I stared hopelessly at the boy sleeping peacefully in the bed opposite my own. His blonde hair was strewn across the pillow and a light snore emitted from him. The red digits on the alarm clock told me it was only 5:47 in the morning and I knew that no one would be awake. Sighing I climbed out of the bed and trudged across the carpet flooring to the main room. I flopped onto the orange couch groaning. This is horrible. I am in love with my best friend and no one knows. Well one person has an idea, Logan Mitchell. He's the genius of the group and he has always been able to read me like an open book. I stayed there on the couch in the darkness, silence surrounding me until eventually I fell asleep. I woke up later to voices coming from the kitchen. I rolled over onto my side and heard a sharp intake of breath above me. I became aware of the warmth beneath me and slowly turned onto my back opening my eyes slowly.
The first thing I noticed was his hazel eyes and messy blonde locks. Another moan came from him and I bit my lip realizing my head was in his lap and I was rubbing him. A deep blush coated my cheeks as I sat up hastily apologizing in the process. I heard laughing from the doorway and looked up to see Logan and James Diamond, the fourth member of our band and our best friend. I glared at their hands that were intertwined in the small space between their bodies. I will admit that I am envious of them being able to hold hands like that. I wish I could hold Kendall's hand and hold him close. That was never going to happen and I have come to terms with that. "I don't know who is redder. Kendall or you, Carlos." I growled slightly knowing fully well that he was teasing me.
"Shove it, Logan. I'm not in the mood." I made my way into the room I share with Kendall slamming the door behind me. Logan knows better than to tease me about Kendall. I always get angry, envious, and depressed. I jumped face first onto my bed enjoying the soft comforter on my bare chest. I was in no way modest about my body so I usually walked around without a shirt on. Many girls would fawn over me trying to gain my attention, but I was never interested. The only person I am interested in is Kendall and I highly doubt my feelings are reciprocated. Said boy walked into the room shutting the door quietly.
"Carlos, are you okay?" I merely groaned in response. I am embarrassed beyond belief. I mean seriously I was rubbing Kendall in my sleep and turning him on. The bed beside my hips shifted at the weight as Kendall sat. His hand ran up and down my back in a comforting manner. His touch is warm and I bit my bottom lip as I snuggled my face into the pillow to hold back a moan. "Something is wrong, Carlos. You have been temperamental lately and to be honest I'm getting worried." I glanced up at Kendall through hooded eyelids. Taking a deep breath I sat upright and faced him.
"Promise you won't hate me?" Kendall nodded with a confused expression. Hopefully this will not change anything between us. I cupped his cheek with one hand while I placed my other hand on his thigh. Licking my lips I leaned forward pressing my lips against his. A spark shot through my body, feeling as if I was floating above the clouds. I pulled back reluctantly and folded my hands in my lap. Kendall reached up brushing the tips of his fingers along his lips. He looked sort of dazed, but I could not tell if it was a 'wow he kissed me finally' daze or 'my best friend kissed me and this is weird' daze. I hung my head staring at my hands that suddenly felt cold. I felt a hand grip my chin and pull my head back up. Kendall ran his thumb over my cheek wiping away a stray tear. I didn't even realize that I was crying.
Kendall slammed his lips into mine causing me to cringe at the pain. The pain melted the instant his wet tongue slid along my lower lip. I parted my lips allowing his tongue to dart into my mouth. I eagerly kissed him back. He pushed me down onto the bed, his fingers trailing over my chest. I moaned into the kiss bringing my hands to his neck and tangling my fingers in his gorgeous hair. Kendall ran his hand down my chest and stomach stopping as he began groping me through my flannel pajama pants. I moaned as my cock started to swell at the attention. I broke the kiss breathing heavily as he continued to rub me. I moaned again loving the attention I was receiving. I felt Kendall straddle my hips and having been too focused on the pleasure I didn't notice that my pants were gone and Kendall was straddling my hips naked. My eyes widened taking in every detail. Part of me worried about someone walking in on us, but it was instantly forgotten the moment Kendall's mouth encased my swollen cock.
"Kenny." Kendall moaned as he sucked and the vibrations caused my body to shiver. I threw my head back, my hips arching off the bed as a deep guttural sound resonated in the room. Kendall ran his tongue along the length of my shaft licking up the white beads. I felt his cock resting against my thigh and for some unknown reason I really wanted him inside of me. I could tell from the glint in his eyes that he wanted to as well. I stretched my arm out reaching into the drawer of the nightstand next to my bed. I pulled out a tube of lube placing it in Kendall's hand, which was slightly trembling from anticipation.
"Are you sure, Carz?" I nodded without hesitation. It wasn't fair for me to get off and not him. Kendall flipped the lid open squirting some into his hand. He ran his fingers in circles around my hole and carefully slid in one finger. I grunted in annoyance but began moaning as he entered another finger. The sensation stopped and I glanced at him. Smirking I snatched back the lube squeezing an adequate amount into the palm of my hand. Kendall watched me with a bemused expression and I snickered as his face contorted into one of pleasure. I moved my fist up and down his shaft changing how tight my grip was at different times. A low growling sound rumbled through his chest as he grabbed my hand preventing me from stroking him. "Do you want me to come early?" I chuckled shaking my head as I removed my hand. Kendall spread my legs a bit farther apart with his knees situating himself. "Ready?"
