The Black Rose

It was clouded and too warm, the airco wasn't working well. I started getting my jacket off and I grabbed my perfume to hide any kind of smell. I rushed to the ugly toilet with the yellow walls, washed my hands and concentrated on my breathing. An airport would be my least favorite place on earth to be, if it weren't for the shops it would be my personal hell.

As I was trying to calm myself my sister, Lina, entered the bathroom.

"Are you OK? We are going to leave soon, you don't want to miss the plane, do you?"

"I'll be right behind you"

She walked out the room and I did as I said, I followed her and tried not to think about what we were going to do. Instead I tried to distract myself by observing the corridor. Its walls were painted in the same ugly yellow as the bathroom and the ceiling was white, there were posters everywhere, advertisements for food, products and a new upcoming film.

Then I spotted the gate number where we were supposed to be and I looked down, I didn't want to see the aircraft, I counted my footsteps and I looked at the floor. The tiles were black and white and I counted 341 steps. I almost bumped into my sister when she stopped walking and I saw we were at the gate and about to step in the plane. A nice looking woman examined my ticket and sent me in the plane. I took a deep breath and entered the plane, The plane had green seats and a grey carpet on the floor, I stumbled to my seat and stared at the chair in front of me trying to forget that I sat down in a machine that was going to take off with me in it.

I hated flying.

It was something I had from my mother, she did it quite often though and I thought she was very brave. This was my sixth time on a plane. I didn't hate flying because of the height, I hated flying because of the possibility of dying. I don't trust electronics. Flying was wonderful, I had always wanted to be able to fly like a bird. I loved birds.

"Are you alright?" Lina asked

I wasn't able to speak yet, so I just nodded and focused on my destination.

Home. I loved my home, my England. Though the vacation had been nice I missed my room and my own bed. We had been to Italy for three weeks, we went to Rome, Napoli, Volterra and Pisa. The ruins were my favorite, I could spent hours exploring them, so this was exactly what I had done. The huge amount of tourists was somewhat frustrating, everyone wants to go there so it had been very crowded. I had a little accident in a shop in Volterra, I had tripped over something and I fell upon someone else. He had dropped something made of glass and I fell in it, of course. I couldn't see the man clearly he wore a cloak and he ran away quickly.

I wondered why he did that.

I had a bit of glass in my arm and a bump but it didn't hurt, so I didn't mind. I had examined the glass a little later, because I took a little piece of it, and saw some traces of red wine, the glass looked very old. The flight went very fast, faster than I thought it would go, I had enjoyed the view, like I said I didn't dislike the height, just the electronics. I panicked a bit because the 'fasten your seatbelt' lights went on and even though the flight went good, the landing was a whole other case. I fastened my seatbelt folded up the tableau and stuffed my bag underneath the seat in front of me.

The landing had succeeded and I was alive.

Nice.

Lina and I followed our parents through the building and across the parking lot. The journey home was quick and as soon as I was home I went to my room to unpack. At the bottom of my suitcase I found the little piece of glass and put it on my desk, then I went downstairs to take a shower, but Lina was already in there, I knocked on the door.

"Come in" she said.

She was brushing her hair, which was brown and long, just like mine.

"Are you going to take a shower?" I asked

"No, it's all yours"

She left and I put the shower on. The shower was amazingly pleasant, it was nice to be clean again. When I was finished I walked over to the scale to see how much weight I had gained during the last weeks. I really liked Italian food. I didn't look like I had eaten much, I looked just the same. I stood upon the scale and was immensely surprised, because I weighed 54 kg which was 10 kg less then I had expected to be, strange. This couldn't be healthy.I got my pajamas on and went to bed, not feeling well.

When I woke up I had pain everywhere, it wasn't very much pain, it was just annoying. The pain became less for the next week and was almost completely gone when I left for school, I was happy that I was about to see my friends again. Everyone said I looked different, but that was probably my tan, I was usually very pale, but I could be tan when I had been in the sun for three weeks. I also had new glasses, that explained the changes in my appearance. Even I had to get used to my new look.

When I was home I went to my room to do my homework and I cleaned my room. After that I went to the bathroom to weigh myself again, I was curious to see if the enormous flood of pastas and pizzas had kicked in.

It hadn't.

I weighed 47 kg, this was the strangest thing, the scale had to be broken. You see? Never trust electronics. The strange thing was that I actually felt lighter, walking the stairs was very easy, it used to make me tired. And when I walked I felt more elegant and I was faster. I still looked like I was 64 kg, though I had never really looked that heavy, I always seemed lighter. I felt very healthy, it was just the pain in my body and the stupid bump on my arm that irritated me. The bump didn't slink, I guessed it needed time to heal.

I went outside to enjoy the good weather that was still left from the summer, but the sun had already disappeared and since this was England, I knew it would take a few months before it would come back. So I went inside again and put on the TV to watch my favorite show. It hadn't started yet, which was odd because I was sure it would have. I looked at the clock, it couldn't be that early, only half an hour had passed since I had left school, the trip home alone usually takes twenty minutes. I guessed that all the electronics in this house were broken.

