That's What You Get
Riza shut the door to her apartment, sighing. Why tonight, of all nights? It was not a special occasion of any kind—she would have known. All she wanted was to have a peaceful night, and any interruption to this was most unwelcome.
Unfortunately, this was not an interruption Riza could refuse, as much as she knew it meant trouble.
"Well?" she asked. "What are you here for?"
Roy looked at her, the same question flashing across his face. "I don't know."
Repressing a groan of frustration, Riza continued cleaning up her dinner dishes. "Have you eaten?"
"Yeah."
Why are you here? Just tell me, please! she wanted to scream at him. Why his showing up bothered her, she did not know, and that just made it worse.
Hayate padded over to her and whined, though Riza had trained him not to. But the puppy knew his mistress was not having a good night.
Alas, this was reflected back on him when Riza gave him a sharp look and raised her voice to him. "No, Hayate!"
Hayate gave a little whimper and scampered out of the room.
Roy stood up, looking surprised. "What's wrong?"
Riza bit back a sharp retort, tears stinging her eyes. She turned to him, hoping her eyes were not detectably filling. "You're here. It bothers me, and I don't know why. It shouldn't, but it does!"
"Then tell me to go."
Riza took a deep breath to do so, then stopped, the words stuck in her throat. She met Roy's concerned eyes. "I can't," she whispered, sinking into a chair. What's wrong with me? This never happens when he's here for a reason, but he marches in, unannounced, for no reason, and I can't tell him to go!
Roy came over to the chair. He made to kneel so as to be at eye level, but changed his mind and pulled Riza to her feet and into an embrace. Things were crumbling, and it was his fault for showing up for reasons even he did not know in the first place. "I'm sorry Riza," he whispered.
"You should be," she snapped. The hug was making her feel better, which made her feel worse. What was this all of a sudden?
"At least you don't have to pretend here," Roy soothed. "You can just let it all out."
Pretend… No… Riza gasped. "No," she whispered. "No…" I've been keeping face all these years. It can't all come out now! Not ever! She clapped a hand to her mouth, the words clamoring to make themselves known.
"Riza? Are you alright?" Roy looked toward the bathroom, then back to Riza. "Riza?"
Riza was staring somewhere else, eyes almost unfocused. "No," she whispered again.
Roy grabbed her shoulders. "Riza, whatever it is, I need to know. Things aren't all right, and it's because of me. Even if you want me to go, just tell me! I promise I won't bother you. Just say something, please!" He was frightened by this. What was going on that was causing her to act so strangely?
Snapping back to reality, Riza looked at Roy very levelly. "Pretending. That's what's wrong. I've been pretending for too long, and now I'm not sure what's real and what's not."
Understanding flickered into Roy's expression and took firm hold. He pulled her into a rough hug, grateful that she reacted this time. She pushed away. "That's what I mean. I've pretended that this could never be real, and then, all of a sudden, you show up out of nowhere, and since I can't find a reason, everything that could've been runs through my head, and I can't stop it! I should be able to. Every alarm is going off in my head, but my heart…" A dry sob wracked through her. "It won't let me tell you to leave. Not now."
Roy knew the feeling. It was a very real, quasi-physical pain, and he had come here to alleviate it, only to inflict it on the person whose pain he never wanted to cause, but often did. How could he continue to do this, time after time, knowing how it felt?
"Because I'd never tell you. I had to bear it silently, for the sake of both of us," Riza answered, and Roy realized he had been voicing his thoughts.
"Why us?" he asked.
Riza tried to shrug. "We've both made choices. We did what we thought was right."
"We were wrong," Roy lamented.
"Were we, really?" Riza wanted to know. "As much as I want to sometimes, I can't regret what I've done. If I did, it would be tantamount to regretting that you were ever alive."
"You can't possibly see it that way. Showing me flame alchemy wasn't giving me life; it was destroying it, and I insisted on it in the first place."
Riza shook her head. "I still can't regret it. You have become my reason for getting up day after day, like it or not."
Roy silently cursed. "That makes two of us," he murmured. "I hate myself for putting you in this position, though."
"You say that like it was never at all my decision." Riza sounded a little offended. "You know very well that it was."
"I know, but humor me. It makes me feel a little better knowing that one of us is in it for the right reasons."
Riza sighed. "That's very subjective."
Roy groaned softly. "You know, you're not helping."
"I am simply playing devil's advocate," Riza informed him.
"I can think of better uses of our time." Roy leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on Riza's lips. "Unfortunately, we know the consequences, and I can't let that happen to either of us."
Sighing again, Riza murmured, "Head or heart, it doesn't matter; someone's going to win, someone's going to lose, and life goes on."
Before disappearing entirely out the door, Roy stopped and, with the most serious, committed expression Riza had ever seen, said, "We'll win, Riza. Whatever happens, I promise you, we'll win in the end."
END
A/N: I was listening to Paramore's "That's What You Get", and the majority of this just flew into my head. I almost couldn't keep up with it, so some parts are a little sketchy. This is mangaverse, in case anyone has doubts. No specific time (other than post-Ishbal) or anything, but I feel that it fits a little better.
As always, I encourage listening to the song while reading, even though the ending doesn't quite fit the tone of the song. I really don't like unhappy endings, but that's a personal thing.
Well, I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I did writing. Please drop me a review so I know what works and what doesn't!