The year 20XX. During times of political and economic, no human alive is tackling the true crisis that grips the Earth, measuring the quality of Yuugiou works on . In a world mostly lacking heroes willing to risk live, death, and certain boredom to carry out such a mission, only three people will step up and take the challenge head on.
Our heroes are;
1. Biggs Norton, an ex-Fanfic writer with a serious chip on his shoulder.
2. Eric A. Wedge, a honest-to-Osiris hardcore Yuugiou fan, owning all manga volumes, with every anime episode downloaded, and little to no knowledge of the card game.
3. Jessica Chomsky, no relation to the 'Other Chomsky', as rabid and misinformed as rabid misinformed Yaoi fan girls come.
Today our heroes plunge straight into the deep end (well, not exactly..) and tackle WhiteAsukalover's 'The Cruelest Heart'.
------------------------------------Yuugiou: Duel Monsters Fiction Theatre------------------------
Six o'clock in the evening and our three heroes are sitting around a coffee table in Biggs' flat. There is a general air of poverty about his apartment. Eric cannot help but stare satisfied at Biggs' many many posters of anime women of ambiguous ages that decorate the walls. Jessica meanwhile has distracted herself by doodling pictures of Junk Warrior and Kuribon in suggestive poses when Biggs sits down at the table with three fresh sets of print-outs. He distributes them accordingly to Eric and Jessica.
Biggs: Alright guys, seeing as this is just our first outing, I figured I'd choose a nice easy and short one.
Eric: Ooh, so we can read more if we want to?
Biggs: ……we'll see Eric, we'll see…
Eric: You don't sound keen on the idea…
Biggs: It's just uhh… I read the first line of the fic when I was waiting at the printer, and uhh, you'll see yourself…
Jessica: So lesse, today's fic is WhiteAsukalover's (no periods) fanfic 'The Cruelest Heart'?
Biggs: Cruellest
Jessica: What?
Biggs: It's spelt 'cruellest' Two Ls
Jessica: Wha? Does that really matter?
Biggs: It does to me
Jessica: It's probably the Americanised spelling
Biggs: English English is proper English
Eric: C'mon Biggs, don't be a language Nazi
Biggs: Get a dog to stop sniffing his 'nads first
Eric: Can we leave this for now?
Biggs: Yeah, regrettably, we SHOULD really get on with the fic. Okay… ah, here's what got me dubious from the off…
'A/N: Here's another short story of my own desires'
Jessica: ……..is this a female writer?
Eric: Eh?
Jessica: Male or female?
Biggs: Male I think
Jessica: Shame… well, he could be.. Y'know…
Biggs: You're hoping s/he means 'Yaoi desires' don't you?
Jessica: Pretty much, too much for a girl to ask? I mean, surely it's okay if I want to know whether two male characters, possibly related by blood are tying each other up and violating one another with assorted fruit and blunt instruments…
Biggs: You've issues and I'd like to move on…
'A/N: Here's another short story of my own desires. This time Yubel meets Asuka in the spirit world realm and taunts her about her past with Judai and eventually turns her against Judai. Enjoy!'
Eric: Hey why'd they repeat the first part again?
Biggs: Get out my mind Eric…
Eric: You think it's a mistake or do you think it's intentional?
Biggs: Yeah, probably a mistake, but either I think it's forgivable since it's not part of the main fic.
Eric: The benefit of the doubt… if I knew the moon was gonna be blue tonight I'd have gone stargazing instead
Biggs: Your sarcasm is not appreciated Eric Abe-
Eric: Don't you dare say my middle name!
Jessica: Eh? Eric has a middle name? What is it?
Eric: Uhh, look here. Seems like it's gonna be a hetero' fic Jessica, sorry.
Biggs: Changing the subject much?
