed voice he whispered. "If you don't I will have to force you to by all means……." This gave Neji the creeps and he ran alongside Kakashi.

After running quite a distance, the two stopped.

"YES! The new series is out!" Kakashi exclaimed and ran into a book store. Five cold minutes passed outside as Neji waited in the cold. A chilly breeze went by.

"Okay, I'm done. Let's go." The jounin stated happily and started running again…. HOLDING A PINK SHOPPING BAG.

Whoa…. I did NOT just see Kakashi holding a pink shopping bag. Neji thought to himself, trying to shake the horrible image off. Too bad. The image stuck like glue.

The duo were running quite quickly now and suddenly Kakashi yelled:

"It's Christmas! Let's celebrate with grill!"

So the two ninja stopped and ate miso soup and lots of other stuff.

It was quite good, and soon Kakashi and Neji were stuffed with food.

"Ahh. That's better. Come on, we have to be quick." said Kakashi as he took off running again.

After some more, the two stopped AGAIN. What now? This better not be stupid. Thought Neji as he stopped too. They just stood there for a long, long time.

"There. Five minutes is up. You can go home now." Said Kakashi. And then he disappeared in a puff of smoke. (The oh-so-great Poofy no Jutsu.)

"WHAT!" Neji yelled, outraged and offended. "YOU DRAG ME OUT TO NOWHERE JUST SO YOU COULD SAY FIVE MINUTES IS UP AND THAT I COULD GO HOME!"

"Yup." Said a voice that seemed to come out of nowhere. Of course, he being Neji, used the Byakugan to locate Kakashi and spent an hour chasing and tracking him down, finally giving him the punishment he so much deserved. After annoying Neji, shattering Neji's window, dragging him somewhere to buy the newest series of Icha Icha Paradise, forcing him to celebrate Christmas with grill (Neji actually enjoyed it, but he won't tell anyone), outraging Neji AND offending him, you can imagine what kind of punishment it was. Oh yes, Kakashi was hospitalized for 7 months.

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After he went home and successfully repaired the window, Neji sat down on his bed, trying to sleep. Soon however, he was woken up by another window being blown up. This time the Rasengan was involved.

"Naruto….." Neji whispered in a deadly tone.

"Ramen!" was the answer the blonde gave him. After looking confused for a minute, Naruto cleared his throat, leaned to the left and seemed to murmur something like "What am I supposed to say again?"

"Oh! Got it!" the blonde then cleared his throat again and said "I am not Naruto. I am the ghost of the Christmas past! I have come to show you what you are missing out on!" Naru- I mean, the ghost of the Christmas past said, using that scary, spooky voice similar to the ones in the Haunted Mansion that Kakashi used. Of course, Neji was not scared at all. He was ANGRY. I mean, how many times a day are you going to get your window broken?

"Naruto…. you. are. so. dead." He whispered. And that was the last thing Naruto remembered, as Neji kicked all the way to the next chapter.

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After removing his bandages and rewrapping them, Neji was set to fix his window again. Then he sat down and SLOWLY started fixing his window. Before long, he was done and back on his bed.

And guess what? What happened next was what should NOT have happened: The window broke once more. I need insurance. Thought Neji, as his slowly and PAINFULLY picked the shards of the window up and faced a person with a dark hood.

"I AM THE GHOST OF THE CHRISTMAS YET TO COME!" said a strangely familiar voice.

"Tenten, I know that's you. Take off that mask."

"Uhhh……"

"Do it."

"Okay." It took Tenten a few seconds to process the information on what just happened. When it finally hit home, she yelled:" Are you telling me that this Darth Vader mask is DEFECTIVE? I want a REFUND." Tenten took of her Darth Vader mask and dropped it to the ground, breaking a few floorboards. Then she stomped on it, breaking a few more floorboards. I need insurance for the floorboards too. Neji thought.

"I want you to answer me …… whose idea was it?"

"Uhhh……what do you mean?" Tenten chuckled, but you could tell it was forced.

"Was it Lee?"

"Urmmm……."

Neji sighed and slapped his forehead. Then he grabbed Tenten's arm and threw her into a nearby tree. And just so you know, Tenten was LUCKY. If she had been anybody OTHER than Tenten and Neji's teammate, she would have been thrown across the world.

After Tenten was securely jammed in the tree Neji turned back to the window, sat down, and applied for insurance.

…………………………………….

It was Christmas day, and what is this? Not a sound in the neighborhood! But what's this? Joy! A celebrating party!

"Lee, do you think we over-did it?" asked Gai.

"I do have that feeling…. Besides, it WAS Neji we were dealing with." Answered Lee.

"Nah. I bet he'll just forget about it." Decided Gai.

"You're so smart Gai-sensei!" cried Lee, tears streaming down his face.

"LEE!"

"GAI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI!"

"LEE!"

The happy duo sauntered off to the sunset.

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The Konoha Hospital was very busy. They had many deeply injured patients. Why is that? Well, after the events during the night, Neji went on a raging warpath, destroying everybody he could get his hands on... which was everyone except Lee and Gai, who were safely by the sunset. And so, Tenten, Kakashi, Asuma, Kurenai, Tsunade, Shizune, Iruka, Shino, Hinata, Kiba, Sakura, Sai, Sasuke (who came back just in time to be punished), Itachi (who was being chased by Sasuke), Tonton, Jiraiya, Gaara (who wasn't hurt all, but decided to be there for the sake of it), Kankuro (he was here because Shino burnt him to a crisp), Temari, Haku (who was revived)…. I could go on, but that would take forever. So basically, everyone that showed up in Naruto, dead or alive, was punished by Neji…. Except Lee and Gai. Oh yeah, Naruto wasn't in the hospital. Why? Because he got blasted to the next chapter you silly goose! Didn't you read?

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Author's Note: Yay! I'm finally done! Read and Review please! I think I'm going to make the next chapter based on what the reviewers come up with. So get over there and help me decide which story to tackle next! If nobody reviews, then I'll go and make the rewritten version of "The Three Little Pigs".