As If
"I love the way you wear those worn out blue jeans
Walking all around in the big sunshine
Baby, let me believe that you're perfect
At least for a little while"
Stella sat in front of her laptop, eyes glued to the screen in horror. After that, she hadn't returned any of his messages. She broke up with him when he followed her, believing she'd never see him again.
Returning home, she found him opening a bottle of wine. "Get out of my apartment, Frankie," she told him. He ignored her, attacking her when she tried to call for help.
Holding a knife to her face, he dragged her across the room, forcing her to look at the sculpture he had made her. He threw her on the bed and tied her hands and feet together with the phone cord before explaining that his website was to celebrate their love.
"I love you too, Frankie," she tried to convince him, hoping he'd spare her. He saw through her lie immediately and punched her in the face, knocking her unconscious.
She could feel the blood dripping across her face when she woke up. Frankie grabbed her ankles and dragged her through her apartment. He put her in the bathtub to kill her. However, she was saved by the doorbell.
While he was gone, she used her razor blade to cut her bindings, cutting up her fingers in the process. She had escaped and hidden just in time. Knocking him over with the door, she ran for her gun.
He jumped on her, and they struggled over the weapon. Next thing she knew it was pointing at her. He pulled the trigger: nothing happened. She grabbed the gun, turning off the safety before shooting him three times in the chest.
"You don't have to tell me what you're thinking
You can keep all that to yourself
Baby, we got such a good thing going
Don't show me that you're someone else"
She had had a hard time remembering what happened to her. It was just too much for her; she had never been a victim before, and it was difficult to accept it.
Mac offered her a hotel room; she declined and, trying to be strong, returned to her still bloody apartment. She thought she could stay, but it was too hard.
Packing an overnight bag, she headed for Mac's in a cab. She knew he'd understand. He held her, kept her safe as she tried to deal with her pain.
Stella had been hurt before; in fact, Mac was one of the few that hadn't let her down in all their years as friends. But those who hurt her were foster parents, other kids, no one she had truthfully cared for. Frankie was her boyfriend, someone she had trusted and given her heart to. And look at what he had done to her.
After that, she refused to trust everyone she met. She had been hurt and learned how it felt to be victimized by someone she cared about. Again, it was Mac she trusted completely. And slowly she began to trust her other colleagues as well.
As far as she was concerned, she would never trust another man in her life, excluding her best friend. She went almost a year and a half without going on a single date. Of course there were guys that asked, but she turned them all down. But one man insisted on trying to be more than friends. And this relationship turned out as bad as the previous.
"'Cause I'm acting as if
This blue sky's never going to rain down on me
I'm telling myself
This true love's never going to leave me lonely
Unless there's something I missed, I'm acting as if"
Stella had met Drew Bedford at an antique shop while working on a case. He had flirted openly with her, but she ignored his remarks. Later, she ran into him again at a coffee stand; he was about to call her and ask her to meet him. Angrily, she declined his offer to get coffee sometime.
A few weeks later, she received a box containing parachuting equipment from him. Mac walked in and saw the gift. "Take a risk, Stella," he told her, explaining how he and Peyton started dating. She still wasn't sure about this guy.
After numerous other gifts, Drew invited her to have drinks on the roof of the building he worked in. Drinks actually meant dinner. He offered her a jewelry box, but she refused to take it, telling him it was too fast. He just didn't seem to get that she needed to take things slowly. Luckily her pager went off, and she was called in to work.
The following week she found a box on her truck after leaving a high profile mob hearing. Worried, she called bomb squad; however, it was just a box of puzzle pieces. She confronted Drew, and he denied sending it. They found traces of blood on the puzzle, and Adam was given the task of putting it together. One piece was missing. Stella returned to Drew's office and, upon finding what she thought was the missing piece, apologized for yelling at him.
The piece didn't go in their puzzle. Mac put the clues they found with two other puzzles together to discover it was about him. He headed to Chicago.
"We don't have to have that conversation
Baby, don't you think it's going fine
We don't need to send out invitations
To tell the world that you're mine"
Mac followed the clues in Chicago and took a journey to his childhood. Meanwhile Stella and Lindsay processed the evidence in New York: the piece found in Drew's office was from the Tribune Tower puzzle. They printed each gift he sent her to match his print to one on the MP3 player, proving he was the 333 stalker.
While in Drew's office, they lose Mac; it had been her fault; she should have been behind him. A clue on the MP3 player led them to the end of the route for subway six. Drew's trap led his older brother to be shot; luckily he was wearing a bullet proof vest. Mac show Drew but intentionally didn't kill him.