Jessica: Aw dammit, maybe next time
Eric: Though, if it ships all three characters mentioned, only one is a straight pairing since Yubel's kinda a hermaphrodite, ex-man, lady-devil…. thing… Ack, it's times like this I wish the GX writers weren't trying to out-mindf*ck NGE…
Biggs: In my eyes, the more pressing matter is the 'taunts her about her past with Judai and eventually turns her against Judai' line
Eric: What about it?
Biggs: WhiteAsukalover uses the same proper noun twice in the same sentence when WhiteAsukalover should've just used 'him' since it's grammatically correct and reads aloud a lot smoother
Eric: But you just did the same thing
Biggs: It was to highlight my point. I was also kinda hoping you'd call me on it
Eric: Why?
Biggs: Just so anyone listening in to our conversation wouldn't be able to remark about any hypocrisy in my analysis, you know how SOME people would probably use anything like that to disregard our opinions…
All three: ……………………
Eric: You're gonna have to fix that wall…
Jessica: Can we move on?
Biggs: Before we do I just wanna mention that the phrase 'spirit world realm' will invade my nightmares and do unspeakable things to my body. And the disclaimer manages to give out spoilers… Anyway…
'A voice giggled softly in the distance.'
Eric: Sooo, no set-up eh?
Biggs: Hell, even we had a set-up of sorts when we're being written in a script fic-style
Eric: You're aware of the medium?
Biggs: What do you mean, why would I? This isn't a séance so why would there be a medium here?
Eric: Listening to that pun was like being raped by bad humour
Biggs: You think that's bad you should bless your soul we didn't decide to read fanfics for a comedy anime
Eric: I wouldn't mind being spirited away right now
Jessica: I don't think you have a ghost of a chance on that one…
Eric: Uhh, betcha you can see the spectre of defeat over me now…
Biggs: Okay, now that we've exhausted the medium puns…
Jessica: I've got more!
Biggs: No you don't, shut up. Anyway, I can't understand this choice. I know it's good to leave some things up to the reader's imagination, but leaving every last detail is a bit much to ask the reader. Where is it set? What's the atmosphere like? What about the pathetic phallusy?
Jessica: heh heh… Freudian slip…
Biggs: (giving Jessica the ol' stink eye) ……pathetic fallacy… I mean, how're you supposed to imagine this in your head?
Eric: Be creative
Biggs: That's not the reader's job
Eric: Fair point..
Jessica: …….
Biggs: ……
Eric: ……..punch-line goes here
'"Who's there?" The dirty blonde duelist Asuka Tenjoin asked.'
Biggs: I choose to subvert the meaning of that line for my own benefits
Eric: She's not really dirty blonde in the sense s/he means it either
Biggs: I think he was clutching at descriptive straws… after one previous sentence. Then there's the incorrect spelling of 'duellist'
Jessica: For Christ's sake Biggs! Let it go, they can change the English language as they see fit if they want to, they ARE sorta offshoots of England after all
Biggs: You're wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. They're mainly Irish and German. Both those countries have their own languages, so yeah….
Jessica: Language fag…
Biggs: You're just pissed that you got futtbucked by logic.
Jessica: Okay fine, next sentence… or paragraph… even if the paragraph break isn't necessary for this one.
'The voice chuckled evilly softly and revealed herself as the spirit Yubel.'
Biggs: 'Evilly softly'? What a delightfully awful oxymoron.
Eric: Somewhere in there is a good sentence buried under stylistic turd
Jessica: Shame really…
Eric: ….so that's all we have to say about this?
Jessica: Kinda speaks for itself
Eric: I guess so, next is…
'Asuka gasped in terror. "Y-Yubel?" She asked shakily.'
Biggs: Hm, not too disastrous. But the gasping in terror could have been used to describe the speech.
'Yubel grinned maliciously and nodded.'
Jessica: So she's the strong-silent-type in this fic?
Eric: That's bad characterisation, typically, Yubel was prone to endless amounts of teasing and very rarely shut up
Biggs: At least I've no grammatical qualms this time
Eric: That's true, so they obviously did something right.
