Story Title: Do What You Gotta Do
Summary: Alexis Challenge
Story Rating: PG
Status: Complete
Genre: Drama
Couple: S/R
Spoilers: TBO
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, but only gently use for my amusement.
Okay, this is my very first attempt at a challenge and/or song fic. I'm not that happy with it, but here it is anyway. I appreciate constructive criticism!
Come on back and see me when you can
Man I can understand how it might be
Kinda hard to love a girl like me
It seemed like days since she had arrived at Valerie's shower, but it had only been a few hours. Once the police had arrived and carted off body bags and the injured Slayers, a blue-and-white had escorted her to the police station for her statement. For once, she had been completely truthful- except for the saying that the Slayers had fired at Sally first. She owed him that much. After all, he had saved her life. She was just waiting now to sign a typed copy, curled up on a god awful, orange sofa in the lounge and contemplating the disaster that was her life. She had wondered briefly where Morelli was, then decided that it might be better to avoid him for a bit and give him a chance to calm down.
It was almost as if he knew she was thinking about him, because he appeared right then, statement for her to sign in one hand and a Pino's meatball sub in the other. "I thought you might be hungry, Cupcake." Joe settled down next to her, handing her the paper and a pen before exchanging them for the aromatic brown paper bag.
Steph greedily reached in and unwrapped the sub, pausing only long enough for a quick thanks before wolfing it down. As she licked marinara from her fingers, she noticed the look on Joe's face and the way he was staring at her. "What is it, Joe?" she asked a bit hesitantly.
He stood and shoved his hands in his pockets, refusing to look at her directly. "Nothing. You ready to go home?"
Steph leaned back and crossed her arms across her chest. She had zero interest in going anywhere before Joe spilled whatever it was that was bothering him. She had a feeling that she knew what it was, and she was not in the mood to have that discussion tonight. Or tomorrow. Or ever. It was a stunning realization for her, an epiphany of sorts. Actually, she really didn't want to go home with him. She didn't want him to sweet talk her into forgetting what bugged her about him in the first place, like she usually did. "Tell me what this nothing is, first."
Joe shook his head. "Forget about it. Let's just go home."
Steph shook her head. "Nope. Talk to me."
Joe rubbed his face tiredly and sighed. "Dammit, not here, okay?"
"Then where?" Steph questioned.
Joe pulled her up from the sofa and headed toward an interrogation room. She followed along docily, letting him push her into a chair and lock the door behind them. He seemed to have an interior debate with himself, pacing slightly and fiddling with something in his pocket, before he snapped back to himself and sat down across from her. He took her hand in his, and looked in her eyes. "I love you."
Steph squirmed slightly. This was not what she had expected, and she wasn't sure where Morelli was going with this. Joe sensed her unease, and pulled a small box out of his pocket. He held it out to her, centered on his palm. "I bought this for you, last week. I wasn't going to give it to you yet, but after tonight, I think I need to." He moved around the table and knelt in front of her, opening the little box. "Will you marry me?"
Steph froze. The box held a simple, elegant diamond ring. The light sparkled off the marquise cut and platinum band. It was beautiful.
And she could not accept it. She had trouble finding the right words to answer Joe with, and he hung his head. The hand holding the box shook a little, waiting for her to find her voice. "Oh, Joe," Steph began sadly.
Joe leaned his head in her lap, resting his cheek above the torn knee of her jeans. "I knew you would say no, but I still had to ask. I wanted it to be a surprise, to do it the right way, not half-assed and rushed, and see if that would change your mind. I never really thought that it would, but I had to at least try."
Steph reached out to rest her hand on Joe's head, smoothing his brown waves against his scalp in what she hoped was a comforting gesture. "Joe, I wish I could say yes. I really do. But I think we would regret it, in the end." She blew out a sigh of pent up frustration. "I do love you, but not enough to marry you. You want more than just marriage, things that I'm not willing to give up for you. Not yet, anyway. Maybe not ever. What you want is just not me. I think you already know it."
I don't blame you for wanting to be free
I just wanted you to know
I've loved you better than your own kin did
From the very start it's my own fault
What happens to my heart
You see I've always known you'd go
Joe left her words wash over him, his eyes now closed. He knew he was unfair in asking Steph to change; he had fallen in love with her because of her recklessness, her open heart. He had fallen in love with her back while she was chasing him as an FTA, and he had tried to fight it for months. He had always known that they simply didn't mesh, and probably never would. But he had wanted to try. The attempts at a relationship had always been a battle, but what exciting battles they had been. No woman had ever challenged him the way Stephanie did; no woman had made him feel the way she did. And now, he knew it was finally, completely over.
Amazingly, there was some hurt, and a great deal of regret and sadness, but no anger. He could not be mad at her for saying no.
He stayed, his head in her lap, for quite some time before he felt her lean down and give him a gentle kiss on his cheek. It was a gesture of finality.
"I do love you, Steph. And I will miss you." He stated, his voice muffled in her lap.
"Me, too, Morelli." Even breaking up with him, Steph still didn't admit that she loved him, in as many words. He rose from his cramped and huddled position, standing before her. He looked at the box in his hand one last time before closing it and returning it to his pocket. He didn't know what he would do with it yet, but for now he wanted to hold onto it. In time, he would probably sell it, but not right now.
