I was in the middle of a crack RP, where I was Makoto, and Haru confessed his love for me and I got this funny idea where I completely misunderstand him and become his mother which is where this fic idea came from. Hope you like it.

"My name is Toru Sakurazawa and I'm a second year here at Iwatobi High School. I'm what's called a late bloomer. You see, up until my first year here I had never once experienced love. Even now I'm still unsure… but when I see him smile I feel all warm and safe. When I hear his voice it's like the sun is shining brighter in an eternal summer. I have a dream that there are two suns forever warming the earth and we are those suns. If this isn't love then I can't imagine what love might be."

"So who is your boyfriend," the girls in the group asked me.

"What?"

I stared at the girls sitting around me. I was attempting to be part of something called "The Lovelies Club." My friend Orihime said she's dating the captain of the basketball team because of it. It seemed like the best idea because the guy I like-

"Oh… or is it a crush? You see, we the elite girls of The Lovelies Club have two requirements. One, you must be attractive. Orihime assured us that you were pretty however… and the second and most important, you must be dating the captain of a club. You failed on both requirements."

"No!"

"No?"

I watched them, a group of popular beautiful girls (their only claim to fame being their boyfriend's success), before muttering, "I- I am dating him…"

"Him?" They leaned in.

"Makoto Tachibana."

ROLL OPENING CREDITS! AN UPBEAT POP SONG ABOUT UNEXPECTED LOVE, SUNG BY WEEABOO, BEGINS. YOU SEE TORU STANDING OFF ON HER OWN UNDER A SAKURA TREE. THE WIND BLOWS AND A PETAL CHANGES THE SCENE TO MAKOTO STANDING UNDER THE SAME TREE. THE CAMERA PANS OUT AND THEY'RE STANDING ON OPPOSITE SIDES OF EACH OTHER AND THE CHORUS STARTS! TORU IS RUNNING AS THE OTHER GIRL CHARACTERS IN THIS FICTION POP UP WITH SPARKLES. THEN MAKOTO IS RUNNING WITH HIS SEXY MALE FRIENDS CHEERING FROM THE SIDE. WHEN THEY FINALLY GET TO EACH OTHER THEY BLUSH AND RUN THE OTHER WAY AS THE SHOW'S TITLE SHOWS AND THE OPENING ENDS!

Way to go Toru, you hella baka. Yeah I'm totally dating Makoto Tachibana… NOT! Yes I love him with all of my heart but I've never even talked to him… That's a lie. I've talked to him, as in he walks past me and I whisper really perverted sentences at him? But have we ever engaged in a real conversation? No. No we haven't. He probably doesn't even know I exist… WHICH MAKES HIM EVEN HOTTER!

I have no time to spare. The Lovelies would be verifying our relationship in a few hours. I had to work fast. I thought The Lovelies Club was kind of like the Ouran Host Club? I thought they were a bunch of nice pretty girls that helped not so outgoing girls with their problems? Mine being I'm a lovesick geek trying my best to be noticed by the idol of our school, the Iwatobi Angel- Makoto Tachibana.

He has everything, from good looks to good personality to having a sweet ass! I pushed my long pink fringe out of my face(because I'm anime AF)… only to have them fall right back in place over my glasses (because I'm anime AF). And then, in the most gloriously anime way, he walked out of the classroom just as I was attempting to go in. We bumped into each other. We bumped into each other in such a way he had to half catch me, and I very casually inhaled his scent before trying to lick his bicep. Never mind, we're not there yet. I'll lick his perfect body another time. I'll lick his perfect body all the times. Oh baby I'll meet you at the candy shop this afternoon, don't bring a condom, I will have your kids- ok, too soon Toru. I swallowed my soul, out of breath, I whooped out my inhaler and took in a gasp.

"Oh my, I'm so sorry."

I took in a deep breath, he smelled like… chlorine… mmmmm, "I umm I wanted to talk to you-"

"Haru, wait for me," he said already out of the conversation and off chasing his best friend with a happy smile on his face.

Come on Toru, this is no time to be thinking like a cute but shy anime protagonist! Never act like the main character, always act like her best friend because her friend will always be noticed before the main character and I don't have time to build our dramatic yet beautiful story line anymore. From casually picking up his eraser for him to asking him for our class notes, everything would be moving slowly but surely. I can't afford to follow fiction tropes anymore. I need to act quickly! I ran back to my classroom, ripped some notebook paper out and scrawled my glorious love message: "Meet me on the roof after school." I ran back to his classroom, put it under his bento and then ran back into the hall to watch his blushing reaction from a distance. Oh I could see it now!