'"What d-do you want?" Asuka asked, a bit frightened.'
Eric: Asuka seems to be sliiiiiiightly better written, though, I suppose it could be too early to say. In any case…
'"Asuka…your called the Obelisk Queen. Ha! You never were. You know what you were Queen of?" Yubel taunted.'
Jessica: …..What the crap?
Eric: I liked it better when Yubel was stoic and silent…
Biggs: That's some serious pancake dialogue…
Eric: Even 4kids' writers would scoff at that!
Biggs: Also, queen doesn't need capitalising in the second occurrence
Eric: That's your concern here?! Dude, s/he's made Yubel sound like some high school cheerleader bitch!
Biggs: Calm down Eric, it's not THAT bad
Eric: Not that bad!? You're kidding me right?
Jessica: Urgh… why did you guys have to swap boots? I dunno which one is worse
Biggs: I'd like to point out the misspelling of 'you are' or 'you were' or whatever it's meant to be. Now let's move on before Eric pops a blood vessel
'Asuka gulped quietly as she answered. "What?" She asked.'
Biggs: I see a pattern emerging with the layout of sentences containing speech here….
'Yubel smiled wickedly, loving her fear and uneasiness. "The Association of Light." She replied.
Asuka gasped in shock. "That can't be… I was so cold and icy there." She protested.'
Jessica: His puns suck as much as yours Biggs!
Eric: Quite an achievement
Biggs: I wish I had something wittier to say but I think 'Screw you guys' articulates my thoughts without much effort put into it.
Eric: Though I see what you mean about the strange structure of those sentences
Biggs: It's bugging me, but, it's not a major flaw
'Yubel laughed evilly. "Wrong. Your too scared to admit it but you loved it there. And you hated when that cruel boy, Judai Yuki beat you." She taunted.'
Eric: When is this fic set?
Biggs: If the writer had set the scene this would make more sense
Eric: It couldn't be after season 3, and.. To be honest, it couldn't happen during or before either. Asuka can't see card spirits
Biggs: Artistic licence.
Eric: You're willing to call this art?
Biggs: …..damn, I'm forced to take your side on this one it seems.
'"No that's a lie! I didn't want to be Saiou's eternal servant!" Asuka shouted, as her knees began to quiver.'
Biggs: (throwing his arms up in the air in celebration) Heeeey! He structured it right for once!
Eric: 'grats WhiteAsukalover
'"Oh yes you did, little Asuka. There you had everything. Respect, power and you struck fear into Judai Yuki…" Yubel coaxed, stroking Asuka's blonde hair in mock affection.'
Eric: ……Yuri? Awesome
Jessica: Yuri? Yuck!
Biggs: I'm fairly sure Yubel probably has a penis somewhere, it stops being yuri when the girl has a penis.
Eric: My fun. You ruined it.
Jessica: WhiteAsukalover ruined mine….
'Asuka whimpered softly, unable to think of a way to protest.
"You were the White Queen Asuka Tenjoin. Admit that you loved the power you gained from it." Yubel taunted.'
Eric: Her surname has a U in it. Tenjouin. Still, it's a common mistake.
Biggs: I'm more concerned about his pizza crust not rising here
Eric: Enough with the obscure analogies already! Moving on…
'"Well my deck was powerful but Judai…" Asuka started.
"Judai defeated you because he knew with you as the White Queen, he'd lose his precious attention as the top Academia student." Yubel answered, with a twisted smile.
"That can't be. Judai wasn't dueling for himself, w-was he?" Asuka choked out, cracking under the pressure of Yubel's cruel game.
Yubel giggled wickedly softly. "Yes he was, Asuka. Every duel he's ever been a part of has only been for himself and no one else."
Asuka gasped in shock.'
Eric: Because Yubel's the height of selflessness, disregarding the fact she wanted to destroy the entire universe and murdered most of Judai's friends just so she could get jiggy with him.