Back at the lab some time later, she asked Mac to tell her what Drew had done to him. Timidly he explained what happened in his childhood to her before telling her how Drew didn't think he was a hero.
"That isn't all he said, is it?" she asked slowly. Surely he had to have explained to Mac why he used her.
"He said… you never really trusted him."
"I can handle it, Mac. Just tell me why he did it," Stella insisted.
Mac took a deep breath. "He set up the whole laser thing because he wanted me to know… what it felt like to lose someone I care about." He looked away from her piercing green eyes. "He wanted that someone to be… to be…"
"Me," she finished for him. "It's okay. I… I'm glad you made it out safely, that we all did." She patted his shoulder. "Get some rest now that it's over."
"'Cause I'm acting as if
This blue sky's never going to rain down on me
I'm telling myself
This true love's never going to leave me lonely
Unless there's something I missed, I'm acting as if"
A knock on her front door brings Stella out of her thoughts. Slowly she uncurls herself from her protective position and walks to the door, no idea who is outside it at this time of night. With a deep breath, she turns the knob.
"Stella? I didn't wake you, did I?" Mac steps into her apartment.
She shakes her head. "Why are you here?"
"I wanted to make sure you're okay."
"I'm fine, Mac. You were the one with a gun pointed at your head. And Jimmy was shot, but he'll be fine. Drew… it doesn't matter."
"I meant emotionally stable."
She frowns, "Why wouldn't I be?"
"I just thought that since this is the second boyfriend of yours that wanted to… kill you…" he trails off.
"Do you want something to drink?" she heads to the kitchen.
Mac grabs her hand. "Don't change the subject, Stel."
"I don't want to talk about it." She turns away from him.
"If you won't talk to me, I will order you to go to the department psychologist," he threatens. "You need to talk with someone, let it out."
"This isn't going to affect my work, Mac; it's personal. And what about you seeing a psychologist?" she counters.
"I know that it won't affect your work. I knew the Frankie thing wouldn't affect your work. I'm concerned about you, Stel. I don't want you to do something that could hurt you."
"I'm not going to kill myself, Mac. This is nothing compared to what Frankie did. Drew used me to get to you; he wanted me dead to prove a point to you. I never loved him. He kept pushing, but I didn't trust him. All his attention was scaring me. It's not like I imagined he'd be the one I'd spend the rest of my life with," Stella struggles to keep from breaking down.
He reaches out and puts his arm around her, surprised she doesn't push him away. "It'll be okay, Stella."
"As if your sweet kiss is never going to fade away
And the way you look at me will never change
'Cause I love the way you wear those worn out blue jeans
Walking all around in the big sunshine"
She, unable to hold it in any longer, lets the tears fall and leave salty trails on her cheeks. He wraps his other arm around her back and embraces her. She buries her face in his shoulder as he soothingly rubs her back. "I was scared to death when he said he wanted you to walk through the door. I wanted to bash his head open for trying to harm you," Mac whispers.
"Don't you think that's a little violent?" she says, voice coming out as a mumble.
"I still can't believe he involved you in this. It's my fault his brother is dead, not yours."
She lifts her head up. "I should have had your back in his office."
"No, I'm glad you didn't. He would have had both of us. And I guarantee that at least one of us wouldn't be here right now." He wipes her tears away with his thumb. "You go sit down, and I'll get you some water."
Stella curls back up in the middle of the couch. She accepts the water, "Thanks."
"Need anything else?"
"Can you get the ice cream out of my freezer? And bring two spoons."
He returns a moment later. "You're not really going to eat all this, are you?"
"No, you're going to help me," she opens the container of cookie dough ice cream and offers him a spoon.
"Men don't eat when they're… upset," he informs her but takes the spoon.
"So?"
As they eat, they discuss the events of the past couple months. "I don't really blame him for thinking I killed his brother. But he took his revenge too far."
"Yeah, I'd say setting up laser and guns to kill you or whoever entered is a little too much."
"This probably sounds selfish, but I was so glad that Jimmy walked through that door instead of you," he touches her cheek, looking deeply into her emerald eyes.
"I'm acting as if
This blue sky's never going to rain down on me
I keep telling myself
This true love's never going to leave me lonely"
Afraid, she turns her gaze instead to the window. He gently pulls the ice cream container from her hands. "After seeing Drew use you and try to harm you, I realized that I… I care about you more than I've ever cared for someone. I love you, Stella."