"Just do it!" I growled out of impatience but immediately quieted as I took in Kendall's full length. I pushed my hips forward wanting more than he was giving. Disappointment flashed across my face as I felt him pulling out before thrusting into me again making me cry out. My breaths were coming in short and ragged. I looked up at Kendall adoringly watching his abdomen muscles contract and release with each thrust. I felt myself become aroused again by all the pleasure swirling around in my body. Kendall's movements quickened, more urgent and I reached down stroking myself at the same pace as his thrusts. A minute later we both let out a satisfied moan as we came. Kendall collapsed onto my chest while I wrapped my arms around his shoulders kissing his temple. I reached to the side pulling a sheet over our sweaty bodies. In all honesty I am surprised that no one walked in on us especially since we were being rather loud.
"No one's home. Mom and Katie ran to the store and the guys went to the pool. So stop worrying about them walking in on us." I laughed as he answered my unasked question.
"I love you, Kenny." Kendall smiled against my chest. He propped himself up with one of his elbows while his other hand was massaging my neck. He then leaned down capturing my lips in a soft, passionate kiss that was considerably milder than our previous lip lock.
"I love you too, Carz. Never doubt that." I smiled and snuggled against him. Nothing could change this.
-Seven years and nine months later-
I entered the apartment to find it oddly quiet. About eight months ago Kendall and I moved into our own apartment about half an hour from Rocque Records. I looked around confused. Usually Kendall was there to greet me. It was then that I heard the noises. I cautiously made my way to the door to our bedroom and pressed my ear to it. "Ah, Kendall." My heart froze. Was that - there was no way that was Jo. I opened the door to find Jo straddling Kendall's hips rocking back and forth. How could he do this to me?
"K-Kendall?" The two broke apart as my voice cracked. Kendall's eyes widened.
"Carlos!" Shaking my head I ran out of the apartment and into my car. I started it up and began driving through the LA traffic. Forty-five minutes later I arrived at a small townhouse with flowers lining the walkway. I sprinted to the door after turning off my car. I pounded my fist against the door repetitively until it opened revealing a rather annoyed looking Logan. His expression quickly switched to sympathetic.
"Carlos, sweetie, what's wrong?" Finally allowing the sobs out, I broke down crying into Logan's chest. I felt another two pairs of arms wrap around me.
"Uncle Carlos, why are you crying?" Joshua Diamond-Mitchell asked in a small voice. He is six years old now. When Logan and James adopted him he was still five.
"Logie, Kendall cheated on me with Jo." I felt his grip tighten.
"Jo? Jo Taylor?" I nodded in response to James. "Josh can you go upstairs into Lily's room please?"
"But dad, Lily doesn't like me in her room."
"Tell her daddy says so Josh. Dad and I need to talk to Uncle Carlos alone. Please be a good boy for daddy?" Joshua nodded and tore up the stairs to his sister Lily's room. Lily is eleven and a pre-teen so she wanted her privacy. Many people thought James and Logan were crazy for adopting her at nineteen, but after seeing how much they loved her, everyone became comfortable. The four of us are now twenty-five.
"Carlos what do you mean Kendall cheated on you with Jo? She's supposed to be in Australia filming a movie." Sighing I played with the gold band on my ring finger. Kendall and I got married four years ago.
"I came home from work to nothing. I went to the bedroom to find Jo riding Kendall like a cowgirl. Logie, why did he do it? Am I not good enough? Am I a nuisance to him? Am I boring him? Can he not love me anymore?" I was overwhelmed. As far as I could tell things were perfect between us. We had a little four-year-old girl named Sapphire Nicole Garcia-Knight. She is at day care right now. Thank the heavens for that.
"Sh, Carlos. Kendall is being stupid. You are amazing, you're good enough – in fact better than enough – you're not a nuisance, and you're not boring. I don't understand why he would do this to you." James wrapped his arm around Logan's shoulders as Logan spoke.
"Carlos to be honest, if I didn't love Logan like this or if he didn't love me like this, we would be fighting each other over you. Carlos you are the biggest sweetheart I have ever met. Even though you were only twenty-one you adopted Sapphire who was just an infant. You have spoiled her and loved her as if she was your daughter. Anyone would be lucky to have you as his or her husband. Kendall is being an asshole. If you want to you can stay in the guest room and Sapphire can sleep in Lily's room. I'll go pick her up from day care." I nodded gratefully. It's almost hard to believe that we have been best friends for twenty years now. James kissed Logan's temple before enveloping me in a hug. "I love you, Carlitos." James grabbed his keys off the side table and left. Logan motioned for me to follow him.
"Logie, thank you." Logan smiled full-heartedly at me.
