Title: Girl Talk

Author: Evil Little Dog

Rating: K+

Disclaimer: This is a derivative work, and, as such, I make absolutely no money writing this. Darn the luck.

Summary: Sometimes, Natasha has to escape the testosterone.

Warnings: Takes place after the party in Age of Ultron but I don't see it happening post-Age of Ultron, so imagine a happier little side universe where Age of Ultron didn't happen?

Pepper liked Natasha, now that Natasha was Natasha and not Natalie. Enough that, when Natasha showed up unannounced with a bottle of something expensive and a tray of hor d'oeuvres that looked like they came from some very exotic restaurant (neatly hiding a pizza box underneath), Pepper was inclined to invite her in.

"To what do I owe this honor?"

Natasha quirked up the corner of her mouth. "The boys are being boys." Her eyebrows twitched in a particularly annoyed way. "Bragging about dick sizes and intelligence. I come seeking refuge."

"Oh, god." Pepper invited her in.

The bottle demolished within the hour, the hors d'oeuvres gone nearly as fast, another bottle opened and the pizza half-gone, and JARVIS entertaining them with some quiet jazz in the background while they talked - it wasn't a bad night.

"So, you couldn't tell them your dick's bigger?" Pepper asked, the wine having loosened her tongue a bit. A bit.

"I could have but they were trying to lift Thor's hammer again." Natasha sipped at her glass and shrugged at the same time.

"Oh, god." More emphatic. "Tony's going to be grumbly over that."

"Grumbly?"

Pepper wrinkled her nose. "Bitchy."

"Better." Natasha set her glass down to wrestle another piece of pizza free from the remainder of the pie. "He's not the only one. Bruce, at least, doesn't care. Clint and Tony were disappointed Steve couldn't lift the hammer."

"Betting?" She could imagine.

Natasha's eye roll was her answer. "I wasn't about to get involved in that."

"So, I have to ask." Pepper rearranged her legs for comfort. "How many of them have you kissed?" She waved her glass. "I don't care if Tony's included. I know what he's like. Wait. Who's the best kisser?"

Natasha considered, chewing on her pizza. "Clint's pretty good. Steve's not bad at all. Bruce does this thing with his lower lip that's just about as close to heaven as you can get."

Pepper grinned and saluted Natasha with her glass.

"I haven't kissed Tony."

"If you get a chance, you should. He's very good at it." Pepper said it solemnly.

Natasha's mouth quirked again. "I'll remember that if the circumstances are in my favor."

"I won't hold it against you if it happens." Pepper set aside her glass to snag another piece of pizza for herself.

"What happens?" Tony breezed into the room, smelling of alcohol and testosterone. "You know the party's going on downstairs and oh my god, did someone order pizza? Why didn't I order pizza?" He took Pepper's slice out of her hand, leaning down to kiss her on the top of her head. "I love you, you know that, right?"

"I know, Tony. Even if you can't lift Thor's hammer."

Tony stopped, mouth hanging open, pizza oozing slowly from gravity and grease. He recovered. "Natasha. What happens in the Bat Cave stays in the Bat Cave."

"I didn't sign any contracts," she said.

"And girl talk circumvents any contracts," Pepper said as Tony sat on the arm of the couch next to her.

"Hmph," Tony grunted around his pizza. "As long as you're not talking about kissing."

From the face he pulled, their giggles didn't soothe him.

~ end ~