"No, I can't. It won't work now. You need to leave, Mac," she leaps to her feet and quickly goes to the door.
"What do you mean it won't work?" he follows her.
"It just won't," she tries to force him out the door.
"What's wrong, Stel?"
"Bad things happen in threes. I've already had two bad relationships. You can't be the third."
"But I'll be patient with you. We'll take this as slow as you need to."
She lets go of him. "You don't understand. I love you too. I want to… be more than friends but we have to wait, or it'll never work out."
"It's a superstition. I won't hurt you like the other two have."
"I can't take a chance and lose you, Mac."
"I'm not going anywhere," he takes her hand. Seeing no other way to convince her, he leans in and captures her lips with his. Slowly he pulls back. "We can make this work."
"I just can't lose you; you keep me safe and happy. And what about it being an office relationship? I don't want everyone to think that I get special treatment from the boss."
"I'm pretty sure my bosses with be the only ones that think that. But I'll let someone else do your evaluations. And I'll put us on separate cases unless everyone is working together. Leave that to me."
Stella smiles at him. "Okay. Let's give it a try."
"I'm acting as if
This blue sky's never going to rain down on me
I'm telling myself
This true love's never going to leave me lonely
Unless there's something I've missed"
"Flack told me what happened. Are you alright?" Mac enters her office, putting a concerned hand on her shoulder.
"I'm fine. Just a few small cuts. And maybe a bump on the back of my head from hitting the wall."
"The paramedics checked it out though and it's fine, right?" he checks.
"It was just a little bump when Flack pushed me back against the wall before the bomb went off," Stella argues.
"Oh, so you have a new hero now?" he teases.
She smirks. "I guess so. Mac, why are you so concerned about me?"
"Because I love you and don't want anything to happen to you."
"I feel fine. There's nothing wrong."
"I'd still like Sheldon to take a look at it."
She sighs, "I'm glad you care, Mac, but I think you're taking this too far."
He gently feels the back of her head in search of the bump. She winces as his fingers find it. "Okay, I guess it's not that bad," he concedes.
"I'll put ice on it later if it makes you feel better."
"It's getting late. Why don't we go out for dinner and then I'll take you home?"
"That sounds nice, Mac, but if you don't mind, I'd like to just go home and rest tonight. Maybe tomorrow?"
Mac nods slowly. "Alright, I'll take you home then."
She closes the file she was working on. "Thanks for understanding."
"Stel," he begins timidly, "you're not ready to date yet, are you?"
"I'm over Frankie," she pauses. "You're fine, Mac. We're taking it slow so we don't ruin anything."
"What about Drew?"
She shakes her head lightly. "I'm over him using me, but it's hard to accept that I let it happen again."
"It's not your fault. After all, I'm the one who told you to go out with him."
"I didn't listen to you."
He cups her cheek, "Promise to tell me if anything comes up in our relationship."
"I will."
As If
"I'll walk you up if you don't mind," Mac offers, putting a hand on her back.
"If you wanted to hurt me, you already know where I live. But I trust you and am pretty sure you'd never intentionally hurt me," she leans her head against his shoulder as they enter the elevator.
He opens the door for her. "I should get going so you can rest."
Stella catches his hand as he turns to go, and when he looks into her eyes, he can see her fear. "Please… can you stay… with me tonight?"
"Of course," he says immediately, wondering what has scared her.
"It's just that… I could have died if the bomb hadn't gone off before we entered the apartment. I saw… his body, and it could have very well been mine," she tries to explain, eyes tearing up.
"I understand," he holds her tightly. "Thank God it wasn't you."
Reluctantly she pulls out of his arms. "I want you to stay close to me tonight."
"I'll be right down the hall all night. I won't let anyone hurt you again."
"This is kind of awkward, but I need you… next to me. In the bed, not on the couch."
"Okay," Mac agrees, kissing her temple.
She kisses his cheek, "Thanks."
"I'll keep you safe from now on."
"Unless there's something I've missed
I'm acting as if"
A/N: The song belongs to Sara Evans. And the first three and a half sections don't really belong to me. I just decided to start by summarizing Stella's... issues with her boyfriends. Then I decided to add a little conversation between them so she could find out what happened and why Drew used her. Anyway... not really a Valentine's Day story but I thought I'd post it today just because. The next chapter of Look After You will be either tomorrow or Saturday. Saturday afternoon I'm going to see Wicked though... so it'll probably be tomorrow unless I get lazy. What else can I say... I hope you guys liked this and please review. Thanks.