Biggs: You listening Jessica? That's what happens with Yaoi
Jessica: And if semi-yuri results in a creepy demon mind raping the resident chick, I hate to imagine what full-on yuri would cause…
Biggs: If you're me, a desperate need for tissues
Jessica: That's disgusting
Biggs: I'll say
Jessica: I need female friends
Biggs: If you say that fives times this episode you officially have the vocabulary of a 4kids character interpretation
Eric: Also, I think you'll find having a stronger deck had very little to do with Asuka's stay in the White Dorm
'Yubel smiled darkly. "Shocking isn't it? When he dueled you when you were the White Queen, it was only to satisfy his own selfish needs. He doesn't care about anyone but himself." She told the frightened girl.'
Biggs: I knew it was too good to last…
Eric: I have a confession guys…
Jessica: What's wrong Eric?
Eric: Well, I know the majority of stuff we've said has been negative but, to be honest I DO want to read on to see where the story goes
Biggs: You are no son of mine
Eric: But, I only want to read on to see how on Earth this out-of-character story progresses. I mean, is it going anywhere? It feels like we skipped half the beginning, will we see the backstory via flashbacks, because it clearly isn't the story from the anime.
Biggs: I love how that's a compliment and a 'take that!' at the same time…
'"So he only dueled me so he could be the popular one with all the glory again?" Asuka asked, falling into Yubel's trap.
Yubel nodded, looking right at her. "Exactly. He is evil, Asuka. A evil wicked boy who will do anything to make sure he is number 1 and every one else is just a simple tool to him." She coaxed her.'
Eric: Face, meet Palm, Palm, Face. Oh? You guys have met before?
Biggs: It should be AN evil wicked boy too. That's too simple to be a rookie mistake, that's just no grasp of grammar.
Eric: Asuka seems impossibly mentally unstable here…
Biggs: I agree that this fic is taking seriously liberties with the characterisation here
Jessica: I'm sick of the implied yuri or.. Het… or whatever it would be with Yubel too
Eric: Is it alright if we just power through the rest?
Biggs: Fine with me, I have this other, more ambiguous thing to do after this
Jessica: I need to bleach my mind with some male on male action too..
Biggs: Delightful! Let the powering through begin..
'Asuka glared at the ground, balling her hand into a fist. "I can't believe it. All this time he led me on like this. He must pay…" She muttered, her voice growing dark.'
Eric: Judai's absence and the sudden change of heart Asuka is having make this scene unbelievable.
Bigg: Describing her voice 'growing dark' is also a pretty cheap way of describing her unrealistic and uncharacteristic change of heart too
Jessica: This is why heterosexual relationships are bad
'Yubel smiled wickedly. "Yes, Asuka. Together we can destroy Judai Yuki." She replied, placing a hand on the girl's shoulder.
"Destroy…Destroy…Judai Yuki…" Asuka chanted quietly.'
Jessica: Again with the subtext
Eric: I don't like where this is going.. I mean, he really couldn't have that little grasp of the canon…
Biggs: In my experience, never underestimate a fanfic writer's ability to completely steamroller the canon material for the sake of fanwank.
'Yubel grinned softly, loving seeing her feed into her anger.'
Eric: Okay, this is typical of the Yubel I know, but I don't think it makes up for the rest of it.
'"Yubel please take away the pain. Turn me into White Asuka…and bond with me." Asuka whispered.
Yubel giggled. "Of course, little Asuka." She replied.
Yubel's eyes glowed and Asuka's outfit changed from that of the Obelisk Blue to that of the Association of Light and her eyes dulled to the color they were when she was dueling Judai.'
Eric: What the qwertyuiop?! Okay, it WAS mentioned the Light of Ruin had an effect on Yubel, but she was NOT an avatar of any sort for it like Saiou was. She in now way has the power to do that! Yubel shouldn't be able to do that! GOD!!!
Biggs: I can identify with Yubel on the sadism front..
Jessica: H-how so?
