Mikey was falling for Ben. He was falling fast, and Brain was scared. It wasn't going to be the "Brian and Mikey" show anymore. It was turning into the "Ben and Mikey/Brian and Justin" show.
Whoa, okay, now that thought scared him. Since when was there a Brian and Justin? No, it was just Brian, and Brian liked to fuck Justin. That was all it was. And he only kept going back for more because it was a good fuck. Hell, it was a great fuck, the best he'd ever had, the kid had talent. It was not because he cared about the little shit. Not at all.
And all that crap after the bashing? That was guilt. When Justin had been in the hospital, he'd been there every night watching him. But not because he cared. He'd felt responsible for it all, and decided to watch over the kid when his mom was at home with his brat sister. Not that she really was a brat, he'd actually kind of liked her that time she'd, but never mind that. Still, it was all guilt. He'd been the one to out Justin at school by dropping him off in his jeep when it had FAGGOT painted all on the side, and then he'd danced with him and kissed him in front of them all. So, he needed to put his own mind at ease. It wasn't as if he cared that the kid had been having nightmares. Sure, he'd held the boy in the night when he'd cried, but that was just to get him to be quiet and go back to sleep. Not because he cared about the fact that his, I mean JUSTIN was really frightened. But then it turned back to sex when Justin was better. Never mind that he'd taken his time, gone slow and been tender with him. Justin called that kind of sex making love, but there is no such thing. There was only fucking, and that was what Brian and Justin did, fucked.
He had gotten another dresser, but that was because he needed somewhere to put all of Justin's crap. He'd stopped buying Tylenol and Codeine, just in case, but it was because he didn't want to deal with all the hassle if Justin had an allergic reaction. He'd set up a space for Justin to paint because the kid was good. He'd spent a week finding just the place where the light was perfect for painting, right by the big picture window, and then bought and easel and a bunch of art supplies and set up the area while Justin was at school one day. He'd even bought one of those huge lamps so Justin could paint at night if he wanted to. But not because he lo-cared about him, but because if he hadn't, the kid's art stuff would be scattered everywhere, making a big mess. And he'd had to buy a desk for the special computer he'd gotten for him and a printer so he could print out the things he drew on the computer. All for the sake of the education he was paying for, not the boy getting it.
And so what if he only ever tricked with Justin now? The both of them deciding on a guy or two and bringing them home together? It was hot when they did that. Yeah, maybe lately he preferred to stay home and watch a movie with his Sunshine, instead of going out to Babylon but he did not-FUCK! Who the hell was he kidding? The only one who didn't know he loved Justin was himself. Well, now he knew. Shit. How had that happened?!
"Fuck!" he said aloud. How the hell had he gone from worrying about losing Mikey to admitting he was in love with Justin? "Fuck!" he said again. He was completely screwed.