Chapter 1: The Dilemma
"Don't say that! She might hear you!" whispered a frantic voice from behind the doors of an inconspicuous closet located in an inconspicuous hallway.
"Funny. Ginny's in DADA. She would never skip. If she did I would tell Mom what you two do behind closed doors. Or open doors." As an afterthought he added "Or in the commons."
"Ron, you know there's no need to tell your Mum anything. I was just referring to Ginny's status as Gryffindor gossip." Harry quickly looked around and added in a louder voice "Not that she is!" Then he turned back to Ron and whispered "Look, there's a reason she knows everything about everybody: she has ears everywhere!"
"Look, whether or not Ginny does hear, the fact still remains that Hermione is going to die sad and lonely, and we need to do something about it."
"I completely agree. But we need to discuss this someplace secret. If Ginny finds out, how would I get any?" Sheepishly Harry repented "I mean, how would we get anything done? She'd thwart us at every turn!"
"Why do you think I pulled you into this broom closet? To give the Daily Prophet a nice little gay love story?"
"Ohhh, that sounds wrong. Maybe you pulled me in for a quick shag."
"Even if I leaned that way, I wouldn't go for you."
Harry looked relieved, then slightly offended. "Why? What's wrong with me?"
"Harry, you are such a girl. Let's go to the Room of Requirements if you want to be sure no one can hear us."
The headlines from the next day's Daily Prophet read "RON WEASLEY AND HARRY POTTER COME OUT OF THE CLOSET.
They credited Goyle as their reliable source.