Biggs: I love seeing fagboy over there have a total mental breakdown
'"Yubel smiled wickedly as her spirit entered Asuka's body, taking recesses deep in Asuka's mind.
Asuka smiled darkly and cackled wickedly. "Prepare to meet your demise, Judai Yuki…" She said, her voice cold and wicked.'
Biggs: Imaaaaagery
Eric: Shouldn't that make Asuka's arm all demonic like it did to Amon, Martin, and Cobra?
Biggs: It's a lousy way to end it to boot..
Eric: That's the end?
Biggs: Seems like it
Eric: Wow… Seemed like we got more out of 600 words than I thought we would. How long did we go on for?
Biggs: 2279 words, 9 pages, on Times New Roman, size 10.
Jessica: The costs to rebuild that wall are going up yet again
Eric: Wow… I'm kinda glad you chose a really short one. So I assume this is ongoing?
Biggs: Yup. It's status is 'Complete'. But I find the subsequent line in this chapter the most change-jinglingly annoying
'To be continued…'
Biggs: (shudders) Does that line scare you too?
Jessica: What was the publishing span of this?
Biggs: A year
Jessica: Then it might be worth checking out the final chapter right?
Bigg: Fine, I'll go fire up the printer again.
After fiddling around with his laptop for a moment, before collecting a series of print-outs in his hand. Once again, he distributes them amongst the three of them.
Jessica: We should probably skim read this one
Biggs: Sounds good, let's see…
'A/N: As I've said before, reality calls and I try to avoid it whenever possible, but some days like recently are impossible to avoid, so I apologize for making you all wait so long for this chapter. I haven't totally decided yet, but I'm pretty sure that this last chapter will be the last one of The Cruelest Heart. So sit back, relax and enjoy this likely finale! Also Johan once set free will have his dub qualities, mannerisms, et cetera as I don't like his Japanese counterpart.'
Biggs: Fanfic writers don't have lives, stop trying to make excuses for your liberal update schedule.
Eric: Harsh
Biggs: If you didn't get that aspect of my character thus far you'd be an idiot
Eric: Fair point
Jessica: He seems to be unsure whether this is the end or not
Biggs: If there's anything worse than fan fiction, it's a sequel to a fanfic or a spin-off of one… Also it's been a year and he's STILL spelling cruellest wrong
Jessica: Let it go your freaky imperialist!
Eric: What's the deal with that last part of the disclaimer? He's gonna do every character as their original counterparts but Johan will be the dub version? Not only is that unlikely given how bad his initial characterisation was, it's unlikely he can do either version well, but if he did manage it, the cast would feel disjointed, given character relationships are affected by their personalities.
Biggs: WhiteAsukalover is shoving his crotch into a rock and a hard place is smashing up the rear here, make no mistake…
Eric: Let's just move on…
'Last Time
"Now my 3 remaining dragons, attack her directly and wipe her out!" He called out.
The 2 Blue-Eyes and their fusion counterpart nodded, launching their strikes which hit Yubel square on, dealing her a combined 10,500 in damage.
Yubel screamed in agony as her life points dropped to 0, while Kaibaman laughed his victorious trademark laugh.
After a long hard-fought battle, Yubel was finally defeated…
End Flashback'
Biggs: It seems 12 months hasn't affected this guy's ability to set a scene. The only thing lazier than just writing 'End flashback' without just leaving a break or implementing the flashback into the story is doing a script fic….
Eric: (coughing loudly) A-anyway, what really bugs me is, why the qwertyuiop is Kaibaman defeating the main villain? Why is a one-shot character saving the day? And against a major antagonist no doubt? Was it just so this guy could badly characterise a character who was already a bad homage to an older character?
Jessica: It kinda spoils what's gonna happen by telling you Johan will be released without much hassle.
Biggs: So 12 months, and an equal amount of failure as a year ago…. Lesse, bad characterisation… poor dialogue…. Lack of any insight into the proceedings or their surroundings due to no description, seriously, where are they meant to be right now?
