a/n: so, i decided to do this because i am still very pissed off that in 'Life Before His Eyes' Tony and Kate (ew) named their daughter 'Kelly' without [as was clear from Gibbs' reaction] asking Gibbs, or warning him. I thought that was inconsiderate, crass, and insensitive - that's the name of his dead child you just took without his blessing.
i wrote it how it should politely be, and how i think gibbs would answer. and with DiNozzo with Ziva, of course.
DiNozzo used the old, scuffed wooden counter to pop open the beer Gibbs offered him and took a swig. He tried to contain the smile on his face, but the bottle was too small, and the happiness too great – so he grinned.
"It's gonna be a girl," he said.
Gibbs screwed off the top of his Corona and held it out for a toast; DiNozzo clicked his bottle against hit.
"She happy?" he asked.
Tony nodded.
"You happy?"
"Yeah," he blurted. "I mean, healthy is all she cared about, but, y'know, I kind of wanted a girl." Tony scratched the back of his head, and looked sheepish. "Figure it be a nightmare to raise a little me."
Gibbs snorted. He inclined his head as if to agree – he thought he had some right to; part of his NCIS career had been – raising DiNozzo, in a manner of speaking. He didn't think, without getting some knocking into shape, Tony would have found the maturity to get it together, marry Ziva, and have a kid with her.
DiNozzo cleared his throat, leaning against the counter, and scratched his head again. He looked around at the basement – seemed empty without a boat in it – and then back at Gibbs shiftily. Gibbs raised his eyebrows pointedly and glared at him.
"You got somethin' else to say?"
"Uh," Tony grunted, looking wary. "Uh, more like uh, a – request."
"'M too old to be a godfather," Gibbs said dully. "You gotta pick someone who'd be around to raise 'er."
Tony nodded – he knew that, unfortunately, because he'd insisted the godfather be Gibbs, but Ziva had said the same thing – she loved Gibbs, but godparents were traditionally picked to raise the baby if something happened to the parents, and Gibbs was – older.
"S'not it," Tony muttered.
He set the bottle down, and peeled the label anxiously.
"Spit it out, Tony."
"We're pickin' names," Tony blurted. He paused, almost dramatically. "She – Ziva, she wondered … she thought it might be nice to name 'er – Kelly. But," Tony hesitated. "She was uncomfortable askin', and she wouldn't do it without your blessing, so I thought I'd … ask."
He yanked at the label on his beer again, wincing.
Gibbs looked at him blankly, and then looked away. He turned and set his own beer down, and pressed his palms down on the counter, looking down silently. DiNozzo grit his teeth – he shouldn't have brought it up, not without warning – but how was he supposed to warn him? – and Ziva had said it was a silly idea, she just was at a loss for names, and Gibbs was so important to her.
DiNozzo watched Gibbs, and Gibbs ran his hand over the wood counter, his jaw tight. DiNozzo cleared his throat, and Gibbs shifted his weight, looking up at some invisible thing on the ceiling. He finally moved his shoulders back, and turned his head, looking at his right hand agent grimly.
He shook his head a little, his throat moving as he swallowed.
"Don't," he said, and his voice was raw.
DiNozzo bit the inside of his cheek, mollified. Gibbs didn't sound angry, just – Tony couldn't explain how he sounded.
"I get the thought," Gibbs said gruffly. He didn't break eye contact. He shook his head again. "You got to understand," he started, and fell silent for a long time. He swallowed again. "Couldn't have her. Got to have her name," he managed.
"Yeah," Tony said hastily. He was sorry, not for asking, but for making Gibbs hurt. "Yeah, I get it. She thought … she just wanted to ask. See if you'd … think it was an honor, or somethin'. She – we didn't mean – "
Gibbs nodded; he understood. It did mean something, that Ziva was seeking to find a way to make it a little better, but that wasn't something that was okay – he knew it was selfish, he knew it was silly, and he knew there were other Kellys in the world – but he couldn't cope with the thought of watching a little Kelly grow up, happy and healthy and loved, when he ached for his Kelly every day.
He grasped the beer tightly, and took a drink; it hurt his chest to swallow.
"Appreciate you checkin'," he grunted sincerely.
It would have been such an unbearable shock to hear they'd named her Kelly, if they had done it and not warned him at all.
He tried to push the grief down, and move on.
"You got any others?"
"Oh, we don't know," Tony said, exasperated. He looked grim briefly. "Ari killed Kate, that's out." It was understandable that Ziva felt that way, but he did so like the idea of naming his daughter after Kate. "She doesn't want to name her Tali. I suggested it, but—"
"It's too painful," Gibb grunted.
"Yeah," Tony said slowly, understanding suddenly.
When he'd suggested it, she'd just shaken her head, and ended the discussion for the night.
"Give 'er a name that doesn't have a past, Anthony," Gibbs said finally, turning and leaning against the counter.
Tony considered that – it made sense, in a way. It meant there could be no Jennifer, no Kate, no Tali, no Rivka – but a little girl with a name that had no tragedy attached to it, no pain when it was said. It would be a good way to really start living a charmed life, to move forward, instead of look back.
"Got a suggestion?" DiNozzo asked.
He cared a lot about Gibbs' opinion; his blessing.
Gibbs thought about it a minute, thought about the long nights Shannon had been up with a book chock full of names and meanings, when she'd just gotten fed up and decided if green was her favorite colour, she'd name her baby Kelly. Gibbs had agreed, because he hadn't cared what the kids' name was, he just wanted the baby.
He remembered one pretty one, though: clearly.
"Olivia," he grunted.
Tony looked thoughtful. He mouthed the word.
"Why?" he asked, tilting his head curiously.
Gibbs shrugged.
"Means peace."
the fact that 'Olivia' is Michael Weatherly's actual child's name is kind of a fluke; I remembered that was her name when I was looking up names that meant 'peace.'
-alexandra
story #194