Kudos to whoever is reading this. You have found the personal diary of The Peach.
Why were you looking through my closet?
If you're dad, I'm not surprised. Honestly, why must you assume that bombs are planted in every crevice near your 'little baby', and then go on to search said crevices with morbid gusto? Paranoid freak.
I really hope you aren't dad.
If you're onee-san, fuck off. Just, fuck off.
Pardon my language.
If you're mom, I'm genuinely shocked. Really. I mean, you're the coolest person in this dang family! And you're a hippy!
If you're a stalker, all I have to say is this:
Why the heck would someone want to stalk me?
Ahem. Now that that's over with, I'll go on to those who will be reading this when it's published as part of the auto-biography of moi.
Because one day, I will be famous. A singer, or an author(cause I got mad skillz). Heck, maybe even an actress!
Yeah, probably not.
But for now, I'm stuck writing in my journal. Not a diary, dammit!
Pardon my language.
Ahem. My adventures in this wonderful new town known as Konoha started… I guess… The day after I moved in?
I walked out the door, bold as any pretty young thing with my… shall we say… Distinctive hair partially jelled into spikes, dressed in a striped tank top and ripped denim shorts. I had a laptop in one hand, a container of apple slices in the other, and dang it, I was going to surf the web outside or get skin cancer trying.
Of course, the lack of a third arm kind of impaired my ability to eat the slices. The container in my hand didn't have any , and that laptop was pretty darn heavy. Besides, the possibility of it falling and smashing into thousands of tiny pieces was horrifying. How could I live without my access to the world outside of my little 'Insanity: Instant Repellant' bubble?
So, I compromised. The container went to my lips, and the tongue went to work grabbing up those pesky pieces of fruit. I trapped one slice and carefully picked it up, holding it between my tongue and front teeth. In one, quick motion, I tossed it into the air and caught it, chewing and swallowing.
No hands eating FTW!
Naturally, my little moment of personal pride had to be ruined.
Naturally, I was attacked by a loud noise and the color green.
Naturally, I screamed bloody murder and ran back inside as fast as my legs could carry me.
Naturally, I didn't set foot outside again until the first day of school.
I am not insane. Not. Nope, no way, definitely not. Despite what everyone back in Ame(the land of damp-rot and colds) thinks of me, I am most definitely not insane.
I was only attacked by a noisy green monster.
Not insane.
Just to prove it to myself, I stick my head out the door. No green monsters. I frowned.
The green monster had appeared when I was actually outside… Maybe that was the key? I cautiously inch out, determined to confront the dang thing like those knights in medieval fantasy movies beat the fire-breathing dragon. But wait, they had swords… and armor. Note the lack of armor present. Wait, wouldn't the metal just overheat and burn the poor suckers to death? How did that work? Was it magic armor? I sure didn't have it.
Lack of a brain on my part. Should've bought some when I had the chance… Only I've never had the chance. Because magic armor doesn't exist. Right, Moko? Kindly return to sanity. Good girl.
Anyways, I'm just standing there, looking kind of dumb, when I get glomped.
"Hello there, Neighbor-chaaaan!" the Green Monster yells in my ear. Now, I could be wrong, but generally, monsters don't speak, or refer to their neighbors as '-chan'.
Or glomp them. But hey, that could just be me.
I wiggle a bit, since Greenie happens to be limiting my breathing with the bear hug.
"Do… You… Mind?" I manage, eyes bulging slightly. Of course, Greenie drops me immediately, and the air… Well, let's just say, you don't know a good thing until you lose it. I give him a once over, my brain sort of on standby. Then it kicks in.
Holy. Fucking. Shit. I'm standing next to a guy in a jumpsuit! A green jumpsuit with neon orange legwarmers! And a bowl haircut! And eyebrows as big as my hand!
Alright, my hand's kinda small, but still! Those are some enormous mother-fucking eyebrows!
Pardon my language.
Oh, and as for my self-doubt… Ha! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Take that! I told you! I told you I wasn't insane! Oh ye-of-little-faith, bow down before me, the totally awesome Momoko!
"I am terribly sorry, Neighbor-chan! I must now repent my terrible actions by running all the way to school!" Why is he shouting? I'm right next to him, for crying out loud.
Then the meaning of his words actually penetrates my thick head, and I tug him out of his exaggerated "running" position. You know, the one where you look kind of like a swatchstika? Hope no-one gets offended by that, I just happen to know of no other way to describe that position. So sue me. Actually, you know what? Don't. I can't spare the cash.
"You go to KonoHigh?" I ask, trying my best not to gape at those big-ass eyebrows. Pardon my language. "And the name's Hayashi Momoko, not Neighbor-chan." Yikes. Since when have I been such a grouch?
"Why yes indeed I do, Momo-chan!" This guy either doesn't care that I'm being a bitch, or doesn't notice. Pardon my language. Then the meaning of my words get through his head(Who told him to get a bowl-cut? Seriously!), and his eyes widen. "Do you go there too, Momo-chan?" A huge grin spreads across his face, and next thing I know, the Green Monster is racing along, me fluttering like a flag behind. Somewhere in the middle of this conversation, he managed to grab my teeny little hand. "I will repay for almost crushing you by taking you to school!" For a few seconds, I wonder where his car is. Then I realize he's going to run all the way.
The whole way.
This guy is insane.
"DON'T CALL ME MOMO-CHAN!" I shriek. Hey, priorities first, right? I fight the urge to puke all over this green mutant. We're moving fast enough for the buildings lining the street to blur. How the heck is that humanly possible?
"That's the spirit, Momo-chan! Fight with the power of YOOOOOOUUUUTH!"
He belongs in a freaking padded cell.
Why does this always happen to me?