Jessica: Can we stop and highlight this line?
'Johan laughed softly. "Easy there, buddy. It'll take more than a hostile spirit to keep this boy down." He chirped happily.'
Jessica: I get the feeling something might be wrong here?
Biggs: Is it because Johan isn't making out with Judai?
Jessica: Oh screw you! I meant… what's the deal there?
Eric: Jess raises an interesting point. I know that there's hardcore character bastardisation in the dub, and by extension, this fic, but Johan surely shouldn't be so chirpy after being possessed by Yubel and doing god knows what, which was no doubt made possible by some sort of mind-rape
Biggs: That was no doubt written badly
Eric: Exactly, that was no doubt written badly…
Jessica: Heh heh, I dunno, WhiteAsukalover's kinda won me back..
Eric: What do you mean?
Biggs: Aw crap, check out the next line…
'Kaibaman smiled at the 2 boys embracing each other.'
Biggs: Goddamn it.. One fic dammit, one Yuugiou fic without ANY yaoi would be nice… we can always dream..
Eric: ….why does he portrayed Kaibaman not only as the ultimate hero, but as a dirty bastard? Squick at it's best…
Biggs: Hey wait!
Eric: What is it?
Biggs: This Johan is meant to be the dub version right?
Eric: It says so in the disclaimer
Biggs: Then explain this
'"So Judai-kun," Johan began'
Biggs: Why's he using honorifics if he's the localised American version? And come to think of, didn't Judai call him 'Johan-kun' before?
Eric: Yeah but… those two referred to each other without honorifics to show how close of a relationship they had…
Biggs: Strange, I think the writer was trying to flaunt his knowledge of Japanese honorifics, which makes it more ironic since he's used them wrong.
Eric: Uhhh, I think I need a drink…
Biggs: (watching Eric as he walks over to the fridge and pours a glass of milk) Okay, I'll read the next bit out for you… lesse…
'Meanwhile Sho moaned in pain as his new black Hell Kaiser-esque outfit reverted back to his old Ra Yellow outfit.'
Eric: (spitting the mouthful of milk he had over the surface of Biggs' fridge, he turns back to the table and almost slams his head off the desk to grab and review the fic) What the qwertyuiop?! Okay, since Sho is my favourite GX character, this poor characterisation really pisses me off! This confirms this is season 4, meaning his characterisation of Yubel is seriously wrong, and what's worse is that Sho is entirely opposed to his brother's Hell Kaiser views, so why the qwertyuiop would he become another Hell Kaiser?!
Biggs: Maybe the writer just didn't care… I think we've said all we need to here, save for the laziness in the 'Hell Kaiser-esque' remark as opposed to actually describing the outfit…
"Sho-kun!" Judai exclaimed happily
Biggs: Again… no honorifics….
'"It's ok, Sho. All that matters now is that you're safe and free from Yubel's control." Judai answered.'
Biggs: Hang on, a moment ago he was using honorifics but now they're on the correct first name basis? What gives?
Jessica: I think you hit the nail on your head when you said WhiteAsukalover was just trying to show off his flawed knowledge of Japanese
Biggs: Yeah looks that way, you know I can never decide whether I prefer being right or despise it with all my cold, dead heart
Jessica: Can't it be both?
Biggs: You'd think so wouldn't you? Anyway, skim read… skim read…. Holler if you find something
Eric: Oh here we go! You'll have something to say about this for sure Biggs
Biggs: Do share
'"Be quiet!!!" Yubel screamed, enraged.'
Biggs: Exclamation marks don't stack. The more you use, the less intelligent you are!!
Eric: I'll bear that in mind!
Jessica: Why didn't we mention all the hugging before?!!!
''Why I'm going to do this, I'll never know…' Kaibaman thought, deep within his psyche before he spoke up to the likely doomed spirit. "Look, do you honestly want to be sent to the stars?" He questioned Yubel gently.'
