She sat at her desk, woozy and dizzy from serious intake of alcohol. She no longer just drank it for enjoyment; she drank it to ease the pain. Sluggishly taking another generous gulp of the amber liquid, visions flashed through her mind without her permission. Of course, they were all of him.

In my hands
A legacy of memories

The images flashed through her mind. The day they met. The day He had given her a birthday, the day they held hands…they day he gave her the first friend she could remember. The memories were joyful, yet due to his absence, they haunted her, always plaguing her mind.

I can hear you say my name
I can almost see your smile

She always liked how he said her name, with a sweet, tender, and friendly tone, like he was always happy to see her. Like she was happy to see him. She could remember his smile. When he smiled, she smiled; it was like a chemical reaction. It was a graceful smile, and he always wore it, bringing her joy inside and out.

Feel the warmth of your embrace
But there is nothing but silence now

On rare occasions, he had held her in his arms. Whenever he did, a warm, happy feeling would spread from her stomach all over her body. He was her happiness; he saved her when she thought there was no hope. Then…he left. No more smiles, no more laughter, just silence. The silence pained her; it left her alone, only with thoughts of him.

Around the one I loved
Is this our farewell?

There was no question about it, she just realized it too late. She loved him, with all her heart and soul. But he left. He was gone. She was too late, and now, she was alone. He left without a goodbye, there was no warning. They had a brief farewell, in which she was holding a sword to his throat.

Sweet darling you worry too much, my child
See the sadness in your eyes

She was the only one who saw it. No one else noticed, but she did. The day he left, there was a twinge of regret. Clear worry and sadness in his eyes. Sadness…perhaps at the thought of leaving her behind, she didn't know. He had regret…she knew that, and she would believe that no matter how much the others denied it.

You are not alone in life
Although you might think that you are

Despite how close they were, he was always secretive. Always leaving her, going off on his own. She trusted him more than she trusted herself, but he, despite his openess, was a closed book. He never shared personal thoughts and feelings. Because of that, she could never be sure how he thought about her.

Never thought
This day would come so soon

She knew he was always hiding something, something dark. She chose to ignore it, and instead enjoy his company. She should've asked, but it was too late. The day had come, she had found out what he was hiding, and it broke her heart.

We had no time to say goodbye
How can the world just carry on?

They didn't get to say goodbye. He just left. It broke her heart, her soul, her world. She needed him to carry on. She needed his help, and his smiles to survive. He saved her, and she continued to depend on him, but he was gone. When he left, her world came spiraling down.

I feel so lost when you are not by my side
But there's nothing but silence now
Around the one I loved
Is this our farewell?

Without him, she was lost. He had found her, he had guided her, and now he was gone. She was out of direction, had nowhere to go, nowhere to turn to. She struggled to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill over. Her one and only love…gone. It was their farewell…forever? But she couldn't go forever without him…

So sorry your world is tumbling down
I will watch you through these nights

She knew, they were going to try to catch him…and kill him. She wouldn't allow that to happen. She knew that it he died, she would also lose the will to live and die. As their forces strengthened, his odds of winning were weakening, he was highly vulnerable, and there would be a point where she could not help him. She wouldn't be able to face him…and he would slip through her fingers like trickling water, yet again.

Rest your head and go to sleep
Because my child, this not our farewell.

Shaking herself out of her absurd thoughts, her grip on the bottle slackened. She refused to go on without him. She would see him one more time even if it killed her and she had to betray all her comrades. She needed him to hold her one last time, if only to tell her that it would all be okay. She needed him like a heart needed a beat. She would find him, she would hold him, and she would never let go.

This is not our farewell.

Her eyelids felt impossibly heavy, and she could no longer resist the temptation of unconciousness. As the dusty bottle slid from her fingers, spilling across the piles of unfinished paperwork on her desk, she whispered one word before the darkness took over, '…Gin…'