Textbook Friendship

"I think you heard it from Kakeru-kun, but ever since the situation with his family's been resolved, he's become the Kakeru-kun we know now."
— Nakao Komaki

Kakeru brushed past her in the crowded hallway, tunneling his sight on back of the student before him. Komaki watched him as he passed other students and gave them the same limited attention. It hurt her. There was a time, very seldom was it repeated, but there was a time when he directed a smile at her so wide, she thought his face would crack. Now she longed to see that smile, whether it was meant for her or another reason entirely.

His family situation had never been peaceful. Having never been spared details, she knew little of what entailed his relationship with his family, but she gathered that it had worsened lately since the Kakeru she knew had hidden himself inside in even more impenetrable walls.

A friend dragged their arm across her shoulder, pulling her into a quick hug. "Don't space out in the hallway! That's how you get trampled, Komaki-chan!"

Before he disappeared around corner, he slowed, stilling traffic, and peered over his shoulder. His eyes, empty of that spirit she had admired and associated with them, fleeted a glance at her. A powerful glue rooted her to the floor. The haunting look in his eye shook her; it shook her so much she completely forgot about her friend, who waved their hand over her face to get her attention. Averting her gaze, she smiled widely. "If I remember correctly, it was you who got trampled before, not me," she laughed.

As her friend scoffed playfully, Komaki jumped back into the moment and searched for Kakeru. When she saw he was gone, her smile weakened, but she shook it off and let her friend drag her away.

The student population thought he was work-oriented and cared little of sentimentalities like friendship. Komaki could not say these views were without evidence. When she had trouble in math, she asked him for help. Before his exuberance to answer would have threatened her, but now he had no passion left for philanthropy. He would glance at equation, and then huddle over his desk, scratching away on loose-leaf, and pass her the solution without further explanation.

It was like seeing the slow death of someone she loved.

Komaki once heard that if one was left in a place void of contact with the outside world, a sense of time will eventually be lost. When was the last time she spoke with the real Kakeru? Was it days? Weeks? It broke her heart to think it, but—months? Well, it ends today, she decided. Between classes, she whipped opened her math textbook, hunted for a problem that spun her mind in circles, and headed toward Kakeru, who was staring into space and tapping his fingers over a closed notebook. As she approached his desk, all built up confidence disappeared, and when he trained his eyes on her, her mouth felt dry.

Calming her nerves, she remembered this was more than a math problem. "Hello, Kakeru-kun! I was wondering if you could help me," she said, placing the equation in front of him.

He watched her intently before turning to the problem. "What d'you need help on?"

Chewing the inside of her cheek, she shifted from foot to foot. "Everything."

He took a deep breath and peered over his shoulder to check the time. Then he made the movements to huddle over his desk and solve it without further explanation, but Komaki moved fast, snatching a nearby chair and seating herself right next to him. If his emotions weren't monotonous, his expression would have been surprised.

Komaki made sure to ask several questions, anything to keep him talking, even though he spoke in clipped fragments. When he finished explaining the problem, she asked if he could answer questions from the homework, to which he replied that he was not gifted at math, so she should ask their teacher. She told him that she preferred asking him because he explained the problems in simpler terms—when he spoke at all, she thought in distress.

But Komaki wished she had not countered him. Kakeru quieted and stopped looking her in the eye and his explanations became even more clipped and fragmented. He was unapproachable and guarded; she felt like she had lost the sole key to a magnificent music box and would never again hear its beautiful song.

Fortunately, their teacher lent an excuse to continue her seeking mathematical assistance from Kakeru. A chapter test was scheduled in two days and Komaki desperately needed to study. Though Kakeru stated otherwise, he had a firm grasp on the chapter and was her only hope for a passing grade. When she approached him with her textbook handy, he avoided eye contact and muttered that they could go to the roof during lunch.

Sitting close enough to hear him breathe, Komaki struggled to focus on his scribbling and quick punches into the calculator. If she kept silent, Kakeru would carry on in this robotic state of punching in numbers, scribbling onto paper. The roof was void of interference; any breakthrough would be accomplished here.

"Kakeru-kun, can I ask you something?"

He finished a problem before giving her confirmation. A nod.

Smiling bitterly, she rubbed her shoe into the ground. "You know what makes me happy?" She paused for his reaction, which never came. "Meat."

To her astonishment, he chuckled. "Meat."

"Yes," she sniffed. "Meat. Doesn't matter what kind, preferably beef, but meat makes me happy. It tastes good and makes me think happy thoughts."

He stared sideways at her. "Meat."

"Yeah, meat. Now, High-and-Mighty-san, what makes you happy?" she asked with a nudge.

As predicted, he stiffened and set up his walls. "I don't know."

"Something must. Do you have a dog?"

He drew a box on the corner of his homework and shaded it in. "No. I don't have any pets."