Eric: Ack… why's he using that stupid dub 'Sent to the stars' thing?
Biggs: From all evidence present, it seems he's actually got little knowledge of the franchise's continuity anyway, so why are you surprised?
Eric: I'm foolish enough to have faith in humanity…
Biggs: Dark.
Jessica: Guys, I think the entire ending needs addressing in one fell swoop
Biggs: (after skim reading the rest with a dissatisfied face) Yeah, I agree…
'Kaibaman smiled gently at her. "That doesn't matter. That was the darkness that had enveloped your heart that was in control. But during the duel, I sensed there was still good within your heart, and now all that matters is saving you, Yubel…-chan." He spoke the honorific with complete sincerity this time.
"SAVE HER?! HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND, KAIBAMAN?!" The 4 Duel Academia students cried out.
Kaibaman turned back to them. "Like I said, she's not all evil and I won't allow her to be sent to the stars!" He declared firmly, before turning back to Yubel.
"But how can you save me, Kaibaman…-kun?" She asked, also using the honorific with total sincerity.
"Just trust me." He urged her quietly.
"I trust you." Yubel whispered, that statement coming from the part of her soul that still held light.
Kaibaman nodded. "All right." He answered before closing his eyes; he then spoke up once more. "Powers of light and love, hear my call! I purify this spirit's soul of all evil, and spare thee from the stars…" He chanted.
Yubel's eyes widened in shock. Slowly she felt her former desires of wanting to destroy Judai simply melt away.
Kaibaman then turned to Judai, who nodded.
"I take Yubel's soul upon my own! May she and Haou be reunited for eternity!" Judai shouted to the sky above it seemed.
"Angels within this vast realm, I beseech thee! Spare Yubel!" Kaibaman yelled, and like it was never there, the golden aura around her, along with all her darkness was wiped clean from her soul…
"There, Yubel. The darkness that plagued your soul is gone, now your inner light can at last shine…" Kaibaman said, smiling happily.
Yubel smiled with happy tears in her blue-green and orange eyes. For the first time in many years, she had true non-twisted happiness. She then turned to Judai. "Judai-kun, I'm so sorry…" She whispered.
Judai smiled at her. "It's ok. The important thing is that your darkness is gone forever, now you, Haou and I can be one spirit."
Yubel smiled back, her spirit entering Judai's, fusing with him and Haou. After so long, her spirit could finally be in peace…
Then a bright light surrounded the group and they along with all those that had been sent to the stars or that had been wronged by Yubel returned safely to their own dimensions.
Judai looked at Kaibaman, whose spirit was returning to his own realm. "Thank you." He whispered solemnly.
Kaibaman grinned and nodded. "Maybe we'll meet again someday. Farewell Judai…" He said his goodbyes as his spirit returned to his own realm.
At long last, all worlds were at peace…'
Eric: What a ghastly ending…
Biggs: He's stripped his villain of any impact or, frankly, motive
Jessica: There's actually not that much conclusion and Yubel's actions seem to have no repercussions, also she doesn't really get her comeuppance…
Biggs: He's made Kaibaman into a Marty Stu Deus Ex Machina for Christ's sake!
Eric: Boy, if I'd been gradually reading this fic across the span of one year, this ending would piss me off.. Really…
Biggs: I'm curious. I HAVE to check what other people said about this ending…
Biggs pulls his laptop away from charging idly in the corner and follows the hyperlink to the reviews page.
Biggs: Only one review for the final chapter by the looks of things
Eric: What does it say?
Biggs: 'Good ending.'
Eric: Well that's just wrong, even the most crushing dating sim doesn't have endings this bad. Kotonoha throwing herself out of a window or slitting Sekai's throat in public shrink away in awe of how awful an ending this is.
Biggs: Peach_Cookie… you are so very, very wrong…. But, it's what I'd expect from a community ran on Pally-Power…
Jessica: Hm, guess that's right. Okay is that it?