"What do you have there Makoto," Haru would ask as Makoto shies away holding the paper in front of his face.

"It's… a girl."

"Oh? Another confession? What's so special about this one?"

Makoto makes an adorable face, "I think it might be from her."

Haru looks shocked, "You don't mean that incredibly foxy pink haired ho who has yet to realize how beautiful she is because of a tragic back story we'll never actually hear or care about from class B that I secretly am also in love with!?"

"One in the same Haru chan."

"Doki Doki."

Yes it'll go exactly like that: THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE! Oh- here they come!

He returned with Haru from wherever they went and I watched him as he noticed my note. His expression paled…

"H-Haru look! I think I upset someone and now they want to fight me! The jagged, crinkled, messily ripped paper covered in serial killer handwriting! Haru what do I do!?"

DAMN IT!

"Kick his ass Makoto," the first words I had ever heard Haru say that weren't in my head.

"But I don't know how!?"

Then they just gazed into each other's eyes… were they telepathic or gay or… both? Hmmm… I mean yeah I love Tachibana but… I mean it really would be kinda awesome if he was being hella gay on the side… Be gay with me Makoto Senpai even though we're in the same grade!

It was after school now. Make is as clear as possible Toru, Tachibana is way more dense than expected. Although with a back as beautiful as his how could he be anything but thick? I wonder what else is thick- ONE STEP AT A TIME! I fixed the pleats in my skirt and stood still. Should I have taken off the cat ears? It might be giving off a desperate weeaboo vibe? Too late, finally Makoto Tachibana appeared.

"Oh, it's you… you're name is…"

"Toru Sakurazawa, we have class together?" Because I took a bunch of classes online so I could skip a grade, have I told you lately that I love you and I want you to whip me in bed and make me call you Daddy? Oh shit, he's talking, pay attention.

"I'm sorry, I don't think I can hit a girl," well there goes that fetish- oh wait he means the letter.

"Senpai, I'm not here to fight you. I'm here to let you know that I- that I," don't chicken out now, do you wanna be cool or not, "Well I really admire you! You're kind and strong and brave when you want to be. You treat your friends like your family and when I look into those big beautiful back muscles of yours I feel myself falling deeper in love with you! Please go out with me!"

He stared at me. Shock written across his face. The sky was orange somehow, even though school had just gotten out? The wind blew and the camera angles changed to build suspense. Then he smiled.

"I get it!"

You did it Toru!

"You want me to be your Mama!"

What?

"If you wanted to be my friend all you had to do was say so. Starting tomorrow come and eat lunch with me and the guys- oh and Gou too, I know she can get sensitive about that with her name and all."

Huh?

"From now on I'll call you Toru chan and you can call me Mamakoto. Well, I'll see you tomorrow my newest child!"

And he was gone just like that, off to swim practice. What just happened?

THE ENDING CREDITS ROLL IN AS A SONG ABOUT FIRST LOVES THAT NEVER CAME TO BE BEGINS TO PLAY. TORU STANDS ALONG BY A WISHING WELL AS SHE DREAMS OF A BALL WHERE A HANDSOME PRINCE WHO JUST SO HAPPENS TO LOOK LIKE MAKOTO IS WAITING FOR HER. SHE DANCES AND SMILES BUT AS THE SONG COMES TO AND END SHE'S BACK BY THE WISHING WELL ONLY THIS TIME A MAKOTO IS COMING OVER TO HER. HE TAKES A SEAT NEXT TO HER AND THE SONG AND CREDITS END.

The first chapter is over! This is a CRACK fic. The whole idea is that there is actually nothing good about Toru. I wanted her to be so unlikeable she's likeable. Honestly tho, she probably represents everything fandom, at least for me… to be honest I think I was Toru back in 9th grade or something. Oh I definitely was. If you look at my old Ouran fics, you can see Toru and Weeaboo Phase 9th Grade me poking out here and there. Literally the only thing genuinely cute about Toru is her pink hair. I was going between pink and lavender but pink won out because it was a lot faster to type.

LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT MORE!