"You can still come back to the house with me until you get your apartment back." Even as he said it, Morelli prayed that she would turn him down. To have her there, after tonight, would be like salt in an open wound.
She thought for a minute, then shook her head. "Thanks, but I think that would be very awkward for both of us. And since I should be out of danger now, I can stay with my parents." Steph rose and walked to the door, her hand resting on the handle for a moment as she turned to face him. "No hard feelings? Really? You understand?"
Surprisingly, Joe did. "Yeah. I'm not mad at you."
"Thanks, Joe." She came back to stand in front of him, hesitating for a second before reaching up and planting a kiss on his cheek. Then she headed out the room and down the hall, through the front door and out into the lot. Joe watched her go with regret.
So you just do what you gotta do
My wild sweet love
Though it may mean that I'll never kiss
Those sweet lips again
Pay that no mind
Find that dappled dream of yours
Come on back and see me when you can
Ranger watched Morelli make his way over to Steph and pull her into his arms. She didn't fight him, didn't try to move away from him, and Ranger took this as a sign. A week with her was all that he was ever going to have. She had gone back to Morelli again, apparently, and Ranger mentally cursed himself. He thought of a million different ways he could have played out the events of the last week, and wondered each time what he could have done that would have left Stephanie in his arms tonight to be comforted.
Fading back into the crime scene, Ranger walked away from them. He couldn't watch this right now. His heart was still beating irregularly in his chest from the panic he had felt on the chase over to the playground. He was certain that they wouldn't be able to save Steph from being brutalized, and he wasn't sure if he could face her after failing her like that. To find her in one piece and relatively unmarked, he was simply amazed. And relieved.
And now, a bit bitter. If only he really were Batman, this wouldn't bother him. But he was a man, a man who loved very deeply but wasn't loved the same way in return. A man who couldn't help himself, even as he hurt. No matter the pain Steph's being with Morelli caused him, Ranger vowed that he would always be there if Steph needed his help. If he could only be her friend, then that's what he would take. He had told her that this was the way it had to be, and she had seemed to accept those terms. Ranger decided that he would stick to them as well.
He headed back to Rangeman headquarters as soon as he saw a blue and white roll from the scene with Steph in back. She would probably be a long time in making her statement, and once that was done she would go home with Morelli. Eventually, he would hear from her again, when she needed help or wanted her stuff. He could wait.
The apartment seemed empty without her, though, and he rambled through it, unable to settle down despite how late the hour was getting. His thoughts dwelled on her. He had barely talked to her at the scene; he wondered how she was after this kind of ordeal. Not many people could look a brutal death in the eye and survive without damage. Even being the queen of denial, Steph might have some problems dealing with it. Ranger hoped Morelli would give her the support she needed to get through it, that he loved her enough to tough it out.
Ranger did. Face it, Ranger, he told himself. You do love her, that scary, uncontrollable, you'd due for her love. You've known you've loved her for a long time, and you've just been a dumb-ass chicken to not tell her just how much. "In my own way" was such a cop out.
Even when you took the bullet (or what was left of it) that her skip shot you with and had 'Babe' engraved on it and made it into a bracelet charm for her.
He had had the work done, and then shoved it into a corner of a desk drawer. He thought that he would one day give it to her when she had gotten good enough not to need his help anymore, or at least not as much. Sort of a graduation present. But the day hadn't come yet, and the longer it sat in that drawer and the more he thought about it, the more it seemed like a pretty creepy present- something a stalker might give her. But he still hadn't gotten rid of it, just left it gather dust in the drawer.
Thinking about it, he really was like some creepy stalker. He followed her a lot, just watching her, when she didn't realize it. He broke into her apartment on a regular basis. Talk about an unhealthy pattern of behavior. But he just couldn't help himself, not when it came to her. That's why he was down in the garage, getting into the Porsche at three AM to go see if she was done at the police station.
Ranger decided to drive past Morelli's first, check if they were there, He didn't want to sit in the station lot for hours if she was gone already, but he also didn't want to have to go in to find out if she was done. That would be an awkward situation, especially if Morelli was there with her. Passing Morelli's, he noted that there were no vehicles there and all the lights were out. He doubted that Morelli would have left her alone after this evening's events, even if she was asleep, so he continued to the station.
Just as he pulled into the lot, Stephanie came through the doors out into the early part of sunrise. The sky just began lightening, no bright rays burning over the horizon yet. She was alone, and scanned the lot for something. Her face became more animated when she spied Ranger's car, and she walked over to him.
Now I know it'll make you feel sad
And make you feel so bad
They say you don't treat me like you should
I guess they got no way to know
I've had my eyes wide open from the start
And man you never lied to me
The part of you that they'll never see
Is the part you've shown to me
Stephanie knocked on the driver's side window. She knew a Rangeman vehicle when she saw one, but the tinted windows made it difficult to determine just which of the MerryMen was waiting for her. The window slid soundlessly down, exposing a very tired looking Ranger. "Wow. Batman himself." Steph smiled widely at him, suddenly feeling better than she had in weeks. Ranger himself had come to collect her.
