The Text Chapter 1, a sherlock fanfic

Chapter 1

Pick up the milk.

Why?

Because some people need it for their breakfast?

I'm busy, John.

With what? Don't tell me you're watching telly again.

No, that would be dull. I am doing an experiment.

If I find fingers in the toaster one more time, I swear.

That was for a case, John! Besides, you pass the store on the way home, you could get the milk yourself.

Ever think I may also be busy?

Doing what?

The case you sent me to work on!?

Oh. That was a distraction to get you out of the flat.

Right. So you could do your "experiments."

I can do my experiments whenever I want!

Fine, I'll get the milk.

You could have decided that before wasting all this time texting.

I understand. I'll be home soon. Try not to blow up the flat. Anything else we need while I'm out?

You may need to buy yourself a jumper.

Why would I need to do that?

Well, one of yours has been… damaged.

What did you do?!

Now John, don't get mad. This time it really was an accident.

How do you accidentally ruin a jumper?

By grabbing the first available item and use it to put out an acid fire.

How did you manage to start an acid fire in the flat?

Vinegar, a match, an eyeball, some choice chemicals.

Remind me to stop asking.

You should know what I do by now.

Did you learn anything from your experiment?

Don't use your flatmates jumper?

Anything else you need?

Go to Scotland Yard and check if Lestrade has any more cases.

I thought you were working a case…

Tedious, simple.

I'm sure he would call you if anything came up.

I'm bored John.

I'll be home soon, try not to give Miss Hudson a heart attack.

I told you to go to Scotland Yard!

I told you Lestrade will call if something comes up!

I'm sitting in my chair with a gun pointed at the wall. Go to Scotland Yard.

What do you have against the wall?

Nothing. It is simply an easy target.

I'll stop by Scotland Yard. Anything else you need?

A kiss?

Very funny, Sherlock.

Did I tell a joke?

Wasn't that a joke?

Not really.

Oh.

So…?

I though you didn't care for such things.

Well, finishing the case gave me an adrenaline rush.

I see. But why does it necessarily have to be from your flatmate. I'm sure Molly would be more than happy.

I told you. Women are not my area.

Yes, but asking something like that is a bit strange.

Dammit, do I have to kiss you through the phone in order to get anywhere?

So thr's a cdase that ypu might be intrestd in.

Alright. Is your spell check not on?

Its not working propjerly. I'll tell you the dteails on thw case when I gwet nack.

I could get you a new phone if yours is broken.

That isn't the problem here… the kill is.

*Kiss! My auto-correct is working again.

… So what is the case about?

It's easier to explain in person.

Fine.

I miss you.

You're just bored.

I'm only bored when you're not here.

Thanks.

I'm trying to make a point, John.

I think I got the point.

Do you really? You're not the most luminous of people. But you have proven your capabilities as a conduit. In that sense you are quite unbeatable.

Again, thanks.

Just come back to the flat already so I can tell you that I love you face to face!

Oh, dear.

… You're awfully direct.

I didn't mean to be so direct in a text. Why couldn't you have deduced it?

Well, I sort of assumed so. Like when you wanted a kiss.

You never kissed me back.

[A few minutes later]

*kiss*… There.

My, you are rather cute. Gathering up courage for a virtual kiss.

You shouldn't call a man cute.

I'm Sherlock Holmes and you are my blogger. I have every right to call you cute.

Touché.

So how long until you get home?

Soon. I have the paperwork for the case.

Good. What are you going to call this one?

The Naval Treatment. You'll see why.

Ooh. I'm excited now.

Are you sure I'm the cute one?

Are you trying to flirt, John?

No. Just stating the facts.

I've taught you well.

…Yeah…

Do you know that you're irreplaceable, John?

What has gotten you into such a… romantic mood?

That's your fault, although I don't blame you.

My fault yet you don't blame me?

It is very hard for me to blame you. I don't know why. Is that not good?

I'm home.

AN: The next chapter will not be in text format, the story will continue in regular format.