"It's not a problem Carlos. You're family and hurting. It would be cruel and unusual punishment to make you suffer. Come on now, you look dead on your feet." Logan was right. I fell asleep the instant my head his the pillow. A few hours later I woke up to find two small bodies pressed against me on either side. One had long brunette hair and the other had short red hair. I smiled down at Sapphire and Joshua before falling asleep again.
-Five months later-
I sat in the meeting room nervously. I was twiddling my thumbs avoiding the finger vacant of the ring. James and Logan sat beside me and on the other side of the table sat Gustavo Rocque, Big Time Rush's producer, Kelly Wainright, his assistant, Freight Train, bodyguard, and Arthur Griffin, the CEO. Only one person was missing and I haven't seen him in five months not since he cheated on me. I proposed a song to Gustavo and he liked it so now we were pitching the song to Griffin. Well I was pitching the idea. The office door opened and Kendall stepped in with Sapphire on his hip. Upon seeing us she wiggled her way down and tackled us in a hug. "Daddy, Uncle Logie, and Uncle Jaime!" We smiled at my daughter. She then noticed the others and hugged Gustavo calling him 'Grandpa'. We never heard the end of that one. She sat on his lap as Kendall tentatively took a seat next to me, the only one available. I noticed everything. His blonde locks were ruffled, hazel eyes dim, red-rimmed eyes, dark bags under them, and his skin was pale. I saw a glint of gold hanging from a chain around his neck in the opening of his flannel shirt. Glancing at his left ring finger I saw the wedding band. That meant that he had my ring on the chain. Gulping I looked back at Gustavo silently begging him to break the awkwardness.
"Well now that Kendall is here, Carlos has a song he would like to pitch. Since we decided to have each boy have his own song on the fourth album, Carlos wanted to record this song. So if everyone will make their way to the studio." We all got up and walked the familiar path to the recording studio. I can honestly say that since Lily, Sapphire, and Joshua have been in the picture that Gustavo has calmed down. He doesn't yell – as much. With each step I grew more nervous. Perhaps this is a bad idea. Before I could back out though I was already standing in front of the microphone looking through the glass at my family. "Whenever you are ready, Carlos." I glanced at Logan who nodded encouragingly. I took a deep breath signaling Gustavo to start the track.
"Guess mine isn't the first heart broken,
My eyes are not the first to cry.
I'm not the first to know,
There's just no getting over you.
Hello, I'm just a fool willing to sit around,
And wait for you.
But baby can't you see, there's nothing else,
For me to do, I'm hopelessly devoted to you.
But now there's nowhere to hide,
Since you pushed my love aside, I'm not in my head.
Hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you
My head is saying, "fool forget him",
My heart is saying, "don't let him go".
Hold on to the end, that's what I intend to do
I'm hopelessly devoted to you
But now there's nowhere to hide,
Since you pushed my love aside, I'm not in my head.
Hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you."
I had tears in my eyes by the end of the song. Griffin spoke over the speaker, "I like it. Very believable. You'll record it with Gustavo. Now I need to go, my pants are cold." I raised my eyebrow at the last comment as he left the studio.
"Nick work, Carlos. I'll work on laying down some layers and we'll start recording Thursday." I nodded as the room fell silent. James and Logan took Sapphire with them when they exited the room. Taking the hint, Gustavo, Kelly, and Freight Train left leaving just Kendall and myself. I slowly walked out of the booth staying a fair distance away from Kendall.
"Carlos, I am so sorry. I don't know why I had sex with Jo. She was in town and all those feelings came rushing back. They were overwhelming and I got caught up reacting rashly. I'm not trying to make excuses for what I did because there is no excuse. I was wrong and I'm not afraid to admit that. After you walked in on us I literally kicked her out of our home. I was heartbroken when Logan dropped off your wedding band. I know what I did is unforgivable, but I was hoping we could work it out. Eight years of being together half of which I spent as your husband is a long time for everything to start crashing down. I honestly cannot express how remorseful I am feeling about the entire situation. I am still in love with you, never have I fallen out of love because when I see this ring, I see your smile and remember why I fell in love with you in the first place. Carlos, I – dear lord, Carlos I can't live without you. I need you." I broke into a fit of sobs running into Kendall's arms. The warmth was still there just like the first time he held me.
"Kendall, I love you and I forgive you." I unclasped the necklace and replaced the ring on my finger where it belongs.
"Carlos." His voice was soft and filled with admiration. He just didn't get how much he means to me.
"Kendall, I love you. There is no way I could ever be mad at you for long. You're beautiful, even now when you look like a zombie from Resident Evil. Nothing is going to change the way I feel about you because-" I placed a loving kiss on his lips conveying all my emotions that built up over the past five months. I pulled back staring into his gleaming hazel eyes, "I'm hopelessly devoted to you."
A/N: Awe, the end. It's so sweet and I got teary eyed. I honestly don't think that Kendall would cheat but it fit into the lyrics of having Carlos' love being pushed aside. I think this was cute. The song is "Hopelessly Devoted To You" – Olivia Newton-John from Grease. I love that song and the movie. Anyways thanks for reading. More BTR to come.