Here I was. Just standing in the rain alone. Just like I always was. No sound played in the darkness besides the rain. How sad. I had been staying out of sight for several days. Not even showing up at the hospital. I left my phone at home. My experiment was proving all of my theories. I really was hoping it would be proven wrong. But in the end I was right. Just like usual. It was to be expected. What was I still doing here… What was the point? I was correct therefore my life has no purpose. No one came looking for me so that meant I was not needed. No one needed me. No one wanted me around. What a sad fate. No matter where I went, no matter how many people I saved all everyone would see when they looked at me was a monster.
I started walking. A slow pace. A soft yet heavy dead pace. I had always known so why? It was illogical for me to get so emotional over this. Alone was all I had. All I ever had. I slipped my hands into my already wet pockets like that would make much of a difference. I was pretty much drenched from standing out here for so long. I was drenched and yet I hardly felt the cold. I had always liked the rain. The thunderstorms. The power that lightning gave was extraordinary. The clash of thunder was always an exciting thing to hear as it promised rain. The soothing patterns of rain.
Rain gave everyone a chance to be weak. Could anyone really tell the difference between a raindrop and a teardrop? As long as one wasn't full out sobbing then no one would notice. Rain always had a rhythm all its own. A soothing lullaby or an upbeat song. It was not always sad no matter how much people loved to connect the two. So the rain was the only friend I had. Both of us misunderstood. People run from us and hide. People call us cold and unforgiving. People warn their children about us. We didn't have a place to call home. Rain and I.
Though I wanted a place to call home. Somewhere where I felt safe, but no matter where I went I never found that luxury. I was doomed to sit out with the rain. Rain washed away everything to start things freshly. However it never really rained for me in that sense. The past always following me wherever I went. However if it ever did rain would I be washed away too?
I looked up from the gray streets to the light that shone through a window. Granny's was as lively as ever. Seemed like a party was going on. As for why I'd never know. I wasn't willing to guess. I approached the window as close as I dared. Everyone seemed to be having fun. The royals were carefree for once. The Dwarves drinking excitedly. Robin and his men rushing to join them. Belle and Rumplestiltskin seemed to be enjoying whatever was going on. Hook appeared to be trying to entice Emma into something. Ruby and her Grandmother sat behind the counter filled with food and alcohol. Even the Evil Queen was there and for once no one seemed to be bothering her.
I couldn't look at it any longer so I continued walking again. How tragic. Frankenstein was more despised than the EVIL Queen. I could have laughed if I wasn't so emotionally attached to the concept. Father was right. Emotions do nothing, but drag you down. What was I supposed to do to cast them out anyway? Did I really need to kill an innocent to be rid of this pain? If I became the monster everyone wanted I would be in far less pain. After all monsters didn't feel anything.
I stumbled back a few steps and mumbled an apology without looking up for having walked into someone before I continued on my aimless way. Didn't matter where I went. At this point I was content with the idea of just wandering until I collapsed. Anything to forget. I met the concrete hard. I looked up to see some angry drunkard. A bottle still in his hand. It was far colder on the ground, but this was where I belonged in their eyes. The towns eyes. The drunken rant faded out after a while when I made no move to fight back at which point I stood and continued walking.
My life was lonely. Worthless to everyone. What exactly did I have to do to be worth something in their eyes? Why was I always left behind? Funny how people came to me for help then threw me out when they were done with me. Like some kid throwing out an old toy. Pushing me away an imaginary friend. No matter how tightly or loosely I hold on to someone they always leave me. Why couldn't I be worth something? Why does everything have to be so painful and confusing?
I could feel myself shivering though I still couldn't feel the rain. Maybe I was just numb. Please let me forget. Let me start over. Let me try again. Maybe this time… No… I'd no doubt make the same mistakes again. Obsession was in my blood. I'd never have rest. I looked up as the sound of waves crashing pulled me from my thoughts. I fell back on the soaked bench though that didn't matter seeing as I was already drenched. So cold. So painful. Broken. I was alone. Alone. I let my head fall forward again. With a shaky breath I let the sorrowful wails take me. Someone please take me home.