I sighed.

I went to every clock in the house and started getting really nervous, because they all indicated the same time. What was happening to me? They really couldn't all be broken. This couldn't be normal, this couldn't be some strange aspect of the puberty. I panicked, I ran to my room, climbed out the window on the roof, somethin I did quite often, and started forming possibilities of all the mental problems that I could have. While I was thinking I didn't notice the roof tiles moving, when I did, it was too late. I fell down the roof, which was 5 meters high, and I froze from fear. The fall down wasn't even that bad, it seemed like I fell for an eternity. I could very clearly see the grass coming closer, it took a very long time to land. I had enough time to place my feet on the ground and absorb the impact with my legs. It didn't feel like falling, it felt like flying.

It was amazing.

I felt very light, I felt the adrenaline pulse through my veins and I felt extremely strong. Ok, so this proved that the scale wasn't broken, but it did proved I was insane. As long as I was insane, and since I was still convinced that that really happened proved I was insane, I could try it again. I flew upstairs in a record time, climbed through the window, upon the roof again and coiled to spring. I jumped as high as I could, and that was a lot higher than I expected, and landed just as softly on the ground. I still couldn't believe it. I rushed upstairs, again, but this time I was a little too enthusiastic and I bumped to the wall at exactly the wrong place, the bump at my arm. It hurt, but I didn't stop until I was at the roof again, and I coiled to spring again.

I could feel the pain again, the pain that I had forgotten, it was in my arm, but it was ten times worse than it ever had been. The worst thing was that it spread to my back and then to my heart. I was shocked, I thought I had a heart attack, the pain spread further and soon it was in my entire body. It became even worse, it hurt so much. I fell down from the roof again, this time I really fell, I was too stunned to move. I landed softly though, like I fell upon a cushion, but the pain overshadowed every other feeling. I couldn't even think anymore and I couldn't sense the passing time, but I heard screams from my neighbors and not very long after that, I heard sirens.

The last thing I noticed were the sounds of the equipment in the ambulance and the sirens. Then I finally lost consciousness.

When I woke up, the pain was worse than I remembered, it was excruciating, I didn't open my eyes and tried to lose consciousness again, to faint, but it didn't work. Then I tried to sleep, without any luck. My head was numb, but I could think again. I was laying down on a bed and it smelled like a hospital, I could hear doctors talk, but I couldn't understand them. I also noticed a very annoying vague bleep next to my bed, I realized this was the bleep of the machine that was measuring my pulse. It was quite fast.

After a lot of time, at least I thought it was a lot of time, the pain started to fade away in my feet and my hands and my head became clearer, it had never been that clear. With a part of my brain I could count the passing seconds and also the bleeps. I could calculate how many times my heart beat in a minute, it were 130 bleeps per minute and it became ten beats per minute slower every half hour. That was good, I thought , because it became more natural. Another part of my brain was keeping tabs on the sounds in the hospital, I could the rain outside, the other people who were in the building, my sister sitting next to my bed, sobbing, my mother who was sitting next to my bed, my heartbeat and my breathing. The doctors who were discussing my condition were the most interesting, they talked about my body temperature that had dropped incredibly and how strange this was because of my high heart rate, they talked about my changing appearance and I was wondering why that would be happening, I had never heard about a disease that changed your appearance in a good way, I knew I was becoming pretty because I heard some of the other visitors whisper.

"It's a shame that someone that young and beautiful has to suffer so much"

It disturbed me, what was wrong with me? I had completely changed in a few days time, who had I become?

The biggest part of my brain was concentrating on the pain, it was almost gone now in my legs and arms, but it was also becoming worse in my back and heart. My heartbeat didn't raise, it continued to slow down and eventually became 10 per minute. I only had half an hour left to live. I panicked and the doctors finally noticed that something was going terribly wrong, they started to do everything they could, but I couldn't feel anything besides the pain.I tried to fight the time, I tried to wake up from this terrible nightmare, I tried to fight for my live.

It didn't work.

Time continued to pass and despite my fighting, it went abnormally fast. Suddenly I had ten minutes left, then nine and then eight. I wanted to shout, I wanted to scream and I wanted to run away, but I couldn't move. The doctors were fighting for my life too, one of them sent my family away from the room. They were shouting and sreaming, but they didn't ran away. I wanted them to leave, I didn't want them to see me die.

Five minutes left.

The pain was becoming unbearable, I gave up. Please let me die fast.

Four minutes left.

The agony. The pain. The physical pain wasn't comparible with the mental pain, the mental pain was much worse.

Two minutes left.

The docters came with the electric shock panels to restart my heart, when it had beaten its final beat.

One minute left.

Bye bye world. I'll miss you. My last breath followed by my last heartbeat.

The pain was gone, finally!

Was I dead?

Probably.

I felt quite good, that was strange. I felt strong, very strong. I could hear the doctors trying the shock panels, but I didn't feel anything, that was logic.

I was dead.

Was I really?

I wasn't sure.