Biggs: Seems like it
Eric: Time for the closing statements. Jessica?
Jessica: Well, as much as I enjoyed the brief Yaoi moments in the final chapter, listening to you guys and your comments, it seems like the writer has little grasp of the source material, which instantly screws him over.
Eric: Personally, as I'm not as much of a Grammar Nazi as Biggs..
Biggs: Oi…
Eric: …I could have forgiven it if it had good characterisation and a good plot. However everyone is wildly out of character and the plot seems to convulse in respect to the canon. Also, the fact that this was done so the author could… satisfy his 'desires' makes it all just a bad, um, what was it you called it earlier Biggs?
Biggs: Fanwank
Eric: Yeah that… Okay, let's have it 'language Goebbels'
Biggs: Well, the writing style is pretty damn awful. There's no flair, it flows like a spiked mace moving through your digestion tract. The characterisation, as Eric mentioned, is very poor and the plot doesn't strike me as coherent, but then maybe a masterpiece was lurking from the beginning and end that we missed out on, but it's highly unlikely. Also, it seems pretty damn short to me, I mean, it's 16 chapters long and clocks in at 16000-ish words. We've gotten 5000-ish words in at this point, and bearing in mind that only about 600 of those are quoting the fanfic, that's about a quarter the size of his entire fanfic, in one chapter. At least we've got an excuse for having no description!
Eric: That poor wall….
Biggs: Overall, I dislike this fic, I don't truly hate it, because I'm not a lifeless fag like Eric, so I'm not all upset about him buggering up every last character. So, like his conclusion, I conclude in a pathetic unsatisfying way with simply… 'It's bollocks'. Okay, not that we're finished I look forward to wasting another Friday night with you guys again next week. Now get the hell out of my flat!
Jessica: See you next week Biggs
Eric: Don't develop liver cancer
Biggs: I can't make any promises… Something like that would prevent me for reading anymore fics like this
---------------------------------------------------------End---------------------------------------------------------------------
Stepping Through The Wall
Eric: Okay, well that's that, overall I think it went okay…
Jessica: I hope so. Do you think people like our characters?
Biggs: No-one will like Eric.
Eric: Maybe I'll be a fan favourite…
Biggs: You think we'll have fans? FFN is dictated by Pally-Power, we're gonna get a load of angry reviews overflowing with flawed arguments at best!
Eric: Wow… if we're gonna just get hate, hate, and more hate, is it worth doing more?
Biggs: Naturally, it's fun to see angry people scream at you without any support to their rage
Eric: You're the worst kind of human being
Biggs: No. The worst kind of human being would be the people who don't even smile at this out of a smug sense of self-satisfaction
Jessica: Anyway, since I didn't get many lines this time around, can be the first to say the closing speech?
Biggs: Go for it, I got a hot date with the internet and some tequila slammers.
Eric: I have to go stalk the reviews page to see what people say anyway…
Jessica: Gross and creepy guys, gross and creepy…. Anyhow… We hope you enjoyed the first instalment in the weekly 'Yuugiou Duel Monsters Mystery Card Game Theatre'. We'll be back next Friday reviewing another fic. In the mean time, since we aren't as pissy as SOME authors here, we look forward to hearing what you have to say for better or for worse. Really. Honest. Hand to God….. But, if you enjoyed our "review" or you just hated the fic in question and would like to see another fic you hate ripped on, submit your suggestions for our next instalment in a review. We look forward to hearing from you. Really. Honest. Hand to God. But for now, good night , and remember, if you guys stop writing, we go out of business, so spam the Yuugiou sections with fics great, small, marvellous, and terrible! The worse it is, the funnier we'll be!
"Go beyond the unreadable! Don't believe in canon, believe in fanon that subverts the canon! That's the Yuugiou Fandom way!"
----------------------------------The Writer's Angry Note of the Week--------------------
Writer: FFN's 2 day 'till submission anti-spam policy is a load of crap!