Ranger inclined his head in greeting. "Babe. Wanted to check on you."
Steph sobered for a moment, thinking of earlier events of the night, which she had quickly brushed aside during the Morelli conversation. "Don't you ever get tired of checking on me?" she asked, leaning down on her arms through the window.
"No." He stated it in a raw voice, no humor apparent.
Sensing a serious mood, Steph decided to stop playing. "I knew you would check on me, somehow, after your disappeared earlier." She studied his face, the dark circles forming under his eyes, a slight coat of stubble forming on his cheeks. She had never seen him so- disheveled- before; he was always immaculately groomed. He looked like hell. "Can I catch a ride?"
Ranger motioned to the passenger's seat. "Where to?"
"I was hoping the Batcave." She noted his jaw twinged. "If you don't mind."
"I thought you'd want to go to Morelli's. Danger's over." Ranger's strong hands palmed the leather wrapped steering wheel as he turned out onto the street. He didn't look at her, even in the mirror.
"Not an option," Steph spat out shortly.
A raised eyebrow was Ranger's only response.
"Broke up," she stated shortly. "For good, once and for all final." Ranger stayed silent, in his zone. Or so Stephanie thought. In her mind, thoughts tumbled, one after another, replaying the past night's events in her mind's eye. Until she fixated on Ranger's earlier statement.
"Ranger, why don't you mind checking up on me, like, all the time?" Ranger didn't respond. Steph was feeling daring, still on a bit of a high that she was alive and the constant battle with Morelli was now an agreed-upon draw. She continued to push him. "Am I really that entertaining?"
Again, Ranger refrained from answering. The muscle twinge in his jaw spread to his arms, as he gripped the steering wheel forcefully and released it in a repetitive pattern. "Do you love me that much?"
Steph swore Ranger stopped breathing in that second. He took a moment before responding. His voice was tight with tension, and- was that a little fear? "Yes," he responded in a single, weighted word.
Steph felt butterflies in her chest. The feelings that she had been having for Ranger, now that Morelli was out of the picture, bubbled out of her in a giggle. Ranger jerked in response, until he heard her words. "Good."
"I thought that I scared you, Babe." Ranger ventured a look at her out of the corner of his eyes.
Steph decided to stop the game they had been playing for months right then and there. "You used to. But when I sat and really thought about it, you've always had my best interests at heart. Even," and the pain at admitting this was evident in her tone "when I didn't. I figured out why you sent me back to Morelli."
"Yeah?" Ranger asked warily.
"You didn't want me to get hurt. You thought I'd get more hurt with you than if you dumped me." Steph spoke in a calm voice, not quite you would expect when she was discussing getting dumped. "I was mad at you for a while. Until I saw the bigger picture."
"I didn't dump you. We had a-"Ranger started.
"Yes, we had a deal. But why did we have those particular terms? We both had reasons for agreeing to that. You wanted me, I wanted you, and neither of us was ready for emotional entanglement, or so we thought."
"Thought?" Interesting. Ranger hadn't corrected her so far.
Steph reached over and grasped his hand, warm in her own. "We were already entangled, we just didn't acknowledge it."
"Does that mean that you're acknowledging it now?" Ranger asked.
"Are you?" Steph asked back, waiting for his answer. He went back to stoic and silent, so she continued. "You may not say the words, but you've shown me over and over again how you feel. You've never questioned me, never made me feel like there was something wrong with me for the way I am. You've protected me from myself, as well as every other crazy out there. And you've never asked me for much in return. Nothing, really, that you wouldn't have gotten eventually anyway."
Ranger took in her words. "You wanted me bad," he replied in a low, husky voice.
"Want, Ranger, want. Present tense." Steph couldn't believe her bravery. Without the weight of Morelli on her back, it was amazing easy to see what her heart wanted and to go for it. Acknowledging the dead-end with Morelli had allowed her mind to finally put all the pieces together in one fell swoop. "But you know that already."
Ranger grinned, full wattage. He wheeled the car into the Rangeman's underground garage. "Let's go upstairs." He pulled her into the elevator and immediately pushed her against the wall, leaning into her with a breath taking kiss, just a preview of what was waiting for her- had been waiting for her until she decided that she was ready- upstairs.
So you just do what you gotta do
My wild sweet love
Though it may mean that I'll never kiss
Those sweet lips again
Pay that no mind
Find that dappled dream of yours
Come on back and see me when you can
Joe followed behind Stephanie out into the lot. He knew her car wasn't here, and he didn't want her trying to hail a cab at this time of night. Just as he got to the door, he saw her walk over to one of Ranger's black cars and open the door, sliding inside. It pulled out, onto the street, and faded away into the morning. Oddly, Joe was thankful that Ranger had been waiting for her. The old Joe would have been furious that she was hanging out with Ranger; the new, ex-boyfriend Joe was just glad that she didn't try to go home alone tonight, after all that had happened to her.
Joe continued through the lot to his truck, and hopped in. Sliding a Nina Simone CD in, he turned the volume up to drown out all else, and concentrated on the song. It matched his mood tonight.