"Well, there must be something." She folded her hands and placed them over the crease of her textbook. "You know, I don't want to intrude, but I can't help but notice that you're…. How to put this…." She looked him straight in the eye. "You're sad. I don't like seeing you sad. It makes me sad. You don't have to tell me anything about what's going on in your life, but I just want you to know that if you ever do need someone to talk to, I'm here."

She didn't know how long they sat there, in silence, looking the other in the eye, but Kakeru tore away first. He put away his calculator and pencil and closed his textbook. Before he stood, Komaki placed a hand on his shoulder. He stilled, but then shrugged her hand off, standing up.

"You're imaging things," he said. The corners of his mouth pulled upward shortly. "I'm perfectly fine, so there's nothing for you to worry about. I'm going to go study somewhere else, since all you want to do is talk."

She shot up, forgetting all that was on her lap. Her textbook fell onto her toe and her pencil rolled into a difficult crevice. "Wait, Kakeru!"

By the time she spoke, he had neared the stairs and paused only to shoot over his shoulder, "Study well for the test." He jogged down the stairs. The roof was eerily silent in his wake.

Pain shot up from her foot. Hissing, she plopped down to the ground, rubbing her ankle with one hand and patting around for the pencil with the other.

When the bell rang, she went directly to class and arrived before Kakeru. She watched the door, bowing her head bashfully after she started at students entering she had thought were him. When he finally came, he avoided seeing her and went to his desk, slouching in his chair and gazing out the window. Had she not been watching him, she would have missed the rims of red around his eyelids.

If she were being honest, heading to the library during lunch was not done only to study. Not very many places welcomed a desolate Kakeru quiet and solitude. She made sure to hang loose and not attract unwarranted attention to herself that would alert Kakeru and cause him to vacate. With only a day before the chapter test, however, the duration of lunch was spent studying, though with sneaking glances at the boy while she turned a page.

He worked diligently and his focus never wavered, head bowed low over textbooks and worksheets. Komaki hoped he would look up, if only to see his face and how he was keeping, but he stayed down and shadowed. That would have to make due for her.

And then came test day.

Komaki came to school early and with trepidation. She was a wreck over the test and had avoided speaking with anyone lest she displaced her disappointment over the development with Kakeru onto an innocent bystander. For a while, only she inhabited the school, but stragglers rolled in, one by one, and soon the classroom doors were unlocked and she took her seat.

Her fear over the impending test left her mind for once cleansed of Kakeru and she huddled over her textbook and crammed as much as she could. If he had come to class, she had not known, and perhaps it was better than way. She would attempt to intrude upon his life another day, after the waters had stilled. For the time being, the only breath in her life was mathematics.

As she stormed through exercise problems, a jovial aura entered the room, and with the clack, clack, clack of shoes on tile, Komaki looked up with the inclination of peeking for a second, only to find her jaw falling into her lap.

There was Kakeru, front and center of the classroom by the teacher's podium, with a cracking grin and his arms spread wide. "Good morning, everyone! Today's the day, ain't it? Ahh, and tomorrow's the weekend, huh? Or weekstart, because of Sunday and all."

He was met with stunned silence. The teacher was sniffling and beaming and students stared at him with their eyes popping out. Komaki shrunk into her seat and turned back to studying, unsure how to approach this sudden change in personality. Kakeru snorted, convulsing into an upright ball, and bounced back with a bundle of energy stored in the sleeve of his shirt. He waved both arms, making his way across the room. "Study well, peers!"

From the way people around her swerved in their seats, Komaki had a hunch he was strolling toward her. The clacking of his shoes traveled down her row, stopping by her, and his hands slapped down on her desk. Startled, she lurched back and gawked. "Ka-Kakeru-kun?"

"Yo, Komaki! Do you know what makes me happy?"

The heads of all in the room snapped away from the pair and the screeches of pencils scrambling across paper filled the air.

Kakeru had a homely smile, one Komaki found impossible not to return. To answer his question, she shook her head. "N-no. I don't."

He lowered himself until his eyes—that weren't any browner than hers, but Komaki felt a rush of need to compare his irises to every flavor of chocolate known to man—leveled with hers. "What about you, me, today after school, rotating sushi?"

Her jaw still slack and her voice nowhere to be found, she nodded. A simple, little nod, but one that made Kakeru crack a smile so wide, his eyes squeezed shut.

"Cool. So, I'm gonna dump my bag and stuff at my desk, but I'll be back and study with you, okay?"

"Okay."

As she watched him skip down the aisle, giving high-fives and fist pumps, she smiled softly, proud of every tooth in his grin that caught the light.

Author's Note: I was looking through my old writing files, and while getting a kick out of all the lulz, I found this piece and figured it was too precious not to share. Kakeru and his Meat Angel need some lovin'! It got insane revisions while I rewrote it. lol Leave a review, if you'd like!